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Because YOU ARE Important

For those of you who remember…Show and Tell was started based on a conversation with a nine-year old girl that Karen and I have both worked with at a local summer camp. For the rest of this post, I will call her H.

As described in a previous post, H. was under a lot of stress, and was greatly comforted when I asked her, “Who is the most important person in your world?” and then assured her that she was the most important person in her world, and that taking care of herself had to come first. Reflecting on the conversation with Karen later that day, we realized how many people do not realize that they are important, and we created Show & Tell as a way of inspiring people to appreciate their true worth.

This same child is currently in my summer camp. She has attended several of my camps, and was one of the first students to participate in my Stress-Less Certification Program….so I know her fairly well and have been a strong influence in her life.

The other day, H. was sitting on the swings with one of my interns, Ms. Kim. I walked over to check on them, and Ms. Kim began to tell me everything awesome she had noticed about H. (It was her first week with us, so she was just getting to know the kids and was rightfully astounded by how insightful some of them are). 

Ms. Kim says, “Ms. Anna, this girl is really deep, she’s like teaching me things over here.”

“Really?” I asked, “What are you teaching her, H.?”

“Well,” said H., “I told her that you have to be yourself and not let people get to you, because for example, let’s say someone says you laugh to loud. Okay, they think that. But you have to decide for yourself if you do laugh to loud and want to change that or if you like your laugh just the way it is.”

“Wow, H.” I said, “That is a really cool, that’s a great lesson, you are pretty smart.”

I turned to leave, but as I walked away, I heard H. ask Ms. Kim, “Do you know who taught me that?”

Intrigued, I turned around and asked, “H., who taught you that?”

She looked at me, slightly surprised and said, “You did.” 

Now, I know I never sat her down and said those exact words to her, for if she was quoting me, I would have known. But because of the way I treated her on a daily basis, and the things I said in the lessons I taught her...she learned that she is important.

In our society, children are not treated like they are important. We claim to value children, but in reality, we treat them as lesser people. They problem is that these children become actual people on day, and they carry that view of themselves: as unimportant with them into adult hood. Many adults today are struggling because they were not told they were important when they were little. 

However, just because our society has conditioned us to treat each other badly..does not mean we shoudl continue to treat eachother badly. Not being told you were important is not an excuse for not telling yourself or someone else that.

Obviously, I have made a choice to value myself, despite the upbringing I had and the struggles I went through. I have also made a choice to value others..through Show & Tell and through my daily interactions with people.

So what about you? I'm throwing down the gauntlet here. TELL someone they are important. You have to tell yourself first, btw. Then you tell someone esle. You could do in many ways, it's as easy as sharing this blog post and the message behind it with them. If you aren't comfortable telling them that they are important...then SHOW them that they important through the way you treat them. And maybe someday, when they are talking to an intern on the swings, they will turn to you and say, "You taught me that."

Question:

Have you told someone yet?

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Dear You,

Today I was reading about Mexico...because I'm a dork and read random books about Latin American countries. I have a book that I have been working on for months...I bought it a year ago because I got into a debate with someone about border issues and was upset that I didn't know enough, then I left it on my shelf for six months, then I went to Texas and read a lot of it during my trip and took intense notes, then I came home and let it sit on my shelf for another six months...and now here I am...staring at the notes I made in the back cover and thinking about how I don't want to read any of the chapters right now but I want to use my highlighter.

Here's the thing about me and reading: It's always really intense. Why? Because I overthink EVERYTHING and am continuously making connections between things I'm learning. It makes me a great student...but kind of an annoying person...because literally I never stop noticing (and pointing out) things that other people are oblivious to. I'm going to use my Mexico book to give you an example.

Here's the passage from the end of the book that I had to rewrite on the inside of the cover because it was that important to me:

"All of the transformations described throughout these pages have been accomplished by Mexicans as they are, not as some, among them myself, would like them to be. But the perpetuation of that country would be a second-best choice, a default option. A better Mexico is one that leaves it's demons and fears behind, and concentrates on it's passions and personality. That Mexico is just over the horizon, but the last haul is the toughest one. (Casteñeda, 261)

These words jumped off the page, because I realized...I am Mexico. 

Seriously, take out Mexico, and put in Anna, and it looks like this: 

"All of the transformations described throughout these pages have been accomplished by Anna as she is, not as some, among them Anna herself, would like them to be. But the perpetuation of that Anna would be a second-best choice, a default option. A better Anna is one that leaves her demons and fears behind, and concentrates on her passions and personality. That Anna is just over the horizon, but the last haul is the toughest one. (Casteñeda, 261)

Pretty intense, right? Makes me think about everything I've been through and everything I'm moving towards. There has been a lot of pain in my life that I am finally being brave enough to face and heal from.

Before this healing I accomplished a lot, I was a good person to know and a good person to be...but I was still a second-rate version of myself. I wasn't realizing my true potential. 

Specifically, I wasn't pursuing my interest in music. I always left music on the back burner. I was too scared or too self-conscious to try to put myself out there as a musician. Now, don't get me wrong, I was still awesome...I was just missing something.

But in the last few months God has ripped me out of my comfort zone, forced me to admit I'm a musician, and actually perform fairly regularly...and it has been amazing.

Music is hard for me to work at, because there is a lot of things I did before that I have to give up to focus on music, simply because I am not magic and don't have enough time in the day to be everything at once. I know that I could let go of music, and go back to the great things I was doing...but that wouldn't be being the best me I can be...because music is it for me. I'ts what I love, and I'm pretty good at it. I know you don't know my music, but just trust me, it's pretty good. You would probably like it. Someday I will be ready to share it all with the world...for now...I'm just preparing and performing when I can...knowing that my new Mexico is just getting started...and "the last haul is the toughest one."

Question:

Are you Mexico?

Love, Me

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Wow.

Dear You,

Today I got into a random debate on facebook about nothing important at all. Seriously, it started with a smiley face and ended with sub-points and rebuttles and comments on rebuttles. It's all just a blur to me at this point. At one moment, I actually asked if we could pause and process how out of hand it had gotten, and my opponent said no. Gosh. It's good for me though, I need to get back into the academic community...and debating about nonsense is a start...maybe?

Love, Me

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The day begins

Dear You,

Today I woke up bright and early and got to go to the gym before work. Translation: I love my life right now. Getting up and doing healthy things before seeing the children always makes seeing the children better.

Right now, I'm sitting at the computer at work with four children reading over my shoulder...I'm showing them what a blog post is. Now they know.

They are upset because I didn't work yesterday and the other counselors forgot to give them silly bands, apparently no one else likes our silly band reward system as much as I do. I will right that wrong today by showering them with silly bands.

The worst part of today so far is that there is a small child saying, "I'm an evil old man! I'm an evil old man!" in an annoying voice over and over and over again even though I told him to stop. He is very persistant...and now my back hurts.

Question:

Is there a small child claiming to be an evil old man repeatedly bothering you today?

Love, Me

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Strange combos

Dear You,

Today my friend Caesar came to my visit my kids at the summer camp I am running. He came because he is a construction worker and it is architecture week...so he talked to my kids about building things. He is also a musician, which means after he was done talking about concrete, he took off the hard hat, picked up my guitar and serenaded us with some lovely tunes.

At the end of the day, I was like, "Thanks Caesar, you are my favorite construction worker/musician ever." To which he responded, "I'm probably the only person you know with that combo." And I was like, "yeah it is a weird combo."

But then I was thinking about it, and I realized, I actually know several other construction workers/musicians: Kyle the foreman/drummer and Mindy the I don't know what she does but she does construction/singer.

So this is just like a thing in my life apparently...musically gifted construction workers (I feel like there should be some sort of broadway show about this).

Question: I know cool people right?

Love, Me

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Dear You,

So today was Anna misses church day. As in, Anna missed every opportunity she has to go to the many local churches that she hops around to from time to time becuase she woke up at 12:30. (It's also Anna speaks in the third person day...which is Anna's favorite day).

Luckily there is a wonderful thing I like to call MAGIC CHURCH..which is really just this awesome church in Atlanta called North Point with my favorite person ever Andy Stanley who is the head pastor.

They are amazing because they do live streaming of all their super practical, life-changing messages at 9am 11am, and then rebroadcast at 2pm, 6pm, and 10pm. (Sad thing is I didn't have to look up those times...I knew them already because I'm that obsessed). 

So I still got to go to church today...on the internet. Just listened to an awesome message about King Ahab as part of the Age of Kings series. You should listen to you..unless you know, you didn't pull an Anna and sleep through your actual church.

Question:

What do you think about coveting? Check out this message at 6pm or 10pm if you want some thoughts from my favorite church.

Love,

Me

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Summer Camp

Dear You,

In case you don't know, I run children's programs...an awesome after school program in the school year and a camp in the summer.

This week's camp theme was "Summer Kick-Off," which pretty much means we did everything summery and summer-ish that you could think of. My favorite part of the week has been how respectful my kids are being. If you've ever worked with kids, you know they have moments where they make you want to scratch your eyes out, and moments when you want to hug them/cry with joy because they are so great. This week the kids have stuck to the positive side of the behavior spectrum...and I am eternally grateful.

We're using an awesome silly band reward system as a part of our positive reinforcement discipline policy. We are copying the Gallup Hill School's CARES program (Cooperation, Advocacy, Respect, Effort, and Self-Control). If I see the kids showing cooperation, they get a yellow silly band, advocacy is a green silly band, etc. 

And let me tell you, these kids have been rolling in the silly bands. So good job TASK (totally awesome summer kids, that's what we named ourselves). I'm proud of you all.

Love, Me

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Editing Addiction

Dear You,

So I just edited my website...again.

Let me tell you about this website. I got it in November, started editing it...and editing it...and changing it...and editing it...and deleting it...and ruining it....and destroying it....and reworking it....and trying again....and letting it be...and changing it....it's been quite the process.

I think I've finally realized that the goal is not to be "done" with my website, but to enjoy the editing process. To keep changing and growing....pretty deep, right? Makes me think about life....oh dear, let me stop before this becomes a Show & Tell post.

Love, Me

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What a day

Dear you,

Today I woke up before noon (ten points for me, it’s Saturday after all) and spent some time reading, talking on the phone and just generally laying around.

Then I went to pick up my two people: Anais and Sobie. They are two girls in the Youth and Action Ministry that I help out with once in a while. These two wonderful young people are helping me on one of my new favorite projects: becausejesusiscool.com. The goal was to create a website where youth can reach out and share Jesus’ love. (If you’re not a Christian, sorry I know that sounds weird, if you are a Christian, doesn’t that sound cool?) Anyway, we spent a few hours working on a proposal describing what we want to do (I tend to be overly official when it comes to this type of stuff, but in my opinion it always pays off to have an outline).  The website has gone through it’s first stage of editing, and it looks pretty good if I do say so myself. I’m excited about handing the project over them and taking the advisor role. 

After that I was off to Ledyard to babysit for one of the families who are part of my afterschool program. Let me just say, this kid has THE BEST toys. I’m talking pogo sticks, side walk chalk, inflatable volleyball net, giant checkers. Summary statement: I was loving it!  I was even coerced into playing a video game, which I have a pretty strong aversion to (“but Ms. Anna you can be the pretty girl dragon who shoots rainbows” …SOLD).

Now I’m sitting in the kitchen, the child is asleep (or should be asleep), and I’m reflecting on the day. I don’t know why this kid comes to my enrichment programs when her house is so much fun. My program must be awesome to beat this out.

What did you do today?

Love,

Me

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Eritrea baby

Dear You,

Last Wednesday at Lifted, a young adults ministry that I enjoy immensely, we had a guest speaker from Eritrea, I country in Africa where there's a lot of religious persecution. He challenged us to look up a name of someone in Eritrea who is a Christian and pray for them, so here it is: Yonus. Everybody pray for Yonus in Eritrea.

I forgot what his organization is called, so I will do another post with more details when I find my notes.

Love,

Me

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Churchy church

Dear you,

Tonight I went to church. I love my church because they have a service at 11am and one at 5pm. They did this so that people who work on Sunday mornings could have a chance to go to church. Very nice, yes? yes. What’s also nice is that I benefit from this decision because if I fall back asleep in the morning and miss 11 o clock church, no worries, there is another service for my kind. 

Anyway, so today I was at church at 5. It was the end of the Youth in ActionMinistry’s three day convention. These kids spent all weekend at church, praising God and such. I absolutely love everyone in this youth group and I’m so glad that they did this event. 

I am sharing this lovely, very high quality video of some of the praise and worship (im sorry, my phone is a dinosaur). Just imagine that it looks very nice and you'll appreciate it more.

Love, 

Me

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You know when someone talks to you on facebook and you just cant quite place who they are...? This songs about what goes through your head when that happens.

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Quote from the children

"I will try to do what I could not do." -Tyler 10 years old

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Anxiety

Dear you,

My least favorite thing about me is that I’m addicted to doing things.

I can’t stop.

I am the queen of productivity. No matter how many bible verses I read or calming songs I listen to, being still, just chilling out, is the hardest thing for me.

It’s like, no matter what I do, I can’t stop doing things.

Futile logic, I know. But that’s where I’m at.

Today there are so many things to do, and I can’t do them all. I really can’t. And that pisses me off. Why? Because I used to be able to do all these things. I was supergirl.

I used to be busy like woah, productive like woah, overscheduled like woah. And then I had a complicated migraine, which means I had a nasty headache, couldn’t really speak right, all my words came out backwards, and then lost feeling in one of my arms. So…I was stresssed. I went to the neurologist and other doctors and we stumbled across another issue: high cholesterol.

I was 19 years old and my health was equivalent to that of a 69 year old man in a cheerios commercial.

So what did I do? I finished the last month of my semester, where my college friends were very suppportive of my new health goals(“Anna you cannot leave this table until you finish your vegetables”).  And then I moved to Dominican Republic to study abroad, and I learned an entirely new lifestyle. I learned to relax, to enjoy life. It was great. I made a mental note NOT to revert back to my old anxious ways when I moved home.

Sometimes I really just don’t listen to me. And I should, I think of some good stuff. But, my anxiety once again got to the point that I was so stressed I couldn’t eat. Eating made me sick. And that was just plain inconvenient, because eating is sort of necessary for, ya know, living and such.

I know that the Bible has lots of wisdom on anxiety, but on the surface the verses seem to just say: “Don’t be anxious.” Brilliant. Thank you, Jesus. Problem solved. And by that I mean PROBLEM NOT SOLVED!! HOW?? How can I not be anxious when there is so much to dooooo? When there is so much happening??? When there is so much, much, much, much to be anxious about!!!???

Please, don’t get me wrong, my lifestyle right now is ridiculously more peaceful and healthy, and every time I have one of these moments, I get through it. I have countless examples of times that God has smacked me in the head with a brilliantly simple insight into my anxiety, but I’m not going to tell you any of them. Why? Because as smart as I am, I always forget what I’ve learned and start worrying again. 

So, I’d rather have you lovely readers tell me what you do to cope with anxiety. Go on, don’t be shy, share your wisdom. Any ideas? :) Do Tell.

How do you cope with anxiety?

Love,

Me

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It's really not that easy to bake

Dear you,

I put plastic in ovens.

It’s like a thing with me.

I did it when I was ten. I did it when I was 14, and I just did it again today.

It all started with an easy bake oven. Remember that stick thing that is clearly labeled “Do not leave in oven?” I left it in the oven. I still have it, it is deformed.

Then, fast forward to eighth grade. It all started with an actual oven. My mom put me in charge of dinner (not the smartest of moves, delegation is key in this world, and I was not the one to ask to do this). Anyway, I knew I had to cover the stuffed shells while they were baking, but I didn’t know what to cover them with, so I called my mom and asked. I remember her response like it was yesterday. She specifically said, “Just get the thing from the place.” Thank you. Yes. Good plan. I got a thing from a place. The thing was plastic. I put it in the oven, pressed “45 minutes,” and walked away. When I took them out they were blue. I peeled off the blue and gave it to my family. I told them later, after we ate our delicious meal.

And then, here we are, with the most recent of these cooking adventures.

My coworker brought in the easy bake oven that she had had since childhood (and by childhood I mean, “Santa got it for her when she was 16”). She let me borrow it to do activities with the elementary school children. (I’m an afterschool program director, btw).

The children were thrilled. So was I. I like easy bake ovens. I do remember a wave of nervousness washing over me when I plugged it in though. Flashbacks. Flashbacks. But all was well.

Until I realized that I let the most dramatic of the children use something plastic for her cookie-making experience. As soon as I saw the error of my ways, I ran to the easy bake oven (or as I call now call it: the death trap that only serves to make me feel bad about myself), but it was too late. I started swearing under my breath. “What’s wrong?” Dramatic Child asked, “Is my cookie ready?” Her cookie was not ready. The plastic had melted to the inside of the oven, and for all of my poking and prodding and shaking and pulling, I could not get said cookie out. Dramatic Child threw herself into the Relaxation Station and cried hysterically for 20 minutes. (“I’m so sorry, can you forgive me?” “No!!”)

All the other children just laughed at me. As did my coworkers, and my boss (“Anna, do you know the definition of insanity?”) And my family members, and Karen, and you, I’m sure.

Sigh.

I wanted to make this into something deep about accepting your flaws or learning from your mistakes, but I’m not going to, because I’m still a little too bitter that this happened.

Do you put plastic in ovens?

Love, 

Me

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Don't be fooled

One time I had a professor in college who handed out a multiple choice test that looked like this:

a) possible answer

b) possible answer

c) possible answer

d) none of the above

e) all of the above

For those of you who are having a panic attack at the sight of this, welcome to my world. And for those who don’t see the problem, let me explain. Placingall of the above under none of the above means you can’t really chooseall of the above because all of the above includes none of the above and AHHHH!!! Do you feel the tension? Yes!! Grrr…. I remember looking at this and freaking out, because IT DIDN’T MAKE SENSE!! And if you are me, and you are taking a test, IT HAS TO MAKE SENSE!!!!! Okay Anna, calm down. Right, back to the blog.

What I’ve realized is that in his frustrating insanity, my professor actually taught me an important life lesson. Stay with me here. I’m going to explain this, I promise.

You see, lovely readers, a fun fact about me is that I don’t like to make decisions. Every day I wake up, and it’s as if God says, “Good morning, Anna, today you can choose to do either A, B, or C. And I say, “God, have you met me? I don’t need to decide. Blech!!! Why would I do such a horrid thing as decide when I CAN DO IT ALL!! Watch me go!!!” And off I spiral into my busy, busy world.

And then a few hours later me and God are chatting again, and it looks like this:

God: “Hey anna, just wondering, why aren’t you done with option B?”

Anna: “I actually have a really good reason for that, it’s that I’m working on option B.”

God: “Oh I see, and how much have you done with option B?”

Me: “Well, I haven’t made much progress because I’m also doing option C.”

God: “That makes sense, so how’s C going?

Me: “Well..A is really taking up a lot of my time.”

God: “…so what have you actually done?”

Me: “…..”

God: “Anna, are you there?

Me: “Oh, yes, sorry God, I didn’t hear you, I was busy worrying about the things I’m not doing.”

Then I get upset because I don’t make marked progress on anything or because I have a headache or feel sick or because somehow I just don’t seem to feel very peaceful or rested. Go figure. (Now is when all the lovely readers take the time to pause and shake their heads at Anna’s ways. Oh wait, that happens every time I post something. Whatever.)

I don’t know about you, but when I am presented with my daily options, I’m predisposed to choose all of the above. It is my favorite option. It is the button I must like to click, the circle I most often fill in, the box I am most prone to check.

The problem is that hiding just above all of the above is none of the above. It is included in the package. When I try to do everything, I don’t do anything. Because I am not a magic person. No, it’s not fortunate. No, it’s not convenient. But when I decide I’m going to do everything, I inevitably get overwhelmed, and I end up choosing to do nothing.  

So, this is your official warning. If you are making a decision, remember: All of the above is really none of the above. Don’t be fooled. Just choose A, B, or C.

Which one will you choose?

Love,

Me

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My shiny new sentence

How many times a day do you find yourself thinking: “I don’t have enough time!!”

For me, it’s an average of 76 times.

I made that up.

I don’t know how many times.

I don’t have time to calculate the average number of times I say I don’t have enough time.

Now I’m just being silly.

So here’s my new idea about this. I was reflecting on what a silly thing it is to even think that I have time. I am not the boss of the world. I am not the master of the universe. I am not the king of the earth. But I am right. I don’t HAVE time. We could go ultra-philosophical with this and say that time does not even exist. Time is just a human attempt to blah, blah, blah. You see where I’m going here. It’s a mind trap. Let’s avoid it, yes? Yes. Instead, let’s just agree that saying “I don’t have enough time,” doesn’t make very much sense.

So it looks like I need a replacement sentence. And here it is: 

That’s not my priority.

Just let that sink in for a second.

It’s genius.

Has it sunk in?

No?

Fine. I’ll elaborate.

You see, when I say, “I don’t have enough time,” what I really mean is that I can’t do something right now. I most often say “I don’t have enough time,” as a response to a suggested activity. It is my excuse for not doing something. 

What I really mean is “that is not my priority.” As in, it’s not the most important thing on my list of things. And that is okay. It’s okay for me not to do everything. In fact, I can’t do everything. I know this now. I won’t be fooled.

Now, when I hear myself thinking “I don’t have time,” I stop myself and I switch the sentence. “That’s not my priority,” is much more accurate, and responsible to boot. This sentence, all shiny and new, acknowledges my limits, honors my ability to make decisions, and empowers me to set boundaries.

All in all, this sentence is just fine and dandy.

Do you like my new sentence? You can have it.

Love,

Me