anonymouslyhers

[anonymouslyhers]

I Died Inside

I attended the wedding of the man I loved. The invite came in a light pink invitation with my name in cursive; light and warm. It felt like Chinese brocade and a sword with a decorated blade. It’s for me.

The chapel’s ceiling is decorated with golden angels and a blue sky. The pews have gardenias layered with lace in baskets on the end. And the priest is wearing a white vestment with golden tassels adorning his neck. The bridesmaids are wearing pink taffeta and the groomsmen are wearing matching bowties with sleek tuxedos and shoes to match. The family is gathering around and chatting. Children are excited, they’ve never been to a wedding. They’re smiling and bouncing around. The groom comes out and he doesn’t know the kind of heart he has given me. He made me melt and I could feel my eyes being drawn towards him. I noticed a pause in my ears, and I could only hear his voice whispering to me. It’s like a dream and I could never imagine forgetting this. The world is quiet. The music is starting. I attended the wedding of the man I loved.

The tenacious rain on the last day of the year.

It’s beautiful – her cheeks are a pale pink, and her lips are stained cherry red. I also love how the organ is playing a serene bridal chorus. I almost wish it sounded like a death march. When I get a closer look, her gown is made with lace and organza with a train fit for a princess. Her in white, me in emerald green. As she gets closer, I can smell her shampoo and I can see she had her nails done. She looks exceptionally beautiful. This is all I had hoped for. For him to find someone who loves him. To make sure he eats well and falls asleep in comfort with good dreams. I couldn’t be happier for him. I attended the wedding of the man I loved.

A dog howling in the middle of the day.

The priest starts talking. Dearly beloved and holy matrimony - a harmonious combination. The bride and groom are holding hands and I notice how nervous they must be. When they start exchanging vows, I can barely hear what they’re saying, but they’re glowing. The air is filled with promises of in sickness and in health, to comfort and honor one another; to be loyal and true to each other. People are crying and silently rejoicing. When I look at him, I can tell this is all he’s been waiting for all his life, complete euphoria. The priest is speaking again and declares, “You are now husband and wife! You may kiss each other!” Watching the first kiss is like seeing someone find an oasis in the desert. It’s full of love, compassion, and sincerity; it takes my breath away just watching. I numbly clapped my hands. I attended the wedding of the man I loved.

The last whisper from a child being tucked into bed.

I scrawled my name in their guest book leaving a “Congratulations!” behind with it. I sauntered through the sea of people in order to find my seat. After taking a seat and having small banter with colleagues, the feedback from a microphone gets our attention. The bridesmaids and groomsmen are being introduced dancing, laughing, and putting on a show for the audience. I can’t help but laugh at the sheer entertainment. They’re drinking champagne, using fun props, and even pointing out a few people in the audience. Everything feels peaceful despite the chaos in front of me. The bride and groom are next. They’re holding hands and he spins her around and dips her. They go for their first dance, and they pretend to bow to each other before they start. The audience laughs. I can’t help but notice it’s the same song he was telling me about exclaiming, “This is my wedding song!” He got his wish, and he looks absolutely satisfied. I attended the wedding of the man I loved.

           The Heaven’s chamberlain with vintage tea.

The maid of honor and best man perform their speeches. They both recall stories of how the bride spilled coffee all over the groom’s shirt and that’s how they met. He gave her his number, and she promised she would buy him a new one. Their praises for the couple filled the air with words of affirmation that they are meant to be. The bride starts crying, and he kisses her forehead with delight. The food is brought out and I play with my salad until the main course arrives. I look to see the happy couple at a table alone and he is whispering something in her ear, making his now wife laugh with glee. The main course is served, and I can only focus on that. I’m not hungry. This champagne tastes like ash. When the glorious white cake is cut, she spreads icing all over his face. He puts some on her nose and kisses it off. I taste the cake and it’s a sweet vanilla with a buttercream icing. I taste something bitter, and I feel guilty. I look to the newlyweds and grimace. They share a strawberry and feed each other. I attended the wedding of the man I loved.

My favorite clothes I shrunk in the washing machine.

With anticipation, I go to him. After a night of dancing and chatting with everyone I knew, my feet hurt from my heels and it’s time for me to take my leave. I gather my belongings and say goodbye to fellow guests. One hugs me and casually jokes around, “I have someone who’s interested in you and I’ll give you their number if you want!” I nervously laugh and excuse myself, “I’m busy with school, I’m sorry.” I only have two people to say goodbye to now and thank for the invitation. His wife hugs me, and thanks me for coming. She’s taller, older, and wiser. I can still smell her shampoo. I turn to him. He hugs me and thanks me for coming. He asks me what my plans are over the next month and that I should contact him in case I need anything. In that moment, I become disconnected. I thanked him and rushed to my car. I break my heel on the way out and I take my shoes off. I sit in my car recalling the day. I focus on the beeping noise my car is making to tell me to put my seatbelt on. I focus on the way my headlights are making the cool pavement shine. I look at the moon from my windshield. The season is cold, and my breathing feels faint. My heart is warm, gestures small; before your breathing becomes faint please turn your footsteps around. Looking towards the parting clouds, promise me you won’t leave. Underneath the milky way, please don’t forget. Under the rising sun, hold my hand and don’t let go. Staring at the blinding moon, kiss me and tell me you love me. Without hearing your heart, we sing the same song. Under the same sky, even when we’re not looking, we stay together like sun and moon. I attended the wedding of the man I love.

The moon is beautiful, isn’t it?

  Author’s note: I submitted this to a contest at my university. It placed second in the short fiction category. I hope you enjoy. 

[anonymouslyhers]

Welcome !

This is my anonymous blog for myself and others who would like to share our own thoughts, project, ideas, etc. I will be reblogging art and written art. If you would like me to reblog something of yours let me know! 

profile picture provided here