anotherworldwithyou

[anotherworldwithyou]

[anotherworldwithyou]

You saw the way she looked at you at the party...

…a flash of hurt in brown eyes. You saw the way her cheeks reddened a little. You saw the way she quickly adverted her gaze upon making eye contact with you.

You felt her burning gaze on you as you talked about your significant other. You gave surface details to the friend who asked; you said that you were happy, gave details about her occupation, talked about how you both met; the boring details. But you know the woman who was so special to you far too well; you knew that she was hurt by these details. The hurt was confirmed when she muttered a half assed excuse about needing to go feed her baby son before she hurried out of the room. 

You mingled with other party goers, played with kinetic sand with the children. When she returned half an hour later and gave the excuse of putting her son to bed hence the lengthy time she stayed upstairs, you swore you saw a slight reddening around her eyes. You knew what that truly meant. You had seen that look around her eyes before. You had only seen that look when she cried over the man she didn’t love but was staying with for the sake of the two small children they shared together.

And suddenly you were about to leave. She gave you a side hug as you walked to the door together. You asked her if she needed help getting the toddler down to bed, but she declined. But as she declined - shaking her head no, insisting that she ‘had it under control’ and giving you that smile - she slid her hand down your arm and curled her fingers around yours. The action was subtle; her husband was sitting twenty feet away for God’s sake.

But she held your hand as you continued to the door. She squeezed your hand then dropped it. She gave you another hug; the child gave you another hug and strung together a toddler like sentence of ‘Come back to my house.’ You smiled at them both; she made you promise to text once you made it home. ‘I like to know you’re safe.’

And as she started up the stairs, she whispered ‘We will catch up soon, a real catch up without everyone else.’

And then a pause as you gazed at each other for a moment. The words that couldn’t be spoken aloud were being passed as brown eyes connected for the umpteenth time that evening.

Then she whispered ever so softly; ‘Love you friend.’

It was innocent to anyone else, but you both knew what it meant.

And you locked eyes with her and whispered it right back; ‘Love you.’

[anotherworldwithyou]

She always knows...

...when you’re having a bad day and you need her.

You’ve been having many bad days lately; bad weeks. Unhappiness in your current situationship, the overwhelming pressure of trying to keep everyone else afloat when you’re drowning.

Yet somehow, tonight was the worst of all nights. Tonight was a night where you almost wanted to throw in the towel.

She knew you needed her, because she showed up on your doorstep with a bottle of wine, a pizza, and the most beautiful breathtaking smile. Her voice was soft, her gaze warm; “Got time for a friend?”

You always have time for her.

You curl up on the couch together. You talk over pepperoni pizza and cheap yet amazing boxed red wine. You confide in her about a stressful week involving work and family shenanigans, and she too confides in you about a stressful week involving work and chaos in her own personal life.

And then you share a look. It’s the look that makes your heart race. So many unspoken words; a wish that things could be different, another confirmation that in a parallel universe you two would be together.

But in this universe, it’s just you two in this moment: two friends, sharing a pepperoni pizza and cheap boxed wine.

And then her slender ivory hand curls around your cocoa skinned fingers, thumb brushing over the chipped grey nail polish as she whispers; “Love you friend.”

You know what it means and she knows it too. It’s innocent to outside parties, but between the two of you - within your hearts - you both know.

You lick your lips, gaze into her eyes and whisper back; “Love you friend.”

[anotherworldwithyou]

[anotherworldwithyou]

Your phone pings with a new notification...

...and when you glance at the screen, you sigh; it’s her.

It’s not who it should be. It’s not the person you’ve called your significant other for nearly two years.

But it’s the woman you can’t stop thinking about. It’s the woman that has somehow unexpectedly consumed your entire being. You hate that it’s like this, that you can’t go a day without thinking of her or what she’s doing or where she is or how her day is going. You hate that your heart races at the mere mention of her. You hate that you smile so big when she’s texting you for something small such as a favor, or something big such as a hello and conversation.

You hate that she’s making you feel things that your significant other should be making you feel.

She’s texting you to check in; ‘Hi! Just wanted to check on you; I know Mondays are rough for us all.’

You find yourself smiling right away. Of course she’s checking in. You won’t read too much into it. It’s just what friends do; they check on each other. She’s just checking on you as a friend.

Why does your heart pound as if this means so much more?

Maybe deep down it does.

Or maybe you’re hoping it does.

You type out a response; ‘Hey. Monday sucks but it’s all good lol. Are you doing okay?’

You don’t expect a swift reply, so you make the pathetic attempt to lose yourself in case notes that you need to finish and reports that need to be approved and faxed and filed. But your phone buzzes on the desk, and there’s her name plastered across the screen again. You can’t stop yourself from smiling so big as you quickly grasp the phone in your hands. Your thumb swipes over the notification to open the message; ‘I’m okay. Work sucks, because Mondays suck, but it’s fine.’

You lean back in your desk chair, your fingers dance across the screen of your phone.

Ping. click clack. Ping. click clack. Ping. Ping. Ping.

You’re texting back and forth; the messages are funny, and you can't stop smiling so big.

You wonder if she knows just how much she makes you smile.

You wonder if she knows that since meeting her nearly three years ago, you have been in love with her.

Does she know?

Does she?