anunusualvancouverwinterbreak

[anunusualvancouverwinterbreak]

Act I: The Complementary Lap Dance

The party started in under an hour. My parents had bought me a bottle of prosecco and a 750ml bottle of vodka so that I could make this fancy cocktail called a french 75. I had my two buddies, Luke and River, over to help me get everything ready. 

“Okay. 2 parts champagne, 1 part vodka, ¾ parts lemon juice, and simple syrup. Alex, we’re gonna need a shit ton of sugar for this,” River said.

“Sure thing,” I happily replied and brought over one of my mother's tubs of sugar.

“Let's just dump some in and taste it as we go,” said River.

We poured about two cups into the pitcher and stirred for thirty seconds. Finally, we poured three drinks, and each took a gulp.

“Oh god!” I said.

River ran to the sink and started dry heaving.

“That was salt, you dumbass!” Luke yelled.

It tasted awful.

“Ahh fuck I guess we just wasted all that liquor then eh?” I said dejectedly.

Little did I know, by complete accident, I had just made a ritual sacrifice of alcohol to the winter break gods, and boy, did they deem it worthy. As I strutted off the party bus, eager to indulge and excess, the stars above me were aligning.

I was somewhere in the double digits for the number of drinks I had consumed and had about $250 that I was ready to unload, so I sat down at the poker table. The dealer threw the cards toward me, and I eagerly looked down.

“Damnit,” I cursed. 7 of diamonds and jack of clubs. Or was it Jack of clubs and 6 of diamonds? I thought to myself.

I was in the thick of the action, and my memory was hazy, like a goldfish swimming in circles. I could still see the pot growing bigger and bigger with every bet and raise. The pot was at about a hundred bucks.

The guy on my right started clapping in my face. “Hey asshole! Your turn to bet!”

“Ehh… Fuck you... I’m all in!” I slurred and carelessly knocked over my chips as I shoved them into the middle.

The other players laughed, and one of them said, “This guy’s a drunk. I’m calling.”

“Heads up!” Said the dealer, and we flipped our cards. I was holding a jack and an eight, and he had a king and a queen. I didn’t stand a chance, and the pot was over six hundred bucks. Despite the disaster I was completely confident. I felt deep inside of me that there was no way I could loose.

The dealer flipped the cards. “Jack! Six! five! Queen!” he said.

I jumped to my feet and yelled, “C’mon baby, give me another fucking jack!” 

The dealer grinned and said, “And… a Jack of diamonds. Nice hand, kid. pot’s yours!” 

“Woo! Let's go!” I screamed and high-fived my friends.

We headed to the strip club, where I splurged on lap dances from the hottest stripper I could find.

On the cab ride home, I was on top of the world, except for one thing: I’d been dreaming about older french girls so much, but I forgot to look for a french stripper.

[anunusualvancouverwinterbreak]

Act II: A Brief Message from the Makers of the Simulation

A couple of days passed, and soon I was at another birthday, and I found myself on another party bus. I was wasted and had a rough case of motion sickness, but eventually, the bus made its last stop at the night club. I stumbled down the stairs and out the door onto the rain-soaked sidewalks of downtown Vancouver. The lineup stretched down the block, and fuelled by a combination of boredom and curiosity, I decided to make some new friends and talk to the strangers behind us. 

It happened to be a sketchy-looking entourage of four or five guys in their mid-twenties. All wearing mostly black, sporting the usual attitudes of wintertime Vancouverites: melancholic and unfriendly. One member of their clique stood out. Through my drunk haze I realized he was a near perfect doppelgänger to Keanu Reeves. He looked just like him; tall, with long black hair, bearded, and handsome. He was even wearing an all-black suit. I approached one of the guys, who seemed as drunk as me, and struck up a conversation. During the chatting, one of the Keanu Reeves entourage members took a puff of peculiar-looking vape.

“Is that a weed vape?” I asked. 

It looked familliar, like a THC oil vaporizer I had bought at the last four twenty festival. 

The guy laughed smugly, “No man it’s a DMT vape.”

I laughed a horse drunken sound. “Yeah, fucking right it is,” I said, goading him further. 

I could tell there was tension in the air, as if the whole scene was poised on the brink of chaos.

“Don’t believe me? Take a hit then,” he dared. 

My drunken ambition to impress this masculine tribe overrode my common sense never to take drugs from strangers, and in a moment of reckless abandon, I grabbed the vape out of his hand and started sucking. Keanu’s face went from startled to amused to impressed, and I reveled in the street cred.

“Take a big hit and hold it in!” Keanu said. 

I filled my lungs to the brim, and as I let out the smoke, there was a dusty flavorless taste. I immediately knew that it wasn’t weed, nicotine, or anything I had inhaled in the past. In an instant, my mind went completely quiet. Everyone was fixated on me. My vision became clearer than ever before, and I became mesmerized by the pulsing purple LED lights hanging from the street lamps above. All feelings of drunkenness subsided and were replaced by a sense that something of spiritual significance was taking place. I looked back towards entourage and had an unsettling feeling like I had met them before. Reeves patted me on the shoulder, and his friends chuckled at my visible awe.

“What do you think buddy? Believe us now?” he said.

I looked up at him, and his face grew animal-like features. He looked like a caveman staring at me from across a warm campfire. It seemed as if he was growing in size. We made eye contact, and it felt like he looked into my soul.

“You were meant to find us so you could have this experience. DMT finds its way into the hands of people who need it,” He said earnestly.

I was stunned. It was like Neo from the matrix was giving me the pill. Letting me know that something greater was at play here.

[anunusualvancouverwinterbreak]

[anunusualvancouverwinterbreak]

Act III: Party Like the Rich

I was at the Contact music festival, tripping balls on about four hundred milligrams of MDMA. My eyes were vibrating left to right so uncontrolably that I couldn’t tell which way was up. Every touch from my friends, pulse of the bass, and inhale from the vape were a moment of infinite bliss. I was with the people I loved, listening to amazing music, and flying higher than I’d ever before. It was the most perfect day of my life.

I was dancing the night away, lost in the moment, when I felt a tap on my back, as if someone was knocking on a door. I turned around and saw a stunning French woman with a sly grin on her face.

“Hey, cutie. I’m Jennifer,” She purred in her accent. “You’re adorable.” 

I stammered out a thank you like an idiot, and she started touching my chest, saying, “You’re soo cute.”

Grabbing my hands in hers, she swiftly pulled me towards her, pressing our bodies together and kissing me with a passion that made my head spin.

“I’m on so much molly,” she breathed into my ear. “How old are you baby?” 

I told her I was twenty, and she started to laugh.

“What's so funny?” I grinned.

“I’m twenty-eight,” She replied.

Time froze, and I panicked. Holy shit this can’t be happening. This isn’t real life.

I mustered up some courage, and pulled her in for another kiss. We started dancing again, caught up in the ecstasy of “molly love” - that intense feeling of attraction and connection that hits you on a crazy high dose of MDMA. After a couple of songs, she pulled me in and whispered, “After this, would you like to come to the trump tower with my friends and me to drink Champagne?”

"Uhh, yes!" I replied eagerly.

I was in shock, the girl of my dreams and the party of my dreams had just been served to me on a silver platter.

After the concert we got in a cab, and to my amazement, we arrived at the Trump tower. As Jennifer and her friend stepped into the elevator, they were giggling and had flushed faces. 

Jennifer asked, “have you ever done coke before?”

My mind raced. Will they think I’m lame for never having done it before? I thought this would just be champagne.

“No…” I stuttered.

“Don’t worry, we’ll show you how,” she said with a grin.

When we got to their swanky apartment, I was nervous as hell. The living room was chic and had floor-to-ceiling windows with a jaw-dropping views. Everyone sat around a coffee table with a rolled-up hundred-dollar bill on it. A lady named Marian was using a credit card to partition a pile of white powder into small lines. Marian looked up at me, “You want a glass of champagne? Josh will get you one.”

“That would be great. Thank you,” I replied nervously.

One guy burst out laughing, and everyone smirked. 

“So polite,” said Marian.

As the first line of coke hit my nostrils, I felt a rush of euphoria wash over me. My heart raced and my senses were heightened, and I felt like I was ready to take on the world. After snorting a few more lines and washing it down with several glasses of champagne, Jennifer took my hand and led me to a bedroom. We fell onto the bed together, laughing and kissing, our bodies entwined in a lusty embrace.

We made love with the drugs coursing through our veins, and I felt like I was flying, soaring higher and higher into the stratosphere. When the drugs finally began to wear off, I fell into a deep, dreamless sleep. I was utterly spent and completely satisfied.