angel-nique

[angel-nique]

Thirteen Reasons Why and Justin’s death...

So, I've been a watcher of Thirteen Reasons Why since the start of the show. I was a huge fan of the book before the show was even thought of and when I say that the series finale got to me, I mean it REALLY got to me.

Over these 3 years of watching the show I fell in love with the characters as if they were real people and I knew them. Obviously I didn't, they are fictional characters(lol)

But when you grow up feeling alone, and feeling as if you have literally no one to talk to, to tell your deepest darkest feelings to, to cry your heart out to the point that it feels as if it is in pain. You start to reach out to other things

Some people choose sports, some dance, some music, some reading, writing, drawing, painting, and others watching movies and TV shows for the chance to feel like you are in a new world, away from the one you wish you could escape.

For me, the things that help me escape are reading, music, and watching a TV show/movie because with all these things I'm able to experience things that I wish I could experience in real life. Such as love, happiness, confidence, and sureness of where I am going.

I get to picture myself dancing which is something I've always wanted to do, singing which is a dream that never left but is so far out of my reach, a guy loving me for me and not my body, thinking that I'm pretty and so much more. And for an hour, two hours, three hours, or more, I get to be the girl that I look for every time I look in the mirror even if once I finish the song, movie, or show it'll all be over it's worth being in that moment because for that moment, I am happy, I am me(or who I want to be)

When I was younger, I was raped by a "brother" of mine. (The quotation marks because I don't see him as blood anymore) and it was a very hard situation to deal with on my own from the age of 7 to 18 and it is still VERY hard to deal with to this day.

When you're a little girl, you have all these innocent thoughts of the world and you dream big, and think everything will be all gumdrops and rainbows. I had to learn that wasn't true at all at just 7 years old...

Watching Thirteen Reasons Why, I realized that you know, I am not alone. Yes, I went through this traumatic situation and I will for the rest of my life, because it will in fact stay with me forever, but it is up to me to live, because I can allow it to break me, or I can say fuck you right to it's face, and that is what I want to do.

Justin didn't go through what I have in life, but watching someone that went through hell and back about 4 times, want so fucking bad to just get better, but ends up dying... I can't even begin to explain to anyone, not even myself really just how much my heart hurt for a fictional character. I have never in my life felt like I was in literal physical pain from a fictional character passing away

Justin loved people with all his heart and he was truly a pure character that had his falls in life, and all he wanted was to be loved, feel it, love himself, and be the best that he could be and he worked so hard toward it. But like I said even though, our situations can't be any more different, I seen myself in Justin, I see Justin in me and I relate to him on such a strong spiritual, and mental level

I have so much family around me but I don't feel loved, I don't think I am deserving of it, and I feel lost but I don't want to show others, and I am terrified that one day, that feeling of not wanting to disappoint others will ultimately kill me, like it did Justin and that scares me

When Justin died I felt like I died because I see me when I see Justin, and I know I should get help for it, but here I go worrying about others, and not wanting them to worry about me... Justin wanted to get better so bad, but it wasn't in his future, I'm scared it won't be in mine either because can broken people truly put the pieces back together??

Basically what I am trying to say is that, Thirteen Reasons Why truly messed with my emotions and I spent a good hour and a half crying my eyes out to the point of a headache in my shower, and I am pretty sure that it will take me quite a bit to get over it. 

[angel-nique]

I am SO proud of and happy for my babies. seeing them cry broke my heart because they probably were afraid of never getting their first win but finally, my fellow Fantasy’s we did it. I am so proud of everyone who has been dedicated to streaming the album, and MV and whoever bought the album as well. SF9 were able to get their first win because of you all(and their hard-work of course)I cannot wait to see what they achieve next. seeing ATEEZ and them go up against each other I was like who do I vote for? but I would never want anyone else to win today 

Thanks again for working hard because now my babies finally have their long-awaited first win and I am way too happy, I’ve cried too much already and I barely cry because of first wins lol but I’m also a natural cry baby so...🤷

now I’ll log out of my K-Pop Tumblr for what feels like another 3 years again lol 

[angel-nique]

I've tried to put my words on paper(or notes on my phone) but I still can't express the way I truly feel but I did my best. Just know I love you Jonghyun 💙💙

[angel-nique]

Happy birthday to my boo thang who I love very much. Who absolutely hates aegyo but no worries 'cause he is cute without even trying(*whispers* he just doesn't know that) and my manly gummy bear who deserves everything and more

Happy birthday, to One It's Gyuliee!!!! 💜💜

[angel-nique]

Top 22 B-sides of 2019

I like literally never sign into this Tumblr account but I guess I am for this 😑😂

Anyway, here are my top 20 B-sides of 2019

1. What you wanted - CIX

2. Move - SIXC(Produce X 101)

3. Mist - ATEEZ

4. U got it - Got U(Produce X 101)

5. Artistic Groove - TAEMIN

6. Second Life - SEVENTEEN

7. No Way - Lee Hi(Ft. G.Soul)

8. My Star - Jaehwan

9. Illusion - ATEEZ(I'm counting this because while it had an MV they did only perform it like what once right? So yeah, I'm just gonna count it 😂)

10. Light - ATEEZ

11. Lady - TREI

12. Sunny Side Up - Red Velvet

13. Home - BTS

14. Win - ATEEZ

15. Promise - ATEEZ

16. Flourishing - CHUNGHA

17. Desire - ATEEZ

18. Designer - Jaehwan

19. Don't let me go - SHINee

20. Dazzling Light - ATEEZ

21. Super Special Girl - MamMam(Produce X 101)

22. Aurora - ATEEZ

Thank you Apple Music for making this so much easier 😂🙌

[angel-nique]

I like literally NEVER sign into my Kpop Tumblr anymore('cause the drama), but I had to for this. Congratulations to my babies that deserve the most. I am so proud of them and I am so freaking happy for them. After continuously working hard over these past few years, dropping bops and making me happy with each come back I am happy today to say that my boys got their first win. I will never get over this, this right here was one of the first wins that I cried over this year and I do not feel ashamed. I am so freaking happy for them! The only thing that would've made this moment in time a bit better would be if our leader-nim was with them but other than that everything is perfect and I'm blabbing on because I am just so happy and emotional 😭😭

Just congratulations to my babies and I hope for nothing but bigger and better things to come

[angel-nique]

Oh, so we're just gonna sit here and act like Blackpink isn't Jennie and acquaintances?? 🤣🤣

[angel-nique]

Awww get better soon my love 💜💜

[!] Mingi will not be participating in performances.

KQ Entertainment has released a statement regarding Mingi’s visit to the hospital and about his health condition. As we know, he was experiencing joint pains, but it seems there’s also inflammation in his ligaments. Hence, he is now resting.

According to health professionals, it’s better off Mingi avoids unreasonable and excess movement for a period of time. Therefore, Mingi will be unable to participate in today’s recording (October 16) at MBC Show Champion, and future group activities involving movement and choreography.

KQ Entertainment is asking for our understanding and support for Mingi to recover quickly. They’ll also be releasing another statement regarding his schedules on the official ATEEZ website.

Source: Fancafe (Summarized, not transcribed.)

[angel-nique]

My poor baby, 😭😭 I hope he feels better

[!] Mingi will not be participating in THE SHOW recording today!

According the KQ Entertainment, Mingi began to feel joint pains and visited a nearby hospital. Alas, he is unable to participate in The Show recording.

[angel-nique]

I SO see Hangyul agreeing with that

Seungyoun: I have come up with a three-step plan to get Seungwoo to marry you.

Yohan: I’m listening.

Seungyoun: Step one, get him to play truth or dare.

Wooseok: Oh god, stop.

Seungyoun: Step two, wait until he picks dare.

Wooseok: Seungyoun, no.

Seungyoun: Step three, dare him to marry you.

Hangyul, from the other room: It could work!

[angel-nique]

Dear, Sulli I hope that you're happier, I hope you're smiling the biggest smile but most importantly I hope your heart is no longer heavy with the weight of the world. You were a beautiful human being who deserved to be loved and to love herself. I hope that when you were passing that you weren't afraid or felt alone. You probably felt like that too many times already. Sulli just know that you weren't a monster, you were not a disgrace like the public liked to tell you, you were, you were a loving, talented, beautiful, real human being and I hope you are smiling and laughing because your heart is in a much better place than this world now. We will miss you but I'm just happy that you are no longer hurting

Rest well Sulli you will be missed beautiful 💜💜

[angel-nique]

Happy birthday, to my ult bias and my literal sunshine who so happens to go by Park Jimin 🤷‍♀️🤣 his rays of sunshine that come from his smile and scrunched up little eye smile, are enough to turn my bad days to good ones. Jimin is such a sweet human being that deserves the whole world and I really hope that he can live a happy life because that's all I want for him. I hope you have a wonderful day. Please stay healthy, well-rested, and smiley, my love 💜

Thank you for always making me smile when it was impossible. Thanks for being my world. Love you, Minnie, 💜💜

(Cred to the owner of the photo by the way 😁)

[angel-nique]

I LOVE HIM 🤣🤣

jimin: is triggered

[angel-nique]

I'm not gonna write a whole note to the boys this time around all I want to say is just that I hope that they are all ok, that I hope they are all there for each other because if this is a hard time for iKONIC's I know for a fact that it is a thousand times harder for them. I hope they know that iKONIC's have their backs and that we love them very much and will always be here for them and of course

Happy 4th anniversary my loves 💕

Now... For iKON and iKONIC's leader

Dear, Hanbin I hope that you are doing good. I know you're most likely sad that you can't be with the boys especially on a day like today but I hope that you are eating well, resting well and that you are not overly stressing yourself out. I hope not too many tears have fallen out of your eyes and that you have not given up on what you love so much.

You are strong and can get through whatever comes your way. I hope iKONIC's can give you all the strength that you need in moments like these. Struggles are real and I hope that we can help you through them even though we are nowhere near you. But most importantly I hope that everything will get better and that you can rise to the top as you deserve and that everything that needs to turn out good will turn out good. You are worth more than mistakes that everyone wants to throw at you. iKONIC's love you Hanbin

Happy 4th-anniversary leader-nim 😘

[angel-nique]

Because today is my 4th ARMY anniversary and I found them again after finding them in 2013 with We are bulletproof with Dope and I am so glad I did

Thank you, BTS for getting me through the hard times that was 2015 up until now. Life has been a hard one but I was able to get through my toughest moments because of you guys, my depression was at an all-time high and my happiness was at an all-time low but for these past 4 years I have always known that when I needed a shoulder to cry on but there was no one there, I could lean on your music and that would be the closest thing to a shoulder.

Thank you guys for being my guardian angels and for showing me that I am worth more than I thought or sometimes still think because insecurities like those don't just disappear forever and for showing me that I am meant for so much more than I could've ever dreamed of. You guys have always given ARMY the best of you and I hope that we can continue to give you the best of us.

Thank you for being ARMY's Bangtan, but most importantly thanks for being my Bangtan, I will be forever grateful 💕💕

[angel-nique]

Hear me out ok??..

I know we need a cast for this movie so...

I did something but anyway, who would even play Namjoon?? 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

[angel-nique]

I will NEVER get over the fact that Joong always looks so happy doing what he does. He makes me bust all of my uwu's every single time. I just REALLY love him so much you guys just don't understand 😭😭