alyxmin

[alyxmin]

The fast clips in Tommy's new music video

[alyxmin]

Today I found out my dead grandpa was a massive shoplifter and every ice cream sandwich, Little Debbie roll and candy he gave me was more than likely stolen. He always had little gifts for me. Gifts he had stolen. Apparently Walmart was his favorite spot to steal from. I thought I couldn’t love and respect my grandfather any more than I already did but I do now. Poppy, you were a real one.

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sorry that my pussy is so wet and soft and inviting and my heart is pure and full of whimsy. as if it’s my fault.

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ipad kid raichu my beloved

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you want them to text back but that's anxious attachment isn't it. it's just that you can feel on the wind when you're not wanted anymore. when they've fallen out of love in any small part of their marrow. you have a hawk's eye for disharmony. you can tell when she has begun packing her things.

don't be annoying. you want to write: i have never experienced unconditional love as an explanation but isn't that pathetic. in adulthood all love is conditional and it should be. you've been to too much therapy. touch grass. how sappy can you be.

but they don't reach for your hand while they're driving. they forget to ask you how you're doing. the call times no longer read 12:34:19. they're 30 minutes and perfunctory before she says baby please, i'm tired. i need to go to sleep. where in her life do you fit. why is it that you never fit into anyone's life very long. oblong creature with so many needs, spilling up and out and over everything. it's a fucking shame the first time she said she loved you it was for your independence. and now look at you.

hollow pit in your stomach, body shaking. fuck, not again. you're not going to ruin another relationship like this, codependent and toxic, spiraling. and in the other half of your brain: if that's your wife, wouldn't she want to hear it? wouldn't it be fine? wouldn't she just comfort you and you can both move on and nobody dies?

but you're crowding her! read another instagram Positive Vibes Only type of post that talks about calming your heart and your brain and your body. try to sit in silence. the thing is that you do have a life outside of her, remember? go back to it.

great news, your parents fucked you up and now you have no idea how to deal with love. you just keep wanting to be chosen. to be real to someone, all the way through. real and kept. held closely. seen as precious to somebody. why even is that? didn't you always swear that people can and should complete themselves? why are you so constantly driven to beg for love, doglike and barking?

it's just the tiny things. it's just that you have to weigh every silence and sentence like bricks on an exposed belly. you have no idea how to shut it off. every alarm bell in your body saying: this isn't safe. start scrambling. she's already going.

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i'm about to drop out this fucking minute i can't do this anymore

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not to be that guy but it’s pretty telling to me that everything addressing women’s insecurity and the predatory nature of the beauty industry + patriarchal expectations of femininity tend to focus on already beautiful women driven into insecurity, which IS AN ISSUE don’t get me wrong. but it also usually leaves out the much more traumatizing experience of unattractive or fat women in the same exact society. and i think it’s because we still on some level see unattractive women as simply deserving of the social consequences they receive and are seen as uncaring about their appearance. like yes absolutely i feel for and i stand up for all women preyed upon by patriarchy’s beauty expectations, but i think it’s very important to point out that most of the examples we see of this issue are already well within the beauty standard, and this makes less conventionally attractive women feel like our experience is deserved on some level. which frustrates me obviously

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I’ve just realised that homophobic people don’t get to ship phan or jaspar or tronnor or troyler and that just really upsets me

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I've been thinking of nothing but the harris campaign for days and I still can't fully comprehend that it was real

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i say this with love: yall will make yourselves feel bad about fucking anything, i swear to god. you feel bad about feeling too much. you feel bad about feeling too little. you feel bad about what makes you feel good. you feel bad about not knowing what you like. you feel bad for not being able to survive easily in a world hostile to you. you feel bad for the tactics that you use to survive. you feel bad for how you identify. you feel bad for being unique. you feel bad for experiences that you share with millions of people. you suspect that every feeling, experience, desire, fear, and question in your brain is somehow evidence that you don't deserve to exist.

i can be so so reassuring about all of these things but ultimately you are the one that's gonna have to make a conscious choice to stop measuring yourself in these ways. there is no authority who gets to determine whether you have the right to exist or not. you already do. there is no body that votes on whether you get to feel, identify, or think as you do. you already do. your existence as it is is non-negotiable. stop trying to justify yourself. you're already here. the world is going to have to deal with it anyway.

[alyxmin]

Anyway American trans friends, now's the time to put "be gay do crime" into practice and the first step is to get onto secure communication channels so you're not discussing details of what you're doing and how on the public internet.