always-bleh - Tumblr blog

[always-bleh]

Looking to buy red cosmos and red lilies on anyone’s island in animal crossing. Can give you a black rose in return!

[always-bleh]

My demons couldn’t take me on my worst days.

I’ll be fine...

[always-bleh]

US Helplines:

Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696

Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433

LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255

Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386

Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743

Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438

Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673

Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272

Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000

Exhale: After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-4394253

Child Abuse: 1-800-422-4453

UK Helplines:

Samaritans (for any problem): 08457909090 e-mail jo@samaritans.org

Childline (for anyone under 18 with any problem): 08001111

Mind infoline (mental health information): 0300 123 3393 e-mail: info@mind.org.uk

Mind legal advice (for people who need mental-health related legal advice): 0300 466 6463 legal@mind.org.uk

b-eat eating disorder support: 0845 634 14 14 (only open Mon-Fri 10.30am-8.30pm and Saturday 1pm-4.30pm) e-mail: help@b-eat.co.uk

b-eat youthline (for under 25’s with eating disorders): 08456347650 (open Mon-Fri 4.30pm - 8.30pm, Saturday 1pm-4.30pm)

Cruse Bereavement Care: 08444779400 e-mail: helpline@cruse.org.uk

Frank (information and advice on drugs): 0800776600

Drinkline: 0800 9178282

Rape Crisis England & Wales: 0808 802 9999 1(open 2 - 2.30pm 7 - 9.30pm) e-mail info@rapecrisis.org.uk

Rape Crisis Scotland: 08088 01 03 02 every day, 6pm to midnight

India Self Harm Hotline: 00 08001006614

India Suicide Helpline: 022-27546669

Kids Help Phone (Canada): 1-800-668-6868

FREE 24/7 suicide hotlines:

Argentina: 54-0223-493-0430

Australia: 13-11-14

Austria: 01-713-3374

Barbados: 429-9999

Belgium: 106

Botswana: 391-1270

Brazil: 21-233-9191

China: 852-2382-0000

(Hong Kong: 2389-2222)

Costa Rica: 606-253-5439

Croatia: 01-4833-888

Cyprus: 357-77-77-72-67

Czech Republic: 222-580-697, 476-701-908

Denmark: 70-201-201

Egypt: 762-1602

Estonia: 6-558-088

Finland: 040-5032199

France: 01-45-39-4000

Germany: 0800-181-0721

Greece: 1018

Guatemala: 502-234-1239

Holland: 0900-0767

Honduras: 504-237-3623

Hungary: 06-80-820-111

Iceland: 44-0-8457-90-90-90

Israel: 09-8892333

Italy: 06-705-4444

Japan: 3-5286-9090

Latvia: 6722-2922, 2772-2292

Malaysia: 03-756-8144

(Singapore: 1-800-221-4444)

Mexico: 525-510-2550

Netherlands: 0900-0767

New Zealand: 4-473-9739

New Guinea: 675-326-0011

Nicaragua: 505-268-6171

Norway: 47-815-33-300

Philippines: 02-896-9191

Poland: 52-70-000

Portugal: 239-72-10-10

Russia: 8-20-222-82-10

Spain: 91-459-00-50

South Africa: 0861-322-322

South Korea: 2-715-8600

Sweden: 031-711-2400

Switzerland: 143

Taiwan: 0800-788-995

Thailand: 02-249-9977

Trinidad and Tobago: 868-645-2800

Ukraine: 0487-327715

(Source)

[always-bleh]

Clear your mind here

[always-bleh]

“Every broken heart in the world still beats...”

The Flash

[always-bleh]

Don’t lie to yourself. You always know what you need to do. You just fear what it will do to those around you.

Yourself

[always-bleh]

tumblr friendships are hard to maintain like im sorry i know i havent talked to you in 5 months but you’re still super rad and i still consider us friends im just dumb

[always-bleh]

There are people in this world who prefer solitude. But there is no one who can withstand it.

Fairy Tail

[always-bleh]

[always-bleh]

This is the lucky clover cat. reblog this in 30 seconds & he will bring u good luck and fortune.

[always-bleh]

Rant

Gonna rant a bit where the people in my life can’t see what I write. So me and my friend had always had a wierd awkward on and off relationship. We try and we’re seeing each other and I want to be serious where everyone knows and she doesn’t. It goes on and I’m in love with it I’ve loved this woman for years so this is something I always want. Well she’s always talking to another guy at the same time while doing things with me. She never does the number one thing I want when this happens. Talk to me. No I always have to find things out in the worst possible ways catching the act. I told her this always happens can we try actually talking to me instead of lying? She says no. So the last time this happened I tried to honestly get along and be okay and be her best friend still. Well the guy at the time decided no... I don’t like him(me). We still tried to be our best friend selves. That didn’t go well. I was blown off constantly before she had started seeing this guy me and her had talked about moving out together and dating of course. Well I didn’t work out but she took our plan threw away what we had talked about having a family and future. Turned around didn’t bother to tell me she was moving in with him instead and gave him everything I had ever wanted. I still tried to be friends but at some point enough is enough. The guy clearly didn’t want me around it was hurting her and hurting me too. So I asked for me and her to meet privately. That didn’t happen no no of course not. We had to rub salt in the wounds and she brought him. I said screw it I brought my best friend Bro with me. For one purpose to help keep my temper in check and not to start swinging. He said he didn’t like me how I talk with her and how I was trying to be with her from messages he had read. These messages were months upon months old. He said she had talked to me and she looks and says yeah I told you. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. She told me NOTHING! She left me to figure it all out on my own in the worst ways imaginable. My Bro knew all this and just looked at me I was able to keep it calm and cool thankfully. I told her okay you said your part. I had given her a necklace I wanted back. Native American enchanted with blessings necklace and the debt she owed me for helping her out when her husband left her with an apartment she cant afford and car payments. I see no problem with me wanting those back and the deal was made and we split. I’d contact only concerning the debt and I got the necklace back the next day. Well... Mr. right in everyway she could see... left her... We hadn’t spoken in almost a year. She reached out to me 3am at night. He hadn’t left her quite yet but the process was beginning. So my best friend who I did very much still love and was still my best friend came to me. Crying at 3am about the guy she left me for and wanting someone to listen to her. As a best friend of course I would be there... but at the same time it is a cruel punishment I gave her advice and eventually started laughing. She dropped me off back home and left smiling and feeling better. Me... I had finally started being happy and it all came crashing back down all the pain everything. I broke into so many pieces again. I left wanting my friend to be nothing but happy and for my own good so I could be happy. Me and my bro were going to move out into an apartment. I was broken I just wanted the money she owed me and started contacting her more frequently. I wanted nothing more to connect us together no reasons to contact. I just needed that debt paid and gone so I could move on. We got in a fight of course money always leads to fights. Me and my bro moved out we were in our apartment. I wanted to put our fight on pause and asked her to come out and see the apartment. She wouldn’t even come to the door to come out with me. My best friend who could come crying at anytime to me wouldn’t do the same and come out for me to talk and just have fun as friends. Month or so went by I hated it. I made a letter and dropped it off at her parents. Funny part her mom let me in and we started talking she knew we were rocky and she knew it was breaking me. As I’m getting ready to leave she says she should be home soon... I thought she was living with her boyfriend Mr. Right still. And she walked through the door and saw me. We went outside and talked calmly. I gave her the letter and my bye pretty much I didn’t care about our debt anymore. I wanted to be happy which I was... I had moved out with my bro and his fiance. This was my first place and I was getting my life together talking to other women again just... happy. She started texting me again. I swore I would always be there for her anytime. I still hold true to that but I wasn’t going to fall back and start wanting her agai and if she wanted to be back in my life she was going to be the one making that effort not me. She did and we were back to best friends while her and the boyfriend worked through things. He didn’t know I was back in her life... least i don’t think he did. I remember she was going through something and said hope she was having a good day. I get a text back saying. “Thanks I will let her know.” I just let it slide. I saw it as bait into a fight and I left it. But I know for damn sure he read everything about how me and her wre talking. Not flirting but seeing how much we missed each other. Looking back that probably played a huge part in the break up. Life went on no problem popped up surprisingly. She hit me up one day wanted something big to do. I remember her wanting to go somewhere in Nevada I suggested that. And we went early morning. Went around did our thing had a blast. Even gave her the blessed necklace back since we went on a ghost tour. We’re very spiritual and believe in that kind of stuff and the necklace serves as a form of protection. On the way back home... she tells me it’s her one year anniversary with her boyfriend... She was excited to do something with him but I guess he told her he was sick and she gave up on doing something with him. She told me I wasn’t a second choice or anything like that she just wanted her best friend and something to do to forget. We had been drinking before we came home and sobered up. Something about the ghost tour left her feeling something horrible. I had native american stuff at home to bless and protect us. I offered her to stay the night. Which she did and we shared a bed. Of course my feelings had come back from the hiatus. And I asked... do you want to have sex? She said yeah we could have sex. So many thoughts in my mind running... A dream scenario guy who was left can have sex with the woman he loves and hurt the guy she had left him for. Hell could even hurt the woman who had left him too. I turned it down. There is always a right and wrong way to get what you want. I actually do feel bad about this still and asking her that. But she didn’t have to say yes... she could have left... like I believe a loyal girlfriend who’s in love would... Shortly after this those two broke up. She hated living at home and I had offered my apartment. She was already constantly coming and staying the night for days and sometimes a whole week at a time. She moved in and we shared my room... of course something started! We were happy and the cycle began again. I got unhappy she was talking to a guy told me just a friend. I warned her something would happen. My bro and his fiance got married and moved me and her moved back with my mom. Seperate rooms and we had stopped our thing. Which brings us to the now. That guy I warned her she would start something with... that warning was eight months ago. She had thought long and hard about moving in with me and my mom. Before she moved in she asked if she could have guys who she was doing things with over I told her no I wouldn’t be okay. At that time eight months ago she agreed to the deal not to. Apparently that deal meant nothing. In fact she asked me again. I’ve met the new guy don’t care about him and naturally hate him. One because I knew this was coming. Two I had warned her about this guy months ago and was essencially called paranoid and crazy I don’t feel so fucking crazy considering guess what he’s a thing now with her. Three she went behind my back and asked my mom instead and it was a secret apparently he was already coming over while I’m gone without my knowledge. Which leads us to the now... I am not fucking happy... every single deal ever made broken... time and time and time again all for the fucking same gawd damn mother fucking reason! Because of a guy. The difference now I get the home edition of misery. She tells me I’ll just tell you when he comes and you don’t have to be here. My own fucking home has become my fucking hell hole I don’t even want to live here anymore. I can’t even come home now at times because he’s over. I can’t come to my own fucking home. This is going to be fun I’m at odds with literally my mom for keeping the secret and her. I told her to go take the guy to go be cleansed. Native American thing the necklace I gave her yes it is good juju whatever you want to call it. But if the giver is disrespected in anyway like that it turns for the very worse and causes harm instead. I can’t talk to our best friends because guess what they’re her friends too. Can’t talk to my family she’s around them. Can’t talk to her she doesn’t want to hear anything from me. So I rant here. Where no one I know can hear me but I can still have the satisfaction that I have spoken and everything is off my chest. Well she’s leaving tonight after this fight that just happened today to go on a vacation back to Nevada. Going to be gone five days... lets see what happens. I’ll add this for anyone reading this vacation was planned long before this fight today so it’s not like she left for vacation because of our fight. Thank you for existing tumblr so that I can fucking rant in peace without anyone getting butt hurt. Not her, my family, her family or our friends! 

[always-bleh]

Funny how quickly we went from I won't hurt or disrespect you like that, to I'm going to do it now because this person makes me happy

Empty Words

[always-bleh]

Quotes

[always-bleh]

I didn’t put my broken pieces back together. I melted them down to make someone new.

Someone New

[always-bleh]

Inbox me (1) thing you want to know about me.

[always-bleh]

Don’t ask me how I got over my shit. Ask me why I kept going.

Moving on

[always-bleh]

The hardest thing to grab without any help is your own happiness.

Loneliness