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[annxda]

Hari itu, Allah mengizinkan saya mendaki Jabal Nur, mengunjungi gua Hira.

Saya tak dapat berhenti menatap langit dan rasanya… semuanya begitu dekat.

Ini adalah tanah yang dilalui Rasulullah. Langit yang dipandang Rasulullah dalam masa-masa sulitnya. Udara yang Rasulullah hirup. Tempat Rasulullah menerima wahyu pertama dari Allah Yang Maha Segalanya…

Saya membaca ayat pertama dengan lirih..

ٱقْرَأْ بِٱسْمِ رَبِّكَ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَ

Saya memandangi langit dengan tatapan lelah. Rasanya semuanya begitu dekat.

Bukan, bukan hanya karena saya sedang berada lebih dekat dengan langit. Bukan hanya karena saya sedang berada di atas gunung yang mulia. Namun, karena saya mulai menyadari bahwa saya memang tak pernah sendirian. Karena saya mulai menyadari hakikat kehidupan saya. Karena saya mulai mencari tau tujuan Allah menciptakan saya.

Dan bahwa segala perasaan putus asa yang ada di dalam hati saya, pikiran bingung yang selalu menghantui kepala saya, ketakutan yang setiap saat selalu saya rasakan… Semua perasaan itu telah dirasakan Rasulullah dalam hidupnya. Dan betapa indah Rasulullah SAW menjalani setiap detik perjuangan dalam kehidupannya dengan cintanya yang tulus kepada Allah. Dengan cinta Allah yang Agung kepadanya.

Hari itu, saya tak berhenti menatap langit. Langit Mekkah yang mulia.

[annxda]

Exams season has entered.

Honestly, I'm very stressed, tired and afraid of failure at the same time. And what I need is to be more grateful, study harder, and pray more seriously.

So, this is a reminder for me personally :

That “The more difficult and confusing something is... the weaker we will feel. But behind that, we will realize that we are a servant. and that makes we more dependent on Him. And just trust Him, that there will always be surprises and rewards for all our hard work.”

The more difficult it is = the more we feel weak = the more we depend on Him with our best hard work = the more rewards we get

[annxda]

My prayer tonight:

“May Allah give me the opportunity to see you give the crown of glory to your parents someday in Jannah. And may you can also see me giving the crown of glory to my parents in Jannah.”

So we will see each other when in Jannah..

I will proudly see you,

and you will also proudly see me.

Aamiin Ya Rabb…

[annxda]

Perhaps I am in love, alone

That love and hope are only on my side.

But, l always pray to Allah so that I can get out of this zone.

I pray for the freedom of my heart.

“I leave everything to Allah. I love you because Allah allows it. and I want to forget you by asking Allah for strength to do it.”

See you, in Jannah insyaAllah.

So l can ask Allah to give me the opportunity to talk more with you. With full of longing in my heart. Although maybe that's just on my side, not yours. but I will still pray that you are grateful to meet me someday in Jannah. With my extended family, and your extended family.

You are my best friend in silence. You will always be there, in my prayers

Bursa, January 29, 2024

[annxda]

“Allah selalu menginginkan yang terbaik untuk kita. Karena itu, sebenarnya kita tidak pernah benar-benar gagal dalam kehidupan ini.”

Mungkin belum sekarang,

Mungkin belum hari ini,

Tapi percayalah..

Bahwa kita sedang dihantarkan menuju cita-cita dan impian kita…”.

[annxda]

We are tested with different tests

I realize that the phase of sadness, despair, tiredness, will always be in our lives.

so here, I just want to write some things that I try to reflect:

In this life... the weaknesses and levels of strength of each of us are different, therefore we are tested with different tests. Some of us are tested by the families, some of us are tested by the economy, some of us are tested by the environment

Also for us and all humans here :

Some of us are tested by the struggle to return to seeking Allah,

Some of us are tested by their desire to follow various existing trends,

Some people are tested by their health,

Some people are tested by their focus,

Some of us are tested by their hearts and feelings,

Some of us are tested by -prohibited things such as cigarette, alcohol, etc.

Some of us are tested by the lost of their loved ones,

Some people are tested by their curiosity,

Some of us are tested by themselves, with any different and endless tests..

And yes, perhaps this is too worldly; but... because we are living in the world.

“We are all tested in the same world, with different tests, with different solutions.”

Bursa, March 21, 2024

[annxda]

beautiful advice from my teacher today:

“If you go to a place and know the history of that place...

then the stones there are not just stones...

the walls there are not just walls...

they are trying to talk to you.

they are trying to remind you of their stories..

and.. you can feel it.”

Fez - Morocco, January 26 2024

[annxda]

Everything is Written

Recently I was accepted into a summer program at a university in South Korea. I am happy. but then my savings weren't enough and at the same time I still had to take a follow-up exam in Türkiye. so there are many things that make me unable to take this program.

In the end, I decided to withdraw from the program.

One day, I told my good friend about what had happened and she said: “Maybe not now Annida, but I'm sure Allah will make it happen one day. and maybe South Korea is not ready to accept a servant of Allah as cool as Annida.”

Then I answered: “Actually one of the reasons I withdrew from this program was because I didn't have enough money. and at the same time I had a follow-up exam at my university in Türkiye.”

then my friend answered again : “Who made Annida have no money now?" "Who made Annida have a follow-up exam later?"

and I answered slowly: "Oh yes... this is all from Allah... Allah planned it all...".

“If that is my sustenance... my rizq, my destiny.. then Allah will make everything easy. Allah will give me millions of ways to make it happen. but.. if something is not mine.. then no matter how hard I try, I still won't get it.”

Because.. Everything was written by Allah.

Bursa, May 27, 2024