amythesmith

[amythesmith]

Happy Birthday to the one and only: Molly Parks. My dearest sister, you are the world to me. I've loved growing up being friends--playing in the yard and "cooking" with various weeds, calling trees our houses and climbing for hours, bicycling off the ledge in the front yard on our horses, exploring the hidden room beyond a bookcase door, playing with our dolls during long car trips, having sleepovers on the top bunk, founding the Closet Club in the tiny bathroom closet, designing checkbooks for our barbies...I loved our year of high school together when our friendship began to incorporate dance parties on the long commute to school. I loved visiting you in college and then sharing stories and events from my college with you. I loved being at your wedding and witnessing your joyful union with Mitch and then having you at mine. I loved being on the other end of the phone when you took the pregnancy test to find out about your baby's life. You are vibrancy and love, kindness and cheerfulness, compassion and tenderness, beauty in reality. Thank you so much for being my sister and my best friend for life. I love you so much, Meena. #hermeenas #millieandlizzie @supermolls

[amythesmith]

Love. #phoebeoscarsadie #phoebemysweet #sweetlittleloves❤ #myfavoritelittlefuzzies (at Bradford Hills, Nashville, Tennessee)

[amythesmith]

Jude was due today. #judesmith2016

[amythesmith]

It's a Debussy Hike kinda day #todayswalk🌳 #Hecaresformyheart #knownandloved #myfavoriteplaceonearth #treesandmountains (at Fiery Gizzard Trail)

[amythesmith]

Happy Halfiversary to the love of my life. These past 5.5 years have been the most difficult and the most joyful that I have ever known. Thank you for being strength, tenderness, reason, respect, humor, and honor. I love you, Aaron Smith, my husband, my lover, my friend. #lieblingsforlife #halfiversary (at Nashville, Tennessee)

[amythesmith]

Sunday 10-30-2016 #hecaresformyheart #judesmith2016

[amythesmith]

Phoebe, the past four years have been so much happier and joyful because of you. I never imagined I would be a dog person, but here I am wishing I could FaceTime with you when I'm at work and cheerfully spending home time blessed by your funny personality and endless snuggles. I love you, dear pup. #phoebeversary #phoebemysweet #cuddlesfordays #sweetlittleloves❤️ Pictured above: Phoebe in a blanket cave, Phoebe hating bath and blanket cleaning day, Phoebe the snuggle-roo, and Phoebe the friend. (at Nashville, Tennessee)

[amythesmith]

#hearttherapy🌿 #judesmith2016 #Hecaresformyheart (at The Perimeter Trail)

[amythesmith]

The loving kindness of friends reminds my heart to live. Thank you, @rebeckyjack 💙 #hecaresformyheart #judesmith2016 (at Nashville, Tennessee)

[amythesmith]

Happy Birthday to my precious snuggler. The week our first baby was due, I told Aaron I needed Phoebe; I needed a little life to love. So we took her home on 10-11-12 and have been celebrating her existence every day since. I'm so glad you were born, #phoebemysweet ! ❤️❤️🎉🐭

[amythesmith]

Patiently snuggling and waiting for mommy to finish her chores. #phoebeoscarsadie #phoebemysweet #sweetlittleloves❤️ (at Nashville, Tennessee)

[amythesmith]

Spreading the wings, about to fly, resting on earth but still in sky. Only lack of motion keeps them bound. #lifebeyondtheriverbend #livewithpurpose #purposetolive (at Nashville, Tennessee)

[amythesmith]

Rest in peace, Bob. You were a man of steadiness, hard work, faithfulness, humor often disguised in gruff comments, dedication, unswerving devotion and love. Thank you. Thank you for raising my Mama and my aunt, for taking care of them. Thank you for refusing to let me have those nonsense floaties and making me swim on my own. Thank you for being the oldest member of your gym, and for so easily and casually talking to your acquaintances. Thank you for your life well-lived. I am glad to have known you.

[amythesmith]

A happier shot. My heart is a better place because of this five-pound, furry, loving little bit #phoebemysweet #designedtobebeautiful #anditisgood (at Nashville, Tennessee)

[amythesmith]

Thoughts while moving

I have some situational happiness: I'm moving tomorrow in the same zip code, my spouse and dogs are healthy, the washing machine works, and filtered water abounds. So much of our future hinges on this move, on selling our current house, and on avoiding injury while transporting hundreds of pounds of possessions 4.5 miles Southwest of our current residence. When I went to Brasil on a mission trip 13 years ago, I remember being confused when most of the people in the Shopping verbalized Good Health as a prayer request, but I understand it now. Being an adult, there is no one to take care of me other than my spouse, my God, and the friends and family around me. I cannot call out from work for sickness the way I could stay home from school. Now, absence means lost work hours, decreased income, and potential difficulty paying bills. Should the sick time exceed what is acceptable for the organization, prolonged time from work could mean rejection from the position and a resulting slew of financial problems. Moving feels like a nervy thing to face, a hope for a future existence in this pretty house that also holds risk of damage to my Great-Great Aunt Ella Mae's china, multiple car wrecks, paint scarring in the current house that still needs to sell, and spousal damage when attempting a heavy lift. My mind runs wild with problems, with maladies that all could happen, though none have yet occurred and hopefully never will. I think a primary root of this nervousness is the recent loss of my second child. When we lost the first, my heart was broken, and I went through deep and ragged pain as I yearned for death and still tried to live day-by-day. Four years and two months later, we learned that I carried our second child in my womb. I was happy. Surely the same fate would not claim this baby, this blessing to my scarred heart. But when our the ultrasound at 11 weeks showed the baby had died four weeks before, hope evaporated from within me, and I was left defenseless to again walk through the pain of losing a baby, a life I had planned on knowing and loving for the rest of my journey on this earth. So now we are moving to a beautiful house in which I planned on nursing and nurturing this baby. We are moving tomorrow, and I am squeezing my eyes shut against the risks of driving, the fear that the loan will spontaneously fail, the angst that Aaron will get hurt or that someone will drop the china given to me by Ella Mae Woodward a few years before her death. The manacles of anxiety are not rational and cannot be dispelled with a smile or a prayer. The heart instead waits to see what will happen, uttering prayers for safety and peaceful resolutions of pending events. In the midst of it all, I am thankful for the house, the health, the washing machine, and the water. Situational happiness attempts to distract from worry, and I am attempting to let it succeed.

[amythesmith]

Here we are on the last night of our q2year beach trip. I loved our times in the waves, Meena. Your heart is a wonderful place to be. #hermeenas (at Seaside Beach)

[amythesmith]

Missing Jude today. #hearttherapy #trailrunning🌿 #todayswalk🌳 #Hecaresformyheart (at Fiery Gizzard Trail)