amaliabijou

[amaliabijou]

030624

wooow its been such a long time and guess what? the talking stage did not work out of course, and I was the problem. I ended things because I felt like he was emotionally way too detached, he just didn't really care about a lot of things I wished he would've cared about.

but don't worry I wouldn't be me if I wouldn't be in a even bigger and more problematic talking stage than a few months ago. im in a relationship with a man I've met a year ago already. we were friends back then and we lost track of each other after a while and now he randomly spawned back into my life a few months ago. we fell in love so quickly and everything's been going more than amazing between us we're so attached to each other and I finally feel like I've found my place and my person on this earth, I really want to build a future with him and we plan on starting it way sooner than I thought.

but of course, because its my life we're talking about, everything cant just be normal for once. there always has to be some sort of issue I cant simply get out of the way. he's muslim, im christian and we don't have a problem with that at all, others do. we're keeping our relationship entirely secret at the moment because we're trying to figure out how to tell our parents and how to flee right after we've told them lmao. things have been so hard to handle and I can definitely tell how much he's struggling under the pressure, im enduring it way easier than he does somehow. I just hope that things are gonna work out fine in the end, cause as of right now, we're just trying not to go insane.

advice highly appreciated !!!!!!

-bizzz

[amaliabijou]

in case anyone needs a *cough* free *cough* anime streaming website which is absolutely aesthetically pleasing and fulfills all requirements you gotta check out aniwave.to (previously known as 9anime) thank me later xoooo

[amaliabijou]

helpppp should I take Korean or French at uni??? so contemplated idk what to choose, hardest decision ever

[amaliabijou]

050224

lmao 3 months ago one of my best friends witnessed how the police confiscated the car of a marocc guy who thought that it was a good idea to drift into a crowded parking lot with squeaking tires (it was his dads car which makes it even funnier tbh). she felt so bad for him that she decided to give him a ride home. well he forgot to warn her about the speed trap on their way to his place. fast forward she drove right into the speed trap. 50kmh over. without her glasses on, which she's obligated to wear while driving.

now 3 months later the notorious blue envelope arrived and it's a 412€ ticket 💀 bruh I thought that my 220€ ticket I got in October was a lot. and I can't even help her out money wise because I'm a broke gyal atm, can't remember the last time I had so little money.

and aaalll that because of some random guy who doesn't know how to drive lmfao it was still kinda worth it.

-bizzz

[amaliabijou]

eldest daughter urge to speak up to my dad and fight for the last word. RELIGIOUSLY

[amaliabijou]

eldest daughter urge to leave everything behind, move countries and cut all family and friends off

[amaliabijou]

040224

what a fucking Saturday night. was at my best friends place first, we finally booked our crazy 15-ppl-9-bedrooms-60m^2-pool-croatia holiday trip. can't wait for summer this year actually, got so much stuff on my bucket list just waiting for the sun to come back out.

anyways back to last night. my best friends cousin, whom Ive basically grown up with, also attended last nights gathering and idk wtf that is but there has been a thing, some sort of weird tension, going on between us since last year. idk how to put it in words really, but he's so touchy and sweet when no one is looking. one time he started grabbing my thigh under the table and the looks he keeps throwing at me ughhhh its so confusing and frustrating. but the problem with all this is that he's In a long term relationship and I looove his girlfriend she's so sweet and I love being around her but I feel so bad whenever I look at her because of the things he keeps doing to me. some minor thing happened again last night. we ended up in the kitchen together and he came so frkn close and he kept this intense eye contact. confusing guy.

afterwards my mans picked me up, we went to his place and got high. geez I love edibles. we watched tv, our bodies collided and then we went to sleep.

now I'm laying in bed after having the most chill Sunday ever. chill but still amazing weekend. don't want Monday to come around already. someone freeze time for at least another 24 hours pls.

-bizzzz

[amaliabijou]

030224

today is a good day

doing great with my parents, my mom cooked the best meal ever, I'm not sleepy for once in my life and I get to see a lot of amazing ppl today. finally topping it off with a sleepover at my mans place (if my mom stays in her suspiciously good mood and lets me). gonna have a good smoke with my man, some munchies and good music (he aint ready for the throwback 2000' bangers I have in stock for tonight). can't wait, I miss him. he's been working a lot recently and I can tell how his body is suffering under massive lack of sleep, worries me a lot.

a girl has to groom those hairy legs and little miss vagajgaj now. IM JUST A GIRL^.^

-bizzzz

[amaliabijou]

anyone remember this absolute BANGER??

the greatest mashup in modern music history

[amaliabijou]

030224

so since I apparently have a serious problem with keeping my actual diary up to date I decided to ditch my on-paper one and use Tumblr instead. do ppl actually still use this platform?

funny story actually on why I chose Tumblr as my new diary platform: I just finished watching the Cecil hotel documentary on Netflix where they thoroughly talked about the mysterious Elisa lam case. and miss girl inspired me with her Tumblr-diary-blog-thingy she had going on to give it a shot. great timing actually, I just got my new MacBook like- 2 days ago?? and since I'm waiting for my uni semester to start I don't really have a reason to use it for anything else but for netflix and YouTube, so this seemed too perfect not to try it.

yeah since I really do wanna treat this as my actual diary, especially because I don't believe that a single soul will ever find this account and actually be interested in my boring little life, I might as well talk about life recently.

so for the first time in a loooong time I'm in the middle of a serious talking stage. trust and believe when I tell you that I would've never thought that I'd have something so serious going on with THAT particular guy. we already have history and now that we're older it kind of worked out pretty well. but as much as I like him and as much as I try to put my all in this thing we have, I can't help but to crave attention from other men. and I don't think its because he's not. giving me enough or because I don't like him enough, I just don't know why I have these thoughts. I can't help myself but to redownload tinder every other week, just to delete it again after a day of swiping. I hate it it's weird and annoying because he doesn't deserve that. he's being totally loyal, even though we are not even official yet and im the first girl he let in his life after a long long year of being totally happy by himself. I feel bad, but not as bad as I should be feeling if that makes any sense. I just hope that this is just a phase and I'll grow out of it soon. Maybe it's just out of habit tbh. I'm so used to being surrounded by multiple men because I've emotionally been alone for such a long time, only screwing around and having fun, that I actually forgot how it feels like to work on something real and mature with someone. I hope I'll be able to set my priorities and feelings straight. needs to happen ASAP.

to be continued tomorrow (hopefully)

- bizzzzz