another-superstition

[another-superstition]

…And I think to myself, as I sit on the once living tree that’s now rotted and dead and horizontal, that maybe I’ve made my impact already. That, at a mere nineteen years old, maybe I’m already done with what I’ve been here to do. Or, perhaps, a small voice in the back of my mind chimes, I’m just getting started. Which thoughts do I follow? The ones that wish to know how the flow of the water over my body would feel, or the ones that want to go new places and be with the people I love, even when I feel as though they may not love me the same?

[another-superstition]

i normally stare at my phone when i walk bc eye contact w people is scary, but lately i haven’t been doing that.

wanna know why?

because i ran into boycrush One Time walking back from history and he said i’ve walked past him multiple times before that while on my phone and i will jump at any chance possible to talk to him. so this crush is helping me better myself in multiple ways bc he’s also the only reason im going to my classes rn!

[another-superstition]

pasta has been an actual life saver for me this semester ngl. y’all know the ‘fed is best’ stuff? yeah, that goes for college students too. obviously nutritional food is more ‘ideal’, but guys, eat. please. even if it’s just like.. ramen or something. there is a 100% chance you will function better with some sort of food in your system. also, hydrate, please. with water.

Some tips for surviving uni (especially for people with bad mental health) from someone who had depression during the first 1.5 years of uni and recently finished their thesis:

1. If you are able to cook, learn easy and cheap one-pot recipes that you can make several portions of - like pasta. Take lunch with you and if possible reheat it (many unis provide microwaves). Hot lunch is so much better than cold, especially in winter and can really lift your mood. Try to make the food you enjoy eating (it may seem obvious, but it's easy to forget it). Avoid only eating sandwiches if you have a long day.

2. Talk to your professors. If you know you won't be able to finish project on time the best thing you can do is talk to your professor. Often they are pretty chill about it and will let you deliver your project a week or two later. If you want to take a photo of something and don't know if it's allowed you can also ask.

3. Talk to older students. They know many things - which professors are chill and reasonable, old exams photos and notes. Sometimes they know where you can print something for a reasonable price or eat cheap.

4. Take notes and share them with the other students. Also ask them for their notes. Don't be afraid to ask for help when you don't understand something and offer help if you can give it.

5. Find a place to study. If you can't focus in your room, try a library or any other space your uni offers to study. If you can't focus on it, try parallel studying with other people. Just sit in one room, each person learning their own thing. You will feel more motivation to study if there is another person around you that will notice if you start scrolling your phone insted of studying

6. Use scihub and anne's archive to get to the literature you need. No, it's not stealing.

7. Sleep! It's very important to have a decent sleeping schedule.

8. If you don't pass an exam it's not the end of the world. You always have a second chance and if this also doesn't work out, go to your professor and ask for another one. You won't always get it but some of them appreciate the effort and will let you rewrite the exam for the third time.

9. Always have pasta and some easy instant sauce at home. And some ready-made meals. If you have a freezer, use it. Don't rely on them but in case of an emergency you will not be left with nothing to eat

[another-superstition]

ended up referred to the counseling service center on campus today bc mental health, and two things occurred:

1. she was fascinated w the fact that my crush on boy was the only reason the last time i was BAD bad mentally for going to at least two of my classes (econ + creative writing, which i have with him) and bc he’s the reason im passing econ

2. i kept making her laugh so like, im actually gonna win therapy!

i did get referred to her superior though 😬 we will see how this goes! i’m also getting out on meds for unrelated things! so to end this post: please, please, if you can, seek help for whatever problems you’re having mental or physical. you deserve to feel good!!

[another-superstition]

“listening to my middle school music taste” ranges from either like. panic! at the disco, twenty one pilots, fall out boy, my chemical romance

or

shit like

…And To Those I Love, Thanks For Sticking Around by $uicideboy$ or NF and there is very little in between, unfortunately

[another-superstition]

sitting in a room that used to belong to me,

wondering why it feels like it no longer does.

zoned out staring at my laptop screen,

the work needing to be done staring back.

i can’t do it.

i shut my laptop off and close it.

i stare at the blue light on it, signaling that it’s fully charged.

blue.

blue like what i imagine as his favorite color.

blue like his eyes shine when we’re talking about something he enjoys.

blue.

maybe blue is my favorite color again.

because blue reminds me of him.

and reminding me of him makes me feel like i’m okay, just for a little bit.

because he makes me feel like everything is okay.

[another-superstition]

[another-superstition]

my only character trait to try and woo boycrush is the fact that my hair changes color every 3-4 days bc i can’t make and keep a decision to save my life fyi

he’s also on my private snap story as mentioned in pinned post, which means he gets the gems of me posting “guys. i am never dyeing my hair red again. i’m trying to bleach it out and now i’m like platinum blonde and pastel pink but also it’s actually orange????” because no one else i know is awake at (basically) 4am besides my roommate but we’re not very vibey right now

aaaaanyways!

me and boycrush and his friend who is very nice and if i was into girls im sure id have a crush on watched scream 2 (we’ve already watched the first scream in the same group) and guys gays and other identities, me and him ended up alone for a few minutes and it was bliss and i loved it

and have i mentioned here that my only song recommendations to him ever (which is a big thing in my world bc music is my solace) has been cavetown songs?

talk to me was the first one because it’s very strongly got his vibes, then home AND this is home were the follow ups along with the obvious of devil town but i’m not counting that here because he’d already listened to it

and i’m tapped out now besides to inform you that i am once again dyeing my hair blue(ish) which is actually my favorite color on myself except this blue is not going to be my usual slightly greenish blue but instead is more royal blue/purple ish blue which is going to be very very interesting seeing as purple is my fathers favorite color and is slowly turning into my favorite color which is unfortunate because me and my father have never really gotten along well (or, like, at all) so us sharing the same favorite color could probably be spin into some poetically sad post on here but instead it’s the end of another rambled writing about boycrush and just my messy life in general

ending this here because i have to go rinse the dye out of my hair wish me luck 🙏

[another-superstition]

from the lake on campus! i haven’t been down there for a sunset in over a week by now i think, i’ll have to go down again soon. probably wednesday night. i want more pretty sunset pictures of the water

forever that girl that gets really excited when the sky is in pretty colours

[another-superstition]

hi it’s literally $5.99?? AND on prime??? you bet i’m getting this and that it’ll live in my bag for my random thoughts i get while studying or in classes (which is .. a lot of random thoughts)

Notebook: Lined Pages with Decoration

Are you looking for a new notebook? Do you like old books? If yes, this notebook will be perfect for you. It contains 120 double-sided lined pages. Each page is decorated with a floral motif to bring uniqueness to the notebook. The cover is stylized on an old book and will stand out among others. This notebook will be perfect for writing notes, thoughts, or dreams.

[another-superstition]

this but it’s economics (i’m literally a business major and this is 1 of 2 classes i have w my crush so i have to do this work bc we share my notes in class)

I hate work I should be at the (remembers I don't want to go to the club) the imagination

[another-superstition]

oh,

You think attention is love and that’s why you suffer so deeply.

[another-superstition]

not much to update,

but we did get food together last night.

he’s learning that my eating habits leave much to be desired.

going to the dining halls alone makes me beyond anxious, so i typically avoid at all costs.

i have some food in my room, but none of it is actual good food.

so, when he finds me on the bench outside the library,

where i sit when it’s not rainy or too windy,

he oh so conveniently is taking a trip to the dining hall.

it’s always fun since we can usually find things to talk about the whole time,

but also when we do that i tend to forget to eat.

i hope he finds me out there again soon.

[another-superstition]

i’ve started utilizing the comments part of google docs except every other sentence now has a comment of “i don’t like this. rewrite when editing.” because i’m not even done writing the first draft yet 🥲

revising your writing is just like "is this weird. is this a weird sentence. is this the weirdest most poorly-worded sentence ever written by anyone" and the sentence in question is "he walked across the room"

[another-superstition]

didn’t post any ramblings friday, but for good reason.

sort of.

see, i had no classes friday.

so i woke up at 2pm,

to a text from my crush

asking if i wanted to go kayaking.

i said yes of course, because aside from him it was two of his friends who i enjoy the company of.

and this is so going to give me away if anyone that was there sees this,

but me and him ended up on a canoe together.

which was amusing given the fact that we were the only two with no experience.

[another-superstition]

the overwhelming feeling of sadness sometimes when someone treats me with kindness

[another-superstition]

okay it wasn’t a bench but last night (literally from like 11:30pm-2am) i sat on this like little wall thing at this 9/11 memorial on campus crocheting and the only person who saw me was this guy who was standing on the bridge not even twenty feet away smoking. i did scare some guys when i was done and got up though!

"Loneliness is when you sit on a bench for four hours but no one knows you're there."

A. "Bunabae"