in the past i've used this for weirdcore edits, now i primarily do traumcore posts and reblogs and venting. posting my photography again but i can't promise consistency. autistic and severely traumatized| lesbian| 20 |[PFP ID: a A small old tube tv showing someone with a bouquet of light pink flowers covering their head and below is white text that says "It's all lies darling" /End pfp]] [header picture: a black and white picture of a swingset and people swinging and blurred]
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I had to keep reminding myself who I was with... I want to hate myself for it but it's not my fucking fault. The only person I should hate is him. I was a kid and nothing I could have done would've prevented it from happening and nothing could've prevented the mental damage. All I can do now is cope and try to fix myself.
I know that sexual abuse effecting romantic/sexual relationships is the most common knowledge thing ever, I can't even be like "no one talks about this" but god.
Nothing is stupider than being generally intimate with your partner and your brain goes "my dad touched me this way". Pisses me the fuck off. Seriously what the actual fuck. No one should have to feel like this ever. He wired my brain to associate intimacy with him and I will never stop fucking hating him for that. In time I will eventually forgive him for everything but fucking up the most sacred thing he possibly could've.
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I know that sexual abuse effecting romantic/sexual relationships is the most common knowledge thing ever, I can't even be like "no one talks about this" but god.
Nothing is stupider than being generally intimate with your partner and your brain goes "my dad touched me this way". Pisses me the fuck off. Seriously what the actual fuck. No one should have to feel like this ever. He wired my brain to associate intimacy with him and I will never stop fucking hating him for that. In time I will eventually forgive him for everything but fucking up the most sacred thing he possibly could've.
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I think that if you actually loved me, you wouldn't have done the things that you did
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If self abuse ever did any good you would have flourished many moons ago.
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they should invent a me who is not exhausted by simply being alive
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