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Ice Storm

by Robert Hayden

Unable to sleep, or pray, I stand by the window looking out at moonstruck trees a December storm has bowed with ice.

Maple and mountain ash bend under its glassy weight, their cracked branches falling upon the frozen snow.

The trees themselves, as in winters past, will survive their burdening, broken thrive. And am I less to You, my God, than they?

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Missed Time

by Ha Jin

My notebook has remained blank for months thanks to the light you shower around me. I have no use for my pen, which lies languorously without grief.

Nothing is better than to live a storyless life that needs no writing for meaning — when I am gone, let others say they lost a happy man, though no one can tell how happy I was.

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“The most important thing you can do for yourself each day is to create (in and around you) an environment that keeps you constantly inspired because when you’re inspired, there is absolutely nothing you cannot do.”

— Mensah Oteh, The Good Life: Transform your life through one good day

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“You have been the summary of my entire existence; my biggest weakness, my greatest strength. The weathers of my life start and end with you. You complete me.”

— Sapan Saxena, Unns-The Captivation

[ammcgee-author]

320. Not A Victim (Song)

I’m not a victim of the system,

Of the world, or any demon —

I just go my own way,

I’m further behind than I was yesterday;

And I know, that you know,

That you and your friends

know all the best places to go —

But I just go, my own way;

I’m surely more lost than I was yesterday —

And you know, I have to go,

So please don’t give any more reasons to stay.

And I know, I have to go;

Other friends have already reached out to me,

We have opportunities and responsibilities,

I burned bridges behind and in front of me;

They’re all taking (all taking) you back to where

You have to be,

So fast and far from me;

And it’s lonely path, for sure —

But I know I’m free.

— A.M. McGee

(Note: This poem is about acknowledging your own role in the way your life played out, for better or for worse. It’s about taking the long road or the lonelier path, if you know that path is for you; while also acknowledging the kindness of friends you met along the way. In essence, it’s about understanding that while your life may intersect with many others, each of us is on our own road. Our own journey.)

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Left all alone

With a sinking feeling

Inside a broken home

Where there is no healing.

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With you, I share my dream,

But given the nature of things that I've seen,

How could I not be afraid you'll leave me?

[ammcgee-author]

“I know what it is to love so greatly you can think of nothing else.”

— George R.R. Martin, A Storm of Swords

[ammcgee-author]

A Question

by Robert Frost

A voice said, Look me in the stars And tell me truly, men of earth, If all the soul-and-body scars Were not too much to pay for birth.

[ammcgee-author]

“A great relationship is being with the one who compliments your madness instead of conflicting with it.”

— Marnie Grundman

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319. What I Feel (Song)

What I feel for her

is something so pure,

Like the sky, clouds opened up,

I’m not insecure, but –

But if she breaks my heart;

I’ll surely feel fine,

Gray sky East Coast girls

Submarines on my mind.

She may break my heart,

And maybe today;

I’ll learn to trust her word,

All the things that she said,

I don’t know where she goes

When she wonders away,

I know she’ll break my heart,

I missed her, yesterday –

But what I feel for her

is something so pure;

Like my hand is caught

in that jacket of hers

But if she breaks my heart,

I’ll surely feel fine

I’m not insensitive, but –

Sky high East Coast girls,

High Class East Coast girls

Tired East Coast girls,

Fireworks on my mind.

— A.M. McGee

(Note: I wrote song about the “coming of age” movie Submarine, and the aesthetics of the film. It’s about changing yourself to impress someone.)

[ammcgee-author]

“Nothing compares to the feeling that you get when you are in love.”

— Avijeet Das

[ammcgee-author]

So did you miss me boys and girls?

I crawled out of the underworld

And I'm alive!

I'm alive!

I'm alive!

I'm alive!

Yeah I'm alive!

I'm alive!

— The Hives (band)

[ammcgee-author]

318. Middle-Age

My outlines have become lumpy,

My hair’s in a scrunchy;

My back always hurts,

and bones are too crunchy —

My knees pop, and my shoulders ache,

After three hours of work,

I just might need a break —

I’m not too bitter, but my temper’s raw,

Just like my nerves, I’ve seen it all;

I want to be sweet, and always alert —

But my eyes are tired,

and my head always hurts.

I may sometimes be obsessed

with youth or beauty,

But I’ve had my share, and I’ve done my duty;

I watch how happily little children play,

And wonder if they’ll feel like me, someday…

I may no longer turn every head,

But men my age can barely turn their necks;

But on the inside, I’m still me…

Even if I’m different than how I used to be.

— A.M. McGee

(Note: This poem is about embracing middle-age, and was written specifically for the aging millennial population or demographic. I think everyone wants to skip a step, and go instantly from basically being a cute little kid to a cute little old lady or gentleman… But that’s just not the way life works.)

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I want to escape my hell,

But I hate myself too much.

Self loathing took up all the room I had to grow.

I know I need to change.

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317. Soft Boi (Song)

I want a soft boy,

He doesn’t have to be 6’3”,

Like, that doesn’t mean anything to me —

I want a soft boy;

Keep your rugged hands away from me,

Keep your John Wayne and your James Dean’s

I want a soft boy —

It’s ok if he’s little pudgy,

As long he tells me he’ll always love me;

I want a soft boy,

He doesn’t have to take me anywhere;

Just as long as he has a full head of hair —

I want a soft boy,

Keep your sundried skin and chiseled jaws,

Like, are they supposed to mean anything to me at all?

I want a soft boy,

Someone I can cuddle close,

His gentle smile and gentle voice

matters to me the most —

I want a soft boy;

And it’s ok if never defends me,

As long as he doesn’t try to control or posses me;

And it’s ok if he can’t protect me;

As long as he never offends me —

Listens to, loves, and respects me;

I want a soft boy.

Not one who has to prove himself,

Or pretend to be something else —

I want him soft.

— A.M. McGee

[Notes & Commentary: This is supposed to be a kind of funny/silly song about the kind of men I’m attracted to, versus the kind of men who are usually attracted to me. When you’re young this kind of preference is taken for granted, but as you grow older you’re expected to want something else.]

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316. Fashion Show (Song)

I’ll never be ready for the Fashion Show,

I’ve got two left feet,

I don’t know where to go —

Frankenstein on ice, and I’m moving slow —

‘Cause I’ll never be ready for the Fashion show.

Just saw petals fall, like glass, upon the snow —

And I’ll never pose for no magazines;

Never spark, explode, from your TV Screens —

Never fit in to your hipster punk-rock scenes;

But I’ve never shot anyone while wearing green,

Never fell in love with your green machines.

Never made big speeches from balconies;

Never sweat or bled through green fatigues.

And I’ll never be ready for a Fashion Show —

Never slept in bed with any rich moguls,

Never saw the stars beyond rainbows;

Never went searching for a pot of gold;

Just saw petals fall, and crash,

like glass on the snow —

Frankenstein on ice, and I’m ready to go —

But I’ll never be ready for the fashion show.

And I never fit in to your punk-rock

cold-war scenes;

Never fell in line in your magazines,

I’ve never been shot while wearing green;

And I’ve never bled through any green fatigues,

Never made speeches from balconies;

And I’ll never forget how far I have to go —

Saw my dreams fall, and crash, upon the snow.

— A.M. McGee

(Notes & Commentary: This song is about a dream I had of posing for Marc Jacobs, in one of his ads, because he sometimes uses unconventional looking models in his campaigns. In the dream, I kept trying to get ready for an amateur fashion show/audition but couldn’t get a look together. I woke up and wondered why I had this specific dream, but I think the dream is about procrastination; and never feeling quite ready to put your ideas into motion. Although I’ve never wanted to be a model… The dream is symbolic, I think, of how people present themselves on Social Media. There were also themes, both in the dream and in the song; about how my health holds me back in many ways, and learning to cope with lost dreams and lost ambitions.)