allswellsorta

[allswellsorta]

Trans culture is singing happy birthday to yourself at midnight with your real name because you know you're not going to hear it otherwise.

[allswellsorta]

In-Between and Mis-Matched

Does anyone talk about the mis-matched/in-between phase of being trans? 

To preface I am a trans youth who is not out to their family, but I have known since I was maybe 8 or 9. 

The transition from dresses to suits was not linear though. There was like a 7 year in-between phase where at every formal function I would be in some random blouse and like velvet pants and flats. And I always felt so so out of place? When I was younger I was worse at hiding my discomfort and my mom would say things like “oh well if you wore a dress you would blend in” but that was never the issue. The issue was never me standing out, the issue was me not being okay in my skin and my clothes. This past year I finally got to wear a suit for prom and it was the best feeling. Even though it was technically a “woman’s” suit and it had these weird shoulder things, they were subtle enough that no one else really noticed. 

Same thing with just day to day clothes I used to just buy 3 times the size I needed in women’s t-shirts because I wasn’t allowed to buy the men’s ones, but slowly and piece by piece I have begun to buy unisex/men’s t-shirts.

I feel like being trans is so sensationalized as a before and after that we rarely get to talk about the in-between or the mis-matched. So good luck to everyone out there dealing with this in-between phase. Where you’re not quite passing but also just passing enough to not be comfortable in either bathroom. Where you get confused for your younger brothers because you wore a buttoned shirt to the family reunion for the first time. Where you are the only one who knows your name. To my in-beweeners and the fellow mis-matched, I wish you all the best of luck. Godspeed, my friends.