alt-plaza

[alt-plaza]

oscariz·:

See, you would think — and at first, everyone’s all for free food … but then they realize it’s a never-ending supply and they regret signing up to be my guinea pig.  I’ve got dozens of things I need to get off my hands before my neighbors start to think I’m fattening them up.

At this point if you don't fatten me up I'll be very disappointed. Keep'em coming. And also if you ever wanted to try cooking for animals I run an animal shelter for dogs mainly, but I also have some cats - so they'll love to be your guineapigs if that's a route you'll want to go.

[alt-plaza]

What kind of friends gets tired of trying free food? Sir, bring them all over to me, I'll try each and every one of the gourmet Halloween stuff.

For one night only — I’m handing out gourmet Halloween candy, first come first serve!  It pays to be friends with a chef, just sayin’ — but also my friends are tired of trying my latest concoctions, so I’m on the hunt for new ones.

[alt-plaza]

You should just tell them that you're pregnant, and that you've married the dad already, and that you've had to drop out of college because of it and you're living in a tent under a bridge somewhere. Then the news that you've really just got a boyfriend isn't so bad.

Why am I having trouble telling my 3 brothers that I am dating someone? I am getting so nervous just thinking about it. No matter what they say, it won’t change my opinion about my love. Or am I to scare that he might run after meeting the 3 crazies? Anyone have any advice?

[alt-plaza]

What is their lockscreen?

A symbol that shows she loves dogs. 

What is their background?

Her with dogs. 

What is their main ringtone?

Standard iPhone ringtone.

Top 3 most used apps?

Tinder, Facebook, Twitter. 

Last 5 text messages sent?

n/a. This girl also needs more connections. 

Last 3 phone calls? (incoming or outgoing)

1. Outgoing to mom. 

2. Outgoing to dad. 

3. Incoming from mom. 

[alt-plaza]

2010 VS 2020

2010

Name: Aubrey Plaza  Age: 25 Currently Living In: Delaware Education/Job: Waitress Relationship Status: Dating Roommate: My boyfriend Dream Job: A vet Best Vacation You’ve Taken: Malibu Most Played Song: Dynamite - Taio Cruz Your Best Memory: Any moments with animals.  Where Do You See Yourself In 10 Years: Hopefully having fulfilled my dream of working with animals. 

2020

Name: Aubrey Plaza  Age: 35 Currently Living In: Stonecastle Education/Job: Running my own pet shelter Relationship Status: Single Roommate: None. The occasional pup or kitten.  Dream Job: I have it.  Best Vacation You’ve Taken: Disney World Most Played Song: High Hopes by Panic! At The Disco Your Best Memory: Opening the shelter.  Where Do You See Yourself In 10 Years: Still doing what I love. 

[alt-plaza]

A letter to an “asshole neighbour”. 

**Not sent because the person disappeared from the town before she got to send it** 

Dear asshole down the street.

I took your dog.

Don’t adopt another one.

Best wishes

An animal loving neighbour.

[alt-plaza]

I’ve been looking but found nothing so far. I’m still trying to find something that would scare people off my property but would make my dogs love me more than they already do. 

I might be shopping for my Halloween costume, so ready for my favorite holiday. But it’s so hard to choice which costume to pick especially when you want one even more bad ass then the one from the year before. Anyone else looking into costumes or am I the only one?

[alt-plaza]

priyankaxochopra‌:

I cannot believe that I haven’t had a chance to hit the beach at all this whole summer. It’s unbelievable how fast this summer is going by so fast. I need it to slow down, am I the only one feeling this way?

Originally posted by bumblebpriyankachopra

With  all this secret stuff going on I think it couldn’t go fast enough. I like knowing secrets about people but only when I’m the only one who knows so I can use it as blackmail. 

[alt-plaza]

aubreyplaza: the beauty of being your own boss ♡ #layoffs

[alt-plaza]

CMurphy: @aubreyplaza its ridiculous I will say you are stronger human than me I would go for the trash.

aubreyplaza: @CMurphy We could work as a team. I take care of the animals and you make sure the scum never gets out of prison.

[alt-plaza]

LindsayArnold: @aubreyplaza You were absolutely in the right.

aubreyplaza: @LindsayArnold Thank you x

[alt-plaza]

CMurphy: @aubreyplaza I'd do the same hell the abusers deserve to be treated to that kind of life.

aubreyplaza: @CMurphy thank you!! I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't do anything about it.

[alt-plaza]

aubreyplaza: if you can look me in the eye and tell me I did the wrong thing we're gonna have beef. #hackers

[alt-plaza]

joekeeryyy‌:

Yeah, that’s the dream, I guess. Easier said then done sometimes. Being an Uber driver isn’t exactly my passion, but it keeps a roof over my head. 

What’s your passion? If you could have any job in the world, what would it be? And I’m not talking about “the one that pays the best” but something you’d genuinely enjoy. 

[alt-plaza]

alt-safiya‌:

Honestly, I am not fussed about being back either. I don’t do well in the sun so this is a lot better for me. It’s nice for a while but I like my home comforts too much. 

I also get a little moody about being away from my bed. The hotel can have as many stars as it wants, but the beds will never be better than my own. I guess that falls under home comforts, too. 

[alt-plaza]

joekeeryyy‌:

I’m assuming because people would naturally rather be on vacation in Hawaii with no real stressors then back in a familiar place where they have to work every day in order to survive this crazy and cruel world? That could just be a guess though.

That makes a little sense I guess. Maybe people should get a job they actually enjoy rather than working something that makes them moody about having to go to, though. Just a thought. 

[alt-plaza]

I don’t really get why people are moody about being back. The weather is getting nicer, and my shelter is here with all the dogs I look after. Taking another holiday would be selfish. Also I don’t trust anyone to take as good care of the dogs as I do long term, so here we are.