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Have An Evil Day

No prompt this time, just a sequel to ‘Welcome To Evil-Mart’

Working at Evil-Mart is usually… well, it’s retail. It’s physically exhausting, you have to deal with a lot of idiots without being overtly rude, and your feet hurt. Even though the hours and pay are very good, the benefits are great, and our bosses treat us well compared to most retail employees, it’s still not what I’d call a fun job.

But it’s not what I’d call dull, either. Especially not on days like today.

I was promoted to supervisor after the Food Poisoning Incident, so I have a little more authority and a little less obligation to be pleasant and I got issued a weighted cosh because sometimes Evil-Mart customers get… feisty. I’d never had to use it, though, because those who hadn’t seen what I did to Majority Rules, either in person or on one of the cell-phone videos that circulated afterwards, had at least heard about it.  They didn’t give me any trouble.

I was halfway through my shift, and the worst things that’d happened had been running out of croissants and a machine oil spill in Aisle Seven, when our greeter pressed the alarm button, which sent an alert to my handset. As front-end supervisor, that meant me, so I went over. Sam, who is unusual in the henching community for having actually aged out rather than ‘being retired’ jerked his chin in the direction of a tall, swaggering figure. “He just came in,” he whispered.

I did a full double-take before I took it in. Superdyne. Fucking Superdyne.

We’d all heard about his dramatic heel-turn a couple of months ago. The whole world had heard about it. Superdyne, who’d skated closer and closer to the line for years, had decided to cross it in a blaze of bloodshed. He was a villain now, he said. There’d been a whole speech about how ingratitude had driven him to it blah blah blah.

I work at Evil-Mart. I’m from a hench family. If someone becomes a supervillain because they hate Mondays or want to turn us all into dinosaurs or whatever, I don’t judge. I will sell depth-charges and laser guns to anyone who can prove they’re over eighteen without hesitation. But even we get kind of grossed out by the ‘I am forced to turn evil because I haven’t been given enough love’ thing. People who are actually so fucked up by emotional abuse or neglect or some superhero killing their family, we’re fine with them. But they don’t say that’s why they do it, and most of them need a lot of therapy to even realize it. People who actually say that’s why are entitled dickwads.

And now the dickwad had walked into Evil-Mart like he was entitled. Like he thought he was one of us.

Keep reading

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Evil-Mart provides a vast array of tools and gadgets that is essential for the common villain-of-the-week. You work as a cashier there. Unfortunately all your coworkers mysteriously called in sick today, so you alone have to handle the long line of increasingly disgruntled customers.

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GO APOLLO GO

SIC 'EM

EVERYONE LEND HIM YOUR STRENGTH!

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And they say there's nothing worthwhile on the Internet any more

Traffic Scotland has a tracker that lets you know which roads have been gritted lately, and by which gritter. Because they all have names.

Favorite one spotted so far: CHARLES RENNIE MACKENSLUSH.

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We need like “unclench your jaw” posts but for eye strain. Like

Go look at something 20ft away for 20 seconds.

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I find the fact that the closest mountain point on earth to the moon, the highest mountain and the tallest mountain are 3 different mountains to be a tiny bit disturbing

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Hot take but I really do think that some of y’all need to consider how/why/when/how often you’re making fun of straight people for being straight

I do it too, I’m not going to pretend I don’t make jokes about the hets, or the down with cis bus, or whatever

But I recently befriended a cis, straight dude and I have watched him be dismissed, degraded, and unambiguously insulted for the perceived “crime” of being straight — all in queer environments where he is allegedly “completely welcome” and surrounded by “friends”

This guy is not a toxic person! But I have seen him be made to feel so small and like his comfort and safety in those spaces are conditional on his silence and acceptance of being treated like a human dunk zone, and I think that some of y’all have had so much shit from straight/cis people that the second you feel like you’ve got an inch, you want to luxuriate in the perceived catharsis of bullying someone who— actually —doesn’t deserve it

And until he very, very carefully mentioned to me in private that it makes him feel bad, I didn’t even clock that I was involved in doing that, that it had become so instinctive for me to make casual jokes like that, and that— well meaning or otherwise —I had been contributing to an environment that made someone I really really like feel like shit

So, I dunno, I think maybe some of y’all should think about that too

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tbh any time ive had middle aged adults condescend to me like im super naive its because their lives are shit and they assume thats gonna happen to me too and i need to wise up or whatever. maybe theyre resentful. it doesnt work on me anymore because ive known too many 50 year olds with fun lives who dont do that.

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Eugene gets me

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You've been isekai'd into a fictional setting. Spin this wheel to find out which one.

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Thank you for the existence of bibble bc everytime I see him I remember the plushie I had and think about how soft he was

You’re entirely welcome. Especially because Bibble kind of took me by surprise when I started writing him. (It’s a weird thing, but there are characters whose dialogue or behaviors seem to come more easily than others’ right out of the box, and Bibble was one of these. What this says about the writer can sometimes be cause for idle and/or humorous speculation after the fact.) 😏

…Also: there’s some discussion over in this post about Bibble’s origins that might be interesting.

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🪷

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I’m just going to leave this here

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Lost in the tags:

i love characters who are always like fear not, i shall take care of this problem for you….. by sacrificing myself!! and everyone else is like i swear to god if you pull this shit again i’ll kill you

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Did you see that Magic: the Gathering now has a game state in which you need to prove that there are an infinite number of twin primes to win? I can explain it more if you are interested.

(With reference to this post here.)

By all means, please tell us about the Magic: the Gathering combo which requires proving the twin prime conjecture in order to win.