aloness2579

[aloness2579]

Being in your own head as a mentally ill person during therapy is weird.

Even if you do not hear voices, you constantly battles yourself. Beacause how not to when there is an ill you and a healthy you.

It is weird to know you are being delusional and your cognitive functions are malfunctioning and at the same time to be inside all of it.

Being aware but being terrified this is never going to get better. Maybe it is going to get worse.

For me, taking care of myself includes preparing for those moments. Because they are just moments. Preparing albums and notes with nice memories, having basic to do lists and being ready to make changes. Having a plan on the fridge - what steps to take when it gets too bad. Having emergency contacts listed. Sometimes i write letters to myself.

And I am trying to live the way I want to when those moments pass. Cause they always pass eventually.

[aloness2579]

2025 - I am 23 years old

I am still diagnosed with depression and anxiety. First diagnosis took place when I was 17. 6 years have passed. Like whole elementary school.

During that time I had 3 different romantic relationships: the last one is going strong after 3 years together. We are planning our wedding next autumn.

I had been abu$ed in every way possible - I've learnt how to get out of this kinds of relationships (romantic or not).

I have met many many people, with some of them I keep in touch, with most I do not. I have a few horrendously strong frienships I am grateful for. I struggle with not living in the same town though and I am missing face-to-face contact a lot.

I held like 6 different temporary jobs and now I am working at the 7th one - this time I am staying for as long as I can :) I finally enjoy my job.

I studied engineering and then changed my major to psychology (and in different city). Great decision. I am halfway to graduating, I planned and organised my own workshop on emotional regulation and this is totally what I wanna do as my profession.

I have done 4 different therapies, now I am doing my 5th one. There is A LOT to get through plus I gain a lot of experience for future; for being the therapist not the patient.

My passions have shifted a lot as well. I had physical health issues (still have some) which made me exercise less and be less in shape than I used to be. I often have interruptions in my training routine because of my sickness and it sucks. I am trying to accept that and have fun regardless of my results.

I had to give up on learning foreign languages bc of lack of time, energy and finances.

I have been to 4 funerals.

I have been working on my relationship with food and body image. Working hard.

Sometimes I am suspecting I might be autistic but diagnosis is way out of my budget plus it might be just one of my intrusive thoughts.

I struggle to live sometimes. But not most of the time. Which is f+cking beautiful.

[aloness2579]

If you’ve survived your suicidal thoughts/suicide attempts, I am proud of you. If you’ve made a milestone in being clean, I am proud you. If you’ve relapsed, I’m still proud of you. If you’re still struggling this very moment with your mental health, I am still so proud of you.

[aloness2579]

[aloness2579]

Listen to me: You get good at things by being bad at them. You learn by failing. You gain competency and a sense of mastery by failing at something many times and in many interesting ways.

The sooner you are able to laugh at your own failures, to enjoy the process of messing up, the easier life will be. Because you'll no longer be afraid of learning.

And once you're no longer afraid of failing, you can learn anything.

[aloness2579]

Everyday, my best looks different💕

[aloness2579]

[aloness2579]

Just a reminder that you’re doing a better job of handling things than you think you are. Life is hard. You’re doing fantastic. I’m very proud of you. 💕

[aloness2579]

[aloness2579]

[aloness2579]

[aloness2579]

had a fun encounter with a customer today

[aloness2579]

The perfect Disney couple 🧜🏾‍♀️

[aloness2579]

[aloness2579]

Omg omg omg. It all makes so much more sense when you realise it's not social anxiety but a fear of being perceived.

Why do you feel more comfortable with a long coat and a mask as opposed to summer clothes?

Why do you DESPISE taking pictures? Especially if it's someone else and not you taking them.

Why do you feel like you have to stop doing whatever it was you were doing when someone passes by?

Why don't you want to tell anyone how leisurely you go about your day, taking a nap, going for a snack, sitting on your phone playing games etc. because you know they will comment on it and even though it's not negative or mockery it's still feels like you've been perceived?

Why can't you make eye contact? Why can you do it only if the other person is looking away but the second when they look at you you stop listening and when you're the one speaking you can't bear to look at them because you know their eyes are on you and they are perceiving you?

Why don't you want to dress excessively or wear nicer clothes? Because you will stand out

People mistake you for shy because you don't speak often, but it's really the fear of drawing attention to yourself more than it is the things you actually say, isn't it?

Why do you hate overpopulated areas even when no one is speaking? BUT you still feel more comfortable when more than one person is in the room (but not too many!) so that the burden of being perceived is directed on someone else and you can safely lay back just observing the scene.

It's all a defence mechanism

[aloness2579]

Carissa Potter Carlson

[aloness2579]

I love you so much I hope we get reborn as housecats who sleep together like puzzle pieces