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why does every father have the emotional intelligence of a flea

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That Seinfeld fella is pretty funny he should get his own show

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Me: i hate drama

Twitter:

Me: 📹👀

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before i go to bed i want to show you guys this skype emote. funny right

i wanted to put it on discord so i had to shrink the file but the first time i tried to do that i fucking RUINED IT

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people who actually got to party to the songs that came out in 2009-2010 are so lucky too bad i was eleven

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as a bisexual, some of the shit y’all try to claim is “bi erasure” is just fucking BANANAS 

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It baffles and infuriates me that Hogwarts students don’t take Latin or Greek. Accio? Literally “I summon.” Lumos? Fucking “light.” Expelliarmus? Expel weapon!! Ooooh I wonder what Levicorpus does– you Dumb Ass Bastard. You ILLITERATE. It’s called Levicorpus, it lifts someone’s body, it LEVIES your goddamn CORPUS-

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Cells be like:

o

8

oo

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I honestly believe the whole “adults require less sleep” thing is honest to god probably a myth created by capitalism

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just found a bitcoin on the ground idk how y’all do that 9-5 shit 😴😴😴

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i was watching infinity war with my family and when thanos was using the stones to wreck everyone on titan, my mother, who is a 41-year old, tiny 5′0 filipino woman, said something very solemnly in our language that can be translated roughly to: “that tricky thanos. probably only i could defeat him”

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“no homo”? why the hell not???

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met a dumb ass today, awful