ananonymousscribbler

[ananonymousscribbler]

A letter to my past self…

You wear Nike at least three times a week now, if not everyday because of the shoes you wear to work. You like to wear leggings and you don’t have to worry about who might be looking at you in the wrong way. You feel comfortable. You don’t wear a bra when you don’t want to and you’ve discovered bralettes. You own articles of clothing that feel good to wear.

You will fight anxieties, worries, and you will mourn. You will mourn for obvious reasons, and then you will mourn the girl that we lost that summer. You will mourn the progress you made and you will mourn the change in perception of your life and self. You will grieve and the grief will be hard to get through… days will frustrate you and you will feel like you are being held back by you but that is not that case. You will do amazingly well and forget to remind yourself.

You will not realize it until you write this, that you will spend a lot of time thinking about yourself in the light of another person who can acknowledge and validate your struggles for you while also being the person getting through them. You will credit yourself for the difficulty of what you are getting through when nobody else will until the point that you realize this holds you back. You will forgive those who could not do this for you. And You know how quickly you will forgive them on top of that. Then you will be allowed to wonder if you forgave too soon, too easily…. But you will not regret it either way.

You fall in love.

Oh, how you fall in love. Yes, and he is better than all of them. He sees you, and he will love and appreciate you as you are. You will see why it took so long. You will see how, as you would put it at the time, the universe gave gifted you something karmically for the time you spent wondering if you were good enough and always telling yourself you were. For the time wondering if you were pretty enough and fighting those worries away. For the time you spent seeing what felt like everyone experience some type of love, while you waited. And he will show you it is all worth it and you will see your answers very early on.

You get to travel. It’s been less than three years since it all happened and I promise you, in the way that your life has changed you get to travel more than you likely would have if your original plan had been accomplished. I know and remember how many times you watched others around you traveling, taking trips, going to places you felt sometimes as if you were not going to see until who knew when.

Speaking of which, last but not least, you will believe in something you have not been sure about in many many years.

I wish you the best of luck on the journey you have ahead. I can’t wait for you to be where I am. Our future is only to get more beautiful from here.

With all the love you could imagine,

You future self

12:20AM, 11/02/2022

[ananonymousscribbler]

To say the least, I am a bold person when it comes down to the very core and stripped down point of things. I’m a bold person who has has had life and circumstances drown my way of being bold - but nonetheless I am who I am regardless of any dilution or change.

The next truth I suppose is easy and among the list of those I would wish to share to is that in some ways, I feel like I am hiding behind the anonymity of this page… but at the same time the same anonymity is a friend of mine. To elaborate, on this page I get to write whatever - without creating a magnet to attract the eyes of people who once knew me, or a means for others to direct their opinions or emotions from my words at my actual person and personal life. It is a hub for my thoughts. Most importantly, outside of common sense restrictions of things such as etiquette, taste, and my own personal boundaries and decision making proccess - I may write whatever I please.

That’s the truest purpose of this page.

I’m using this page to develop my voice… to create confidence. To have a place to put my thoughts. To work towards things I want to do. Ideas and hopes for what I could possibly accomplish by making this will all more than likely be elaborated on and touched on again sometime in the future, amongst likely many other things, but simply put - this is simply my space. To comment, construct, paint, and depict.

Another truth is that this is something new for me in some ways. It’s exciting though small. Big but not. It makes me happy - and as cliche as it sounds but that is just as important to me and valuable as any other reason.

That’s all for now. Wishing myself luck.

10/22/2021. 08:57PM.