anikaarchive

[anikaarchive]

The nights are the longest

God why do you do this to me?

Why do i miss you so much that it's painful? I dread the nights the most. How long they are without you around. How when everyones asleep the only thing i'm left with is the memories of you, it's like i'm drowning in them, suffocating almost. The only thing i desire right now is you, yet it is only you who is hurting me.

you're the cause of my pain but also the solution

i wish it wasn't like this. I wish you weren't so immature. i wish we weren't teenagers making our teenager mistakes. I wish you sorted yourself out now. we could've been happy if we were just older, more experienced. we could've been happy if it was a different time.

i hate moving on, i hate change, but i have to now. I have to move on and let you go... Because i can't keep waiting, yearning for someone who doesn't want me anymore. it's embarrassing.

I just want to be loved. I waited my whole life, read it in stories, watched it in films thinking that i could never find it. This feels like a cruel joke. The first time i've ever been loved by another and it's taken away from me just as fast. i feel like a fool

i'm sorry. i'm sorry you hate me now, i'm sorry there's nothing i can do to change that. if hating me keeps you comfortable, if dragging my name through the dirt when you talk about me makes you feel better then that's okay. I'm not bitter anymore, i still love you.

I hope you're happy.. that's all i ever wanted to give you, happiness. Even If it means the very thing that would give you that is my absence... i'm gone now. i'm not going to bother you anymore.

This is my final act of love, respecting your wishes, and setting you free. I hope you take care of yourself now, i hope you find that happiness i couldn't give you with my presence.

I love you.