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the cure to self-sabotage is to anchor yourself to the universal truth that you are worth it. you are worth the effort. you are worth the difficulty, you are worth the time, you are worth the consideration. there is never a point in your life, in time itself, that you are not worth it. return to this truth when you feel yourself slipping. do not let it go.

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Theo James as Sidney Parker in Sanditon.

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– X

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#a journey

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#yes hello i would like to write a dissertation on this scene

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No man in Austen has ever fallen in love with a female heroine because she’s pretty or beautiful or has long, blonde hair. They fall in love with them because of who they are, because of their vibrancy and their intelligence. - Anna Maxwell Martin

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Making sense of things

You feel unlovable, because the people who needed to love you were incapable of loving you.

You feel like you are at fault for everything, because the people who were supposed to have your back instead blamed things on you–even when it wasn’t your responsibility.

You feel unworthy, because the people who were supposed to value you instead treated you like a second thought and refused to give you what you needed.

You doubt yourself constantly, because the people whose support you needed consistently gaslighted or disregarded your thoughts and feelings.

You feel as if you are not enough, because no matter what you said or did, the people in your life you looked up to continued to neglect or abuse you.

You feel undeserving of good things, because it was the only way to make sense of a family/environment where you were never acknowledged and treated poorly.

You feel all of this, because you were abused and/or neglected. 

And all these feelings seem like concrete fact, because it’s all you have ever known. You did not get the love and care you deserved. But you don’t feel that, because you have been brain-washed otherwise. You took responsibility for their inadequacies and faults. 

Their failures have never been yours–no matter how much they kick and scream otherwise. It was always, always theirs. And never yours.

You are worthy. You are enough. And those are facts you never got the chance to see.

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Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.

I Wrote This For You: The Fur (via anditslove)

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someone: haha why are you so obsessed with *insert show/book series/film/etc)

me, internally: because throwing myself into something allows me to briefly forget the constant depression misery and sadness i suffer through every day and when i marathon things my self hatred sometimes starts to disappear because i forget that i’m a real person who exists in the real world. my obsessions help me to cope when i feel like i’m about to explode or cry or scream or all of those at once and once i get into something i barely think of anything else for weeks which is a very unhealthy coping tactic but hey it helps so

me: haha idk :))

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Your mixed feelings about your parents are valid.

Shout out to people like me who have parents who are loving but are black holes of emotional labor… It took me a long time to realize that it’s okay to have mixed feelings about your parents, about your relationship with them.

Sometimes parents can love you but be somewhat toxic to you and your growth, and that’s a very hard realization to come to if you, like me, grew up extremely close to them.

Sometimes parents can love you genuinely but lack emotional maturity, forcing you to perform disproportionate amounts of emotional labor. Some parents manifest symptoms of their mental illness in ways that are toxic to your mental illness.

Some parents, like mine, try so hard to be good parents but fall back on habits of emotional manipulation because they haven’t processed their own traumas and are modeling behavior they grew up with. That doesn’t make their behavior acceptable, and it’s okay to feel exhausted and hurt when they betray you. You don’t have to forgive every mistake.

I want you to know that it’s okay to protect yourself, to need some space apart from them. The love you have for your parents is still valid, and you are making the right decision.

Placing a safe emotional distance between myself and my parents has been one of the most difficult, heartbreaking processes I’ve ever gone through… it hurts to try to curb the strength of your own natural empathy around people you love. It feels disingenuous to your heart’s natural state.

But I promise you, you are not hard-hearted or ungrateful, and you are not abandoning them. You are making a decision about your own emotional, mental, and spiritual health.

I know what it’s like in that confusing grey area of love mixed with guilt and anxiety, of exhaustion and quasi-manipulation and unreciprocated emotional labor, and I promise you, you are not alone.

Your mixed feelings about your parents are valid.

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Sweet Bean あん (2015)

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I love ancient religions because often, in the source material, the death and death-adjacent deities are like chill as fuck.

My favorite example is Hades. He gets the Underworld mostly because his younger brothers put their fingers on their noses and said “not it.” So like a good big-bro he goes down there and proceeds to basically be the god of bureaucracy.

He gets everything set up so he doesn’t actually have to do anything. Thanatos is the God of Death (also chill as fuck) and he’s the one who ends lives (but only off the shopping list the Fates give him), Hermes’ psychopomps are the ones who bring the souls down, it’s three dead guys who are the ones to judge your soul, and the fearsome three-headed guard dog… Hades named him Spot.

All the shitty stuff that goes on in Tartarus (Hell), yeah, that’s mostly Zeus’ doing. Hades doesn’t come up with the punishments, just provides the acreage. And when gods come down and want to bring people back to life (often after some god has gotten them killed), Hades is like “nah man, paperwork is finished, transfer’s complete, let them have their rest, find someone else to be your punching bag.”

As for the whole Persephone thing, that is a strange one. I’m like 85% sure the story is mostly Demeter propaganda because that goddess is not chill as fuck. I mean, I guess Hades could have kidnapped Persephone with serious malicious intent, but then did a 180 after realizing he was being a total d-bag. Because, seriously, he pretty much lets Persephone take over everything. Like, everyone knew who wore the pants in the Underworld, the motherfucking Iron Queen herself.

And as much as I love Hades in the Hercules animated movie because of the perfect comedic timing of James actually-a-horrible-human-being Woods, yeah, Hades couldn’t give a crap about what everyone else was doing. He often stayed neutral in wars, be it between mortals or gods, mostly because death does not discriminate, all souls end up with him in the end.

When it comes to the Underworld, Hades is basically the equivalent of the general manager who pokes his head in now and again to make sure nothing is on fire. The rest of the time he’s playing with his shiny rocks because being Lord of the Underworld meant he also had domain over gold, silver, gemstones, basically all the pretties.

Hell, Hades needs an actual Helm of Fear in order to be intimidating because otherwise, yeah, nope. I like to think of him as Skinny!Steve whist his brothers are like, well, Jason Momoa’s Aquaman (aka Poseidon). Let’s face it, Momoa could kick your ass just by looking at you sideways and may actually be a demi-god.

So, please, if you’re writing Hades in anything, don’t make him out to be the modern idea of Satan or Lucifer. He’s really just an introvert with high functioning organizational skills who loves rocks and women who can kick his ass.

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You’re my thing, Johnny. We’re partners.

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When the nights were long, and the days were deep…