anangrylittlebloke-blog

[anangrylittlebloke-blog]

i miss jo

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I feel so sick and sad.

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I’m not even a decent person anymore

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When you check out of technology for a few 7 years because it’s too expensive and then you come back and everything has moved on so much why is there a smart watch, what for? Do people use laptops anymore? I want an mp3 player but apparently I should just buy a touchable grease screen with a 2 second battery life and use that for music. No.  

WHY DON’T BE LIKE BUTTONS ANYMORE?!

WHEN DID WE, AS A SOCIETY, STOP LIKING BUTTONS?!

[anangrylittlebloke-blog]

Feelin’ dysphoric.

A.. aha.... hahaha... 

FUUCCCKKK YYOOOUUUUUUUUU

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Depression hit me like a truck about a week ago. hasn’t let up. 

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I had a massive family reunion thing and people asked me what I was doing with my life.... and i just couldn’t even cope... so I just full on said I had mental health problems....

:D :D :D :D :D

[anangrylittlebloke-blog]

Getting a T injection at 1:20pm

Then I have to AAALLLL the way to a hospital on the other side of town by 2:30pm to have a CAMERA SHOVED UP MY ASS!!!

Today is GREAAATTT

[anangrylittlebloke-blog]

weight.

10/1/2016

12st. 1.2lbs

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24/1/2016

12st. 2.4lbs

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31/1/2016

12st. 1.2lbs

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7/2/2016

11st. 12lbs

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21/2/16

12st. 1.4lbs

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I spent new years kissing joseph.

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I had an accident with my razor the other day and ended up shaving off my sideburns, I miss them dearly. I had had them for over a year I’d say. 

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It’s an odd thing

When a mother and son go through menopause at the same time.

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Might get MMXI tattood onto my chest. 

Start off painful, why not?

[anangrylittlebloke-blog]

Dream Log

10th November

What I did yesterday: Watched Finding Dory Trailer, Killed the Pendleton twins in Dishonored.

Key words: £20, weed club, finding nemo

Feeling: Threatened, heartbroken, bored

This was a total clusterfuck of a dream, I don’t even know what was going on but none of it made sense. 

It started, I think, with me walking down the street from where I live, this guy is mumbling too his phone and starts being rude to me, I ask him what’s up and it turns out he’s lost and doesn’t know how to get home. I tell him to walk up and around the street so he can be picked up by a taxi, he doesn’t have minutes so I give him my phone and he calls and walks away.

Then I go to town to this special club in an abandoned building where you can smoke the bud bud and not get done for it, Jo used to go there (in my dream) so I thought I’d get my high on with a sneaky trip to this top secret club. 

I go into the building and it’s dark inside, probably something to do with the newspaper over the windows. In front of the door goes a dark hallway with a light at the end, in the middle of the hallway stand two identical men wearing waistcoats. I go up to them and say I want too take part in their club, they tell me to go sit in the front of the building. Suddenly there are a few more people, I sit next to a girl who talks to me and now the building is a bus. As it turns out it’s an art club. There are no drugs. Just art. It’s some king of B.Y.O.Weed arrangement. 

The bus stops at my closest bus stop and the man who needed a taxi is there. He throws a £20 note in the air and I chase it and find it. He then asks for it back and I refuse.

The next part of the dream was fucking ridiculous. It’s about Finding Nemo and the fact that my Dad wants me to go over to his at 4pm so we can watch it. I watch it and the ending is too depressing, so I decided to change it. It’s nothing like finding Nemo, It’s about a shape shifting girl fish who can change colour and is stuck in this weird flooded cave. I am the other fish but I can’t breathe under water, I fall in love with the girl fish but I have to leave her in the cave. We take pictures together. We swim together, I am literally in love with this goddamn purple fish girl. 

So I had to leave my fish love and I was heartbroken. 

... Then there was a bit where I needed to go to the dentist and get all my teeth pulled out so I could get dentures. 

WTF.

[anangrylittlebloke-blog]

My Queens

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Dream Log

4th November

What I did yesterday: Wore a jumper, thought about college Key words: Fire, jumper, half brother with one toe, pokemon nibbler, doctors Feeling: Concerned, threatened,

My dad brought over my half brother, he was 22 weeks at this time. I don't actually have a half brother on my dads side, but in my dream, I did. He was kinda cute, regular baby cuteness. Apart from this baby's feet, which were just big toes that looked more like thumbs on the end of the baby's legs, I did not question this, this seemed to be normal... It's as thought my brain couldn't comprehend an entire foot and saved dream space for odder things.

Odder things like George Street, a fictitious road near my college which I was walking home from. George street set cars alight at random. No, not at random, continuously. And what concerned me was the fact that the folks driving these fireball automobiles is that they didn't react. They just kept driving up the road like there was no fire. Some of the cars were not totally engulfed in flames but just had a few things of fire coming out from under the bonnet. Those people didn't care either. I cared. I was wearing my jumper and I was very worried about catching fire myself. The people driving didn't seem to care about me catching fire, and drove as close as you like while I tried to shield myself with my jumper-ed sleeves. I wanted to know why this was happening but I seemed to be the only person who could see it.

I was sent on a wild goose chase after the car debacle. Running from my doctors to my local surgery with a sick note, trying to get my benefits sorted. Very stressful. I was with Jo and she had dropped her hoodie on the stairs of the entrance and a little Asian girl who was sat in the waiting room with her mum got up and picked up her hoodie and gave it back to Jo, I remember the little girl being very polite. 

After all this was sorted I saw my Mum outside in her, thankfully not alight, car with a strange gentleman I'd never seen before, she was trying to sort out some kind of altercation this grown-ass man had had with my real life brother. I was left out of this conversation though so there's no more to add to this part of the dream.

I came home and toe-thumb-baby was still there. He never got a name. He was laid in the middle of a bed wriggling his little baby toe-thumb-feet and Nibbler went and laid beside him. Nibbler was black for some reason and more resembled a Disney cat than a real one. Toe-thumb-baby crawled over to Nibbler and bit her on the arm and Nibbler cried "Nibbler!" This didn't shock me. It seems in this particular dream, cats are Pokemon. I even told my Mum about in my tell-mum-about-everything-no-matter-how-boring-because-LOVE way and she wasn't shocked either. 

I had pizza before I went to bed. This fuckery must have something to do with cheese consumption.

[anangrylittlebloke-blog]

A low point in my life was while I was playing Forza Horizon.

Nearly two years ago I started studying Music Technology in college in a 2nd year group. Because I was only a first year and all these folks knew each other and were confident together I was never included in anything and everyone but me was actually very musically talented. Especially the main group, they were in a band together and they always played Arctic Monkeys in class, because of this I related Arctic Monkeys with being isolated, miserable, useless and pointless. No body talked to me, and I tried to get involved but it was difficult.I felt as though I really hated my life.

So I’m playing Horizon and listening to the in-game Rock station and Arctic Monkeys started playing. 

That’s when I realised I missed college. And I realised that even though I hated everything about that time in my life, and I was driving me slowly over the edge.... it was still much better than my life now. 

That shit hit me like a tonne of depression bricks. 

Now as it turns out, Arctic Monkeys reminds me of better times.