andsoithappened-theproject-blog

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• "I hooked up with a guy who said they were undetectable and on med, four months later I found out that wasn't true. When I confronted him about it, he admitted to lying to me about his status. ~ Because of the infection I learned to be me. I wasn't going to be defined by my status, I gained confidence in my career field and strived to surpass the expectations of others and myself. I will not allow HIV to get in the way of my dreams and passions in life. I am currently on Genvoya. I try to live a balanced life and remember to take time out for myself and those I care about." ~ Jeremy, 28, undetectable. Brooklyn, NY. Instructor, Pastry Chef, and Chocolate Maker (at Brooklyn, New York)

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• "I was in my mid-20's, 10 feet tall and bullet-proof as they say. I knew that I was taking risks with having unprotected sex, but I thought that I was making as good of decisions as possible by asking lots of questions and choosing 'classy' people. I avoided sex clubs, and anonymous scenes. But, of course, the virus doesn't really care about those things. I'd started seeing a guy consistently and realized that I wanted more than just random sex. As it turns out, he was 'unaware' that he was positive and claimed false-negative tests. I went in for a regularly quarterly test appointment, and got the news that I was in conversion. As I sat there, the nurses each came in and gave a hug, and the doctor talked me through the next steps that we'd be tackling. ~ It was a pretty major shift from a dating perspective. People were still terrified of the virus back then and education wasn't very widespread. Today, in 2018, it's almost to a place where it's barely even a pause in the conversation. The common acceptance that U=U has taken so much of the anxiety out of dating. I'm always clear with partners and on dating profiles. I've been with Gilead products from the beginning. Atripla, then Complera, and currently Odefsey. ~ When PrEP started coming out, it really opened up the dating pool more broadly since there was much less fear of being with me as a positive guy." ~ BJ, 37, undetectable. Manhattan, New York. Working in marketing

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• "Either I gave it to him or he gave it to me. When we first met (many years ago), both of us claimed to be negative. Four months after we met, I got tested and the results were negative. One month later we stopped using condoms. Then, about 18 months after that, a test came back positive, first for me and later for him. ~ Every two months I see my doctor, blood is drawn and new viral load and T-cell numbers follow. Currently, I am on Odefsey. Previously, I was taking Complera. Before that, Atripla. ~ I have had zero success using condoms. In the mid-1990s, condom use rightfully became part of the accepted formula in the effort to lessen, treat and prevent HIV infection. My personal response to the evolving situation was to give up having anal sex completely. I couldn't make condoms work, and I didn't want to commit murder by ejaculation. HIV impacted my sex life in a very negative way. ~ PrEP, PEP and the notion of undetectable have lessened the anxiety that I feel regarding sexual activity. While hook-ups are rare, I am enjoying sex once again." ~ Ken, 72, undetectable. Hell's Kitchen, NY. Music and piano teacher (at New York, New York)

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• “As most of us, I was being "reactive rather than proactive"; let me explain: I am married to Vincent for 3yrs but have been together for 11. We are in an open relationship. During a work trip, after many drinks, I went back to my hotel room and had someone over. He arrived and we engaged in sex. After the fun was over, I realized I had not used a condom and started to panic. He became nervous and left. I checked the app and realized he was HIV positive. We did not discuss the subject beforehand. After a whole week of agonizing fear and a deep, painful shame I returned to NYC and told my husband. Saving you the drama, I am going to jump to my visit to my doctor, where I was received by a very caring group of people who gave me all the support and information I needed. It was there I realized how much of an ignorant I was regarding STIs, HIV and sex health. My doctor ordered the tests, treated me for STIs, and told me about PrEp. We had a long conversation but, even though he sounded optimistic, I did not seem to get rid of the guilt and shame. My doctor finally said "stop shaming yourself for being human". Then, I finally “woke up”. I went home to discuss it with my husband and immediately we started to educate ourselves on HIV, STIs and PrEp. It was no brainier; we should go on it. And we did. ~ Truvada has been an amazing "gateway" to information, regular blood screening and getting rid of the stigmas around sex. Not only have we become more aware of the STIs and how to treat them but also it has made us realize that we were part of the stigma. We were rejecting people based mostly on ignorance, shame and fear. Not anymore. Truvada has made us more sexually inclusive to anyone who enjoys sex and does not want to be wrapped in worry of all the "what ifs”. It has lifted a very heavy weight off my shoulders and I have gotten to meet quite a few remarkable, smart, full of color and life individuals. I have been able to "love” them a little, and to be loved back. I get the prescription via my regular doctor. I must get blood work every 3 months. My insurance pays for most and I pay the rest.” ~ Joshué, 40, on PrEP. Brooklyn, NY. Furniture Retail Manager (at Brooklyn, New York)

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• "I started taking PrEP 2 years ago. I found out about it from the Manhattan LGBT Center. Being trans is kind of an obstacle because trans men are at high risk for HIV, but there are barely any studies on us. It takes Truvada a longer time (30 days) to protect vaginas and, even then, I have to be extra-careful because missing a day is more risky for me. I get a prescription from my doctor. Combining my insurance with a discount I don't pay anything for it. ~ Being on PrEP has altered my sexual behavior, now I feel more comfortable to have raw sex. When I started taking Truvada I already had an undetectable partner and it helped me feel even more secure. ~ My name is Simon. I’m a 25-year-old transmasculine person, originally from upstate New York, but currently living in Bushwick. I'm a PhD student for French medieval literature and I also teach French to undergrads at Baruch College." (at New York, New York)

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• “I was diagnosed in 1994. Back then I was in and out of jail and drug treatment programs because of crack/cocaine. After a while I realized how I contracted the virus: rape. It took me some time to accept it and educate myself and my family. They never turned their backs on me. My children are in this fight with me and have themselves become advocates. I've been on a deathbed; however, God has seen differently because here I am 24yrs later. Now campaigning for U=U and living my life to the fullest. I'm a full time employee, college student, caregiver for my dad, raising my grandsons and a single parent to two beautiful daughters. I am an advocate for those who don't have a voice. I post photos of me freely to show my face and let others know they're not alone in this fight. I hold my heart up and proud living with AIDS, not caring what others have to say. I love and die by my quote: "I know my status, what about you?" ~ My life has changed drastically since my diagnosis. At first I had to go through so many trials and tribulations. My dad treating me differently, he’d pull out plastic plates for me and use ammonia every time I used the bathroom. It wasn't until he saw me almost dying that he accepted me being HIV+. Now he drinks from my cup, hugs and kisses me. He continues to love me unconditionally. My children don’t see me any differently; in fact they get on my case if I ever slip and forget to take my medications. Living with AIDS is not a death sentence anymore. I give back what was given to me: unconditional love and the ability to teach the next generation. So I tip my hat off to AIDS because it hasn't and will not win. Not on my time. My illness is very manageable for the most part; I take one pill a day, Stribild, and attend mental health therapy. ~ I'm glad that PrEP is around because it’s given me the opportunity to educate my partner. He’s asked me plenty of questions and has made a decision to seek more information on his own so that he can get on it. PrEP has been keeping others negative and safe. ~ My name is Maria; I’m a 50yrs old Latina working as a case manager and living in the Bronx, NY”

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• “PrEP became widely available just after I moved to NYC in late 2014. I didn't know anything about it or how to get it. I started taking it this past Fall. I had a consultation with Hetrick-Martin Institute and they directed me to queer friendly clinics that could get me on PrEP. Housing Works in Brooklyn was the one I chose. My insurance covers most of the cost and the Gilead Co-Pay Discount Program covers the rest. ~ When Truvada became available, I was into drugs and alcohol, not taking care of myself and engaging in a lot of high-risk sexual behaviors. When I got sober it was because of liver complications related to Hepatitis B. For 2 years, after my body cleared the Hep B from my system, I lived with significant shame for allowing myself to get so out of control. My partner at the time was very understanding but when we decided to break up I took the action to engage in my healthcare and ensure I was protecting myself. I think being educated about STI's is the key to living a life of sexual freedom. ~ The reality is that I prefer to have unprotected sex, both for the physical pleasure and the emotional intimacy. And if that's my preference, I have to accept the responsibility of going to see my doctor once a month, getting tested for STI's, and communicating with those around me. ~ I grow up around people who were activists for HIV/AIDS and willing to educate me on what it means to live with HIV. I don't think I've ever been afraid of HIV. What I've always feared is the dishonesty that stigma creates. I think we're afraid of each other and that’s the biggest problem. ~ Thanks to PrEP I’m finally releasing a lot of the sexual shame I've been carrying for years. After breaking through my own stigma, I honestly prefer to have sex with men who are Undetectable. I feel there's a sense of understanding that I don't have when I have sex with men who are, what I like to call, "Hyper Negative". (In other words, men who are very uneducated about sexual health and are so determined to never contract an STI that they are terrified of sex altogether.) I'd rather know what the dangers are in the world, firsthand.” ~ Brett, 27, on PrEP. Brooklyn, NY. Sober-Slut-Witch

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• “PrEP became widely available just after I moved to NYC in late 2014. I didn't know anything about it or how to get it. I started taking PrEP this past Fall. I get it from Housing Works. I had a consultation with Hetrick-Martin Institute and they directed me to queer friendly clinics that could get me on PrEP and Housing Works in Downtown Brooklyn was the one I chose. My insurance covers most of the cost and the Gilead Co-Pay Discount Program covers the rest. ~ When Truvada first became widely available, I was really heavy into drugs and alcohol, working in nightlife and not engaging in my own healthcare. I wasn't taking care of myself at all and engaging in a lot of high risk sexual behavior, without regard to potential consequences. When I got sober in the Fall of 2015, it was because of liver complications related to Hepatitis B. Before that, I had been diagnosed and treated for multiple STI's within the span of a few months. For 2 years, after my body cleared the Hep B from my system and I tested negative for all STI's, I lived with significant shame for allowing myself to get so out of control. My partner at the time was very understanding, but we didn't have sex for 2 years and when we decided to open our relationship and, ultimately, end things, that's when I took the action to engage in my healthcare and ensure I was protecting myself. I think being educated about STI's, in general, is the key to living a life of sexual freedom. ~ The reality is that I prefer to have unprotected sex, both for the physical pleasure and the emotional intimacy of it. And if that's my preference, I have to accept the responsibility of going to see my doctor once a month and getting tested for STI's and communicating with those around me. I think STI stigma is a major problem and is becoming more and more dangerous. ~ I came of age around people who were activists for HIV/AIDS and were very open and willing to educate me around what it means to live with HIV. I don't think I've ever been "afraid" of HIV. I think what I've always truly feared is the dishonesty that stigma creates, both in those who are HIV+ and those who are not. I think we're afraid of each other and that i

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• Mark: I am a gay man who moved to Los Angeles when I was 20 years old, in 1981. It was the end of the gay sexual revolution, although we didn't know it at the time, and the dawn of the age of AIDS. I have no idea who might have infected me, and that's just as well. It doesn't matter. There were no medications when I tested HIV positive. As they came along, I took them, always hopeful that I would survive until the next medication was approved. Now, finally, I live in a time when there are more medications to treat my HIV than I will ever need. Any difficult life event, if you allow it, teaches us compassion and empathy for other people. Nothing can really make the tragedy of AIDS worthwhile, but I am grateful for being involved in decades of activism and the truly heroic people I have met along the way. — Michael: On Nov 26, 2005, I was the victim of a sexual assault. My HIV infection resulted from that action. Afterward, I lost trust in others and in my own ability to make good decisions. I am grateful to have had access to health care coverage and medications. Today, I live fearlessly, but with a new understanding of the good and the bad people are capable of. I found the most amazing man and we were married in 2015. I currently take Descovy and Isentress. — Mark: The most interesting thing to me about PrEP is the fact that is allows people who are HIV negative to take concrete action to protect themselves. For too long, the burden and sole responsibility for containing the spread of HIV has fallen on those of us living with the virus. We have been viewed as little more than vectors of disease and a problem that must be managed. Clearly, with 50,000 new infections each year in the US, this approach has not worked. PrEP changes that. — Michael: PrEP has not changed my relationship with sexuality, but I believe I would not be positive today if PrEP were available to me in 2005. — Mark, 57, undetectable. Long-term survivor living in Baltimore with his husband and two cats, Henry and Charlotte. Writer and LGBT activist. — Michael, 54, undetectable. Working for the federal government.

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• "I started taking PrEP because my best friend from Uni's husband is HIV+ and my bestie told me that he was taking Truvada. This was back in 2011 and I asked if people without HIV+ partners could take it. When I got back to the US from London in 2014, I asked the clinic for PrEP. So I guess I found out about it in 2011, but didn't start it until 2014. I take it as a precaution. I've had partners lie to me before and I wanted to take all measures to have the safest sex possible so that I could make it as enjoyable as possible. ~ My PCP prescribes me Truvada and I pick it up from Walgreens. My PCP is very sex-positive and she's queer so she had no problem giving me Truvada. My insurance covers most of the cost of the medicines and then the Gilead Access Program covers the rest of the cost of the medicine so in the end, my Truvada is completely free. ~ To be honest, when I was a lot younger, in my earlier 20s, I did some pretty risky things and that was before Truvada was available. I think if anything, taking Truvada daily is a reminder that I'm making less riskier sexual decisions these days. It's really had no change on my sex life. I wouldn't say that I've had more sex with HIV+ people, but I've barebacked with someone knowing they're positive and been super calm because I knew he was undetectable and I'm on PrEP. Sometimes I have safe sex with a condom, and sometimes I don't but I like knowing that condom or not, my sex is always safer with PrEP. ~ My name is Shamôr, I'm 28 years old. I work as a public civil servant for the federal government. I live in Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn. I'm black, queer, and Southern but without the accent."

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• “I decided to take PrEP so that I could have a safety net for when things happened. I truly believe in treatment as prevention. ~ Initially, I started PrEP with my local City-sponsored clinic and now utilize a health center in Manhattan to continue my access. ~ I wouldn’t say that my behaviors have changed much in terms of increased activity. I would say that the fear factor has been removed from my sexual experiences.” ~ Lance, 26, on PrEP. Brooklyn, New York. Designer

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• “I was living in California 5 years ago when I was at a house party and was given Rohypnol in my drink. I was violently sexually assaulted and contracted the virus. ~ Nevertheless, I can say that today I am seriously the happiest I have ever been. I used to be 250 lbs but now I work out 6 days a week and am the healthiest I have ever been. I have the best relationship with my father as well. The virus helped to change the way that I think. I never take life too seriously and realize that I can either choose to be happy or I can choose to be sad. I always choose to be happy. There isn’t a single thing that I would change about my life. I have the best of friends, I know what I want out of life, and I have found my purpose because of the virus. I have learned to help myself first and that I am the most important person in the world. I'm undetectable and I take Tivicay and Descovy. ~ I have a love/hate relationship with PrEP. On one hand I am so grateful that I could choose to be in a committed relationship and after serious consideration from my partner they could, if they choose to, go on PrEP. On the other hand I feel that people are not fully versed on exactly the breakdown of how PrEP works as well as on the the initial reason it came to fruition. Hence they are using it irresponsibly.” ~ Kevin, 30, undetectable. Bronx, NYC. Bartender

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• "I believe I contracted the virus in D.C. from a man I didn't know. We had a "quickie" that l quite enjoyed at the time. Little did I know that day would change my life forever. Soon after I began to get increasingly sick, experiencing flu-like symptoms lasting 2-3 weeks. I knew something had to be wrong with my body but I was unsure if it was seasonal sickness or a disease. I decided a month later to get tested at my local clinic in Northern Virginia. That day my life changed when I received my HIV diagnosis. I have now been HIV positive for 4 years and undetectable for over 3 years straight. ~ My life has changed in many ways but the most valuable thing I receive is the State and County benefits allocated for HIV positive individuals. I currently receive housing assistance which has prevented me from homelessness and eviction. I also receive great care from my Infectious Disease Specialist at least 4 times a year. My current regimen is a single Genvoya pill once daily, which has maintained my undetectable status. ~ PrEP is an awesome tool that HIV negative people can take to at least ease their fears of contracting the virus. But many people still look down at those who are Poz or on PrEP, feeling that it's a sign of promiscuity." ~ Omare, 26, undetectable. Poughkeepsie, NY. Fashion Designer and Data Specialist for Planned Parenthood

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• "I couldn't tell you the exact day or even the name of the guy that gave it to me; at the time it wasn't an experience I wanted to remember. It was a lonely night scrolling on Scruff when a hot younger guy hit me up to parTy... I wanted to. It had been years since I had smoked meth, I wanted that feeling, I wanted to get off and I knew that the low that would come after I could handle. He came over. It was a good time; we smoked, we talked, laughed and had sex for hours. With meth there is always this feeling unfulfilled and anything great at the time is then unremarkable shit after. This time was no exception. Had I not found out I was positive because of this night later, I wouldn't have remembered it at all. He didn't know he was HIV positive or we didn't talk about it. I was diagnosed, I knew I would be ok, won’t angry and I can't regret what I did. What scares me is the thought of spreading the virus to someone I care about. ~ Seeing my doctor every 3 months as a result of being positive was a big change. Before I would get tested and stuff fairly regularly but seeing a doctor was the last thing I wanted to do. I feel like I have really taken control of my health, NY State has amazing resources available to those infected with HIV. Becoming HIV actually made moving to NY worry free. GMHC offered to help with housing, insurance and finding a job and care if I needed it. Having this support has really touched me. Just switched to Genvoya from a two-pill treatment. I have been positive for a year and a half and have been undetectable for almost a year now. ~ I am now finding the being on PrEP is more of the standard for guys. Sometimes I feel embarrassed that I wasn't on PrEP, my life will be completely different. So now I don't just owe it to myself to be responsible with my treatment, I owe anyone I care about and am intimate with. There is this self-assurance that comes with not having an option. It is how it is." ~ Sam, 29, undetectable. Brooklyn, NY. Industrial designer for an electronics company

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• “At such a young age I was down on myself a lot and had very low self-esteem. I was dating an individual and our relationship I found became based on sex with a lot of fighting and dishonesty. I cared for this person and at times validated who I was through them. I later found out that they were positive after finding medication in their home and later going to get tested with a best friend. I always look back and wished that they were undetectable as I have always been and that I was smarter at the time and loved myself more. You live and you definitely learn. ~ I take a pill once a day with food. It’s a new drug called Odefsey with no side effects and easily accessible through my local pharmacy. I have remained undetectable since my diagnosis, however when I started antiretroviral therapy I was taking Epzicom and Isentress, followed by Complera and now Odefsey. ~ Having contracted the virus at such a young age, when one thinks they are invincible, it definitely brought me face to face with my own mortality and made me more responsible in my everyday life. I was so concerned with what people thought of me and often times did things to have people perceive this image of what they thought I should be. After my diagnosis, I kept it a secret to many, became self-aware and made a promise to stay true to who I was. Since my diagnosis my relationships with friends and family have become stronger and I’ve made it a point to keep myself surrounded by other individuals who are living happy and healthy lives along with the virus. ~ PrEP has definitely calmed a lot of fear of HIV in the LGBT community and has caused a lot of people to educate themselves about HIV and learn more about prevention and treatment options. More people have become comfortable with having healthy sexual relationships with folks who are HIV positive while at the same time educating others and speaking out against stigma.” ~ Brandon, Undetectable, 29. Brooklyn, NY. Flight Attendant

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• “I believe I contracted HIV in 1993 from sharing a syringe with someone. There was a little bit of blood in the syringe but there was also a 1/2 bag of heroin in it and I was feeling very sick from withdrawal. The person didn't tell me they were positive nor do I even know if they knew at that time. I met them many years later at the organization I work for and they told me they were positive. During those drug-using years I was also a sex worker. That's how I supported my habit, so I had various exposures however; I still, to this day, can see that syringe with the blood in it. Back then that didn't really mean anything to me because HIV hadn't touched my world that closely yet. This is why I feel so passionate about bringing awareness before it "touches" someone’s world. ~ I take my medications exactly as prescribed. I have had some difficult regimens in the past and, even in the advance of new technology and once-a-day pills, some medications don't like me! I am now on Epzicom and Viramune. Feeling good! ~ My life has changed in so many ways. I found recovery, a purpose, love, a career doing something I love! But the main thing that HIV has changed is that I found out that I am a tough cookie! I'm strong, I'm powerful and I have a voice. That's how HIV has changed my life for the better. ~ Just normalizing this condition makes a huge difference. If we don't end the stigma, we can't end this epidemic. Knowing that we, HIV+ and HIV-individuals, can take responsibility is huge. Campaigns such as U=U help those of us with HIV not feel so infectious. PrEP certainly has the ability to change someone's relationship with their sexuality and feel more comfortable. I have had a partner (not HIV+, but passed away 5 years ago) who helped me feel comfortable with my sexuality. PrEP can help people do the same.” ~ Dana, 57, NYC. Director of Health Services at a CBO, Exponents.

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• “Not sure how I was infected. I was sexually active, but also worked for years as a paramedic around blood etc. In 2007 I had been in hospital after having a second bout of shingles and then bilateral Bells Palsy. Doctors knew I was gay and worked as a paramedic. I consented to be tested for HIV and they ran a multitude of tests. After 3 days I was discharged and told all blood work was normal, but they never did the HIV test, unbeknownst to me. I went back to work, finished law school thinking I dodged a bullet. Fast forward to late 2009 & early 2010 when I got my law license and was working as a law clerk writing judicial opinions and I started having severe memory problems, and having difficulty walking. I was back and forth to hospital and they were mistakenly diagnosing me with Multiple Sclerosis among other things. I had some lab values way off and FINALLY was sent to a hematologist and he said it looked like I had advanced HIV. He ordered the test and it came back positive with a CD4 of just 9 in late January. ~ I have been taking Atripla once a day since I was diagnosed. Undetectable since 2011 with CD4 in 400s. ~ Sadly, due to my condition, I have been estranged from my family. I was erratic because HIV attacked my brain. So that has been biggest change. I think my family could not deal with how it affected me when I got really sick. ~ I think PrEP gives me more comfort knowing that combined with me being undetectable, it is virtually impossible that I Infect anyone. I am out to all partners about my status, but I prefer fellow undetectable men or guys on PrEP taking care of themselves.” ~ Kam, Undetectable. NYC. Actor, former paramedic and law clerk.