alwaysming

[alwaysming]

A Comeback

Hi Tumblr!

Here I am, trying to get back here. It’s been a while since I posted something here. Twenty-four, still twenty-four, is tough. Being in this age sucks. I understand now why some people say that this age is a miserable one. I thought back then that teenage years were hard but damn it’s minimal compare to this adulating age. I will try to post something about that one of these days.

Anyways, I was doing laundry when I realized that I miss writing though I’m not really good at it but still I freaking miss this. Tumblr is my bestfriend since high school and I miss everything here.

I will post from time to time. 

Always,

Ming

[alwaysming]

Opening Diaries

I opened my diary and I happened to read some of it. I came to realize that it’s all about you and I thought that since then it’s only been you. I promise, I didn’t know that before but not until I finally told you about it.

I never miss someone like this before. I never thought that this would hurt so much. When I read those conversations I had with you through broken lines, I never knew I would be this nostalgic.

When you said “Okay. Thanks.” I never felt that unimportant before. I knew I would never be someone special, I knew you would never feel the same way about me. My only regret is, I let myself trust in words like “I’m just here for you.”

I wish you never said that.

I wish I am not a fool.

[alwaysming]

Hey~

Tonight, I happened to reread the conversations we had.

I know.

I’m so stupid.

I’m always so stupid.

But I can’t help it.

Also,

I can’t help being hurt.

You may ask me. “Why are you being like that?” And I don’t know what will I say to you because I don’t know.

I don’t know why I’m being so drawn to you. As far as you are right now, the closer you get to my mind. The more you ignore me, the more that I think about you.

I know.

I’m so stupid.

Always so stupid.

You may tell me, how come did I develop these feelings when there was nothing romantic happened between us. Now, I say again, I don’t know too. I guess, that’s your charm: you’re unintentionally keeping people close to you or liking you without too much effort.

Since then, you’ve been always on my mind. I can’t feel sorry for myself since I made this choice. I had chosen to back off even though I really don’t want to because I don’t want to make you feel that way. I don’t want you to feel sorry of what you did because you never did anything wrong.

I wanted to stop this. Should I? I guess I need to stop asking you this question too. It’s too obvious in your silence that you don’t want to involve with me anymore and I get that. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be like this to you. I should not do this to you anymore.

Yes, you can tell me now. “Why don’t you erase those conversations we had?”

I know.

I’m so stupid.

I’m very stupid because I didn’t.

I can’t erase them. I can’t.

“Why?”

That’s the only memory I had with you.

Whenever I miss you, I just read them. And I know that I can’t create conversations with you anymore, that’s why I’m here.

I guess, I would be like this for a while now. I wish I had met you but since of what we are right now, I can’t make it happen anymore. I just want to tell you that I miss your lovely voice. I miss it when I asked you to sing me a song, you would send your beautiful covers.

I hope you are living well.

How I wish I could know what happened to your days.

But I know I can’t.

I guess this is really the end of us?

Well I guess this is such a stupid question.

“There was never really a beginning to end with.”

[alwaysming]

BTS postcards!

Since I love postcards so much I was thinking “Why don’t I make my own?” but I was so lazy to draw so it happened that I used some adorable photos of BTS instead~ :) I love BTS so much so I would love to print a lot of these postcards! Especially Namjoon’s photos are so aesthetically pleasing, it is really ideal for postcards!

See some of it below~

[alwaysming]

Looking at the Mirror

I’m a bit sleepy yet this girl is typing on my keyboard on her own. Well, maybe she’s quite lonely right now that’s why she’s doing this. I don’t know what to say to her and she’s ignoring me though I can feel her loneliness radiating to me like the hottest time of the day. Now as I’m looking into her eyes, I could see her tears fall but she didn’t make a sound. I’m wondering about what she is thinking or how much pain she’s enduring but still I couldn’t say anything that would make her feel alright. I guess she’s just too lonely that’s why? or did someone break her heart? I hope not. I can’t tell her anything positive because I know she’s having a hard time and all she can think of is just cry her heart out. I think the only way to do is just let her let go.

[alwaysming]

My first travel blog is here!~ 💜

~ MINGMEOWHDIARIES NO. 1

[alwaysming]

A GIRL FROM BOOKS

She knew life through books.

She had been in someone’s shoes.

She met people who loved and hated her.

She had been to different places may it be magical, surreal, dystopian, wrecked or chaotic.

She felt the love, pain, sadness and all the unexplained emotions existing.

She experienced happy endings.

She was happy, so happy but it’s the life in books and she keeps hating how reality is so much different.

[alwaysming]

I miss you. I can’t really find the words to say but it’s just that I miss you. I don’t want to hurt myself thinking that you miss me too. Maybe I’m too weak and too stupid, I can’t seem to send messages to you. Maybe, I can’t because I know that you don’t care about me. You don’t send me messages anymore not even initiate the conversation. I may be sound or look like I don’t care but you know what? I do care a lot. I really care about you, and it’s a lot. I really care how your days are going. I do care about your daily problems. I want to listen to your heartaches. I want to hear those things that made you smile or sad. I need your cute teasing or crazy self-proclaimed-handsome phrases. I need you and I’m worried about this so now I should stop. Should I? I guess I don’t need to hear your answers anymore because it’s just obvious in your silence.

But if, just what if, you are reading this. I am typing this message with just only you in my mind. I know it’s two am and shxt I’m too damn emotional right now but yeah I’m so fxkdup. I want you to know that, I’ll just be here when you need me. I hope you will stand on your word when you said that you’ll just be there.

[alwaysming]

제원~ 축하해요! 💕 —— 원데이는 정말 잼있어요! 제원���~ 💕

그냥 난 널 정말 좋아해요 그래 내 사랑은 남자 제원아 해야해 사랑해 —————————-

Today is Jung Jae Won’s debut day!

I am having mixed feels right now. It’s too much for me. I really can’t handle my feels! ㅜㅜ The MVs are all so good, I can’t believe that he is already debuting! And I am very thankful to YG because he didn’t put my boy in an idol group; One’s really beautiful enough and the point that he sticks to his music genre which is… hiphop. Thank you so much YG for letting my boy do his music. ㅜㅜ I just can’t believe that the MVs that I watched today is his. I got so emotional whenever I think about his SMTM days in season 4 & 5. Since the first season that he joined smtm, I already became a fan and much to my joy, he joined ygent after that. My boy didn’t stay as trainee for too long! So I am very proud of him ㅜㅜ

So to my Jaewona~~ I will support you as you have your brighter career now.

I love you my boy!♡♡

[alwaysming]

[alwaysming]

'No one’s gonna love you like I do.' I told him. But still he left me.

pls don’t ask me

[alwaysming]

[alwaysming]

They may call you "the third one from the left" Or "the car door man" But honey you will always be my princess. You may like pink or Super Mario Yet baby you are as strong as the knight. Your castle may be as far as the stars Yet you come to give happiness to humanity. Oh such a lovely man who came from the stars. Kim Seok Jin, You have blessed this world with your beauty from inside and out. "I love you Seokjin oppa" said the girl who came from the Army.

[alwaysming]

When some people asked you to leave, You stayed. You heard hurtful things that you don’t deserve, but still you stayed. You have all the pressures, You received a lot of criticisms, You face personal problems that most people don’t know but you wear a beautiful smile as if nothing is going on, You did all your best for a long time just to make people happy.

That’s why I am here, the whole Army is here to tell you:

“Thank you!”

Thank you for staying and choosing the group. Thank you for making us happy. Thank you for being strong for us. Thank you for taking care of us. Thank you for showing in all the ways you can just to tell us how much you love the whole fandom. Thank you for understanding each member and for being a great leader. Thank you for guiding the members. Thank you for taking care of them like a family. Thank you for loving BTS. Thank you for loving us.

I love you Kim Nam Joon. We love you Rap Monster.

Forever and always ♡

[alwaysming]

I can hear the bells ringing Not for a celebration of a new life, Not even a union of two souls But it’s a tribute for my dying love.

I’m just saying goodbye

[alwaysming]

A story of a fangirl and her boy

She was the girl who was a part of the crowd No matter how hard she tried shouting Her voice remains unheard. He was the boy who was enjoying the crowd No matter how hard he tried smiling for them His heart remains broken.

[alwaysming]

You remind me of a song. A song that I knew once. The song that MY HEART remembered all its lines. Yet now, No matter how much I try, I can't remember anything. Not even the melody nor its first key.

- the girl who forgot her lover