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Honestly, if there is anything I want to manifest from this universe - it’s for Dylan and I to cross paths again at the right time.

It’s been since Jan of 2020. And I still think of her every single day.

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I’ve been really sad lately. Not sure if this will turn into an episode or subside soon. Even despite the problems I had with Roxy - I felt more at peace in Texas than I do here.

Do I wanna move fast? Or stick it out to own something somewhere else?

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I shouldn’t be scared of calling my mom to tell her I was in a car accident. That is genuinely one of the most horrible feelings a human can experience.

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I don’t think people realize the devastating destructive potential Daemon Targaryen had with the time period he was born with and the power of his seat. He could have been Maegor 10x over. He could have put our real life Hitler to shame. That man had enough anger and skill to decimate the masses of many worlds.

He was self aware of his arrogance, confidence, anger and deepest desires.

He was far too familiar with how people tick.

A skilled warrior in the sense of strategy. Cunning and crafty.

But a softness to him when came to raw power. Dragons. He had all the potential for good. And all the potential for evil.

I still see him as the Targaryen that could have saved Jon snows fate

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Honestly it fucks with my head the fact that after 28 years my own mother still “forgets” that I don’t like cake even though we have the discussion at EVERY FAMILY MEMBERS BIRTHDAY EVERY YEAR.

She told me once when I was 8 that she hated coconut. She told me another time that she hates nuts on brownies.

She told me once and I still fucking remember.

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Sometimes I feel like I’m in a constant state of “I don’t know”. A heavy void looms around me. I literally question everything I am doing and everything I have yet planned to do. It’s almost cyclical at this point.

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Let me make this ABUNDANTLY clear, I do not want children. Period.

I know I’m fantastic with kids. I know I’d make an excellent father.

BUT

Just because some has the ability to parent well, doesn’t mean they have the desire to do it.

Despite the beauty this world has to offer - this is not a world I’d like to bring a new life into. There are already thousands of kids born into homes of:

-People who thought they wanted kids and later regretted it

-Abusive households

-People who want kids for the purpose of benefiting from them

-people who use kids to trap their partners

-people who have kids by the force of the government

And the list could go on. Children are not pawns, toys, experiments or your personal slaves. They are humans beings who didn’t get to choose their life. It is your job as the parent to give them the best of the life you’ve provided.

And that is a selflessness and a responsibility I do not want in the type of world we have today.

I’d rather provide a safe space for the existing kids who are in need of unconditional love outside the home.

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