alpha-of-chicago

[alpha-of-chicago]

Adam shrugged. "Bow down before my invincible greatness? That would be a start anyway."

"Ok, I actually don't know what I'm supposed to do right now,"

[alpha-of-chicago]

Adam frowned at him. "Why would I be drunk?"

He bared his teeth at the fae. Just to be spiteful. "Drunk would be a terribly irresponsible way for me to be. Don't you agree?"

"Are you...drunk?" Hektor let out a slightly exasperated sigh before pouring a cup of black coffee and putting it in front of the alpha. "Drink it,"

[alpha-of-chicago]

"You know...." Adam mused. "Should I keel over and die. And Jonathan run off into the sunset with some damsel. That would leave the pack to you."

"Then you'd have to deal with all the nonsense. But..you can't have Juliet. She's mine. I'll take her to the netherworld with me."

Robbie was admittedly rather surprised to find Adam drunk. He wasn't sure when the last time he'd seem him like this was. Actually he wasn't sure he'd ever seen him like this. "Right,"

[alpha-of-chicago]

He nodded with a grimace. "I know...I know you are." Because they were her family. All these ridiculous warlocks. And while at times he didn't always like them. He appreciated them. For making Juliet so happy. He'd known that she would go there in her pain. He drew a little comfort in that. "Dane..." He took a breath. "Is...he came to me. I know what's happened. And we will step up and help. All of us will." He promised her. But seeing here like that. In such pain and vulnerable, he just couldn't stand it. So he pulled her into him. Held her tight against his chest as if that could protect her somehow from all of this. Deep down he knew he was the cause of some of this turmoil. For that he would be eternally apologetic. Because he learned something about himself over the course of it. That he was, above all else, just a man. A man with insecurities just like everyone else. That was a tough pill to swallow given the position he was in. "I am sorry, Juliet." He told her, breathing into her hair. "I am sorry for hurting you. For making you feel as if you couldn't come to me. Because that is so far from the truth. I am not as infallible as I pretend to be. So I do need for you to accept that about me. That I will have moments of irrational anger. But...I will always come back to you. Because you are where I belong. And you...Juliet....belong here. With me. With my family. With my pack. Okay?"

Adam held her tight as the waves of emotion rolled through her. He did his best to absorb the brunt of it. Though he'd have taken every ounce of it if she let him. "I love you so much..." He told her fiercely. "I would burn down the world for you. It scares me the lengths I will go for you. Nothing will ever pain me as greatly as thinking I lost you. You are my world. You. Jessie. The pack. All of you. I need you. There is no me, without you. Do you understand?" He pulled back so he could cup her face. "I need you to understand that." Then he kissed her. A truly emotionally driven kiss. It absorbed both of their pain. Interweaving it into one ball of pure grief. And Adam ached from the release of it all. The relief of having her back in his arms. Where he knew she'd always belonged. "Juliet..." He whispered. With great strength, pulling back enough to look at her. "Will you do me one, great thing? Will you...will you be my mate...and my wife? I have a ring. It's in my bureau drawer. I'll give it to you. Of course I will. I want you here with me. With Jessie. Forever. Can you do that for me?"

Juliet was taken aback by that. Because one of the things that hurt the most was so quickly removed from the equation... he'd known where she was, he'd assured her safety even more than she'd realized. And it made her wolf whimper a bit in response. "I... I would have stayed with them even if I didn't--" She cut herself off, not wanting to remember that she'd left her key. But it was implied in her words. "They're so scared, Adam, and I am too," she whispered, her gaze dropping to the floor. "And I wanted to come home. I wanted to be able to come to you, but I didn't feel like I could." Juliet's lower lip trembled again, and she wrapped her arms around herself then. Because all of the emotions of the last few days really were too much to bear on her own, and yet she had been until then. "I just wanted to be home. I wanted to be in your arms so I couldn't fall apart."

The sob pulled more tears from her, breaking the dam that had held back such a thing from her for the bulk of those three days. But she knew she was safe with Adam, no matter what had passed between them. And more than that, that she loved him. Juliet felt her knees threaten to buckle as near silent sobs wracked through her, and she let her head fall against Adam's chest, her hands slipping to his shoulders. "I'm not leaving, I promise... I'm so sorry." For believing his words, for the key, for the silence, for the fact that they couldn't seem to stop apologizing to each other lately. It was a suffocating sort of pain, and she needed their bond. The absence of it truly reared its head now.

Her own wolf whined in reply to his, a pained sort of whine in the wake of it all. Because she was at risk of well and truly falling apart now. "Hold me, Adam," she replied, her sobs more audible than before. "J-Just hold me, please."

[alpha-of-chicago]

Adam considered that. "Yes." He decided. "Many....many more."

"Would you like another drink, Pack Master?"

[alpha-of-chicago]

Adam narrowed his eyes at him. "Are you?" He demanded. Realizing with annoyance he hadn't bothered to catch up with the newest pack members amidst all the chaos.

"Are you ok, Alpha?"

[alpha-of-chicago]

The question made him angry. Irrationally surely. But angry just the same. "I don't want to talk!" He snarled at him. "Why don't you talk about it?"

"Want to talk about it?"

[alpha-of-chicago]

"I can think of many, many things I'd rather do than....talk about it." He groused.

"Are you wanting to keep drinking or finally talk about it?"

[alpha-of-chicago]

Her touch caused him to shudder. And it was an innocent little thing. But it created a rush of arousal in him just the same. "Everything I do....is because of you." He told her. It was so true. In so many ways. There was no accusation there though. He never held anything like that for her. He dropped his forehead onto her shoulder, contenting himself to get lost in her scent and her steady heartbeat.

Juliet knocked before she let herself into Adam's office. The two had still been walking on eggshells around each other, at least in some respects, but she wasn't avoiding him. No, that wouldn't help in the ways they were both hurting. But she hadn't expected the near immediate wall of scent that hit her as she stepped through the door, nor the explicably drunk form of her mate in front of her. And that nearly made her frown. She walked forward, sitting on the edge of his desk so that she was just in front of him--just between him and the bottle of liquor on his desk as well. Gently, she brought her hand up to brush a few stray hairs away from Adam's clammy forehead. "Is this because of me?" She asked tentatively.

[alpha-of-chicago]

Adam wordlessly swiped the drink. Downing it in seconds. And somewhere amidst the haze he realized perhaps he shouldn't have. "Don't ever mate...." He growled at him. Then he paused to consider that. "Or have children." Though he didn't mean either of those things. He'd have still done both. Millions of times over even if it always resulted in the same damn thing. "You think Elle is bad...."

Jonathan probably shouldn't have been allowing Adam to drink any more than he already had, but he still poured out another bit of whisky into the alpha's glass wordlessly. Because it was Adam's choice as to whether they were talking about things, and indeed what they would talk about.

[alpha-of-chicago]

Adam closed his eyes. But that wouldn't block out anything from touching him. "Jessie..." He said in a pained voice. "Just stop...please."

"I don't want her gone. I never did. The two of you...are going to turn me prematurely grey." Which was meant to be a joke, but he wasn't feeling particularly humored himself.

“No,” she shook her head, “No. Don’t you dare do that." Fear and anger and pain and her good friend guilt swirled in her like a storm. “You don’t get to do that. It's not fair and it's not true! Nothing was done against you. We’re not some maniacal force plotting mutiny,” she threw her arms out. Because his words made it perfectly clear what his and Juliet’s fight had been about. “Nothing either of us has done was done maliciously,” she could barely see him now through the tears building in her eyes, even as they started escaping down her face. “I can understand you being mad, I expected that you would be but don’t make this more than it was. She’s our family. You don’t do this to family who you love, who loves you. You be mad but you don’t send them away. You don’t make them leave forever,” she was shaking, not with anger. No the anger had ebbed for now and all she was left with was fear. A fear that she was loosing something precious. “She’s your mate! She’s my mum,” she let out a sob when she said that because she hadn’t realised she would. Hadn’t realised how completely she felt it. “And you sent her away,” she buried her face in her hands then and sobbed. She felt so small. So helpless. Because this felt so much worse than when her dad and her biological mum had split. Because this felt like her fault. Her knees buckled under the weight of it. “Please,” she choked out, lowering her hands to look at him. “I’m sorry I didn't tell you but it wasn’t against you, I promise. I was just so scared and so worried about him. He almost died in my arms. I needed to see he was ok, and I didn't think you'd let me. I couldn't hear you say no,” Tears were streaming down her face in full force and she sounded pleading even to her own ears. “Please don’t send her away. We need her Dad. And I know you love her so please, don’t do this,” she begged.

[alpha-of-chicago]

"I never would have cast you away. I..." He stopped. Because he didn't know what to say. He had nothing that could even remotely defend his actions or his words. That was the whole point. "You think...." His eyes were wounded. "Of course i did. You wouldn't have seen me. Or known I was there. That's part of the alpha gift. I will always make sure you are safe. Always. But you were with Jason and Dane. And you were perfectly safe." He said, more to himself than to her. Because that night had been a struggle for him. To not simply storm in the shop after her. Closing his eyes, he pinched the bridge of his nose. "You are allowed to be hurt. I'm not saying otherwise." And he didn't even really know what he was trying to say. Nothing felt right since she'd been gone. It felt like nothing would ever be right again if she didn't come back.

He actually felt himself recoil at her shouts. And he'd never done that before. But he also wasn't at all himself right now. It felt so much like that pain from when Christy left him. Adam didn't handle people leaving him. Not at all. He heard the words. The stung. But they were meant to. Because somehow in the attempt at protecting himself he'd hurt her. Juliet. Which was not at all what he'd been trying to do.

"Don't go...." He rasped, swallowing hard but choking on the sob anyway. "I can't live without you. I know I hurt you...and I'm sorry. God...Juliet I am sorry. I lose sight of things in my pain. But I never wanted you gone. I swear it." The kiss she offered made him shudder. But he didn't dare touch her. Not touching her was his penance for hurting her.

His wolf let out a howl of need. But he did not hold her as he longed to. "I do...I do accept you, Juliet. I've been trying to tell you....I don't know how else to make you see."

Juliet growled at the initial question, actually growled. Because if she was a lone wolf now, she'd damn well act like one when her back was in a corner. And hell if this wasn't that in every sense. She was trapped in the place she wanted to be most, the place she also wanted to escape so desperately. Every second that passed meant more of a likelihood that she would break down, and she couldn't handle that right now.

But then she couldn't focus on anything apart from his voice, a near echo above the pulsing of her blood in her ears. Because this really was too much. He was twisting the blade between her shoulderblades deeper still. That she could be dismissive and cold hearted was nearly laughable too, but she held it back while that rage pooled within her, like a serpent lying in wait for the perfect opportunity to strike. And he gave just that. With the most baseless assumption of his yet. "Neither one of us hate you or ever have. You're putting words in my mouth now, Adam." She sighed in exasperation, running her hand through her hair. "What I just said--that was me directly quoting you. And do you know why? Because everyone says things they don't mean when they're angry, Adam. Everyone. You lash out at people and I'm not trying to change that about you." She sighed, running her hands through her hair exasperatedly. "You convince yourself that everyone hates you or fears you after the fact, when that isn't the case at all. But even if they don't, you still have to take accountability for the hurt you caused."

She broke a bit then, her lower lip trembling as a few rogue tears escaped the corners of her eyes. "What the fuck else was I supposed to think? You're the one who cast me out in the first place, whether you meant it or not. So yes, I did believe that. I did take that at face value. That's the consequence of your actions." She couldn't help but cry now, not as she looked at him. "And you didn't come looking for me. You didn't try to call any of my 'ridiculous and reckless' friends to see if I was with them, if I was safe. Not even when I know that you know what happened to some of them, where they are now." More tears, with each breath shakier than the last. Because it really was all too much. And she wanted to badly for it all to be over, for her to be held by him again until the pain washed away. "I'm hurt right now, more than anything over the fact that you haven't even apologized for what you said. That's the point."

The last of his words made her explode, fully yelling then. "I don't hate you! I never could, Adam!" She was so close to him that she was sure he could feel her breath against his skin. And even if he didn't, she pushed against his chest with her hands. "But you don't accept me, you don't want me as I am! You fight me, you criticize me, and now you present your protection of my friends and family as some sort of charitable act on your part when I never asked that of you. Not once. And if they were such a burden to you, if I was such a burden to you--" She stopped, the sound of his sob rocking through her as swiftly as a punch to the gut. And her own tears were quick to follow in their multitudes. He was breaking, and it broke her wide open in turn. Floodgates of pain and love in equal degree. She reached up then, taking his face in her hands and kissing him. And it didn't heal it all. It didn't take the pain away. But there was love there. An infinite well of it.

"I don't hate you," she repeated for a third time, her voice barely above a whisper as she pulled away from him. "I love you. Desperately. Even when you push me away or lash out at me, I love you. But what I want... no, what I need is for you to love me too. I need you to accept me truly, for all of my meddling and challenging you as much as my tenderness, and I'll do the same for you... But if that's too much to ask, then you need to tell me to go."

[alpha-of-chicago]

...

[alpha-of-chicago]

"Mere pleasantry. Nothing more." He replied.

@ Antiquitea

Rhiannon had been somewhere else entirely. By the time she'd realised someone was there she had completely missed what they'd said. "I'm so sorry, could you repeat that?"

[alpha-of-chicago]

When Jessie came storming into his office, Adam was immediately on guard. Rising from his chair with inhuman speed. Ready to take on whatever threat there was.

But actually, the threat turned out to be Jessie herself. Adam slowly lowered himself back into the chair, rubbing the back of his neck tiredly. He would have rather dealt with a seethe of angry vampires than his daughter right now. There were so many reasons why though. None of them very helpful right now.

"Make no mistake." He said carefully, finally looking at her. "I am not pleased with you either. The two of you. Conspiring against me. Why is it that the two people who I love the most have decided to band together now against me?"

He made a face, dropping his hand from his neck and into his lap. "Though....I suppose I ought to have expected that. In the end."

Jessie didn't even really see the shifter leaving as she marched towards her dads office. She didn't knock when she reached it either. Just flung the door open with a surprising amount of force. It crashed into the wall and bounced, almost shutting fully again. "What did you do?" she'd been avoiding him, just as he'd been avoiding her, over what had happened with Jace. But she'd found Killian when she'd gone looking for Jules. He'd said she'd left and explained his suspicions as to why. She'd turned and headed straight here. Panic rising in her throat. Her eyes already starting to burn with threatening tears. "What did you do?" she repeated, this time it came out sounding more desperate. "Why is Jules gone?"

@alpha-of-chicago

[alpha-of-chicago]

Adam’s jaw clenched. His instinct was to of course lash back at her. But that wasn’t going to fix this. And he knew that. “And when have you ever done that?” He snapped back. Because he was upset too. That hadn’t changed. And his resolve to fix this peacefully seemed to just exit right out of the window.

Adam’s eyes were bright as she met them. And there was so much more than rage in them. “You believed that?” His voice cracked. “You believed for even an instant that just because I was angry I would send you packing?” He swallowed the lump rising in his throat. Anger and so much hurt in his gritting teeth. But it had nowhere to go. Nowhere safe to go. He could hurl it at her for causing it. That would only make him feel worse though. “You deceptively sneaked Jessie out from under my nose then chose to hide it from me, Both of you did. And now you want to take words I said in anger at face value when you know…you KNOW how much I love you? That is dismissive and cold hearted and you are neither of those things.”

He wouldn’t step any closer to her. Because she was finally acting how he needed her to. To come at him. To force her will on him. And he trusted her to do that. That breach of trust seared directly through him. “I am this way because I have to be.” He told her, fists clenched at his sides. “I don’t have the luxury of seeing the world as you do. Do you really think I would have told you no? If you bothered to talk to me? I love my daughter. Do you think I like knowing she hates me? That you hate me? I have to be a hard-ass because I have a world of people counting on me to keep them safe. Safe doesn’t always mean happy, Juliet. A fact I have had to accept the hard way. But I would have let you go if you had talked to me because I love Jessie too.”

He was breathing so heavily by the time he was finished he had a cold sheen of sweat clinging to his skin. And he wanted it to be Juliet doing it. Wanted it so badly he wanted to scream. His wolf shone through his eyes, brilliant and gold. It growled and pawed at him and it would have been so easy to just let go and let him rampage, but no. He wouldn’t do that. “I have been here since the beginning.” He exhaled, more desperate now then he had been. “I accepted you and your brother. I have shared my life with you. I even protect your ridiculous band of warlocks, your reckless humans. Not because I feel an obligation to them. But because they are important to you. How much more do you want?” He spread his arms. “How much, Juliet? Because I will give it to you. I will burn down heaven for you and I don’t even believe in anything. “So don’t you stand there hating me for being what I am when I accept you as you are. I have always accepted you, wanted you.” Expelling the words did so little in the grand scheme of things. And he choked on any angry, desperate sob. Digging the heels of his hands into his eyes. Because he was fighting so hard for her and she didn’t even realize it.

Adam had known the second he stepped into the pack house that Juliet was there. He sucked in a breath. Dropping his keys where he stood. And was instantly up the stairs and hovering in the doorway of her old bedroom. The place he’d been staying since she’d left. His eyes did his usual assessment of her. Making sure she was physically okay. Pretending not to see the pinched features of her face. The bags under her eyes. He doubted he looked much better. But he’d had the distraction of work. Of the pack. She did not. Because he’d sent her away.

It was sort of ironic though. That for the first time she’d actually obeyed him. Especially when he hadn’t actually wanted her too. It was one of those situations where there was no right or wrong answer. He’d been right to be upset. But she had also been right in her reasoning. And he shouldn’t expect her to just submit and do whatever he wanted because that wasn’t a reason he loved her so damn much in the first place. The point in a mate was to be able to bring out the best in your partner. Not to squeeze the life out of them. And Juliet was perfect. Exactly how she was. He didn’t want her any differently, he just wanted her. But he could not listen to his wolf who whined and pawed at him to crush her into his arms. He wasn’t welcome there. He never once forced his will on Juliet. Except for the occasional need to soothe her. But even then… even then she could push him away and he’d let her.

It was a delicate situation. And he didn’t feel competent in handling it. So he stood in the doorway. Unsure for the first time in a long time of what he needed to do. As much as he needed to be right, he needed her more.

“Juliet.” He said eventually. “Stop. Please? Just stop.” He couldn’t voice to her how broken he was. Though she’d certainly be able to feel it if she wanted to. Finding the key, his shirt in ripped shreds. It all cost him something. But he’d sat with it. Because he deserved it. But now he was done. Now he needed her to meet him where he was.

[alpha-of-chicago]

Adam had known the second he stepped into the pack house that Juliet was there. He sucked in a breath. Dropping his keys where he stood. And was instantly up the stairs and hovering in the doorway of her old bedroom. The place he’d been staying since she’d left. His eyes did his usual assessment of her. Making sure she was physically okay. Pretending not to see the pinched features of her face. The bags under her eyes. He doubted he looked much better. But he’d had the distraction of work. Of the pack. She did not. Because he’d sent her away.

It was sort of ironic though. That for the first time she’d actually obeyed him. Especially when he hadn’t actually wanted her too. It was one of those situations where there was no right or wrong answer. He’d been right to be upset. But she had also been right in her reasoning. And he shouldn’t expect her to just submit and do whatever he wanted because that wasn’t a reason he loved her so damn much in the first place. The point in a mate was to be able to bring out the best in your partner. Not to squeeze the life out of them. And Juliet was perfect. Exactly how she was. He didn’t want her any differently, he just wanted her. But he could not listen to his wolf who whined and pawed at him to crush her into his arms. He wasn’t welcome there. He never once forced his will on Juliet. Except for the occasional need to soothe her. But even then… even then she could push him away and he’d let her.

It was a delicate situation. And he didn’t feel competent in handling it. So he stood in the doorway. Unsure for the first time in a long time of what he needed to do. As much as he needed to be right, he needed her more.

“Juliet.” He said eventually. “Stop. Please? Just stop.” He couldn’t voice to her how broken he was. Though she’d certainly be able to feel it if she wanted to. Finding the key, his shirt in ripped shreds. It all cost him something. But he’d sat with it. Because he deserved it. But now he was done. Now he needed her to meet him where he was.

Three nights. The longest Juliet had ever been away from the pack house since she'd moved in there. And it was so... foreign, to be removed from the bulk of her family there. But she'd been comforted in some ways by being able to stay with Jason and Dane, even despite it all. And being with Desmond, Bess, and Kyle in moments beyond that. They all helped more than they knew. Not with sleep, but with the calming of the storm. She'd called Killian several times since she'd left too, texted Jessie when she could. But a call would have broken her resolve completely to come running back.

Except she had to go back eventually, and she knew that. So she'd asked Jonathan when Adam would next be out of the house for long enough to allow her to slip in and get her stuff. He hadn't questioned her, which made it clear enough that he knew at least some of what was going on.

Surprisingly she'd managed to avoid running into anyone thus far, but it was midafternoon. Most of the pack would be busy with work or things of that sort. And wearing Bess' clothes likely masked her presence somewhat. But now she froze in the doorway to her room, taking it in: the tattered shirt nowhere to be seen, her phone now on her desk beside her left behind house key, and the bedsheets clearly slept in. And his scent that washed over her almost immediately after. And it made her whimper.

But she didn't hesitate long before setting about packing up more of her clothes and belongings from her dresser and the bathroom. She'd been so caught up in it all that she hadn't paid attention to the likely car engine she might have heard otherwise--to the footsteps or the sound of her door opening. But she could feel him now. Clear as day. Adam was standing behind her in the doorway. Still, Juliet moved about the room, not turning to him and not speaking either.

@alpha-of-chicago