anitaawhitney

[anitaawhitney]

The early nights are confusing for the soul, but the forced retirement might do me some good. We went to a dance party. We were the youngest ones there and it was beautiful watching people a decade older than me find joy in nostalgia. I loved Anora. I miss New Jersey. I have been making Christmas ornaments by hand for my future family. I have been taking care of my mother. She has good days and bad. All of this in the few moments between the work and the work and the work. Confetti shot out of a Canon once the crowd already left the building. I feel as though it was all for nothing. It’s a dry, cold, itch. Maybe I’ll hide again until a tour when the sun comes back. Maybe I won’t make a sound. Maybe I’ll sleep. Maybe I’ll choose different this time with my restart to zero, my bonus life I pulled from a box. And pull from a box with a needle every 3 weeks. Maybe maybe maybe. Maybe I fixed everything so I could do this one thing again, without realizing that one thing was what needed fixing. I am tired and I forgot how to have fun. I complain too much and I should keep it to myself, I’ve been told a lot the past few weeks. But the thing is that I can’t. I have an unrelenting ache and a never ending whine that must crank out of me like a tornado siren in the dark. That’s what’s been wrong with me the entire time, couldn’t they see? I’ve always needed to be seen to exist. But now they don’t see me, and I’m still existing. Perhaps, problem solved. Regrettably.

[anitaawhitney]

i loved one direction with an all-consuming force when i was younger. it hurts deeply to mourn someone you were a massive fan of as teenager, and became a peer of as an adult.

i know people change and grief is unsure or complicated when it’s attached to a fond memory or the feeling a person gave you and not tangibly the person themself. i can see many of you on here are struggling with that right now and i understand.

a few years ago i purchased a home that Liam previously owned. there were rumors the house was haunted. He assured me it was not, and i believed him. because i know the ghosts that haunt us aren’t tethered to buildings. They live in parts of us that are harder to reach and they go wherever we do.

as a parent, a fellow artist, and a fan, i simply cannot fathom this untimely loss. my heart goes out to his family, friends, and the fans. 💔

[anitaawhitney]

Barry McGlashan (British, 1974), The Late Spring, 2022. Oil and wax on canvas, 59 x 45 in.

[anitaawhitney]

[anitaawhitney]

Zhongwen Yu (Chinese,b.1984)

Fluttering in white, 2019

Oil on canvas

[anitaawhitney]

Lydia Pettit (American, 1991) - Entry Points (2024)

[anitaawhitney]

Johan Laurentz Jensen (Danish,1800-1856)

Rubrum lilies and fuschias, c.1840

Oil on panel

[anitaawhitney]

Claudio Bravo (Chilean, 1936-2011), Bolsas de papel [Paper Bags], 1970. Oil on canvas, 101.6 x 75.6 cm.

[anitaawhitney]

so apparently the “bad vibes” I’ve been feeling are actually “severe psychological distress”

[anitaawhitney]

i love halsey because she'll write lyrics like "a girl like that is a mother, must be tough/ a problem child, i was rough/ but what do you do with a difficult grown up?" and then in another song she'll rhyme "michigan" with "bitch again"

[anitaawhitney]

Halsey performing during the Love and Power Tour by crosswords via Instagram

[anitaawhitney]

Die 4 Me – Halsey / “Learned a lesson when you showed a different side, I see”

[anitaawhitney]

tale as old as honey, a moment everybody knows History of Man (Maisie Peters) x The Prophecy (Taylor Swift)

[anitaawhitney]

Some of my 4 favourite lines in 'The Tortured Poets Department'

Fortnight

All of this to say, I hope you're okay But you're the reason And no one here's to blame But what about your quiet treason?

The Tortured Poets Department

But you're in self-sabotage mode Throwing spikes down on the road But I've seen this episode and still love the show Who else decodes you?

My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys

Put me back on my shelf But first, pull the string And I'll tell you that he runs Because he loves me (He loves me)

Down Bad

In a field in my same old town That somehow seems so hollow now They'll say I'm nuts if I talk about The existence of you

So Long, London

And you say I abandoned the ship, but I was going down with it My white knuckle dying grip holding tight to your quiet resentment And my friends said it isn’t right to be scared Every day of a love affair, every breath feels like rarest air

But Daddy, I Love Him

I'd rather burn my whole life down Than listen to one more second of all this bitchin' and moanin' I'll tell you something about my good name It's mine alone to disgrace

Fresh Out The Slammer

Splintered back in winter, silent dinners, bitter He was with her in dreams Gray and blue and fights and tunnels Handcuffed to the spell I was under

Florida!!!

Little did you know your home's really only A town you're just a guest in So you work your life away just to pay For a time-share down in Destin

Guilty as Sin?

I hadn't heard it in a while My boredom's bone-deep This cage was once just fine Am I allowed to cry?

Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me?

So tell me everything is not about me, but what if it is? Then say they didn't do it to hurt me, but what if they did? I wanna snarl and show you just how disturbed this has made me You wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me

I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)

They shook their heads saying, "God, help her" when I told them he's my man

But your good lord didn't need to lift a finger I can fix him, no, really, I can (No, really, I can) Woah, maybe I can't

loml

What a bland goodbye The coward claimed he was a lion I'm combing through the braids of lies I'll never leave, never mind

I Can Do It With a Broken Heart

I can hold my breath I've been doing it since he left I keep finding his things in drawers Crucial evidence, I didn't imagine the whole thing

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived

Were you a sleeper cell spy? In fifty years will all this be declassified? And you'll confess why you did it And I'll say, "Good riddance"

The Alchemy

Hey, you, what if I told you we'rе cool? That child's play back in school Is forgiven under my rule I haven't come around in so long

Clara Bow

Only when your girlish glow flickers just so Do they let you know It’s hell on Earth to be heavenly Them's the breaks, they don't come gently

The Black Dog

I am someone who until recent events You shared your secrets with And your location, you forgot to turn it off And so I watch as you walk

imgonnagetyouback

And I'll tell you one thing, honey I can take the upper hand and touch your body Flip the script and leave you like a dumb house party Or I might just love you 'til the end

The Albatross

"One less temptress, one less dagger to sharpen" Locked me up in towers But I'd visit in your dreams And they tried to warn you about me

Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus

I changed into goddesses, villains, and fools Changed plans and lovers and outfits and rules All to outrun my desertion of you And you just watched it

How Did It End

Guess who we ran into at the shops? Walking in circles like she was lost Didn't you hear? They called it all off

So High School

Are you gonna marry, kiss, or kill me It's just a game, but really I'm bettin' on all three for us two Get my car door, isn't that sweet?

I Hate It Here

Secret gardens in my mind People need a key to get to The only one is mine I read about it in a book when I was a precocious child

thanK you aIMee

And it wasn't a fair fight, or a clean kill Each time that Aimee stomped across my grave And then she wrote headlines In the local paper, laughing at each baby step I'd take

I Look in People’s Windows

I look in people’s windows In case you’re at their table What if your eyes looked up and met mine One more time

The Prophecy

Feeling like the very last drops of an ink pen A greater woman stays cool But I howl like a wolf at the moon And I look unstable

Cassandra

They all said nothing Blood’s thick but nothing like a payroll Bet they never spared a prayer for my soul You can mark my words that I said it first

Peter

Once found us beguiling She said she was trying Peter, was she lying? My ribs get the feeling she did

The Bolter

But as she was leaving It felt like breathing All her fuckin' lives Flashed before her eyes

Robin

The time will arrive for the cruel and the mean You’ll learn to bounce back just like your trampoline But now, we’ll curtail your curiosity In sweetness

The Manuscript

The only thing that’s left is the manuscript One last souvenir from my trip to your shores Now and then I re-read the manuscript But the story isn’t mine anymore

[anitaawhitney]

[anitaawhitney]

ttpd is like... this fucking sucked... it was my fault... fuck joe... this also fucking sucked... fuck matty... i thought i was gonna die... straight up commit me to an asylum... FUCK matty... fuck joe... no one knows me... fuck kim kardashian... i created every problem and every consequence i have to face... please see me as human... i am exposing my flaws so you see me as a real person... fuck jake gyllenhaal... if you're gonna be so up my business you better realize how fucked up my business is... also hi killatrav ily... there is nothing redeeming about this chapter of my life... hi mom ily... this ALSO fucking sucked... there may be good in the world... here is every sin i have ever committed... i was promised love and forever repeatedly and no one ever delivered... my reaction to trauma was awful... i made so many bad decisions... if you're gonna crucify me do it for good reasons... are you not entertained?

[anitaawhitney]

Todai-ji Nara, Japan