antandaimee

[antandaimee]

I love when Anthony makes his mom laugh. :)

[antandaimee]

It was an ordinary day.

We had just gotten back from picking up a few groceries at Costco and I was working on hanging the Christmas lights in the living room. Anthony was simultaneously putting groceries away and baking salmon and sweet potatoes for dinner. He had a serious and concentrated look on his face. We weren’t having much of a conversation as jazzy Christmas music filled the apartment.

I wandered to the kitchen to wash up some grapes minding my own business. I don’t know what it is about bite-sized food that compels us to throw it in the air and catch it in our mouths - but that’s exactly what I did. I tossed a grape and it came down and plopped square on my forehead then ricocheted toward the dinner table. There’s nothing like something smacking your face to make you feel like a total doofus. I walked over to pick up the grape, and when I turned around I didn’t expect to see Anthony walking toward me with a huge smile on his face expressing amusement.

He held his arms out to hold me. He pulled me to him and said with a smile, “You’re perfect.” Clearly, I felt far from that adjective. “What?!” I retorted. “I was watching you toss the grape and was wondering what you were doing, and I thought you were going to catch it in your mouth and be cool. But it didnt. And you’re perfect.” I asked, “why?” He squeezed me tighter and said, “Because! Because you’re so cute, and silly, and funny!”

I thought about the interaction long after it was over. I’m grateful to marry someone who can love me through everything that makes me imperfect and loves them as much as the things that make me awesome too. I’m glad I don’t have to be the perfect person for him, and he’ll take me as I am without either of us trying. That’s what I’d strive for it didn’t have him, but God graced us with one another. Even when I feel awful or silly or awkward, Anthony can still find things endearing and I’m happy for it.

[antandaimee]

Yesterday Anthony and I were on the topic of children on our drive home from picking up Vietnamese for dinner. It started when Anthony looked at me when we were stopped at a traffic light and said, “So pretty.” Naturally, I rejected his commented and he said, “I hope our kids have your eyes.” I rebutted with, “I hope they have yours.” He asked why and I said, “They’re pretty.” In reply, he said, “Well, I hope their eyes are big and bright like yours with my hue.” I smiled at him while I tried to picture that in my head. I thought to myself, “Now that’s too perfect of an expectation. They’re going to be cute no matter what.” 

Out loud I had said, “I really wonder what they’re going to look like.” We moved forward to the topic of how strange it is that we could create another person. I know my career revolves around this miracle and helping other couples bring in this new human they’ve created into the world, but it hasn’t gotten me desensitized. I still find it entrancing and still believe it to be a miracle that we can intertwine ourselves with another to create new life (with God’s help of course). 

Our conversations branched once more. “I wonder where our kids are going to grow up,” Anthony added, “I mean, we’re already invested in this place and I know we won’t be here forever.” He trailed on, “I’m going to be really sad when we finally move out of here.” I thought about it with a speck of dread in my chest. You can’t experience love without despair, I’ve learned. We love our apartment for more reasons than it being our first together, but there will come a day we will miss it when we move on from it in the future. In just our one year of living here, we have collected wonderful memories with the people we love. Knowing this now, allows me to appreciate the time we have in it currently until things change. 

“It feels like home.” I said as Anthony unpacked our dinner from the plastic bag. “I haven’t felt that in a very, very long time.” As a teenager, I moved from my childhood home to a beautiful house in Temecula that didn’t quite give me that feeling. Since that move, I had felt displaced and home became a person when I fell in love - Anthony.

Though Anthony will always be my home, hence it’s “where the heart is” (ha), our apartment is a living space that feels like home too. I miss it when I’m away from it for a while, and I think about how comfortable I feel when I’m in my lounge wear lazying about with Conor boy during the day when Anthony’s at work. I think about it when other places aren’t up to par and how I admire the details of our apartment: the stone countertops in the kitchen, the primary white with gray accent walls, the details of the fireplace mantle, and all the touches that make it ours - the TV mounted by Raul and Kevin, our canvas photos of memorable trips we’ve taken, our paintings from paint/wine date nights, and the dried flowers from his cousin’s engagement party taped on the wall I had put up in a moment of feeling “creative.” This place means a lot to me, and I have invested a lot of time in trying to make it feel more like home. I used to daydream about interior design and browse through photos of beautiful interiors when I was in college. Our apartment has allowed me the outlet to express that part of me that admired interior design. Though I’m not skilled or anything above average with it, I’m satisfied with making this apartment our home.

[antandaimee]

Anthony staged this silly expression to jokingly emulate how he DOESN’T feel about studying for his professional engineering exam. It’s been quite the journey for the both of us while he studies for this exam. 

I’m certainly learning a lot along the way. One of the most important of the lessons I’ve learned is how to be patient and supportive, even when it feels extremely difficult to be patient and supportive. I have learned to respect that we may both have our own personal agendas, and the best we can do for one another is to support each other and put our best effort to not get selfish but find our balance. Though we may be a couple, it’s healthy to have our own personal endeavors and goals that we need to achieve ourselves. 

I’ve also learned to be more accepting of Anthony’s vulnerabilities. For all time, Anthony has been my rock. In our relationship, there were many times I had ran to Anthony in distress and he constantly would have the grace to help me carry any of the weight I had my shoulders in whatever I was currently enduring. In trying times, he has shown his ability to maintain his composure and hold himself in a state of grace and calmness. It’s only on very rare occasions that I’ve seen him lose his cool. For that, I see him as a strong individual and sometimes invincible. 

Although that may be an easily endearing perception of your partner, I had to learn that I couldn’t limit Anthony to that. I had to shake the natural tendency of the mind to assume a man must be strong in the relationship, while the woman embraces her vulnerability and allows the man to take care of her and her issues. In our relationship, I maintain the belief that each person must contribute equally. So with that, I had to learn that equality and fairness meant understanding and accepting that my perfect Anthony has perfect imperfections, and there are times he needs to be coddled or his weight lifted with my help; and he, too, has his limits. 

As he studies for his exams and stretches himself thin over 9-hour work days Monday to Friday and contributes hours of his nights and weekends until 12 AM to studying for this professional engineering exam, there are moments Anthony expresses stress or anxiety. Somehow, naturally, Anthony and I share each other’s emotions and so as he feels stress, I feel stress too. As he exhales anxiety, I am filled with it too. Uncomfortable with those emotions, I used to feel impatient for Anthony to return to his usual even-tempered composed self. After a while, I realized how unloving this was of myself. I became a better lover as I accepted Anthony has his limits and he needs as much of my support as I do of him. 

Through this challenge this year, I have been taught patience, grace, and a better understanding how to be a good lover that will support and nourish Anthony’s potential to be the best version of himself and remind him of the amazing man that he is. For that, I have found the blessing in Anthony preparing for his exams during the year we plan our wedding. 

[antandaimee]

[antandaimee]

I spend a good amount of time on my laptop on my free time, I’ve realized. Most of the time it’s going through old videos and pictures I’ve taken and trying my best to keep those feelings and memories alive. I’m not quite the blogger for social reasons, but more so for myself as a timekeeper. 

I’ve got this fear of forgetting things, even though somehow that’s just an inevitable part of life. We forget many things: people, moments, sensations, things we’ve said, or things we’ve felt emotionally. I mean our brains don’t have the capacity to remember 100% of everything we experience. I just want to remember what I find would matter a couple years from this moment. I want to remember small little life lessons I’ve picked up here and there to remind me when I’ve forgotten and rebounded back to a period before I applied what I learned. 

I’ve been meaning to become a better recorder about my life, because time is so fleeting and constantly changing. Our time alive is also very temporary, we should celebrate our days as they come and go - and this is my way of doing so.

[antandaimee]

This silly goof will always be our first baby boy. A baby may not be in our closest radar, but this little one lets us know how it feels like to have unconditional love. Love our little Conor boy and this little family of ours.

[antandaimee]

Our typical routine when I don’t have work: Ant goes to work, I spend my day sleeping in/ doing things for the apartment, Ant comes home, we have dinner, we go to a café so Ant can study and I continue planning for our wedding. Our typical routine when I do have work: Ant goes to work, I sleep in, Ant comes home and preps my dinner for work, I go to work, Ant sleeps, and we see each other in the morning. This is us, and it’s nothing wild or crazy, but I am very happy.

[antandaimee]

Waking up at 4 AM and watching Home Alone 2 with Ant in bed before he got ready for work was a pleasant break in routine today.

[antandaimee]

Labor Day Weekend

Ant and I had a pretty wonderful weekend. On Sunday, we went to LA to watch Kina and Imaginary Future, and on Monday we spent our entire at the beach.

-- Sunday --

I had gotten off work at 7:30 AM and Ant came to pick me up. I thought the coffee I had drank at 4:00 AM would have been enough to sustain me the entire day. I was wrong. The moment I laid my head on Ant’s chest, I fell asleep. I wasn’t surprised though. His chest is my favorite place to be and I get the most rest when I fall asleep cuddled in bed with him. It didn’t work to my favor though. I had a hair appointment at 12:15 PM and I wanted him to wake me up at 10:00 AM so after the appointment we could head straight to LA and just explore the city awhile before the show at 8:00 PM.

I guess I was being a tired and stubborn fiance, and I fought him off half-asleep when he was trying to wake me up. I woke up late for my appointment and I threw a stressed out fit, not wanting my person to cancel on me. It all worked out in the end as Anthony said in a text message. He was able to get what we needed for our beach day, and I got my hair done without conflict.

I’ve been in a mental rut lately. I’ve been feeling bored of the city I live in. Well, I think it isn’t quite just isolated to San Diego. I’ve been bored of metropolitan places, and I’m trying my best to revive the excitement I used to feel of cities. Anyway, LA was my opportunity to feel something for the metropolitan life again. I couldn’t help but feel bored of the scene before me. It was nice to spend time with Anthony, nonetheless. None of this is his doing, of course. My soul is just craving something different and I’m trying to understand what “different” is and what I can do to settle my heart in the mean time before we can travel again, which will be after the wedding.

We went to The Grove and walked around a while. I could feel myself feeling unimpressed and dull. I poked around in some books at Barne’s and Noble to pass the time with Anthony. I tried to look up any place interesting enough to check out in LA before the show. My impatience took the better of me and I gave up. Anthony worked out how long it would take to get to the venue, so we decided to just make our way over.

It was annoying that where we parked was two blocks away from the venue. I didn’t trust the dark and grungy city streets and felt unsettled at the looks I could see in the distance from unfamiliar faces. I was incredibly edgy, and of course Anthony took it with grace and called an Uber driver to take us safely to the venue.

Kina was wonderful. Her humanness made her more admirable. I didn’t expect to cry when she played Forever Blue, but it hit me in places I forgot existed. I couldn’t fight away the tears - it felt so raw and so real...so I cried. I felt so much emotion it brought me back to life after feeling so dull. As it has always been, it felt nice to experience music I enjoy live. It reminds me that I’m alive - we’re all alive right now. Her commentary between songs have since been lingering in my head. In one instance she was taking time to absorb the crowd and everyone’s faces. In another she cut from what she was originally saying to say, “I just had an out of body experience where I was thinking, ‘You’re doing this right now. You’re singing in front of people.’” It resonated with how I feel often when I do something that surprises me - like nursing. Her sighs to calm her nerves stuck out because you could sense the genuine anxiety she was having. I liked the raw and imperfect moments she had. I enjoyed the reality that we’re all imperfect, and it’s perfectly okay.

Ant and I headed home after LA and prepared some things before going to bed.

-- Monday --

We spent all day at the beach on Monday. We arrived at La Jolla Shores around 8:00 AM. I am most definitely, not a morning person. I was quiet and cranky, while Ant patiently packed our stuff into the car. We pitched the tent together and settled in the grass. Tired, I did my best to nap in the tent. Ant anxiously watched the surf from the tent eager to get out into the ocean. Our set up was pretty neat. We had everything we needed to be comfortable the entire day. When I felt good enough, we went out to the ocean to surf. The waves weren’t so great and their form wasn’t ideal so I kind of just tried to get comfortable with paddling and resting on my board trying to find my sweet spot.

I could tell Ant was disappointed with the surf so we messed around before going in. We tried to catch some white water back to the shore. I’m still not used to my board so my skill standing on it right now doesn’t exist. I can’t quite find my balance. I’m a mediocre (or maybe less than mediocre) surfer. But practice makes progress - so I shouldn’t give up on myself even when it scares me.

After we “surfed” we showered and then Carly, Ramzy, and Rio came and we grilled some burgers and relaxed a while. Little by little our friends trickled in and we spent time together grilling and sitting by the fire until the beach closed.

It was nice and relaxing. Ant and I were so tired when we got home so we unpacked all we thought was necessary to take care of, took a shower, and rested in our livingroom with the TV on. Unexpectedly, Anthony said, “I love our apartment.” I was in the bathroom at that time and asked, “Why? What made you say that just now?” and he explained how comfortable our place makes him feel. It made me feel grateful for the home we share together. “Yeah, it feels like home” I replied.

We both fell asleep on the couch together, and when Anthony woke up - he woke me up to relocate to the bedroom where we fell asleep. It sounds so monotonous - but to me, this has been everything.

[antandaimee]

I do not want to have you to fill the empty parts of me i want to be full on my own i want to be so complete i could light a whole city and then i want to have you cause the two of us combined could set it on fire

rupi kaur

[antandaimee]

The “Perfect” Weekend

It truly paid off to work 3 nights in a row this previous week. I worked Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, which gave me the entire rest of the weekend off - which was rare and so worth it. 

On Friday, Anthony and I ran some errands and finally went grocery shopping to fill up the fridge. It had been since our engagement party that we properly stocked up our pantry and fridge with food. We’ve been managing to get through by eating what we had and getting creative with it, or quite simply eating out. When we got home, we got straight to business and did a bit of deep cleaning in preparation for my mom to come over and spend the night. We had dinner plans with our families for my birthday, which unfortunately on our parents’ ends didn’t work out. They both worked a lot and were beat, understandably, so Ant and I met up with my siblings and their significant others and it was like having a triple date at my favorite restaurant. I felt really happy to be in their company. 

After dinner, Ant and I headed over to his parent’s place to pick up our surfboards and we ended up stripping off the wax, re-waxing, and also taking care of Renly our goldfish. He is surprisingly surviving and is bigger than ever. It was entirely therapeutic to work on the surfboards and to be in the comfort of his parent’s place, which had me feeling so nostalgic. Their place still feels so cozy and comfortable. It felt so nice to end the night there even if we went to bed at 3am. 

On Saturday morning, Randolf, Amy, Anthony, and I all went surfing. It was perfect conditions because it’s been about 2 years since I went out to surf and I was really weary and nervous. The waves were predicted to be about 0-1 foot, which was perfect for easing myself into it and getting comfortable on my board again. It was nice paddling out and hanging out at the lineup. It was so mellow we could all have conversations with each other, and it felt good watching everyone catch a wave...because I lacked the skill to stand on one. After our surf session, we all went out to eat at El Zarape and it was so fulfilling. Food tastes so amazing after surfing! Most likely because we’re starving and surfing totally increases your appetite, but mmm...it was so satisfying. Like these are the days you feel so alive satisfying. 

Ant and I had dinner plans with our parents on Saturday evening so we planned to get a nap in before dinner. Both our parents seemed still so tired so we decided to just raincheck entirely so we can all recuperate. Plus, Ant and I knew we wanted to sleep so badly. When our parents agreed to the raincheck, we both had a jolt of energy and Ant starting singing the tune from Shooting Stars by Bagraiders, and it cracked me up. We planned to see Dunkirk in lieu of dinner with our parents to keep the “perfect weekend” going. We got ourselves as cozy as possible and what was supposed to be nap turned into sleeping for 12 hours! 

We both woke up at 6:30am on Sunday and began our day. We planned to take Conor out to the park and I wanted to get my nails done because they had grown so long and I was very tired of the gray. We got dressed and I went to the nail salon while Ant and Conor walked about. Afterward, I got a hold of my mom who happened to be in San Diego so I planned to meet with her after Anthony and I had some lunch. Conor seemed pleased enough to leave the apartment and enjoy the sun. 

Ant and I arrived at our apartment and lounged for about an hour and a half before my mom came over. We were watching Bora Bora videos in 4K for kicks and giggles, and it was nice to catch up with my mom. Chey, my mom, and I then went to Bed, Bath, and Beyond to help Chey with her move-in with Jason. We then got back to the apartment and I was pleasantly surprised by everyone being at our apartment to surprise me on my birthday. I was genuinely caught off guard this time around. 

It was so nice to be together with our buddies. I don’t know when I don’t enjoy their company. We all gathered and watched the second to the last episode of Game of Thrones, WHICH WAS INTEEENSE (as always). My heart aches at the thought of it ending because it’s one of my all time favorite things currently. It was beautiful end to the perfect weekend.

[antandaimee]

I Write to Remember

I primarily write to remember my days as I’ve lived them. In this blog it’s very specific to life with Anthony. Of course I have no obligation to explain myself, but it does make me feel better to do so.

This past weekend, I spent my birthday realizing just how much I’ve grown up. Without having to elaborate on the day sequentially, I can recall fragments of crying and fragments of laughing and fragments of the different expressions on Anthony’s face.

He booked a hotel for us to stay in at Anaheim for my birthday weekend. To be more specific, it was a castle-shaped hotel that we used to adore and admire and call “our castle.” What we both anticipated to be a relaxing and fun getaway, turned out to be uncomfortable, stress-inducing, and to be quite frank with my words but with no means to cause harm or discomfort...it was disappointing.

Maybe to two college kids back then this castle seemed admirable and sweet and romantic. But to me, this day and age, it was tattered and beaten down. The dimly lit room amplified my depressed mood. The ceiling was made of asbestos, the corners of the room collected dust, there was glue (or roach bait) oozing from the door frames, the floor and chairs had multiple stains of unknown origins, and the bed sheets were untrustworthy after the state of the hotel room. The full body mirror was warped that I disliked the image of my reflection ten-fold than my original insecurities. The lighting of the place made my hair look green. And overall my entire mood was shut down. I couldn’t lie through my discomfort, but the look on Anthony’s face made my heart break over my high-maintenance’ness.’

If I could shut off how I feel - I would’ve. Try as I might’ve on my own birthday, I couldn’t. He looked sad and disappointed, and I was the one who was causing him to blame himself because I was dissatisfied. Personally, I didn’t know how I could go from a beautiful apartment that we have...to this run down hotel that smelled of musky linens and stale cleaning products that dried over a carpet that was already done for. It felt strange to me. Hotels are usually a place of comfort and restoration - or so that’s my entire train of thought with them. To downgrade significantly from where we live to a “getaway” that is grungy and awful, I didn’t know if I should accept it or not. I battled that with myself the entire weekend. I was disappointed in myself for being so high-maintenance.

Disneyland itself was fun with him. I ate 7 churros and that might’ve been the highlight of the weekend, other than having Anthony to myself. I feel like I only get him in increments because I’m either so tired, or we’re in company, or we’re just working. It made me feel happy that Anthony was amused over me eating so many freaking churros, and how excited I was when I got a free churro from the worker. It made me happy when I looked at Anthony’s face and he was content or excited. It made me feel disgruntled when I said something that unintentionally reminded him that the hotel was crap. I’d say 98% of the time, Anthony spoils me - so this wasn’t his shortcoming. I think I grew out of “our castle” and I outgrew Disneyland weekends.

One day was enough for us. I was content. I was happy I was with Anthony. After we left the park we walked around downtown Disney and finally found that Tiki Bar that I hadn’t ever gone to. A friend of mine a while ago asked if I ever got a drink there and said, “I’m surprised you haven’t.” When I asked why, that person said, “It seems like you’d really like it.” Anyway, Ant and I found it. It was a Tiki Bar haha. There were fake windows on the wall that had a cartoon image of Hawaii, and I felt this unusual twinge of happiness and pain all at once. I missed Hawaii. So much it actually hurts now, I guess. That was my first thought when I saw it. The Tiki Bar smelled like a club. It was that sweet smell of alcohol spilled on the floor and drying into a sticky muck that everyone was stepping all over. It didn’t help that it was like 1 or something in the morning so the Tiki Bar wasn’t at it’s prime state of being freshly cleaned and not yet overpopulated over the course the warm and humid day. We found a seat outdoor and it was so much nicer than the bar inside. There were tiki torches all along the perimeter and the night air was nice. We both ordered one drink and that was all we really needed. I felt enough to be laughing a lot with Anthony who kept cracking me up, which was reminiscent of our college days when we’d drink and laugh a lot while we were drunk.

Of course that’s not us now. I don’t think our bodies easily bounce back after heavy drinking, and we dread the feelings in the morning. I don’t enjoy drinking like I used to. I enjoy a beer or wine or a mimosa just enough to get me feeling buzzed. Anything more than that is burdensome the next day. Nonetheless, this feeling was fun. I love Anthony, and that I have many memories with him.

In the morning, I woke up at 4:30am. Who knows if it’s because I didn’t like the hotel or if my night-shift schedule has interfered with my ability to get proper rest. Anthony woke up not too long after and we got ourselves showered and ready to leave. I sat on the bed with Anthony discussing how I felt. I didn’t know how to make him feel any better about how I was feeling. I could see the look on his face and it was causing me pain too. He didn’t fail, but his face had the expression that he did. But maybe it’s because I wasn’t wow’d or didn’t feel elated over anything, really, and that’s entirely on me. Whether my taste changed, or I outgrew these things, or I’m in a current funk...I couldn’t distinguish it myself. Anyway, we sat on the bed and I was happy for the memory I have of us giggling after I said, “Did I go from 25 to 50 or something?” We left the hotel earlier than I realized. It was 9 AM when we hit the road back home.

I’ve since been ruminating these thoughts of mine and my emotional state. I feel a weird split in what’s going on with me. I feel like I’m both the inconsolable crying child that needs pacifying and the mother that’s running through anything and everything to remedy the crying. It’s usually a time like this where I crave a change, and when it’s out of my control, I change myself. I’m 26 now, and all I know of myself for certain is that my happiness is affected by Anthony’s happiness, and I personally crave change quite frequently.

[antandaimee]

"I will find you."

[antandaimee]

Our long anticipated engagement party was nothing short of our expectations!

[antandaimee]

Kisses

We had finally laid in bed after what felt like a long day. Nothing special transpired on this ordinary day, other than our first meet up with Jeff. The tiredness swept through me, and I could feel you giving in to the relaxation. Flash was playing on the television. I turned my head to you and you leaned in to kiss me. What I thought was going to be second long kiss, turned into a deep and loving embrace. A memory filled my brain like sand filling up an hour glass. I was brought back to the night that started ignited our fire and passion for each other. It was the night we had talked at Seven Grand over a few drinks. You had carried me back to my apartment and laid me in bed. My recollection of the night begins when I had woken up from your voice saying, "I should leave now." The truth spoke through my grogginess, "No." I asked you to stay and your reply was, "I really think I should leave. I've been kissing your neck." I was completely shocked because we hadn't shown each other any affection since we rekindled our friendship. If there was one way to wake me up- that was it. In that moment, the past and memories of our high school relationship played out in my head. The times you fell asleep next to me, the music we loved to listen to together, the daily phone calls, the way it was magic when you kissed me, the aching when I missed you, the satisfaction when I got to see you, the sweet words, the promises and of course this last memory came crashing in - the breakup. The crying. The rushing images of other people. The days I spent living with your absence. Next thing I knew, we were locked in a kiss. Our first kiss of this entirely new relationship. It was long and it persisted a while. It was ever consuming, filling my body with feelings I used to know. I remember thinking, "Am I kissing him? Is he kissing me?" I spent years wanting it, and then giving up on ever feeling that again. Back to our present day, laying in bed in our apartment, you're kissing me and we're locked in it. The same thoughts came back, "Is he kissing me?" You ran your hands over my arms and trailed it down to my fingers. You pulled my hand to our faces bringing attention to my engagement ring. "I love this," you said passionately. It brought me full circle. I'm marrying you, and I know the reasons why.

[antandaimee]

Dating My Fiance

Yesterday, Anthony and I had a date day and it was so much fun. We started off the morning getting ready for kickboxing at Title. It was terrible for myself personally working out so intensely after 3 months of “speed walking” being my most strenuous form of activity. I ran to the bathroom twice where I threw up three times during that on hour of physical torture. Nonetheless, I found it amusing because I let myself get so unfit that this is where I found myself. Anthony on the other hand, was in his element and I was content sharing this experience with him.

After that sweaty session, we went back home to take the second shower of the day, and decided it was time to eat lunch. We ate at True Food and I got my ring cleaned afterward. We went back home after a stroll through the mall and called an Uber to take us to our wine+painting date night.

It was so much fun being able to play shuffleboard with Ant, drink a glass of sparkling white wine and then paint my current favorite place in the world. I found that I was in my own element where I was retreating back to such a nostalgic world. I’ve forgotten how much peace and tranquility art has brought me, and how much sanity it brought me through my grandpa’s cancer. I’m not a wonderful artist. I just enjoy creating something and it’s been a while (aside from the wedding planning and decorating our home) that I’ve exercised the creative part of my brain. I really enjoyed the person leading the class as well because she was so down to earth and charming, and we were somehow able to make each other laugh.

It feels a though it’s been quite a while since I’ve felt so happy. The days have been full of challenges and moments where my heart is being squeezed with grief. But yesterday was a perfect day to spend with my fiance, and I love all the moments in between. It was nice to be my silly self and for him to enjoy every second of my silliness and be playful with me too.

I love him and the way our personalities connect with one another. We don’t have the perfect life or the perfect relationship, but it’s perfect for me. I’m so happy I’m marrying the man I love dating.