annonforme

[annonforme]

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[annonforme]

LoTR film 1 ½ simplified

Welcome, and buckle up, for this is my take on The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings as someone who is new to the fandom.

Here I will be describing all I know, and all my shitty little smooth brain has taken in, so there will be a lot of jumping back and forth.

so there's a gaggle of Gods, right?

Some of them have beef. One God gets a little lonely and creates Dwarves. Other races are made and decided to say fuck the Dwarves because they're not natural (more natural than that hair line Elvin bi-). So there's Lore Racism™ despite the author not being racist himself.

Hobbits just kind of exist. But the Rivermen(?) existed before Hobbits did. But where did hobbits come from? No one knows (I don't know, so apparently that translates to everyone).

Regardless, hobbits love weed. Like loveeeeee weed, like would have an existential crisis without it. Bilbo baggins hates one of his family members for 'stealing' silver spoons ((it was an auction) I agree with Bilbo). Bilbo baggins becomes a certified Master Robber.

Everyone is British or Scottish for some reason.

Bilbo leaves home to follow his destined lover because he fell in love with Thorin Oakenshields lovely locks and braids.

Dwarves take pride in history and origins. They have secret names, secret language. Dwarves like their beards, like their braids, as they have meanings. Im not Dwarven Certified™ to give the meanings.

Bilbo and Thorin are gay. Hella gay.

Something something dragon sickness and reclaiming the old Dwarven home of Lonely Mountains

Something something 'bilbo my love' something death

The hobbits seriously love gandalf, but he looks like Dumbledore :(

Anything gandalf says (actor/character) is cannon.

Gods have servants. Servants sing. Bad singing is punished by sending them down to middle earth in the dorm of a washed down demigod old man wizard.

(naughty wizards get sent to middle earth)

No one like the dragon. Everyone pities gollum. (@yourlocalgremlin96024 looks like gollum)

The hobbits smoking weed is what makes them resilient to dark magic from Mordor. The more they smoke, the less magic effects them because their big brains tell the magic to get help. As shown: in the books(?) there's some old couple constantly high on shrooms(?) who can see Bilbo(might be frodo) despite wearing the ring. I refuse to acknowledge that they are wizards.

That one Man with Greasy Hair and a monobrow deserves death, and is mainly there as a Dramatic Wet Sock to give us a strictly black (black/white moral) coded character. (Don't even get me started on clothing analysis as a Performing Arts fanatic-)

There's a Dwarven with an axe head? Axe gets removed after the triple war(?).

There's a shapeshifter. He's traumatized.

Everyone hates orcs more than Dwarves, so we'll help the Dwarves on this one occasion. Goblins exist (good goblins get to brush their teeth with bones)

Fuck elves. Apart from the Fair Lady, that One Archer, and that girls that loves that Dead Dwarve.

Bilbo doesn't smoke enough weed in the Lord of the rings, so now he's corrupted by it. Gandalf forces him to give the ring to frodo, his adopted son (second cousin), and frodo is livid.

(I LOOK LIKE FRODO WHEN IM CONCENTRATING-)

Frodo has a bromance with a friend called Sam.

There are two dumbasses that share half a braincell as part of the Took family(?).

YOU SHALL NOT PASS -Shadow and Flame

Something about frodo and the eye.

Frodo and Sam hold gollum for ransom.

Gollum is a certified Tour Guide to Mordor.

[annonforme]

@yourlocalgremlin96024 #

TURBO-TASTIC!

i watched @randomalistic 's banger video a while ago. ever since i finished it he's been in my head. you have no idea what this has done to me im out here secretly making oc's around him YOU INFECTED ME!!!!!

YOU DID THIS!!!

YOU DID THIS!!!!!

[annonforme]

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