amurderbot

[amurderbot]

Composure

FIRST FIC, YO, I AM QUITE NERVOUS BUT HERE WE GO

Summary: Y/N had been missing for weeks, having been captured on a mission with The Avengers. Her boyfriend, Loki, shocks everyone by just how upset he is, as both Loki and Y/N are pretty low-key about affection and emotions, so everyone thought they were just a casual thing. Loki is desperate to help however he can as she’s brought home and patched up. Angst ensues. Fluff ensues.

Warnings: Panic, mentions of torture, surgery, screaming? Some angst with a happy ending

~~~

Loki chased after the men, his desperation clear.

“I don’t understand why you insist upon leaving me here. I have to go, you have to let m-”

“Actually, we don't have to do anything,” Tony interrupted, still briskly walking towards the Carrier. “The only thing we have to do is complete this mission.”

“Tony,” Steve chastised. He turned to Loki, sympathy in his eyes. “Loki, we’ve been over this. We understand your concern, but you have to understand the risks involved with taking you with us.”

"You know you need me,” Loki reasoned. “You know I’m more capable than all of you put together. I’m more devious, I’m more clever, I’m more cunning-”

“You’re more involved.”

Loki tried to seem cool and collected, a smirk painted on his face. “The mission is to find her and get her out, yes?”

“Yes, the mission is to find Y/N and get her home safely, a task that will be very difficult if we have to worry about you being spotted by a grudge-holder or you losing your impulse control and compromising the mission!”

“Guys,” Bruce called from the pavement. “You coming?”

“Look, we gotta go,” Steve told Loki. “You don't have to worry. We’re going to bring her home. We care about her, same as you.”

Loki just glared at the captain, fear and anger and hurt in his eyes, contrasting with the smirk he kept in place with centuries of practice. How strange it was for him to feel betrayed by someone he hadn't consciously trusted in the first place. As Steve made his way toward the Carrier, Tony lingered a moment more.

“You know this is what’s best,” He said quietly. “She’s been gone for weeks. Do you really want to even slightly jeopardize the chance to get her back? I mean, who knows what condition she’ll even be in? We know she’s alive, and God only knows what happens to an agent captured by Hydra and kept alive this long. You know as well as I do that seeing her in whatever condition she may be in may be enough to push you over the edge. You’re just now earning trust.”

Still, Loki glared. Stark’s honesty had caught him off guard, and his smile fell. Instead, he opted to appear more arrogant rather than amused. “You’ll be flailing about without me. It will be highly inefficient. This is foolish.”

“Look. I’m not stupid, okay?” Stark went on. “I know you’re not interested in besting us, you’re just interested in making sure no one else is credited with rescuing your... what is she now, girlfriend? Not the point. Anyway, I also know you’re not opposed to the idea of following us whether we like it or not. But I'm going to be entirely earnest here and say ‘please don't.’ You’re not the only one who cares about her.”

Before Loki could respond, Stark grabbed a small piece of his iron suit and threw it at the trickster’s torso.

“Just checking,” Tony explained.

And with that, the billionaire turned and jogged toward the Helicarrier, leaving Loki with a lump in his throat, glued to his spot in the middle of the hall. No, Stark wasn’t stupid. But he was foolish to think anyone cared for Y/N the way Loki did. Did he really not know? Didn’t everyone know?

~~~

Steve stared straight ahead through the window, unmoving as the team awaited landing. He was scared. Everyone was scared, of course, but he had already had one dear friend taken by Hydra, and he’d seen the pain they’d caused him. But Bucky had been taken so long ago, in an entirely different political and cultural climate. Bucky was kept alive and well in order to be the Winter Soldier. That had backfired badly; what on earth did they want with Y/N? Information? Possibly. But five and a half weeks? Ransom? Was she being used as bait?

Steve was snapped out of his thoughts when Bruce spoke up.

“Hey, what were you guys talking about with Loki? He seemed upset.”

“He was upset,” Tony answered. “The guy’s terrified.”

“He wanted to come with us,” Steve explained. “We had to reason with him once again to keep him from burning down the tower or something.”

“Or stowing away and compromising the mission,” said Tony.

Steve turned to the billionaire. “Tony, what did you say to him after I left?”

“I told him not to do anything stupid. I told him he’s not the only one who cares about Y/N.” This turned a few heads. “Not like that!”

“About that, does anyone really know what exactly is going on between those two?” Asked Clint.

Sam spoke up first. “Who knows with those two? There’s definitely something going on, but are either of them the ‘Relationship Type?’”

“I mean, they’re not exactly hiding their-” Bruce paused, searching for the word. “-affection for one another. But, I mean, neither one of them is a very affectionate person, so that’s not saying much. There’s chemistry. I mean, they compliment one another; they make sense. Hypothetically, they make sense as a couple. But...” he trailed off, making that one face he makes when he assumes you know what he means.

“I don’t know how long it’ll last. I don't think any of us have seen any real closeness,” Natasha mused. “I mean, sure, they sort of compliment each other. Their personalities, I mean. But neither one of them is good with that sort of thing. I can't imagine Loki putting himself aside and actually caring for another being.” A few people chuckled at this.

“And for that matter,” added Bucky. “I can’t imagine Y/N allowing herself to be vulnerable enough to have that kind of closeness with anyone.”

Several people chuckled, most nodded or murmured in agreement. Thor stayed silent.

~~~

Loki’s gaze lifted from the ground as Fury’s Comm went off for all to hear. The trickster had seemed catatonic for the past several hours. No one had said anything when he came to sit near The Bridge; they just let him stay there, huddled up, silent, waiting for news. And now Tony Stark’s voice rang out from a radio. They’d found her.

“Stark. Stark.” Fury got the man’s attention. “Focus, Tony, what’s going on? You’re rambling.”

“Uh,” Tony’s voice was breathless and distressed through the speaker. “I’m not gonna lie: it’s not looking too good. She doesn’t recognize any of us.”

Loki’s heart dropped.

“Banner brought her onboard and got to work immediately, but we don’t know how much can be done. It’s a miracle we got to her when we did; I don't know how much longer she could have held out.”

“How is she now?” Asked Fury.

“Um, she’s unconscious, I think,” Tony said. He was obviously trying to hold his composure. “But, honestly, that might work in our favor because she kept freaking out if any of us got too close. I’ve never seen her like this, Sir.”

“Good Lord.” breathed Fury. “How far out are you?”

“Twenty minutes? More or less?”

“I’ll see you then. A medical team is on standby, they’ll be waiting on the runway. Get her home safe.”

“Roger that.”

Loki’s breathing had shallowed significantly. One could easily see his struggle for air as he processed what he’d just heard. And several people did. Almost everyone did, in fact, at least those on The Bridge. Their pitying and suspicious stares were too much for Loki. His thoughts raced. What would he do? What could he do? Were you going to be okay? Was Stark exaggerating? Why don’t you remember your friends? Would you remember him? Would you freak out if he came too close? Why is everyone staring at him? Did they not hate him? Had he not wronged them? Then why was their pity in their eyes? Why won’t they stop staring at him? Why weren't you here? He was calmer when you were here, why-

“Loki?”

Loki inhaled sharply and flinched away from Nick Fury as he knelt beside him.

“What’s going on in your head, Loki?”

The trickster stood up quickly, eyes darting around like a cornered animal. Fury stood, too, hands held up either to show that he wasn’t going to fight or that he was ready to do just that.

“She’s coming back, Loki. She’ll be here soon.”

Of course she was coming back. Did they think he was deaf? Had he not just heard the status report? How out of it did Loki seem to be? Several agents were tense as they kept their eyes trained on the god, as if afraid he’d run away.

Which he did.

Loki turned on his heel, swishing his cape with a flourish, and started walking briskly away. His speed and gate gradually increased until he knew he could no longer be seen, at which point he broke into a sprint. He didn’t know where he was going, but he had to get out of there, had to get to you. He found himself behind a large window overlooking the runway where a medical staff could be seen standing in the shade the tower provided from the setting sun. His eyes searched the horizon for what felt like hours until the Carrier popped into view and touched down. His heart quickened even more, and once again he broke into a run, sprinting towards the hangar.

He made it just in time to see a group of medics rushing down the hall, surrounding a stretcher.

“Tony, come with me,” Dr. Banner said, and the two joined the team of medics shielding you from view.

That was you. He knew it was you. It had to be. You were right there on the stretcher, approaching, and then suddenly passing right by him.

“Y/N,” he whispered, and ran after you, ignoring the voices behind him shouting his name. All instincts to preserve his pride fell away. All thoughts of how he looked or what people thought fell away. All he knew is, you were right there, right there, and he needed to see you. He had to see you, and they were trying to keep him away. You were in danger, and they were taking you away, and he had to see you, you were in danger. They were taking you away, he couldn’t let that happen again, he had to see you.

He had almost caught up, and he rounded a corner as you were wheeled into what looked almost like an operating room (There were, of course, a few medical facilities in the Avengers compound). He started to run after you when a strong pair of arms seized him around the waist.

“Wait, no,” Loki said, still not thinking clearly at the moment. “Y/N,” he said, a little louder this time. He tried to run again, not even turning around as he kicked and struggled. “RELEASE ME!”

“I can’t do that, buddy.”

“RELEASE ME, MORTAL!” Loki said again, struggling against whoever held him back.

“Steve!” Bucky called. “Come help me, I can’t hold him much longer!”

A second pair of arms suddenly held Loki back as the Captain joined his friend, and then a third as Sam rushed over. He was an Asgardian, after all.

“What’s wrong with you?!” Sam asked the prince, taken aback by his sudden loss of composure. None of them had seen him this way.  

“You gotta let them help her,” Steve tried to reason as Loki fought and spat insults. “Let her go, she’s fine!”

Loki was running out of gas. It was a sight to see as he continued to struggle, despite how obviously he was slowing down. Then suddenly an arrow hit his thigh, and his body went limp, his eyes rolling back and fluttering shut. Clint and Natasha stood a little ways away, Clint poised with a second tranquilizer just in case. Eventually, he lowered his bow, and the three men slowly rose from the ground, breathing heavily. There was a pregnant pause as everyone tried to process what had just happened. The five exchanged looks, sometimes stealing glances back at the sleeping Asgardian on the floor. Sam was the first to speak.

“Well damn.”

~~~

Loki’s eyes opened, and for a moment he just laid where he was. Suddenly, he gasped, jolting fully awake. This was not his bed. This was not his room. And all of a sudden, everything came flooding back at once. Y/N. The prince sat bolt upright, but was met with a hand on his shoulder.

“Woah, woah. Easy.”

Loki’s wide eyes landed on Thor, who chuckled.

“Well you gave quite the show you gave. I don’t think the team will ever let you live that down.”

Loki rolled his eyes as his brother laughed.

“Where is Y/N?” he asked.

“Calm yourself, brother,” said Thor, now earnest. “Y/N is fine. She is in hospital.”

Loki moved to get up. “I want to see her.”

“No,” Thor said plainly as he easily yanked his brother back down. “You are to stay here so as not to upset her more.”

“Why would I upset her more?”

“Because you’re upset, brother, and she’s not in her right mind.”

“Did you see her?”

“Only through the glass.” Thor answered, taking his time. “She she calls out for her friends, for the team, but does not register that we are the ones surrounding her. She thinks she’s still being held prisoner. She is awake, or at least she was last I saw her. Stark says she does not sleep, but merely becomes less responsive and much less aware. She dozes. Having her in that state may be a good thing because she panics when she realizes she’s being touched. But of course, if she doesn’t sleep soon, she-”

“Touched?” Loki interrupted.

“Yes, touched. Surgery requires touching. Needles, stitches, syringes. She’s been very badly injured. Tortured.”

Loki felt nauseous.

“Take me to her.” he commanded.

“No, you are to stay here.” Thor said again.

“Then why am I in your room, why not my own?” Loki was frustrated.

“Your room is cold.” Thor said simply.

“I happen to like the cold.”

“It’s ridiculous.”

“I’m a frost giant.”

“You’re my brother and you’re going to get pneumonia.”

“You don’t have to be in there with me. You could just as easily station guar-”

Thor dropped a hand over his brother’s face, shoving him back unto the bed.

“Just shut up and go back to sleep,” he said. “You’ll feel better in the morning.”

~~~

Loki needed to know what was going on. He knew that there were several operations that needed to take place, and he knew that Y/N was making it difficult as she panicked whenever she became aware enough to comprehend that she was being operated on. They couldn’t keep her sedated because they weren’t sure she’d wake up, and they couldn’t calm her down because she evidently thought she was still being kept by Hydra. The medic staff had left by now, with other things to do seeing as Y/N now seemed to be out of immediate danger. Again, it couldn’t have been easy to operate on an Avenger who would periodically decide you were her captor here to torture her. Banner actually preferred this, apparently. He himself as the head (and only) surgeon, with Tony as his makeshift assistant. Perhaps he thought it might eventually comfort Y/N, if she came to realize they were the friends she’d been calling out for to rescue her and not her captors. Or maybe he didn’t want anyone else seeing her so vulnerable and scared, not even in her right mind. In her state, she honestly had no reason not to think she was still being tortured: she didn’t register that these people were her friends, she was in a room she didn’t recognize, and these people were inflicting pain using medical tools. Granted, the tools and pain were to help her, but she couldn't grasp that.

Loki could hear her screaming from Thor’s room. The whole compound could. He heard when she called for help, he heard when she cried out in pain, in fear... he heard that one time she screamed his name. It took all of Thor’s strength, along with that of Steve and Bucky, who’d been woken up by the commotion in Thor’s room, to restrain Loki and calm him down. He begged to be brought to her, to see for himself, to help somehow. Just to see with his own eyes that she was even home.

And now Loki was missing.

Okay, “missing” is a strong word. Thor had only gone to get food and came back to find the room empty. Thus far, Loki had made no attempt to escape, other than the night you’d called his name. So now the god of thunder jogged through halls of the Avengers Tower in search of his younger brother. He’d had one job, and that was to keep Loki from seeing Y/N in this condition. But now Thor skidded to a stop when as he caught a glimpse of him, just standing in the middle of a hall. It took Thor a minute to realize he was standing right outside where she was being kept.

Loki stood motionlessly in the middle of the hallway, staring through the one-way glass window. As Thor approached slowly, he noticed the silent tears on his brother’s face as he gazed unblinking at the still and broken Y/N.

“Loki?”

Loki didn’t respond.

Thor looked at his brother, not really finding the words. No words would be helpful. He knew Loki cried at night, but he also knew that they were silent, secret tears, and couldn't possibly be what he was really feeling.

After a moment, Thor simply drew Loki into his shoulder, and the younger broke down entirely, sobbing into Thor’s shoulder in the middle of the empty hallway. Thor wasn't surprised. He loved her. Of course he did. Based on the conversation earlier amongst the rest of The Avengers, everyone assumed their relationship was casual, a passing fancy. But Thor knew better, knowing Loki better than anyone and even having seen the couple together when they thought no one was around. Loki’s anxiousness and depression over the past month or so, his desperation to join the rescue mission, the way he sort of lost his senses when he was kept from seeing her upon her return, and now this sudden outpour of blatant emotion: none of it surprised or puzzled Thor. He just knew. And Loki knew he knew, so he let go in that moment.

Later, Steve Rogers approached the operating room carrying coffee for Stark and the doctor.

“Uh, hey,” he had said, clearly surprised to see them sitting on the bench outside the door. For a moment, it seemed the Captain might usher the brothers away from the door, but he seemed to notice the puffiness in Loki’s eyes, the redness on his face. Thor’s grip on Loki’s shoulder tightened unconsciously.

No one ever saw Loki like this. His first instinct was alway to hide true emotions and deceive others in regard to how he’s really feeling. He always stayed collected, he always stayed regal, he always stayed one step ahead of everyone else. Nothing seemed to affect him because he wanted them to think it was all part of his plan. But this was different. He had tried holding himself together. He had held himself together when she went on a mission without his knowing, he had held himself together when the team came back without her, he had held himself together long enough to track her down, he’d even held himself together when he was told he could not go with the others to rescue her. But then she came home, and something snapped in him. His actions or facial expressions or whatever it was had warranted sympathy from Nick Fury. He hardly even remembered the moment she was brought in. All he remembered was the panic and the betrayal as people who had said they were on his side kept him away from his Y/N. No, he couldn’t hold himself together anymore. There was no point. Thor had held him as he sobbed like a child, no doubt Banner and Stark heard it, too. And everyone else had seen him panic at the mere sight of her, or rather, the lack thereof. He had no more energy to keep up appearances. He was falling apart. And everyone could see it. He knew it was visible just by the way Rogers stopped and stared.

Cap looked confused and even sympathetic. Everyone knew Loki and Y/N cared for one another, but no one could have predicted he’d get this worked up.  Upset, sure, but this? Neither Loki nor Y/N were very open people. They’d both built tough exteriors. They were both fierce and ruthless and devious in their own ways. The team loved Y/N for it, as she had her own ways of being part of the family, but still, blatant affection wasn’t a forte for her or Loki. Everyone knew that. Right?

Loki was to be kept away from Y/N for the time being. But the Captain let it slide, saying nothing more as he entered the room to take his shift in keeping Bruce and Tony awake and keeping Y/N pinned down if she started panicking again.

~~~

Which she did.

The brothers had only been camped out there in the hallway for a few hours, but it was late, and Loki had hardly slept since Y/N was taken (really, none of the team had slept much since she was taken). Both Thor and Loki had fallen asleep, Loki laid out on the bench, Thor sitting up, leaned against it, when the screaming started up again. Thor immediately turned to check on Loki, who had his eyes screwed shut and his hands over his ears.

“Loki,” warned Thor, knowing his brother. “Loki, fight it. You know you can’t go in there.”

Tears appeared in the corners of Loki’s closed eyes. His hands clenched into fists.

“I know,” he choked out. And after a moment, again. “I KNOW!”

He seemed to be trying to remind himself more than assure his brother. He was kept away for a reason. There was a reason, right? He had to have known it and agreed with it, otherwise he would have broken in a long time ago. But then his name rang through the compound once more as she screamed for help, and Loki was on his feet. Thor was quick to follow.

“Loki, no!”

“Let go of me!” Loki demanded.

Thor held fast. “She doesn’t understand, Loki! She’s alright! She’s fine, look!”

Thor held Loki near the window, where he could see the Captain stationed behind Y/N’s head, pinning her to the table, trying desperately to soothe her as he stroked her hair and spoke softly. He could see Banner and Stark struggle to stitch her side up what with her flailing arms, and he could see the men distressed as Y/N became a danger to herself the more she fought Banner’s ministrations. But Cap was strong, and would clearly be able to pin her arms and shoulders down long enough for Banner to get to a stopping place.

“She’s fine,” Thor repeated. “She is well protected!”

“She’s terrified!” Loki insisted as he kicked and struggled towards the door.  “Listen to her, she’s terrified, you fool! She needs me! She called for me!”

At Loki’s screaming, Tony and Steve turned to look toward the door, Banner too focused on his work to look up.

“Is that Loki?!” Stark shouted incredulously over Y/N’s screams. Holed up in this room the past few days, Banner and Stark hadn’t caught wind of the state Loki was in.

“Yeah,” Steve began. “he’s been-”

“Thor, get him out of here!” Called Tony through the door.

“Working on it!” Thor called back, struggling to pull his brother away from the area as he struggled and protested.

She screamed for Loki again.

“Thor, get him out!”

“No!” Loki choked out. He could help her somehow, he knew it, if they’d just let him in.

“Dr. Banner?” Steve sounded frightened. “What’s happening?”

A monitor hooked up to Y/N was beeping rapidly, increasing in both speed and volume. A heart monitor, maybe?

“Oh my God,” muttered Bruce. “We have to get her calmed down.”

“Was this because of Loki?” Asked Tony, concerned.

Bruce shook his head as he got to work on checking all her vitals. “No, this was bound to happen with all she’s been through, and she hasn't really slept in days.”

“Loki, just yield!” Thor demanded. “Be rational! Think!”

Loki faltered, even as Y/N’s panicked cried continued. Slowly he began to succumb to his brother’s strength, allowing gravity to pull him to the floor, defeated and broken. Perhaps this was a fruitless battle.

“Bruce?” Tony was starting to freak out. So was Bruce and so was Steve, but they both fought to stay calm in order to help Y/N.

“Tony, buddy, stay with me, okay? It’s gonna be fine.” Banner glanced up from his tablet.

“Tony, you guys are pretty close, what do you think would calm her down?” asked Steve desperately.

“No, we’re past that, it’s gonna be something textbook.” Banner shouted over all the noise.

Tony crouched by Y/N, taking her hand.

“Hey pal,” he tried for perhaps the thousandth time within the past few days. “you’re okay. You know you’re okay, it’s just us. You’re safe.”

Y/N pulled her hand away, eyes screwed shut.

Meanwhile, Banner was starting to get overwhelmed as he listened to the yelling outside the door and the panic before his eyes as his patient, his friend, became increasingly critical. This was ridiculous.

“Loki, try to reason!” Thor continued. “You want to help her, don-”

"Oh, for God’s sake, just let him in!”

All halted at this single, sudden command from Dr. Bruce Banner.

Thor froze, arms still around his brother. Loki’s heart stopped as he looked up in wonder and terror; what had changed? Steve stared at the doctor, as Tony kept his wide eyes trained on Y/N’s heart monitor.

“Now, Steve!” Banner insisted, and Steve jumped up and went to unlock the door. Loki seemed to snap out of his momentary trance as he heard the door click, and he jumped up, assisted by his brother. The Captain gave Loki a pleading look as he opened the door, and with no hesitation, Loki ran to her side, unconsciously pushing both Stark and Banner away. But before Tony could protest, Banner raised a hand, a signal to stop and wait.

Immediately, Loki took her hand in his and crouched beside her.

“Hey hey hey...” he tried to stay calm, his voice soft and gentle as she continued to panic and her heart monitor continued to remind everyone of the situation at hand. “Look at me. Look at me, love, can you hear me?”

She called his name once more.

“I’m right here, darling. I'm right here,” his grip on her hand tightened. He began to stroke her cheek. “I’m right here, it’s me. Can you hear me?”

The others watched in shock and awe as the scene unfolded. This was a side of Loki they’d never imagined. Y/N seemed to calm down ever so slightly. Banner fiddled with the monitor, dumbfounded and hopeful.

“Y/N, it’s me, love. Look, it’s me.”

She kept her eyes screwed shut as she protested. “No it’s not. It’s not.”

Loki’s heart shattered. “Yes it is. I promise. I cross my heart.”

But she insisted he wasn’t real, a lie or a trick of her own mind, and continued weakly struggling to get away from him.

This was it. They had never been open like this in front of people. Over a year and a half had they been together, but they were both private people. But this was different. Yes, there were a lot of people in here, yes he felt vulnerable and scrutinized, but those people didn't matter right now. Y/N mattered. So with but a quick worried glance toward the men staring at the two, Loki’s hand found it’s way behind her neck and he kissed her before he could talk himself out of it. She gradually stilled. How cliche.

Loki pulled back, fear and hope painted across his features. Tears streamed down her face as her eyes stayed shut tight and her body still shook slightly in fear.

“You’re home,” he whispered. “You’re safe. Look.”

She hesitated, her breathing coming in short bursts.

“Look, darling.” he stroked her cheek again as she slowly, slowly opened her eyes. “I’m right here. And look, who’s that?” He gestured, presenting each man. “That’s Doctor Banner. It’s Bruce. You know Bruce, that’s Bruce. He’s right there, he’s real.”

With a sharp intake of breath, Y/N clenched her fist and started to shut her eyes.

“No, love,” Loki said. “Don’t backtrack, we’re nearly there. We have Bruce, see, and look, there’s Tony. You love Tony!” He tried to tease, almost as if speaking to a frightened child. “And there’s Steve, he’s very dear to you, and Thor, you’re quite fond of Thor. Look. See?”

Y/N’s eyes were wild as she struggled to wrap her mind around her situation.

“They’ve been here all this time. You’re safe,” he insisted. He took her chin, guiding her to look him in the eye. “I’m right here. You’re home now.”

By now, her heart rate had mostly gone down, but her breathing remained rapid and urgent. She sobbed and coughed, frightened. Tony reached for her, but she pulled back towards Loki. In her scared and broken state, her instinct was still somehow to draw to Loki. There in the darkness, she seemed to know nothing but him. She looked at him for a minute, and then took a sharp inhale before leaning all the way into him. Without any hesitation, his arms found their way around her as he whispered to her and shed tears himself.

The four other men in the room exchanged glances. Were they shocked? Were they amazed? Were they touched? Confused? Were they gonna vomit? Probably all of the above?

Several minutes passed, Loki holding Y/N there on the operating table, Bruce and Tony knocking back caffeine like nobody’s business, fueling up. Tony eventually spoke up, concern evident in his voice.

“How’s she doin’?”

Loki started, not fully jerking back into reality.

“Hm?”

Sparing Loki the task of moving Y/N to see her and answer the question, Steve bent over to check on her.

“Oh my God,” he said, earning alarmed questions from everyone in the room. “She’s asleep...”

Everyone stared in shock and awe at Loki, who kept his eyes closed and his hold on her tight, seemingly not even aware of the conversation.

Finally, Banner cleared his throat. He motioned to Loki, reminding him there was still work to be done. Loki nodded and pulled back, allowing them to position Y/N however they needed, but refusing to leave her side as they worked.

~~~

This is how they stayed through the next day, when she woke up, immediately starting to hyperventilate.

Loki’s grip tightened instantly, quickly shushing her and calming her down.

“Hey, hey, remember?” he said softly. “You know this is Bruce and Tony. You know that now.” She nodded slightly. “You may forget it, you may not always believe it, but right now, in this moment, you know these are your friends. And you know they’d never do anything to hurt you.” She nodded again. He gestured to where Steve now stood alert, ready to help, and where Thor was passed out in a chair, having not slept properly in quite a long time. “And you know this is Steve and this is Thor. And they would never let anything put you in harm’s way under their watch, is that right?”

Steve shifted uncomfortably and lowered his head, remembering how they got into this mess in the first place. Tony spoke up, though: “Oh, don’t even start, Cap. If this was anyone’s fault, it was mine.” Bruce sighed at his friend, who really needed therapy.

“No,” said Steve finally. “No this was all of our fault. The whole team.”

And suddenly a voice croaked from the table below, “No,” said Y/N. “I’m a self-sacrificing asshole.”

Relief and laughter swept through the room just at the sound of her voice, though anyone could see that that one sentence had taken all her strength and sanity.

“Aren’t we all,” answered Tony, taking note of their present company.

Loki laughed lightly and sniffled. He was trying hard not to be embarrassed by his tears. He turned his attention back to Y/N, who looked at him pleadingly.

“I thought it was over,” she said, barely a whisper.

“I know, I know,” Loki soothed. "And the hardest part is over. You’re safe now, you’re home. But they have to finish fixing you up because you’re injured, yeah? It’s going to hurt, and it’s going to be very scary, but I'm going to be right here.”

She just looked at him. She looked so tired, so broken. It was true, Loki thought, the hardest part was over. She was home now, she was, for the most part, back in touch with reality, and now the fact that she recovering had been realized and processed. But she hardly looked like the Y/N he had fallen in love with. It broke his heart.

“Hey,” Tony said softly. The two looked at him from the hospital pillow. “Why don’t you go back to sleep?”

And eventually she did. She tried to stay awake, still paranoid and not all there yet, but the lack of sleep and nourishment was finally able to take its toll, and she passed out once more. Loki smiled softly and focused on her hand, taking note of the bruises and cuts that were now mixed in with the older scars and callouses.

“Hey,” Tony said again. Loki looked over, confused. “That means you, too.”

Loki stared at Tony even as the man got back to work. But suddenly it all hit him: she was home. She was home, she was safe, she was recovering, and she was right here with him. His eyebrows drew together as he struggled to process all that had happened so seemingly suddenly. Suddenly his eyes met Thor’s, now awake in his chair across the room. The brothers look at one another for a moment, Loki’s face confused and tired, Thor’s relieved and...well...tired. And then Thor nodded at the younger prince, as if to reassure him. Loki did a quick once-over of the room, glancing at the people surrounding himself and his love. And amazingly, he found that he trusted them, as he settled unto the pillow and shifted Y/N ever so slightly against his chest, still not having let go, and still holding on by the time they woke up.

~~~

[amurderbot]

I don't care anymore. I’m writing fan fiction and no one can stop me