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[andrew-mathews]

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[andrew-mathews]

I don't think you understand the reality of the situation. I'm not that generous.

You gotta’ have some Oprah in there! Think about how happy people will be when they hear the words, “You get a lawn set, and you get one too! The gentleman over here is going to get a vacation to Hawaii for three weeks!”

[andrew-mathews]

My goal is to be a lovely mixture of Ellen, Conan O'Brien, Dr. Phil and Jon Stewart with a little Andrew mixed in there.

Nicely done, I guess you truly are the next Dr. Phil. You should become a combonation of Oprah, Dr. Phil, Ellen, and Conan O’Brien; now that is something I want to see!

[andrew-mathews]

Who says I need to fake it? I am from East Texas, after all, I can pull it off if I stop trying to sound like a yank.

I’ll be supporting you from the live studio audience! Make sure to fake a really sweet southern accent.

[andrew-mathews]

Um, ok. What were you looking for?

Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you up- was looking for something.

[andrew-mathews]

It's official, I'm running away to become the next Dr. Phil.

Great talk! It was like Dr. Phil. Getting me to admit my asshole personality.

[andrew-mathews]

I mostly just wasn't expecting to wake up to someone in my room.

M’ I really that bad of a sight to wake up to?

[andrew-mathews]

Good talk.

Alright, then I just added to it! Also you’re welcome, sorta, kinda, not really.

[andrew-mathews]

Told you I was psychic. That's a pretty badass tattoo.

Wow. That was good. I saw it as someone’s tattoo. 

[andrew-mathews]

FUCK

[andrew-mathews]

I have enough pride already, but thanks for sorta, kinda, not really admitting the truth.

Fine, I’ll let you have a little bit of pride. I’m a sorta, kinda, not really, asshole.

[andrew-mathews]

Monarch butterflies, but in your imagination they have purple bodies and green wings.

What kind of butterflies? Once you tell me, you can be a psychic okay. 

[andrew-mathews]

Maybe not the biggest one, but don't deny it.

Andrew, you definitely don’t know me then. I’m not the biggest asshole out there. I’m an asshole for reasons.

[andrew-mathews]

i just want people to use them in real life. this is how im gonna start picking up chicks from now on

#if someone used those science lines on me my clothes would probably just fall off

[andrew-mathews]

Butterflies.

See? I'm like psychic or something.

Okay, do it. What am I thinking about? 

[andrew-mathews]

Sometimes it can be tough for assholes to realize what they are, it's ok.

Actually incorrect. I’m not a cocky asshole, I just have a boasted ego, therefore making me appear like an asshole, but not a true one at heart.

[andrew-mathews]

You're a cocky asshole and your IQ is most of your personality. That was easy.

Try me.