anya-died-blog

[anya-died-blog]

A Warning To Minors In Fandoms: Thar be dragons

Before I say anything else, I’d like to say this fandom is not evil, it is not inherently bad. That being said, I am going to share my own personal experience with this fandom, and how it affected my life.

I joined tumblr, with my first Rhink blog, Anyaismythical, in the December of 2015. Prior to this, I’d written a bit of very badly written fanfic, pretty g rated, nothing too bad. I guess I got curious, because somewhere along the line I went from “ew, smut” to “I guess I’ll read it”. It was a turning point in my life, I was an innocent just-turned-15 year old who didn’t even curse. Still, it was pretty vanilla, and while I wouldn’t advise reading it under the age of 18 (there’s a warning for a reason, kids), it wasn’t extremely shocking, and I skipped over the worst bits.

Now, there’s a reason reading stuff like that was even more awkward/yucky for me in particular, one of my closest friends is also very close to both of their wives through church. I wish so much I never read any of the fics, that I could untaint my mind, that I could look at their faces without such guilt I want to throw up.

In January 2016 I dislocated my left kneecap, leaving me in a hip to ankle cast for a month and a half. This plunged me into a depression, that while it was happening I thought the fandom was helping, I can look back and see it really didn’t, it was like a drug, addictive, yes, but healthy, no. February came and my mom found my blog, which had been secret to that point, and told me to stop going on it. I really, really wish I had, but instead I created a new blog, Logarms. I should mention that the thought of loosing my friends and my “friends” was enough to drive me to the point of trying to kill myself, I won’t go into detail as it’s not important to my message.

In March, I did a stupid thing I still regret, I read a fic involving hard core smut, like beyond even BDSM and shit like that. And to my bored, jaded, depressed teenaged mind, it was good. And it would be perfectly fine if I liked it, if I was 18, an adult, not a 15 year old who, though at the time I denied it, was still impressionable. After that, I only seemed to read highly NSFW work, and actually wrote some of my own. This took up my whole summer, took me away from my family because “one more chapter” was more important to me. I was trying to become popular, which not only did it not work, but lead me to do stuff I had once said I’d never do.

In late August, my parents found everything and were understandably VERY ANGRY. At first I was mad, resentful at them, but with time I’ve realized they did the right thing banning me from the fandom and social media all together.

So I guess my message is, if you aren’t an adult, please, please, please pay regard to warnings, the stuff in some of the fics can corrupt the way you think, as it did to me, and this doesn’t only pertain to this fandom, but to any.  Be careful who you talk to online. Don’t do things that give you a gut feeling of wrongness, trust your gut. There’s a lot of twisted stuff behind some of those warnings. And please, to everyone, if someone says they aren’t comfortable doing something, don’t pressure them into doing it anyway, unless it’s talking to a helpline if they need help. I’m sure this isn’t the only fandom like this, so please stay safe.

Sincerely,

        Someone who used to be called Anya