almondy-sah

[almondy-sah]

there needs to be a niceys block button that says i have nothing against you i am only curating my experience and then a toughies block button that i dont know kills them with spikes

[almondy-sah]

prison is fucked up regardless but the fact that you can do a prison sentence for copyright infringement is especially insane to me. you deserve to lose your autonomy because we might have potentially made money from that thing. i imagined you did a crime against me so now one day you'll have to hear your son ask his mother who you are.

[almondy-sah]

When I worked at Red Robin a lot of my job was balloons. Thats right, it wasn’t all fursuits and scaring each other. I also learned the valuable life skill of how to fill up a balloon with helium. There’s an art. A technique.

If I was the opening host I had to fill a bunch of balloons for the ravenous masses of children. These were released to float in the little arcade that had a lip on the ceiling to keep them contained.

If I was a closing shift I had to dispose of all the unenjoyed balloons left over. All day long I’d hand balloons to sticky little hands. I listened to the constant screeching that heralded a lost balloon.

Then one day, I learned a secret. A hidden bit of magic that I could immediately tell was going to change the game for balloons forever. I learned how to tie a slip knot.

Suddenly when children asked for a balloon I could tie it to their wrist while their parents applauded my foresight. The wailing of watching a balloon streak away through the sky ceased on my watch.

I was drunk on this new power.

One morning I was opening. I was filling balloons and I thought- I could save even more time if I just premade the knots! I gathered up my balloon babies and unto each one I bestowed a little slipknot that could secure right onto a wrist.

When I was done I looked across my handiwork, the balloons strewn across the arcade ceiling and my fever of madness broke. Suddenly I felt vaguely uneasy about what I’d done. Instead of little strings hanging at a child’s head height it looked more like… nooses. Each balloon looked like a cartoon gallows, ready to slip around a child’s neck and carry them away into the sky.

My manager came up to join me. We both regarded the field of hanging balloons. He cleared his throat and said, “Maybe we won’t pre-tie the knots anymore.”

I mumbled embarrassed agreement and never again made a gallows field of party favors. I did however use my balloon making skills later in life for nefarious schemes.

[almondy-sah]

it's so interesting how blankets only have 4 corners until the very moment you try to untangle them because the stupid tag is in your face and suddenly they have an infinite amount of corners. anything is possible except for getting the blanket straightened out. what's that about.

[almondy-sah]

non-practicing human being

[almondy-sah]

Born to don't wanna. Forced to gotta

[almondy-sah]

tumblr is for putting your stuff somewhere that's not secret but also not for anyone particular to see so it's true neutral in a really nice way

[almondy-sah]

so sick of soulless conveyer belt movie remakes. all that money on a bad movie when they could have put the muppets in it smh

[almondy-sah]

BAM in Wonderland !

[almondy-sah]

Bugs became way cooler to me when I realized they're basically tiny biological robots. He ain't botherin nobody his prime directive is just [SEEK NUTRIENT]

[almondy-sah]

it’s so evil when you have a beverage and you drink it and then there’s no beverage anymore

[almondy-sah]

Oh sure so it's okay for Jesus to raise people back from the dead, but when I, Victor Frankenstein,

[almondy-sah]

being a creative with a seemingly endless massive mental block to making anything is totally cool and fine in fact my new years resolution is to continue not making art and sink into the void

[almondy-sah]

2025 is a good number, it’s a quarter of the way through the 20 hundreds and it’s got that nice set of 2s separated by only a 0. not bad. whatever happens this year at least it’ll be happening during a good number 😌

[almondy-sah]

as an optimist i dream of a beautiful world where people are fucking normal about aromanticism

[almondy-sah]

Wizard Tip of the Day: Color code your outfit, but use a color NOT associated with your main elemental domain to confuse your enemies. No one expect a rock in the face from a dude in blue robes

[almondy-sah]

Occasionally as an Australian you'll be talking to someone from overseas, and you'll discover a common phrase you took for granted is, in fact, not universally known outside of our country.

Turns out casually dropping "fuck me dead" into conversation will give unsuspecting Americans an aneurism.

The more you know.