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This is so beautiful
There is something raw and simple about Portrait.
Portrait is a love story of someone else, of a man I do not know, with a beautiful lover of woman I've never seen before.
As their sweet relationship progress, I feel a sense of dread.
The tone of the music changed. Previously it was soft, light, like most relationships usually are. And then slowly, the strings of the musics seems to be crying with him, along with that man I do not know.
And it aches, my heart aches.
Why?
And I felt his heartbreak.
How?
I wanted them back, I wanted that happy couple back, to the time when the strings of the violin did not wept, when the tone is light... and it was simple.
Portrait reminds me of what is simple, what is sweet, what had crumbled into tears.
In Drunkness, he continued,
"But I still love you."
And I know he does. Because I saw it myself.
It reminds me of the life before the violin wept, when it was light... and simple.
My heartbreak towards an unknown lover that is the fantasy of what my live could have been. It wasn't real. Just like his music. It wasn't for me, I am not the man, and I had no woman.
The heartbreak was with the memory of you. 'But I still love you.'
In Darkness, I continued,
"Instead of drawing myself.
I found myself drawing YOU."
.
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#366MilesOrangeDrive
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#366MilesOrangeDrive
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"A winter date is cold. I'll secretly buy her coffee and present it to her."
— BANGYONGGUK
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"Do what you like, love what you do."
- Bang Yongguk
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I like it when you're drunk
Warm crimson apples
Full bloom in the winter
Swaying to the melody
That bubbling in your chest
Just you and your little world
You must be high, my dear
High and drunk
Drunk on happiness.
I sent Yongguk this crappy poem for his birthday this year but I deleted them few days after because it made me sound like a delusional fan lmao
So, I put it here so that I won't lose it.
I was just trying to describe him after watching the video of him dancing. He looked so happy, like a man in a movie. It's really beautiful. He loves to dance, making him even prettier to my eyes. Does that even make sense, that I find Bang Yongguk beautiful?
When he smiles, his lips blossom like a flower. The whole face lights up and there's adorable crinkles around his eyes. And when he giggles, he becomes a lovely young boy that I wish to adore as I live.
I hope he's well loved in his life and I wish him all the happiness in the world. He deserves to be happy as much as how he brings joy to others' lifes. To your life. And to my life.
Be happy, Bang Yongguk. Happiness look good on you <3
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On The Day We Fall In Love: Queen Of The Night (Pt.2)
Part 1
"Dear customers, the cafe is closing soon." One of the workers announced to the remaining customers who looked like they were not planning to leave soon. There were Bang Yongguk, you and three other strangers.
Yongguk had been very serious while typing away on his laptop, the professor wanted to see the progress of the assignment but you lost the files after your younger brother downloaded a cracked version of a game software. The whole system crashed and you had to send your laptop for repair.
"What should we do?" You inquired warily, trying not to irritate him. His gaze was fixed on the screen, typing as fast as he could before the staff told everyone to leave again. You were overwrought with guilt because if you backed up the file into cloud storage, you wouldn't face this problem and troubled him like this.
"I'll continue at home." He answered monotonously. You became anxious when the staff approached your table, offering a forced smile as she reminded you and Yongguk to leave. Yongguk put his laptop to sleep and started packing up his books and stationary, you did the same to your things.
"Yongguk," You gripped on the loose sleeve of his hoodie to get his attention as he was walking rather fast on the sidewalk. "It's only right if you let me finish the rest of the proposal.. I jotted down the important points in my notebook so I can do it."
"But you don't have a laptop." He reminded you. "I can't lend you mine because I've early morning replacement class tomorrow. It's fine. You can leave it to me."
"Do you live with your family? Do they mind if we finish the task at your place?" You still wished you could be a help, after all you were the one who caused the problem. He had to redo the tasks that were supposed to be done by you.
"I live alone." There was a sudden tension when your gaze met his. He was sending you a silent message, telling you it was wrong to bring you home, especially since it was already late at night. Most importantly, he was a guy and lived alone.
"Do you mind if I come over to get it done? I'll finish it as fast as I can and leave." You suggested, completely ignoring his message. You looked at him wishfully, hoping he would let you go to his place. He was silent for a few moments, eyes looking upward as if he was weighing the options he had. The way you were looking at him didn't help him to make a wise decision, instead it made his heart skip a beat.
"Alright. Let's go." He defeatedly decided which put a smile on your face.
***
Stretching your arms, you yawned while rereading what you just typed on the screen of Yongguk's laptop. Almost two hours had passed since you arrived at his place. It was an apartment, quite large to live alone. The laptop was on top of the coffee table and you were sitting on the floor that was covered by a black and white mat. Yongguk was sitting on a chair, doodling something on his own. You were not sure why but he had been avoiding sitting too close to you, keeping himself busy as if he wanted to distract himself from something. Was it you or was it his own thoughts?
"Yongguk, I think I am done here." You yawned once again, resting the back of your head on the couch. "Give me five minutes to close my eyes." You requested sleepily since your eyes were really heavy you had to force them open. After five minutes, you would head home. You closed your eyes.
Yongguk shifted his gaze from the doodles to your figure, scanning your exposed neck due to how you were resting your head on the couch. He was ready to send you home but decided to let you take a rest first. He glanced at the ticking clock on the wall. It was almost one in the morning. Yongguk went to sit next to you, wanting to see the proposal and keep a copy to prevent any mishaps again. Once he was done, he turned his head to the right. You were so silent and not moving at all. Since five minutes had passed, he called out your name softly. Receiving no answers, he poked your arm.
His lips curled upward at the realization that you had fallen asleep. However, your posture concerned him so he hesitated, lifted you up and placed you to lie down on the couch. He didn't feel like waking you up but you needed to go home. He went to take a shower just to give you more time to nap, hoping you would have woken up once he was done. Fresh out of the shower, Yongguk put on jeans. Drying his hair with a towel and still topless, he stared out of the window of his bedroom. Eyes enjoying the night view of the city.
The night was so quiet and he was deep in his own thoughts when you whispered his name. He was startled, looking over his shoulder to see you flashing him a sleepy smile.
"You're up." He smiled when his gaze landed on your tousled hair and the smudged makeup on your face. He noticed you always had red lipstick on, the same colour of your nail paint. Red must be your favourite color.
"Hmm." You responded with a hum. You couldn't help but scan his topless body because you just found out that he had a lot of tattoos all over his body. He always wore a long sleeved t-shirt so you never had any chances to see them before. Your eyes fixed on the inks decorating his chest. "Did it hurt?"
"This?" He ran his finger on his chest. "I bleeded when I got this tattooed. I guess it did hurt."
"You also have one on your back." You moved to take a closer look of the tattoo on his back, tracing the words with your fingers.
"Ready to go home?" He turned around to face you, your fingers that were on his back was now on his chest because of the swift movement.
"Can I stay for another five minutes?"
"And fall asleep again?" He teased with playful glints in his eyes. You let a shy laugh, shaking your head.
"Yongguk…" You recovered from your laugh, putting on a serious face. "I'm sorry for today. I didn't expect it to be like this. I should have been more careful." You drew random patterns on his chest with your thumb, hoping any anger that still left in him dissipated.
"It's okay. Let bygone be bygone. It's a mistake we could learn from." He placed his hand on yours, offering you a comforting smile. You mirrored his smile before back to staring at his chest. He noticed where your attention was at. "It's scary, isn't it?"
"This tattoo?" You shook your head. "No. It's beautiful, really. It must be meaningful to you and that makes it even more beautiful than it already is."
"I love your nails." He lifted your hands to his face to see it better. Your red painted nails were short and neat.
"Did we just take turns complimenting each other?" You chuckled groggily.
"I mean it. They're pretty." He unconsciously kissed your fingers to prove his point, earning a gasp from you.
"I am sorr—"
"You can kiss them." Your cheeks reddened at your words, so did his. "I was just surprised."
Upon your permission, he leaned down and kissed your soft fingers again. Was it possible to feel loved just by the way someone was kissing your fingers? He was treating your fingers like they were fragile, precious little things.
The night he kissed your cheek flashed in your head. You still remembered how he sounded when he whispered your name like a prayer. You stepped closer to him, pulling your hands away just to face him, the tip of your nose almost grazed his.
"Yongguk…" You whispered, feeling his intense stare on your face. "What are we?"
His smile reached his half-lidded eyes. "Who am I to you?" He whispered back, making your breath quickened. The tension was suffocating both of you but it seemed like you were more affected, you were drowning in your own feelings.
"Who do you want to be?" You returned the question, lightheaded. Instead of answering or asking another question, Yongguk closed the gap and captured your lips. Your eyes fluttered close. The kiss was soft and innocent, unlike his strong grip on your jaw. Almost like he didn't want you to run away. You didn't plan to.
You squealed when he suddenly lifted you up bridal style after he pulled away. He carefully placed you on his bed before lying next to you, one arm folded to support his head up as he gazed at your face.
"Time's up." He caressed the top of your head, your long hair was sprawled on the sheet. "Do you need another five minutes?" He asked with a hint of teasing.
"Can I spend a night here?" You heart flipped, anticipating his answer. You didn't want to leave.
"Are you not afraid of me?"
"Do I have to be afraid?"
"I am a man."
"I like men."
He bursted out giggling, biting the corner of his lower lip while scratching your scalp.
"You're so cute." He cooed.
"Thus I can spend a night here?"
"Just because you're cute." He decided.
"Thank you."
"Don't blame me if you end up being my bolster. I'm a hugger when I sleep." He warned playfully. Your face flushed red at his warning. "Just kidding. I'm going to sleep on the couch."
"No." You scooted closer and wrapped your arm around his slim waist. "We can share the bed." Your cheek rested against the skin of his warm chest.
"Are you really not afraid of me? Or are you too innocent?"
"I trust you. I know you won't hurt me."
"Don't trust me too much."
You shook your head. "I trust you. And I can be a good bolster."
Another laugh from him, his chest vibrated against your face so with smiling lips, you kissed the tattoo on his chest. Your lips happened to land on the spot where you could feel how hard his heart was beating. Then, you realized you were not the only one who was affected by the proximity. He felt the same as you did.
When he embraced your body tightly and nuzzled his nose on top of your head, it felt like a dream. A sweet dream you didn't want to wake up from.
***
When the night goes quiet
And we're up in your room
And you're kissin' my fingers
And I kiss your tattoos
I could lay in bed with you and talk shit forever-ever
If this is all a dream, wake me up never, never, never
Swear to God, cross my heart, no one does it better, better
Boy later, always gonna
- Queen Of The Night, Hey Violet
[to be continued]
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On The Day We Fall In Love : Queen Of The Night (Pt.1)
Bang Yongguk x Reader
Romance, slight angst, boyfriend!au
Mention of mental illness in the upcoming parts
Basically a long series of short stories that inspired by different songs.
Tapping your red painted nails on the table, you occasionally tap your phone to see if there's any text from him and to check the time. You would only wait for him for another five minutes, you had been waiting at the cafe for almost thirty-minutes.
Sipping on the mixed berries smoothie, your mind started to drift away from the cafe. You were wondering about the man you had been waiting for. No, he was not your boyfriend and you wouldn't really call him a friend. He's just a guy from marketing class who happened to be paired with you for an assignment because you were absent when the professor asked the students to form a pair. Same goes for him. That was the reason you were meeting him that day.
Your body jumped slightly when a screeching sound greeted your ears. Someone just pulled the chair in front of you and took a seat in a rush, placing a backpack on top of the table. You heard he gasped for air as he offered you an apologetic smile. His hair was tousled, his wavy bang stuck to his sweaty forehead.
"I am so sorry." He verbally apologized to you this time, pulling out his laptop from the black bag.
"Yongguk!" You let out a comforting laugh. "Calm down. Why are you acting like you're being chased by a ghost?"
He mirrored your smile and you prefered it better than his previous awkward smile. He had pretty lips, you personally loved the curls at the corner. "I thought you were mad at me." There was a hint of relief in his voice.
You crossed your arms and said, "I am mad at you."
"I am sorry…"
"This is my first and last warning, okay?" You playfully squint your eyes at him, trying to intimidate him but you could imagine how ridiculous you looked. He nodded, offering that beautiful smile that made your heart skip a beat again.
"Wanna have a cold drink? Your face is red. It must be hot outside." Your eyes scanned his face and the way his hair still stuck to his forehead bothered you. You rummaged through your tote bag and held out a red handkerchief to him, pointing at his temple.
He stared at your face for a moment, digesting your action and you swore you caught his eyes darted to your red lips before he looked at the handkerchief and received it.
He pushed his hair back, making it even messier and dabbed the handkerchief on his forehead. A gasp left your lips when you saw his slender fingers. They were bruised.
"Yongguk, what happened?" You asked, very concerned. Did he get into a fight?
"Huh?" Then, he realized the cause of your concern and hid his hands under the table. "Nothing. I'll go and order my drink." He left the table and headed for the counter. It was obvious he was avoiding your question. You had no rights to push him to tell you but it fell wrong to let him with his bruised hand like that. You called for a staff that was passing by and asked for a first-aid box. Yongguk came back with a cup of iced americano, brow lifted when he saw the box.
"You didn't have to."
"I wanted to help." You insisted. "Give me your hand." You started treating his wound, too focused that you didn't realize Yongguk was gazing at you like he would to the stars on the night sky.
It was the longest time you'd ever held hands with a man that wasn't your boyfriend.
***
A 3 days 2 nights class trip.
You were catching up with your group of girlfriends, waiting for the bus driver to open the door of the vehicle. They were talking about the clothes they brought. You had been trying hard not to but your eyes wandered around the crowd, hoping to see him. It was a dumb thing to do, though. He had replied to your text a few days ago saying he was not a fan of socializing with a lot of people so he would pass this one. Still, you wished he came.
You watched as two men were laughing about something on their phone and when they moved from their spot, it revealed a man who was sitting on top of his luggage, carrying a backpack. Your face immediately lit up, walking toward him who was scrolling his phone. He didn't notice your presence until you poked his arm. He lifted his eyes from the screen and met yours. You caught the flickers in his eyes when he saw your wide smile.
"Hi." He greeted you.
"You're here." You stated dreamily, confirming it to yourself. You were so disappointed a few minutes ago but it was all forgotten.
"I'm here."
"You're here." You repeated like a broken lovesick doll. His melodious chuckle rang in your ear, making your chest swell with something you could not put a name on it. Something crossed your mind, "Wanna sit together?"
"Err…" He hesitated to answer and you couldn't help but be crestfallen.
"It's okay. I was asking just in case you didn't have a seat partne—"
"What about your friends?" was his question.
"Hmm…" You took a few seconds to make a sentence in your mind. "We're a group of five so one will be left out."
"Let's sit together." He reached out to lightly nudge your arm, for no obvious reason.
You smiled, "Let's sit together."
***
That night, you slipped away from your group of friends again to talk to Yongguk. They didn't question why you sat with Yongguk in the bus, knowing you were acquainted with him. Apart from talking to you, Yongguk didn't talk much with anyone else. He joined it when a group of men gathered but he only observed and listened. That's why you felt obligated to talk to him, after all you were the one who convinced him to come.
You were walking toward him when a stranger approached you, selling you a bouquet of flowers. You didn't need those pretty flowers yet you found yourself taking out money from your tote bag and purchased the bouquet. Yongguk would like it, right?
The whole group of the trip were allowed to sightsee on the street, to admire the architecture of the unique buildings there. Yongguk was alone, sitting on a wooden bench near a tall dim lamp pole, slurping a cup of instant noodles he got from the nearest convenience store.
A pair of eyes lit up when he saw you but his mouth was full so he hummed and tipped his head to acknowledge your presence. You took a place next to him and held out the flowers to him.
"For you." You shyly looked at his bewildered face, almost wanting to hide your face in your hands but you kept your cool.
"For me?" His muffled voice inquired as he was covering his full mouth with a hand. His cheeks flushed when he received them from you, eyes marvelled at the pretty colours.
"Hungry?"
"Oh, sorry." He felt bad for eating alone so he offered the cup to you. You were still full from the meal you had before but something about sharing food with Yongguk excited you so you accepted his offer. Your fingers brushed against his when you took the chopsticks from him, smiling to yourself. You lowered your head to slurp on the hot noodles, forgot to put your long black hair to the back first so a strand of hair entered your mouth along with the noodles but only Yongguk noticed it. So with one hand holding the flowers bouquet, another hand gathered your silky hair and held it back while you kept slurping. His action was so intimate to you, you felt your face getting warm. Or was it the noodles?
You returned the cup back to him and helped him hold the flowers so he could finish his noodles.
Indirect kiss. Silly, girly part of your mind whispered to your heart when he put the chopsticks you just used to his lips. He drank the soup before proudly showing the empty cup to you and tossed it into the trash bin nearby.
"Let's have a walk." He took the bouquet from your hand, only after he quickly caressed the back of your hand with his thumb. And you… your head was high in the cloud, dreamily followed him while staring at his side profile as he was sniffing the flowers. He was such a view, the yellowish dim light that illuminated the street made him look ten times intriguing that he usually were. You wished you could save this view in your mind and look at it on the nights you spend thinking about him. You took out your phone, contemplating whether to ask for his permission first or not.
"Why did you get me this?" He walked closer to you, arms brushing so that you could hear his voice clearly. There were a lot of times you told him you couldn't understand what he said because he mumbled his words, especially when there were others around.
"They are pretty..."
"Hmm?" One of his brow lifted, not understanding how that could be the reason. However, his lips bloomed into a smile.
"...and remind me of your smile." At this point, you were sure you were making your feelings too obvious. Seeing how flustered you were and the way you started to look anywhere but his face, he didn't want to tease you.
"Thank you." He gratefully said. "Can you take a photo of me? This is my first time receiving flowers. I want to keep the photo as a memory."
"Sure." Of course you could take more than a photo, you already intended to do so before he asked. You took multiple shots of him asking him to move around until you got the best shot.
"Done." You announced, looking at the photos to review them. Yongguk quickly held your arm and pulled you to the side as there were a group of people who wanted to pass by the alley. You looked up in surprise at him before shifting your gaze back to your phone, knowing he had kept you safe.
You leaned your arm on the wall as Yongguk came closer and leaned down to look at the shots you took as you were shorter than him.
"Wow, they came out well."
Your eyes widened at how close he sounded, sending shivers down your spine. You were too afraid to move, as his deep voice rang exactly next to your ear, like his lips were somewhere near your earlobe. You leaned closer to the wall to create more space but there was no use as he was too close. You were not afraid of him taking advantage of you, you were afraid the proximity confirmed your feelings for him.
His slender forefinger was swiping on the screen on your phone while he kept talking about the photos as you were staring at his jaw, eventually at his lips. Yongguk frowned when he noticed your silence so he turned to face you and he was stunned.
There was something burning in your eyes and your lips were parted as your chest was heaving softly. His brown orbs followed the movement of yours, seeking for something. When you breathed through your mouth, the warm breath hit his face, giving him goosebumps.
Both of you stiffened as Yongguk rested his palm on the wall you were leaning on. Your eyes fluttered close when his lips landed on your smooth cheek, nose poking your flesh there. Your cold hands were awkwardly holding your phone on the same spot, floating in the air. You could hear the pounding of your heart and you bet he could hear it too.
His lips lingered on your skin longer than you expected but it was better that way. What if he regretted it after he pulled away?
A gasp left your lip when his cold fingers touched your chin and turned your head to face him fully. Now your back was leaning on the wall, you between his arms. You were getting shy with the way he was scanning your face.
However, you found yourself looking up voluntarily and tip-toeing to meet his lips.
Your movement stopped when your lips were barely an inch from his, he just put his hand on your shoulders, squeezing them. He whispered your name, softly and lovingly. Repetitively, like a prayer. But to your ears, it was a sweet spell. Hypnotizing, making your fall deeper and deeper and you hoped he was there to catch you.
Yongguk didn't want to rush the kiss even though your lips that were always painted in red haunted him whenever he was alone. If he kissed you, he was afraid he couldn't let you go. If he kissed you, he was afraid he would surrender his heart to your hands. He was not sure if you're up for it and he didn't trust you enough for that.
Another kiss to the cheek would be enough, he decided. He placed his cold hand on your warm neck and you almost let out a sigh at the stark contrast. When his lips landed on your cheek again, your heart flipped yet there was a sudden ache. Maybe because you were hoping for something more.
You inhaled his scent, intoxicating mix of something gingery, minty and smoky. It registered in your head that he was probably a smoker, his lips were a bit purplish rather than pink in colour.
He abruptly pulled away when there were loud footsteps and yelling. You friends were coming your way, they had been looking for you.
"Yah, did you just take advantage of her?" One of your friends hit him with a bottle, staring accusingly. Yongguk looked at you, the fire in his eyes dimmed as he was waiting for you to say something. For you to deny the accusation.
"Guys, it's not like that. Let's go." You wrapped your arms around your friends' and dragged them away from there so they would not bully Yongguk anymore.
You friends were busy nagging at you, scolding you for not being careful.
"Yah, stop being too close with him. I told you he's a lot older than us all."
"How is that a problem?" You let out an incredulous laugh. His age did not matter at all.
"That means there's something wrong with him. Why would someone take a long gap year to finish his studies?"
"He always has bruises. What if he's a gangster?" Another friend added.
"And he is so quiet and creepy. Like he's on drugs or something."
"Yah, that's not nice!" You hit her on her arm. Yongguk was indeed suspicious but you had never imagined to that extent.
"I'm just telling you he's a bad guy!"
"Let's stop talking about him and enjoy our time here." You suggested, tired of their babbles. They silently agreed and were looking for a famous building while referring to the map in one of your friends' smartphone. You took the chance to turn around, looking for him. There he was, walking alone around ten steps away. Your eyes met his, he was a bit surprised when you turned around because he had been watching you.
You mouthed something to him, making sure your friends did not see you. You smiled when his brows knitted together in confusion. He didn't catch it the first time so you moved your lips again.
There was a tingling burst on your chest when he caught what you're trying to say, flashing you his adorable gummy smile that lit up his whole face.
"Thank you for the kiss." You cutely poked your cheek with your finger, where his lips were. Then, heat rushed to your face at your own boldness.
***
I've bandaged your bruises
You've held back my hair
Who'd have known when this started
That we'd end up here?
But you reach out and touch me
Say my name like a prayer
All my friends say you're dangerous
But I don't fucking care
- Queen Of The Night, Hey Violet.
Part 2
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Not really fond of where this story is going but one more part left so I am just going to finish it lol. For new story, I wish to write it more in depth. I wish. Idk how it’s going to turn out tho. Thank you for reading <3
Drowning In You (Pt.3)
Bang Yongguk had been staring at the door ever since you left the house. It was your nth time to be out on a date with Jiho without him yet his chest was still heavy with worry. He didn’t trust you with anyone else but himself. But there’s nothing much he could do. His trance disrupted when his cell phone rang, he swiftly answered it when he saw the caller. It was you.
“Hello?” His brow furrowed because it was your first time to call him after a while.
First thing he heard was a sound of someone sobbing, “Yongguk…”
“What’s wrong? Where are you?”
“Yongguk…” You were sobbing harder.
Yongguk lifted his bum from the leather couch and reached for his car keys. “Sweetheart, I am here. I am listening.” Yongguk turned the loudspeaker mode on and opened the tracking app to see your location. “Are you with Jiho? What’s going on there?” He encouraged you to speak to him as he made his way to the car. He located your location so there was no time to waste.
“We had a fight and he left me here. I don’t know where I am. It’s a dark street. I couldn’t get a taxi. There is not much people here. I am scared, Yongguk.”
Yongguk cursed under his breath. How could someone leave his girlfriend on the street just because a fight? He sped his car, using shortcuts to get to her.
“I’m coming. Can you wait for me somewhere bright? I am ten minutes away.”
“Okay.”
***
On the way home, Yongguk asked you a lot of questions which you answered by nodding or shaking your head. You were embarrassed to say much because you wished you didn’t have to ask for his help. Not after you said you didn’t need him, not after you said you didn’t need his protection. In the end, you still needed him to take care of you. You were so ashamed of yourself. Once arrived home, he escorted you into the house, straight to your bedroom. It was late, your parents were already asleep.
“Yongguk…”
“Hmm?”
“Don’t tell my father.”
You watched as a hint of anger flashed on his face but he remained silent as he left your bedroom. You thought it was the end of your bad day as you stared at the ceiling, lying on your back. However, he entered your room again without knocking first. You was about to scold him but chose to not do so when you saw he was holding a glass of water.
“Here, have a drink.”
You sat up and took it from him and gulped it down, quenching your thirst.
“Have you eaten dinner?” He took the empty glass from you, another hand was pulling strand of hair that stuck on your moist cheek. You nodded.
“Do you want to tell me what had happened?” He inquired softly, almost like a whisper. You shook your head.
“I will prepare a warm bath for you. Clean up and then have a rest.” He patted the back of your head lightly with a soft smile. You didn’t want to tell him things so he didn’t want to force you. He considered to talk to Jiho about it, though.
Like he said, he left you alone after he prepared you a warm bath. Your cold wall almost melted down at his kindness. Almost. You were not that forgiving.
***
You were back from a date with Jiho when you saw Yongguk waiting for you in front of your bedroom door. He had a sheepish grin on his face, holding a nicely wrapped gift box.
“What do you want?”
“For you.” He held out the box so you received it so that he would go away as soon as possible. He stood erected there, no hints of leaving you alone. You wondered what was the occasion since it was not your birthday. He was excitedly waiting for you to unwrap your gift so you did just that. You had no energy to argue with him, only wanted to go to bed and sleep.
“Oh…” Your mouth parted in surprise, it was a signed album of your favourite American singer. You looked at him, questioning where did he get the signed album with your eyes.
His smile blossomed even more seeing your positive reaction. “I asked my friend who lives in the US to get it for you. Do you like it?”
You wanted to nod your head but the ripped wrapper fell to the floor. You doubled over to pick it up, accidentally exposing what you had been hiding from everyone to Yongguk. His eyes widened in shock which turned into fury once he saw the purple marks on your nape. He would not be as shocked if the bruises were smaller, he would just take it as hickeys. However, it was bigger than that. It was as if someone had strangled your neck from behind.
Yongguk opened your bedroom door and pulled you in with him in hurry, “What happened?”
“What?” You asked back, oblivious. Yongguk let out a frustrated sigh. Of course you would not tell him anything. He decided to turn your body around and moved your hair aside.
“What are you–” You struggled to break free from his hold on you but it was so strong, you had never felt him using this much strength on you.
“Who did this to you?” He touched the bruises which made you wince in pain, his voice was dangerously low.
“Let go. Yongguk!”
“It was Jiho, isn’t it?” He said through gritted teeth, jaw ticked. You mustered your strength and pushed him away. “How could he did that you? Why did you let him?”
His wrath incited yours so even though you just pushed him away, you found yourself hitting his chest as ugly sob rose from your throat. It was unfair for him to asked you those questions.
[Flashback]
“Yongguk?” You became more confused as he removed your hands from his face and put you back on the wooden bench next to him. He acted like he just made the biggest mistake in his life, acting like touching your skin was a sin that burning his skin. You had never been that insulted in your whole life. “Why are you pushing me away?”
“I am sorry.” He got up from the bench, gazing at you with soft eyes interlaced with pain. His eyes were bidding you a silent farewell. It was getting more confusing, he was behaving weird.
“Yongguk, I don’t understand.” You stood up and reached for his warm hand but he stepped away. You gasped in shock, it was the first time he avoided your touch so openly. “What’s wrong?”
“Jiho is on his way here.” Yongguk announced, voice cracked but he quickly cleared his throat.
“So? Why is he coming here? I thought we were going to spend time together?” You tried to hold his hand again but he did not let you. “Yongguk!”
“Jiho likes you. He asked me to set you up with him.”
“I don’t like him!” You declared out of frustration. “Yongguk, stop avoiding me. I want to hold your hand.” It sounded childish but his warm hand always calmed you down where you were not feeling good.
“Jiho–”
“I don’t care about Jiho. I don’t like him and I don’t want him.”
“You should give him a chance. It seems like he really likes you.” He flashed you a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. No beautiful crescent pair could be seen on his face, telling you that the smile was forced.
Your nose prickled as your eyes glistened with tears, “Are you… are you giving me away to him? Why? Please make me understand. We just kissed and you–”
“I’m sorry.” He interfered, did not want you to keep going on and making him felt worse than he already was.
“So the kiss was a mistake?” You accusingly looked at him, putting your own palm on your chest to sooth your hurting heart. “The kiss mean so much to me…” You bit your trembling lip and looked away when a drop of tear slipped down the corner of your eyes. “If that’s what you want. I am going to accept Jiho and stay away from you. You don’t want me anywhere near you anyways.” You quickly wiped the tear and went to back to sit on the wooden bench.
“No, that’s not what I mean. You don’t have to accept him for me. I just hope you can give him a chance to get to know you and likewise.” Yongguk tried to correct the misunderstanding but your heart was already broken into pieces. Nothing he said after that get into your head.
[End of flashback]
“Why did I let him do this to me?” You almost snorted our of disbelief. “Why did you do this to me?” You tugged on the front of his shirt, not wanting him to get away from you. “I wanted to believe in you. I wanted to give him a chance, you said he was a good guy.” You grew tired, making you rested your head on his chest.
“Why didn’t you tell me he hurt you?” He gently moved your head to his shoulder so that he could look at the bruises again. “This is why I didn’t want to go out without me.”
You lost all your energy, your head was throbbing in pain. Your whole body was leaned on his, Yongguk rested his back on the back of the door for support.
“Why, Yongguk?” Your hushed voice greeted his ear. “Why did you give me to someone who couldn’t protect me like you do?”
“I didn’t give you to anyone. I was giving you a choice.” He apologetically said.
“But you pushed me away when I obviously chose you.”
“A woman Jiho used to like rejected him for me. I felt bad even thought I didn’t date her. Jiho had a hard time forgetting her until he met you. As a friend, I wanted him to have an equal chance to win your heart.” Yongguk told your for the first time. “I didn’t know you would accept him just to get back at me.”
“I tried to love him but I can’t.” You confessed. You felt peace for the first time in a while as truths were uncovering in front of both of you. However, panic tugged at your heart when Yongguk pushed you away when you were not done talking to him.
“Yongguk? You can’t push me away. Not again!”
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Drowning In You (Pt.3)
Bang Yongguk had been staring at the door ever since you left the house. It was your nth time to be out on a date with Jiho without him yet his chest was still heavy with worry. He didn’t trust you with anyone else but himself. But there’s nothing much he could do. His trance disrupted when his cell phone rang, he swiftly answered it when he saw the caller. It was you.
“Hello?” His brow furrowed because it was your first time to call him after a while.
First thing he heard was a sound of someone sobbing, “Yongguk…”
“What’s wrong? Where are you?”
“Yongguk…” You were sobbing harder.
Yongguk lifted his bum from the leather couch and reached for his car keys. “Sweetheart, I am here. I am listening.” Yongguk turned the loudspeaker mode on and opened the tracking app to see your location. “Are you with Jiho? What’s going on there?” He encouraged you to speak to him as he made his way to the car. He located your location so there was no time to waste.
“We had a fight and he left me here. I don’t know where I am. It’s a dark street. I couldn’t get a taxi. There is not much people here. I am scared, Yongguk.”
Yongguk cursed under his breath. How could someone leave his girlfriend on the street just because a fight? He sped his car, using shortcuts to get to her.
“I’m coming. Can you wait for me somewhere bright? I am ten minutes away.”
“Okay.”
***
On the way home, Yongguk asked you a lot of questions which you answered by nodding or shaking your head. You were embarrassed to say much because you wished you didn’t have to ask for his help. Not after you said you didn’t need him, not after you said you didn’t need his protection. In the end, you still needed him to take care of you. You were so ashamed of yourself. Once arrived home, he escorted you into the house, straight to your bedroom. It was late, your parents were already asleep.
“Yongguk…”
“Hmm?”
“Don’t tell my father.”
You watched as a hint of anger flashed on his face but he remained silent as he left your bedroom. You thought it was the end of your bad day as you stared at the ceiling, lying on your back. However, he entered your room again without knocking first. You was about to scold him but chose to not do so when you saw he was holding a glass of water.
“Here, have a drink.”
You sat up and took it from him and gulped it down, quenching your thirst.
“Have you eaten dinner?” He took the empty glass from you, another hand was pulling strand of hair that stuck on your moist cheek. You nodded.
“Do you want to tell me what had happened?” He inquired softly, almost like a whisper. You shook your head.
“I will prepare a warm bath for you. Clean up and then have a rest.” He patted the back of your head lightly with a soft smile. You didn’t want to tell him things so he didn’t want to force you. He considered to talk to Jiho about it, though.
Like he said, he left you alone after he prepared you a warm bath. Your cold wall almost melted down at his kindness. Almost. You were not that forgiving.
***
You were back from a date with Jiho when you saw Yongguk waiting for you in front of your bedroom door. He had a sheepish grin on his face, holding a nicely wrapped gift box.
“What do you want?”
“For you.” He held out the box so you received it so that he would go away as soon as possible. He stood erected there, no hints of leaving you alone. You wondered what was the occasion since it was not your birthday. He was excitedly waiting for you to unwrap your gift so you did just that. You had no energy to argue with him, only wanted to go to bed and sleep.
“Oh…” Your mouth parted in surprise, it was a signed album of your favourite American singer. You looked at him, questioning where did he get the signed album with your eyes.
His smile blossomed even more seeing your positive reaction. “I asked my friend who lives in the US to get it for you. Do you like it?”
You wanted to nod your head but the ripped wrapper fell to the floor. You doubled over to pick it up, accidentally exposing what you had been hiding from everyone to Yongguk. His eyes widened in shock which turned into fury once he saw the purple marks on your nape. He would not be as shocked if the bruises were smaller, he would just take it as hickeys. However, it was bigger than that. It was as if someone had strangled your neck from behind.
Yongguk opened your bedroom door and pulled you in with him in hurry, “What happened?”
“What?” You asked back, oblivious. Yongguk let out a frustrated sigh. Of course you would not tell him anything. He decided to turn your body around and moved your hair aside.
“What are you--” You struggled to break free from his hold on you but it was so strong, you had never felt him using this much strength on you.
“Who did this to you?” He touched the bruises which made you wince in pain, his voice was dangerously low.
“Let go. Yongguk!”
“It was Jiho, isn’t it?” He said through gritted teeth, jaw ticked. You mustered your strength and pushed him away. “How could he did that you? Why did you let him?”
His wrath incited yours so even though you just pushed him away, you found yourself hitting his chest as ugly sob rose from your throat. It was unfair for him to asked you those questions.
[Flashback]
“Yongguk?” You became more confused as he removed your hands from his face and put you back on the wooden bench next to him. He acted like he just made the biggest mistake in his life, acting like touching your skin was a sin that burning his skin. You had never been that insulted in your whole life. “Why are you pushing me away?”
“I am sorry.” He got up from the bench, gazing at you with soft eyes interlaced with pain. His eyes were bidding you a silent farewell. It was getting more confusing, he was behaving weird.
“Yongguk, I don’t understand.” You stood up and reached for his warm hand but he stepped away. You gasped in shock, it was the first time he avoided your touch so openly. “What’s wrong?”
“Jiho is on his way here.” Yongguk announced, voice cracked but he quickly cleared his throat.
“So? Why is he coming here? I thought we were going to spend time together?” You tried to hold his hand again but he did not let you. “Yongguk!”
“Jiho likes you. He asked me to set you up with him.”
“I don’t like him!” You declared out of frustration. “Yongguk, stop avoiding me. I want to hold your hand.” It sounded childish but his warm hand always calmed you down where you were not feeling good.
“Jiho--”
“I don’t care about Jiho. I don’t like him and I don’t want him.”
“You should give him a chance. It seems like he really likes you.” He flashed you a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. No beautiful crescent pair could be seen on his face, telling you that the smile was forced.
Your nose prickled as your eyes glistened with tears, “Are you… are you giving me away to him? Why? Please make me understand. We just kissed and you--”
“I’m sorry.” He interfered, did not want you to keep going on and making him felt worse than he already was.
“So the kiss was a mistake?” You accusingly looked at him, putting your own palm on your chest to sooth your hurting heart. “The kiss mean so much to me…” You bit your trembling lip and looked away when a drop of tear slipped down the corner of your eyes. “If that’s what you want. I am going to accept Jiho and stay away from you. You don’t want me anywhere near you anyways.” You quickly wiped the tear and went to back to sit on the wooden bench.
“No, that’s not what I mean. You don’t have to accept him for me. I just hope you can give him a chance to get to know you and likewise.” Yongguk tried to correct the misunderstanding but your heart was already broken into pieces. Nothing he said after that get into your head.
[End of flashback]
“Why did I let him do this to me?” You almost snorted our of disbelief. “Why did you do this to me?” You tugged on the front of his shirt, not wanting him to get away from you. “I wanted to believe in you. I wanted to give him a chance, you said he was a good guy.” You grew tired, making you rested your head on his chest.
“Why didn’t you tell me he hurt you?” He gently moved your head to his shoulder so that he could look at the bruises again. “This is why I didn’t want to go out without me.”
You lost all your energy, your head was throbbing in pain. Your whole body was leaned on his, Yongguk rested his back on the back of the door for support.
“Why, Yongguk?” Your hushed voice greeted his ear. “Why did you give me to someone who couldn’t protect me like you do?”
“I didn’t give you to anyone. I was giving you a choice.” He apologetically said.
“But you pushed me away when I obviously chose you.”
“A woman Jiho used to like rejected him for me. I felt bad even thought I didn’t date her. Jiho had a hard time forgetting her until he met you. As a friend, I wanted him to have an equal chance to win your heart.” Yongguk told your for the first time. “I didn’t know you would accept him just to get back at me.”
“I tried to love him but I can’t.” You confessed. You felt peace for the first time in a while as truths were uncovering in front of both of you. However, panic tugged at your heart when Yongguk pushed you away when you were not done talking to him.
“Yongguk? You can’t push me away. Not again!”
[To be continued]
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Would You Be My Girlfriend?
Yongguk x Reader
Quick drabbles before I go to sleep
Don't expect much bcs I am very sleepy.
But I'm inspired to write this after I saw these photos so here you go
You were in a bar. Jazz music was playing in the background while people were enjoying their drinks.
"Watch your hands, mister." You warned. A man who was wearing black turtleneck shirt was being all touchy with you. He had a sleek hairstyle and big gummy smile, wearing dangling earring.
"Why?" He sort of challenged you, fingers caressing your clothed thigh. "You're very pretty." He tilted his head, taking a good look at your face.
"Thank you but keep your hands to yourself." You removed his hand from you but he placed it on your back, caressing down to your lower back.
"Did I tell you that you're very pretty?"
"You just did." You rolled your eyes.
"You're beautiful. Did you know that?"
"You're annoying." You pushed his hand. He played with your long hair, sniffing them and letting out a satisfied sigh.
"You smell so sweet." He nuzzled his nose on your mane, still sniffing.
"You're being very creepy."
"Thank you."
Thank you? You almost slapped your own forehead.
"Personal space, please." You asked for some space because he was too close and your co-workers were watching.
"Do you have a boyfriend?"
"Why are you asking me that?"
"Because you're too pretty. I don't think I can go on with my life without looking at your face again."
"You're not making any sense."
"Answer me. Do you have a boyfriend?"
"No."
"Great." He kissed your cheek. "Would you be my girlfriend?"
"You're drunk."
"I really mean it. Be my girl. Hmm?" His lips trailed from your cheek to the corner of your lips. The co-workers were still watching so you quickly slapped the man on his arm.
"Ouch! Why did you do that? Are you rejecting me?" He asked while rubbing his sore arm. "I'm asking you to be my girlfriend. Why can't you be my girlfriend?" He questioned, kind of slurred his words.
"I'm your wife, you idiot."
He gasped, cupping his own mouth. Eyes wide before bursting out laughing out of pure happiness.
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Morning Sickness
Yongguk x Reader
Short drabbles, romance, marriedlife, pregnancy
Summary: You're pregnant with Yongguk's child but he's the one who's experiencing morning sickness.
It was Sunday. You were watching a soap opera while folding your and your husband's clothes when he suddenly appeared from the bedroom with his messy bed hair.
"Sleep in. Why did you get up so early?" You raised your left arm when he joined you on the couch. He rubbed his face on your side down to your stomach before burying his face on your thighs. He groaned but his slender fingers were caressing your knee softly.
"What's wrong, oppa?"
"I'm feeling nauseous." He turned around to face you, making your laps his pillow.
"So you come here to puke on me?" You teased, looking down at him who was looking up at you. "I'm the one who's supposed to do all the puking, Yongguk. I'm pregnant, not you."
He held your hand to his face, kissing your palm. "I'm serious. I tried to let it out but nothing came out." He shifted his attention to your clothed flat stomach, poking it lightly in wonder with his forefinger. "Baby, are you doing this to me on purpose?"
"What do you—"
"Not you. I'm talking to my baby." He smirked.
"Oh, I thought I am your baby?" You played along, running your fingers through his messy hair.
"I am sorry, baby. I have to divide my love and attention to two babies. You and our little one." He rubbed your belly under your shirt.
"I'm sorry too. I can't love you anymore. I'm in love with someone else."
"What?" He quirked his brow. No longer playful. He suddenly sat up and looked at you in disbelief. "How could you say that?" He shuffled to get off the couch, obviously sulking, so you gripped on his arm to make him sit back on the couch. The folded clothes toppled down because of his movement but you didn't mind.
"You know what I meant, right?" You placed your hand on his thigh.
"No, I don't know."
"I mean the baby." You pinched his cheek which he turned away to avoid your touch. "You can joke around like that but I can't?"
"You said you don't love me anymore. How could you say that to your husband?"
"I was joking!"
"It wasn't funny!"
"Alright, I am sorry I said that. Why are you being oversensitive— oppa! Where are you going?" He was trying to get away from you again.
"I'm craving for some mangoes. We got them in the fridge, right?" He headed toward the kitchen. You let out an amused laugh and shook your head in disbelief. Is he pregnant?
***
"Baby…"
"Hmm?" You turned around from the mirror, hand halting from combing your hair. Your eyes scanned the tall figure of your husband that was sprawled on the bed. "What is it, oppa?"
"My feet… cramping." He muttered sleepily.
You frowned, placing the comb on the vanity table before walking toward the bed and touched his ankles.
"Again? Here?" You massaged his ankles lightly as he nodded. "Oppa, I think we have to go to the hospital for a check-up. This has been going for the whole week. I am worried."
"Let's do that in an hour. Come here." He patted the space next to him. "Let's cuddle."
***
You covered your mouth but your action only managed to muffle your laughter. You were in the car with Yongguk who was driving back home and what the doctor said about his illness was rather amusing to you.
"Stop laughing. I am currently very irritated." He sent you a playful glare.
"I'm thankful that you take the morning sickness away from me." You stated, smiling. "You're a very dependable husband. I am so proud of you. But it is still funny, though."
"See how much I love you?" He winked his eyes which you reacted by slapping his arm.
"It's amazing, isn't it? This sympathetic pregnancy... Now we can proudly say we're carrying together."
"When I said I would take all the pain away from you, I mean it literally. Damn, I am such a wonderful husband."
"You're oppa. That's why I love you so much."
"I love you more than you love me and more than you love yourself."
"That's a lot."
"You deserve a lot, and all the best things."
***
"God." Yongguk groaned, hitting his own back with his fist to lessen the ache. After your water broke, he had been restless and experiencing body pain. It was expected because the doctor mentioned the possibility during the first time you and Yongguk went for a check-up.
"Oppa, you don't have to come into the labour room later." You said, also in pain and was lying on the bed in the ward. Still waiting for your opening to open to the expected size.
"You don't have to worry about me. Focus on yourself." Yongguk assured you, planting a kiss on your forehead.
"I am sorry for everything. I am sorry for burdening you."
"Shhh… I love you. I love you so much. Do you hear me?" Yongguk whispered to your ear, trying to comfort you and preventing you from overthinking. You nodded, stealing a kiss from his lips as his face was so close.
***
"Now I am kind of jealous." You commented with a light smile tugging on your lips. Yongguk was carrying your firstborn in his arms, his eyes were big as he stared at the tiny creature with affection. And he had been in that position for almost fifteen minutes without saying a word. When he finally looked up, you saw his eyes glistened with happy tears.
"Baby…"
"Which baby?"
"You." He chuckled. "She's so beautiful and tiny. Her little lips and little nose… I am so happy, baby. I am so happy. Thank you so much. Thank you for the best gift I've ever received in my life. Did I tell you I love you? Yes, I love you. And thank you. Thank you."
"We did this together, oppa. Take some credit."
"She's so pretty." His gaze was on the baby, he was acting like he was spellbound. "God, so precious. I love her so much. My heart is pounding so loud."
"I'm getting jealous for real now, oppa."
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Drowning In You (Pt.2)
"Hey, Yongguk."
You looked up from your half empty glass to the man your boyfriend just called. Yongguk was always around every time you were outside but would never spend time with you when you were home. Despite living under the same roof, you didn't talk much after what had happened between you and Yongguk.
Your boyfriend, Jiho, who was also Yongguk's best friend, offered him a drink which he kindly refused. You rolled your eyes out of annoyance, "Why did you bother coming here if you're not having a drink?" Yongguk was perplexed by your question because usually you would act like he was not around. He didn't appreciate it though because your question attracted your friends' attention. Now they were looking at him with a sarcastic smile, demeaning him.
"I wonder the same too." Jiho further supported your question. "I know you have to guard her but is it necessary to do it when she's with me? I can take care of her. I will keep her safe."
"Tell him, babe." You leaned your body on Jiho's arm, resting your head on his shoulder. Yongguk quickly shifted his gaze away before his emotion showed through his face.
"I'm just doing my job." Yongguk stated, shifting his gaze back to you and your boyfriend because he got his emotion under control.
"It feels weird to have you around when we're out on a date." Jiho let out a snicker like it was a stupid thing to, because it was. Every time you went out with Jiho, he was always there being a third wheel.
"Im sorry but it's my duty."
***
"Why did you do that?"
No answer.
"Tell me. Why did you do that?"
"Can you stop bothering me? You're so annoying!" You threw the mug into the sink, it did not break but the clashing sound was so loud. A moment of silence.
"Can't you see I'm trying to protect you?" Yongguk exasperatedly followed you to the living room, demanding an answer. You talked to your father about Yongguk's duty and your dating life and your father approved your suggestion to let Yongguk have a leave every time you would go out on a date with Jiho. That's why Yongguk was restless. Ever since he completed his studies and training five years ago, he had never left your side.
"Why are you trying so hard to protect me? No one is out to get me. I have Jiho. I don't need you." Another lie left your lips.
Yongguk opened his mouth to tell you your words hurt like a bullet to his heart but he closed them. Then, he said, "I care about you. I don't want you to get hurt. I just need to make sure you're safe."
"Funny." A chuckle left your lips but your eyes were watering. "You were the one who hurt me the most. No one could hurt and broke me like you did, Yongguk."
[Flashback]
"Where are we going?" You asked as you rested your chin on his shoulder while he tightened his arms around your legs, he was carrying you on his back. It was a habit both of you developed since you were younger and Yongguk never complained when you demanded to be carried by him. This time, he was the one who wanted to carry you up the hill.
"Somewhere." He simply said, not providing any explanation. You noticed his change in behaviour. He was nervous about something and it looked like he had something to say to you. From the way he carried you up the hill with a beautiful night view and asked you to dress warmly but prettily, you concluded that he was going to confess to you.
You smiled against his shoulder, "Am I not heavy?"
"Not at all. You should eat more." He turned to face you but due to the proximity, his nose brushed against your forehead which made you chuckle. His focus was back to the front when he was approaching a bench that was located there so people can face the city night view. Street lights and lit buildings.
Once you set your feet on the ground, you skipped toward the wooden bench happily and patted the space next to you. Yongguk smiled and took the space next to you.
"It's beautiful but a bit cold." You leaned your body on his arm, seeking for his warmth. Yongguk put his arm around your back and caressed your arm. Your eyes fixed on the romantic view in front of you, next to you was your most favourite person. You couldn't help but be so happy. "Why are we here, Yongguk?" Your smile was hard to hide.
"I've to tell you something." He squeezed your arm like he needed some sort of support and assurance so you placed your hand on his. Your smile grew wider because you thought Yongguk was so dumb. What was he afraid for? Couldn't he see the feelings were mutual? You didn't know when it started but you realized you think of him more than a brother and a friend on the day of your college graduation day. And that was two years ago.
"What is it?" You studied his side profile, eyes lingering on the moles around his eyes, his pointy nose and his lips. His lower lip was a bit thicker than the upper so you playfully tugged at it. Your action didn't faze him as he was used to it.
He turned to you, still hesitating to speak his mind. "I… I…"
"I love you too, Yongguk." You decided to finish it for him because his hesitation was frustrating you. You giggled when his eyes widened and jaw dropped at your confession. You cupped his face and pulled his face down to plant a chaste kiss on his lips. Electricity ran through your body, it seemed he was feeling the same because his eyes widened even more like a shock was running up and down his stiff body. You had been waiting to do just that for so long. Your face flushed because it was your first kiss and you were the one who initiated. You regretted nothing though. "I love you too, Yongguk. A lot. I know it's scandalous but it's not wrong for us to be together. My parents like you. I'm sure they don't mind us dating. So, you don't have to worry."
Yongguk gripped your shoulders, trying to push you away but he couldn't. His fear and worries melted away when you placed your lips on his again. That was all the inexperienced you were capable of. The pleasure and excitement didn't last long because guilt was biting on his heart.
"We can't—" He couldn't finish his sentence because you pulled his collar rougher to shut him up.
"It's cold, Yongguk. Kiss me. Keep me warm." You whined softly, eyes twinkled with longing and fondness for the man who was staring into your eyes. "Yongguk…"
Enchanted, Yongguk tilted his head and initiated the third kiss. But it was different from the first two kisses. His kiss was bruising and possessive, tasting and claiming your sweetness as he deepened the kiss like he was running out of time. You clutched on the front of his jacket, whimpering because of the force but had no intentions to pull away. He pulled you closer by your waist so you wrapped your arms around his neck, his strong arms unintentionally brought you up to sit on his lap. The kiss was so warm and tasted like a fresh mint. Yongguk was a smoker so he ate mint candy to clear his breath.
"Yongguk, I love you. I love you." You whimpered between the kisses as if in pain, your heart was aching for him. It was hard to be so close to him when you had to hide your feelings. You wanted this. You wanted to be able to show him how much you cared and loved him. When he let go of your lips to let you catch your breath, you caressed his face, still sitting on his lap with his limbs around your waist.
A pang of pain washed over you when his lovesick expression morphed into something else and it looked like a regret. "Yongguk?" You didn't understand. You cupped his face to make sure he looked into your eyes but his eyes wandered everywhere but your face.
[End of flashback]
"It wasn't my intention to hurt you." His head dropped, gaze on the floor. He could still taste your sweetness in his mouth. Your soft body on his. Yongguk shook his head to cast the memories away.
"It doesn't matter. Whatever your intention was, I got hurt."
"I am sorry." He apologized again. But his apology wouldn't fix anything. It couldn't unbreak your heart and uncry your tears.
"Why did you kiss me back, Yongguk? Why?" You wished to understand.
"I'll respect your father's decision. Be safe." He bowed and left, leaving you there with a drop of tear flowing down your face. It wasn't the first time you asked him that question and it wasn't his first time avoiding it either.
Part 3
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Drowning In You (Pt.1)
Yongguk x reader
Romance, slight angst, bodyguard!au
Inspiration: Not Mine by DAY6
How can I go back to our beginning
When we were looking at the same place
When we had the same heart
Sneakily reaching for the door, you tightened your hold on a pair of black heels while stretching out your arm to turn the knob.
"I believe you're supposed to be in your bedroom at this hour."
You pressed your lips together to form a thin line, forcing yourself to think of an excuse. Letting go of the knob, you turned around to face the owner of the deep voice. He was standing there in his casual clothes and looking at him triggered the disappointment and anger you tried hard to bury. There was Yongguk, the man who you had been there by your side since you were born, back then he was 5.
[Flashback]
"Who is this baby, father?"
Instead of receiving an answer from his father, your father patted Yongguk's head with affection, "She's your new friend, a younger sister."
"She is my friend? But she's so tiny, she can't play soccer with me. Look, Tigger is bigger than her." Yongguk compared his favourite plushie with the baby in the crib.
"You are right. She's so tiny, isn't she? That's why I chose you to protect her." Your father stated, still smiling.
"Protect her?" Young Yongguk was confused as he didn't know the weight of the responsibility bestowed upon him. "Father, does that mean I have to stick with her all the time like you've been doing with Uncle Kim?" The young boy looked at his father.
Your father, the Uncle Kim, chuckled at Yongguk's choice of word.
"Yes, that's what you have to do. Stay by her side and protect her."
[End of flashback]
"Mind your own business." You said, ignoring his gaze that was scrutinizing your tight and revealing outfits.
"You're my business." He stated matter-of-factly, resting his arms on his chest. "Did your mother know you're going out?"
"Stop being so nosy. Who do you think you are?" You arrogantly questioned him. You could see from his face, he was tired of your attitude. It had been going on for months, since he broke your heart for the first time.
"I am your bodyguard."
No, Yongguk. You're more than that. But you couldn't say that out loud. "Doesn't that mean I am above you? You're working for me. Why do you think you have the right to boss me around?"
His firm gaze faltered, you never treated him like he was below you while both of you were growing up. Only after that night, things changed. You changed.
"It's for your own safety." Yongguk insisted, dying to hold your hands and make you understand. Like how he used to.
[Flashback]
"I'm not eating." You said when you heard knocks on the door. They had been asking you to have your meal which you ignored after your father decided to punish you. He took your laptop and smartphone away and forced you to study since you failed your test miserably. He also didn't let you hang out with your friends. You hated being a high school senior, they put high expectations on you. Especially because you were the only child.
"It's me."
You heard a familiar voice, the one you'd longer for because he had been away for his studies. You jumped from the bed and ran to the door, pulling it open with wide expecting eyes.
"Yongguk!" You jumped into his arms, earning a chuckle from him while he caressed your head. His body had become sturdier, different from what you remembered. His skin also got tanner.
"I've missed you so much. Why didn't you tell me you're coming back? Everyone has been so mean to me when you're away." You tightened your hold around his waist.
"Did you misbehave?" He asked with a teasing tone. You pulled away in disbelief, he was implying that you deserved whatever punishment you received. You pouted and stomped your feet before making your way back to your bed. You pulled the thick blanket over your head, hiding from him. You actually did well in school when Yongguk was still around because he tutored you after school. Yongguk was smart, first place in school. Things changed and you lost interest in your studies after he enrolled in college overseas. He was there for academic studies and physical training. Because of time differences between you and Yongguk, you always pull an all nighter to call him around dusk, causing you to fall asleep in class. Nobody in school dared to wake you up whenever you fell asleep because you were a daughter of a politician.
"Aunt Mae prepared special dishes for me. Let's eat together." Yongguk sat on the edge of your bed, watching your sulking figure under the blanket with an affectionate smile.
"I'm not hungry." You swatted his hand away when he tried to pull down the blanket to see your face.
"We haven't seen each other for almost a year. Come and join me. I'm craving for korean food."
"Go ahead. I said I am not hungry."
"But I want to eat with you. I will be away again after two weeks. I want to spend my time here with you to the fullest."
It made you pull down the blanket to show him your face. "Don't go."
"But you don't want to spend time with me."
"Don't go." You repeated, sitting up while hugging his arm. He was like a brother, you were very dependent on him. "I'll eat with you. Don't go back there. I need you here."
He offered you a guilty smile. "I still have to go back, though."
"Daddy is so mean. He's taking everything away from me. My phone, my laptop, my friends...and you." You blinked your tears. Yongguk took your small hand in his, drawing random patterns on the back of your hand with his thumb.
"I'm training and studying hard for you. I'll come back stronger and wiser to protect you. I want to be someone you can be proud of."
"I don't need protection."
As if you didn't say anything, he continued, "in the meantime, I hope you will focus on school. Your dad is punishing you for your sake, for your future. You have to make me proud of you too."
"I want you to be proud of me." His opinion mattered to you, that was how important he was in your life.
"So, excel the exam. If you did well, I would grant your wishes." He made a promise, still caressing your hand. You liked it, his action was comforting.
"Okay. I'll do it for you."
[End of flashback]
"Stop acting like you care about me. Besides, I am going to meet my boyfriend. Why wouldn't I be safe around my boyfriend?" You retorted, rubbing the word 'boyfriend' to his face. "Stop wasting my time. I am leaving.." You opened the door and left the house with an aching heart. Hurting Yongguk was basically you slicing your heart open. It hurt so bad. But it was your way to seek satisfaction even though you gained no entertainment from your action at all. You forced yourself to believe your words hurt him when in reality he only treated you like a burden, a grown kid he had to babysit until you got married. He was stuck with you until then.
You let out a sigh when you looked at the rear mirror, his car was following you from behind. No matter what you did and said to him, he would fulfill his responsibility to protect you like nothing had happened.
Part 2
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Heavy
Genre: romance, slight angst, pregnancy, marriedlife
Yongguk X reader
Inspiration: Heavy by Anne- Marie
When did it get so heavy?
This love that's in between us
It never used to feel this heavy
Can't get up off the ground
It's weighing us down
"Oppa?" Your eyes were adapting to the darkness of your husband's mini studio when you slowly entered the space that was once a storage room. You made him dinner and wanted to watch a movie with him since it was friday. The LED light illuminated his figure, his eyes were focused on the screen of the monitor as his fingers moved rather fast on the keyboard. He had headphones on so he couldn't hear your entrance nor see you since he was back facing the door.
"You startled me!" His body jerked when you suddenly rested your chin on his shoulder but he calmed down when he saw it was you. He moved one of the headphones off his ear, "what's up?"
"Did you just 'what's up' me? Come with me, I made your favourite soup."
"Later. Are you hungry?" He patted your cheek without looking back. "Eat first. I'll make sure to eat it later before I go to sleep."
"Ah, come on. Singin In The Rain is playing now. Let's have dinner while watching the movie." You whined cutely to his ear, pouting when he paid you no attention.
"We've watched that like hundreds times! Sorry, baby. I really have to finish this song tonight or I am gonna forget the melody that's playing in my head."
"Alright, fine." You surrendered. There was no use to force your workaholic husband to get his ass out of the chair when he was inspired. "Don't stay up too late and remember to eat the soup before you go to sleep, okay?"
"Thank you, baby." He turned to face you and gave you a quick peck on the lips that made your heart flutter like a teenager in love.
The next morning, you woke up alone on the bed. Yongguk was nowhere in sight and his side of his bed was untouched. Yawning, you left the bedroom to see if he was in the living room because sometimes he did not go into bed to not bother you since you were a light sleeper. The man was nowhere in sight. He must be in his mini studio.
You proceeded to the kitchen just to see there were no plates in the sinks. Nothing at all. You went to open the pot and your gut feelings were right. Not only Yongguk didn't sleep, he also didn't have his dinner. You could understand when he didn't get to pay you much attention since he was the type that needed his me-time a lot to recharge but it really irked you when he started to neglect his own health.
Minutes later, you entered the mini studio with a tray that filled with a bowl of steaming chicken soup, a bowl of rice, cutleries and a glass of plain water. He was still at the same spot like yesterday, bobbing his head to the music he was listening through the headphones. You were about to place the tray on the table near the monitor when you tripped on tangled wires of different amplifiers and equipment on the floor. You lost your balance and dropped the tray on the table with a loud clash and equally loud gasp from your mouth. Unsuspecting Yongguk who didn't notice you was there jumped out his chair and watched as the food and water splashed and soaked his notebook and keyboard in horror.
"Baby!" He gaped at you in shock, pulling the headphones off his ears. The confusion in his eyes slowly disappeared and was replaced by anger. You were still shocked and you had your hands on your chest, head going blank. You didn't know what to do. "What have you done? Oh my God!" Yongguk lifted his soaked notebook with rice stuck on it.
"Op-oppa, I didn't mean—"
"I said LATER. I WILL EAT THE DAMNED SOUP LATER! NOW WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?"
"Maybe we can use the hair dryer—"
"THE INK SMUDGED SO BAD I CAN'T EVEN READ IT ANYMORE!"
"Stop yelling, oppa." You didn't want him to keep screaming at you. You were hurt because he rarely, almost never got that mad at you. "I am sorry."
Yongguk opened his mouth but changed his mind and heaved a sigh. "I've spent so many hours writing the lyrics. Thanks to you I have to do it all over again. Thank you, babe. Now leave me alone. I have a lot of things to do."
"I'll clean up—"
"I said leave me alone!" He stopped you from picking up the broken glass on the floor. "I will do it. Just leave me alone. Please."
"I am sorry, Yongguk. I will make you breakfast and —" he didn't let you finish your sentence. Instead, he pulled your hand toward the door and pushed you out and closed it. His action was not physically rough at all but his attitude stung. You blinked your eyes a few times to prevent the tears from flowing down.
"Oppa…" You lifted your bum from the couch in the living room when he finally left his workspace. "Let's have lunch."
"Hmm, after I shower."
Around fifteen minutes later, he appeared with a pair of fresh new clothes and unruly moist hair. He pulled the chair and had a seat, eyes watching you serve the lunch. You warily looked at him, worried that he was still mad at you. However, it seemed like the shower he took washed away some of his fatigueness and anger.
"Oppa, about earlier…"
"Just forget it. I think I will become angrier if we talk about it." He took a sip of water with a serious face.
"Alright." You decided not to push it since it was fully your fault so he had the right to be mad at you.
"But seriously, baby. Don't barge in when I am working in the studio. I would love to have my own space to focus on work, and some respect for my working hour."
You didn't take that very well. "Yongguk, I already give you your own space. And I respect you and your passion for your work. I am just worried, okay. You haven't slept and eaten properly, I have to check on you." You explained truthfully.
"It's fine. You know I am not a big eater. I would live."
"It's not fine. Did you have a look at yourself? You're losing weight. You should stop being so engrossed with work and take care of yourself."
"I'm eating, am I not?" He pointed his chopstick at his food.
"Only once a day, and if I ask you to. But most of the time, you won't even eat if I tell you to. What about sleeping?"
"Stop nagging. You are making my head hurt."
"That's why you have to sleep." Your heart ached when you looked at the dark circle under his tired eyes.
"I will sleep after this." He was tired of arguing.
"What about me? You work from evening until the dusk and then sleep until dawn."
"What do you mean? I am home all the time and we have lunch like this almost everyday. What do you actually want?"
"Spend more time with me. Not like this, not on our bed."
"Is this what it's all about? You're not concerned about me, you just want attention."
"Oppa, I do want attention from you but I also do care about you. Can you take a break from work?"
"I thought you understood. I'm the happiest when I make music but you want to take it away from me." Yongguk left the dining table with a dejected face, his food unfinished.
"Oppa, I am not taking it away…" You rubbed your face and exhaled loudly. He was being oversensitive about his work again. The first time he was like this was when your parents asked him to find a stable job with a fixed wage before he got married to you.
It hit you. The truth that he was the happiest when he made music. Not when he was with you. You were not his source of happiness.
Days passed by with both of you not talking to each other, no longer eating lunch together and when you saw him sleeping, it was always on the couch. He only entered the bedroom to take a shower. You frequently went out to see your friends instead of being at home and seeth in anger because Yongguk took none of your advice seriously.
It was to the point that you also lost weight out of stress and your health was deteriorating. You were feeling feverish that day so you slept in, only woke up at three in the evening. You heard a rustling sound from the kitchen, Yongguk must be making his favourite ramyeon since you didn't make lunch.
You made the bed, took a warm shower and decided to go to the nearest hospital by train.
You just wanted it to end. You had been vomiting non-stop, you could not even drink plain water without the urge to throw up the next second. You had been asking around if your friends or family could lend you money. Sadly, they couldn't give you any unless you tell them what the money was for.
You didn't have much time. You needed money for abortion before it would be too harmful to be done. Yes, you were pregnant and you were scared because you were not prepared. You couldn't imagine how your husband would react if he found out. He loved kids and he told you he wanted to have kids with you but not at the moment. There's a lot of things he wanted to achieve first before have any additions to the family. He would be furious and accuse you of sabotaging his career again. You wouldn't want that.
So you sold your necklace, the one he gifted you on the day he confessed to you. He was your friend of many years before he was your boyfriend and then husband.
Since he hadn't talked to you for so long, you were startled when he stood next to you in the kitchen while chugging on a bottle of cold water. You moved away from the sink, dragging the chopping board with you since you thought he was going to wash his hands.
"Where's your necklace?" was his first question. You were shocked because he noticed it so soon. You thought he was not paying you any attention. You didn't answer nor spare any glance at him. You didn't know how to answer him.
"And why are you chopping the soap?"
Your eyes widened and you looked at him and at the knife in your hand. Slices of soap laid on top of the chopping board. You let go of the knife, both hands floated awkwardly.
"Are you alright?"
You looked around before making your way out of the kitchen. You were behaving so out of character, you didn't know what you were doing anymore. Why did you slice the soap? When did you get the soap? Where was it from? It was confusing, you ended up feeling choked up. You entered your bedroom and sat on the floor, crying while cupping your face.
"Tell me." Yongguk crouched next to you, lowering his head to move your hands and to see your red face. "What's going on?"
You shook your head. "Nothing. I'm just not feeling well." You lied when all you wanted to do is to bury your face on his chest and to have his protective arms around your body and tell him all your concerns. However, when he pulled you into his arms you became alert and pushed him away. You were afraid he would know you were pregnant if he hugged you. It was impossible though, because you didn't have any bump yet.
"Should we go to the hospital since you're not feeling well?"
"I am fine."
"No, you're not."
"It's okay, Yongguk. Go back to work. I will just sleep it away." You tried to convince Yongguk who was not believing any of your words.
"It's not okay, baby. Let's go to the hospital." He was persistent.
"I said I am okay! What about you leave me alone? If you don't like me caring about your health, stop caring about mine. I said I am fine and I am fine!" You bursted out, hitting his chest.
"I'm not stupid. Something is wrong with you! I've heard you throwing up almost everyday. They told me you need money! And where the hell is your necklace??" He pointed at your chest, where the pendant usually rested near your beating heart. "I was waiting for you to tell me but you just would not tell me anything, won't you? Did you sell the necklace? Out of many other things?"
"Leave me alone."
"You have to tell me, baby. If you're sick, if you need money for anything, you have to let me know. I am your husband. Be honest with me. Are you sick? Do you need money for a surgery? They told me you went to the hospital." His eyes were heavy with worries.
You cursed your friends and family for contacting your husband without telling you first. You remained silent.
"There's only one way to find out." He suddenly tried to carry you up but you struggled. You knew exactly what he meant. He was going to bring you to the hospital.
"Let me go! Yongguk! Let me go! I said let go!"
Yongguk was trying his best to have a hold on you without using too much force. You were too stubborn, Yongguk was aware of it way before he married you.
"Oppa, you're hurting me. Let go." Yongguk let go of you immediately, fear of hurting you. You were sprawled on the floor next to him. "Don't force me. Just let me be."
You cried. You walked to the entrance of the hospital. Then, you went back to the bench you spent time crying and cried again. It was the day of the abortion and you were alone and had never been this scared in your life. You wiped your tears and made your way to the entrance again. Your heart dropped to your stomach, you didn't think you could go through the whole thing. You turned to return to the bench but a gasp left your mouth when Yongguk was standing there. His face, he looked like he was on the verge of tears.
Not thinking much, you ran to him and buried your face on his chest. He wrapped his arms around your cold body and squeezed you with overflowing affection.
"I've been following you. Are you really sick, baby? Please tell me. I will listen. I will not judge you. Just tell me, hmm?" He whispered next to your ears before nuzzling his nose on your hair. You were crying profusely in his arms, strangely felt safe.
"Yongguk, I am getting an abortion."
He pulled away from the hug to cup your face with both hands. "Baby, you're pregnant?" His eyes became even more glossy as his eyes scanned your body for any sign before they landed on your face again. The subtle twinkles of excitement in his eyes didn't leave unnoticed by you. You nodded your head, tears flowing down your cheek.
He pulled you to sit on his lap as he sat on the bench. He caressed your face softly with his thumb, wiping your tears.
"Why? Is there any problem? Is the baby sick?" Another hand naturally caressed your stomach over your shirt. You cried harder. Suddenly, he looked like something just hit him. "You… you don't want the baby? Be honest with me. I won't judge you, I promise. If it is, I won't say anything. It's your body, I understand. I'll be there for you" He assured you with soothing words.
"Yongguk, we're not ready for kids. This is a whole new thing. You're busy with work and I can't do it alone. I'm not ready. I am scared. What if I failed as a mother? You said you don't want kids yet. You have a lot of things you want to achieve. I don't want to add another burden into your life."
Yongguk was perplexed, "Another burden…?"
"You are not happy, Yongguk. Neither am I. I feel like you are forcing yourself to play a husband role. We're more like housemates than we're husband and wife. You don't need me."
"Baby…"
"We're better off on our own ways."
"Baby, please." He placed a finger on your lips. It was unbearable to hear them coming from you. "I've wronged you. Damn. What have I done?" Yongguk could not believe you even had an idea to go a separate way.
"But you're wrong. I need you, baby. Hell, I love you so much. I don't want to live without you. Is that why you think of abortion? Because of me? No, baby. No. You're not a burden. Not our kid." He squeezed your belly lightly.
You didn't say anything, just wiping your face with the hem of your sleeve.
"Do you...do you still want to go through?" He asked genuinely.
"I don't know, Yongguk."
He tightened his arms around your waist, resting his chin on your chest as he looked up at your face. "If I say I am going to swear on my life that I am going to change and treat you better, will you give me a second chance? Will you give me a chance to be a father?"
You bit your lower lip when he finally lost it, his tears trailing down from the corner of his eyes to the corner of his lips.
"Give me a chance to make it, right? Hmm? It's my fault. I should have made you feel loved, I should have shown you how much you mean to me. I am so selfish. You deserve so much better."
"Yongguk…"
"I love you, baby. I don't know how to express my love for you. I thought if I said I love you and be loyal to you, it's enough. It's my fault. My cold selfish heart does not deserve your love and kindness. But I can't lose you, baby. No way. What should I do?"
"Yongguk, I love you so much."
"I know, baby. Trust me."
"If we were to keep this baby, are you going to be there to support me? I can't do this alone, Yongguk. I really can't."
"Of course, baby. It's our child. I will do everything. I will reduce my working hours. If that's not enough, I will quit. I will do anything and everything. Please, baby." He placed kisses on your chin, jaw and the corner of your lips. "Please."
"No, silly." You poked his cheek with your finger. "Don't quit your job, not to that extent. Pay more attention to me, love me. And let me love you too."
"I will! I swear. Please, please, please. Give me a chance."
You nodded, hugging him tight. You're going to have the baby if he promised to be there for you.
After a few seconds, you pulled away.
"You know, baby, I have something for you." He took out something from his pocket and flashed you a necklace. Your necklace that you sold to cover the abortion fee.
"How did you…" You were surprised.
"From the first day I noticed it was gone, I had been looking for it. And there's only one place to sell it near our house. So I went there and retrieved it. Please don't do it again, baby. I bought this necklace using my first paycheck as a songwriter. Royalty from a love song I wrote about you."
"Yongguk, I didn't know….you didn't tell me… You became a songwriter way before we started dating." Confusion was vivid on your face.
"I've loved you since our final year in high school. Bet you didn't know that too."
"I didn't!"
"Bet you didn't know X was about that night we made love at the resort we stayed at for the school trip."
"Yongguk!" You were flustered. He rarely wrote love songs so you didn't think much of it. You really didn't know it meant so much to him. Back then he was just a one night stand to you. Only after college you started to like him back after a reunion.
"Let's go home, baby. I'll tell you everything. And you, you have to start telling me everything too. Deal?"
"Hmm, okay."
"I love you, pretty mama." He kissed your lips repetitively and playfully, earning a giggle from both of you.
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I just wanted to show some love and say that I really enjoy your writing! Keep up the good work but also don't over work yourself.
Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. It's nice to know that someone actually read what i have written. Thanks again <3
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Scared To Be Lonely Pt. 3
"Yongguk…" you started, wringing your fingers anxiously while looking out of the transparent glass door that showed the night traffic and city lights. You wanted to face him properly and say it to his face but you didn't have the courage to do so. You decided to say it without looking at his face at all.
"From now on, let's stop seeing each other." You thought once you said those words the burden would be lifted off your chest but you were wrong. It made you feel even worse. Yongguk was not sure if he heard you right so he placed his hand on your shoulder to make you look at him. You shrugged his hand off your body, still keen on not looking at him. Trying again, he gently nudged your elbow to get your attention but you inched away from him. You prepared yourself to avoid his further advances but it did not come. He stayed silent, staring out of the glass door with both hands in the pocket of his rugged jeans, still shirtless.
Seconds later, he opened his mouth again, "Are you sure? Is that what you really want?"
You wrapped your arms against each other and rested them against your chest, biting your lower lips to calm your nerves. No, that was not what you wanted. He was the only one that you wanted, your only wish was to have him by your side. And that was why it was so wrong. You should not treat him like he was your possession.
"What about you, Yongguk? What do you want?" You were grateful your voice did not crack in the middle, it was so hard to say anything while suppressing the urge to burst into crying. Yongguk exhaled loudly, still not moving from his spot.
"I like how it is now." He answered casually, running his fingers through his bed hair. "I like it when we're together. It will be really hard for me to not see you again."
You looked down at your toes, choked up with emotions. "Me too." You whispered to yourself but Yongguk was anticipating what you would say that he caught it when you said that.
"Then, why?" He asked.
"You don't even know what's wrong and that's why we have to stop seeing each other." You had to do it that night. There was no more time to waste. You hesitantly glanced at his face and he was waiting for you to explain further. "We better stop this now before one of us gets hurt."
"What did I do wrong?" He didn't get it. He let out a sigh when he remembered something, "Is it because of her? Is it because of what you saw at the workshop today?"
"Yes." Your quick reply shocked even yourself but what's the use of hiding it at this point? "Don't get me wrong. I don't blame you. You've every right to see anyone you want. I just want to protect myself."
"Protect yourself from what?"
"From you."
"Did I ever hurt you?" His voice became soft, as if he was scared of what you would say as an answer. Insecurities evident in his bass tone. "Baby, look. I've never—"
You shrugged off his hand again when he touched your shoulder. "Yongguk, like I said. It's not you, it isn't your fault. It's my problem."
"But you have to make me understand. I don't want to leave with misunderstandings. We've had it good all this while. If you really don't want to see me again, I don't want us to have bad memories of each other. I need to know what's hurting you."
You looked away, pressing your lips together to prevent a sob from escaping. "I'm hurting myself by loving you. I'm hurting myself by thinking that you're mine as much as I think I am yours when what we have is far off from that. I'm starting to expect more from you and I want you to exclusively be mine." You finally confessed what was bothering you, wiping your flowing tears with the back of your hand. Suddenly, Yongguk rested his forehead on the back of your head, not touching you anywhere else. This time, you didn't avoid him.
"Is that so?" He whispered, closing his eyes. "Do I want to tell you who she is? Should I tell you?"
"You don't have to." You whispered back.
"I think I should tell you." He disagreed, still resting his forehead on the back of your head. He inhaled the sweet scent of your hair and let out another heavy sigh. "She is...what should I call her...my fiance?"
Your heart skipped a beat. That's even worse, he slept with you when he already had a fiance? You moved your head but he wrapped his arms around your shoulders to prevent you from moving away from him.
"Baby, listen." He demanded. "We're not officially engaged to each other but our parents are arranging our marriage."
Your sadness slowly exploded into anger and rage so you broke free from his hold using a strong force you could summon from your petite body and turned to slap his face. A loud smack could be heard, he didn't even bother to touch his reddening cheek. You punched his chest, screaming, "Then why are you here? Why did you come to me? Why are you doing this to me? How could you do this to me?" Punching his chest tired you out so you fell to your knees before you plopped down on the floor on your bottom. "Why did you give me false hope? Why, Yongguk? Why?"
Yongguk crouched down and placed his palm on top of your head. You stared into his eyes, you were tired of hiding the pain you were feeling. Through your eyes and your non-stop tears, you let him know how much he was hurting you. His eyes mirrored your pain before he looked down to the floor.
"I like you too, actually."
"You're a liar." You retorted, promising yourself you were not going to believe him anymore.
"My parent introduced her to me—"
"I don't want to hear it!"
"Baby, can you please listen to what I have to say? I will leave if that's what you want but you have to hear me out first, okay?" He shifted his gaze from the floor to your face. You didn't verbally agree but you didn't physically push him away either.
"She was introduced to me a few months after we started seeing each other. I wasn't interested, all I think about day and night is you. I told my mom I'm seeing someone but we're not officially dating, I was talking about you. My mom asked me about you a lot. She likes you but…" Yongguk stopped to gather his thoughts. "She said you're out of my league. That's when I realized she was right. We might like each other, baby, but we belong to different social classes. I am not worthy of a beautiful woman from a good family like you. We can't be together."
"Why didn't you tell me about this earlier?" A big drop of tear left your eye as you were in confusion. The revelation was shocking, you almost didn't want to believe it until you saw his red eyes. He was also crying silently.
He shook his head lightly and caressed your cheek, "I know you, baby. You're going to make us work, even if you have to go against your family. I know you very well. But I don't want that. You belong to your family, not me. Your family is not really fond of me, aren't they?"
You would like to deny it but he was right. There was once when you invited him over for dinner with your family as a friend and your father especially, kept indirectly reminding Yongguk that he was a good friend and asked him to take care of you like a younger sister. After Yongguk left, they told you to not get too close with Yongguk.
"But it's not about them, it's about us. It's about you and me." You pulled on his shirt as if the action could change his mind. "Did you accept her because of that?"
"I'm trying to accept her."
"No! No, you can't!" You held his hands, "Do you love me, Yongguk? Do you? Be honest with me."
"I do, baby. I love you. But that's all we can do. We can love each other but we can't be together."
"You're wrong! Why can't we be together? We are together now, aren't we? We can stay like this forever. I'll always be here for you." You kissed the back of his hands before resting your cheek on them.
"I don't want to be together with you like this. I want to marry you. I want to have children with you. We can't have all that without their blessing. There's so many things and people to consider. This is more complicated than we think it is." Yongguk shook his head again, clearly giving up.
"Let's run away from here. Let's get married somewhere else." You were desperate. You could not let him marry someone else when it was obvious you both loved each other.
Yongguk flashed you a pained smile, "That's not an option. I can't leave my mom for you. I am sorry."
You let go of his hands. He was right again. It would be so selfish of you to make him leave his mother for you. "So you're going to marry her…" You were forcing yourself to accept the reality. He was the man of your dream and he loved you back but you couldn't be with him. And he was going to marry someone who was not you. Your lover was going to belong to a woman that was not you.
"You should go, Yongguk."
"I was stalling for time, hoping we could spend more time together before the marriage happens but since you brought it up first, I had to tell you the truth."
"Go now."
"Do you love me, baby? I want to hear it for the last time." He cupped your face, eyes filled with affection and overflowing love.
"I love you, Yongguk."
"I love you too, baby." He kissed your lips sweetly and so softly your body almost melted into it. Once he pulled away, he went to your room to get his t-shirt and left with a soft goodbye. Once he closed the door, you cried your heart out, mourning for the dead love. Without your knowing, Yongguk was leaning his back on the door from the outside and listening to your cry while tears flowed down his face profusely.
[3 years later]
"Junki!" You were trying your best to stop the little boy from climbing up the dining table. You weren't sure who didn't lock the safety gate that connected the living room and the dining room. This one boy was especially chubby, it was hard for you to carry him up. You visited the orphanage more frequently recently. It was fun to play with the kids.
"Big boy, what are you doing?" A male voice greeted your ears, it was so familiar and dear to your heart you didn't have to turn your head to see his face. "Let me pick him up." He offered and easily lifted the boy from the dining table. The boy had his chubby arms around the man's neck.
"Thank you." You said to the man. His lips curled into a bright smile and his eyes twinkled with excitement.
"Say sorry. You are being so naughty." The man playfully scolded the boy and lowered his knees so the boy was face-to-face with you.
"Candy." Junki pointed his chubby finger to a pack of candy on the table.
"Let me get you one." You picked up a candy which made the boy reach out his head to you, forcing the man to rest his arm on yours for support.
"Thank you." The boy jumped in the man's arms happily which made you and the man laugh at his cuteness. The boy wanted to play in the living room so the man stepped out of the dining room while carrying Junki.
"Hey, Yongguk." You called out his name but he already disappeared from your sight. You shook your head, changing your mind.
"Did you call my name?" Yongguk appeared again but without Junki in his arms. He rested his arm on the door frame, waiting for you to say something.
"Do you have time tonight?" Your cheeks blushed at your own question. You hadn't privately seen him outside of the orphanage for so long.
"For you? Always." He let out a laugh.
"Let's have dinner together."
Your feelings for Yongguk had never died, in fact, your love for him was growing stronger and deeper after you found out last year that he cancelled his wedding for you from his colleagues at the workshop.
He still loved you. And so did you. After all, to love is not to possess but to walk alone but together. You were willing to walk this path alone while knowing he was heading toward the same destination with you across the way. You believed in fate and if you were meant to be with him at some point of your life, you would get the chance to meet him at the end of the path.
-the end-
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