alliynl

[alliynl]

This Choi Seungcheol AU is honestly one of the best I’ve read—it’s in my top 10 for sure. The love in this story is just so raw and bittersweet, but it feels so real. Every line hits so deep, like I can’t stop thinking about it. The way he loves her, the things he’s willing to do just for her, even if it means burning the whole world… ugh, it’s everything.

That one line, “You are the choice that I made and the path that I chose. Both I never regretted, not even once, not even at all,” broke me. And then the part where it says, “After everything, there was still an after you. But here it was yet you are still in it. Not as a person but as the wind, the sun, and the stars…” I can’t even explain how much it hurts but in the best way possible.

I cried so hard at the ending. They didn’t get their happy ending, but their love still stayed. It’s just so good, I swear it’s something I’ll remember for a long time.

November 23, 2024

[alliynl]

" You are the choice that I made and the path that I chose. Both I never regretted, not even once, not even at all. "

-Santi

An au made by .onlycheonsa

11/23/24

[alliynl]

Ipinagmamalaki ko ang pagiging Pinoy dahil marami kaming tradisyon tulad ng pagsasalo tuwing Pasko at fiesta. Ginaganap din namin ang mga tradisyong tulad ng pagsusuot ng pula tuwing Chinese New Year para sa swerte. Bukod dito, ipinagdiriwang namin ang Pasko nang sama-sama bilang isang masayang tradisyon sa pamilya.

Pokus sa Layon, Pokus sa Ganapan

[alliynl]

Atleast i was once loved by him.

The first time i saw him, I remember it so clearly. His smile was like sunshine, and he laughed so easily, it made me happy to hear it. His clean look made him twice attractive. The way he played his favorite sport, i knew it back then that i fell.

Kapag nagkukwento siya tungkol sa mga bagay na gusto niya, kapag nag uusap kami tungkol sa mga tao and topic na parehas namin pinagtatawanan, he’s eyes were shining effortlessly. The type of guy na gusto mo nalang makinig nang makinig sakanya. He was like a song that gets stuck in your head, I just can't stop thinking about him. I was completely drawn to him.

I'm happy I got to love him, kahit sa sandaling oras lang. Its so much more better when he loved me even for a short time than not feeling the same love even once, 'di ba? He wasn't perfect, but to me, he was everything. His little flaws just made me love him even more.

I thought if I loved him really, really hard, he would stay with me forever. Pero i was wrong. He decided to go his own way, and I'm the only one who's still here, thinking about him. Even though things didn't work out, I still love him.

The feeling where im still hoping, so bad. But i know that fate doesn’t want us to have another chance that will come to waste.

[alliynl]

Sana kapag pwede na, pwede pa

Sana kapag umayon na ang tadhana sa ating dalawa ay pwede pa. I hope that someday, when we're both ready, we can try again. I don't know when that will be, but I'm holding so much onto that hope.

I hope one day, mawala na lahat ng sakit at takot, at maibigay natin sa isa't isa ang isa pang pagkakataon.

Ayoko sana umasa na magiging maayos ang lahat sa huli, but i don’t know there’s a big part of me hoping that we'll get another shot at being together.

Kahit hindi pa tayo sigurado ngayon, I still want us to be together. I hope im not too late.

I wish I could believe that this isn't the end. Sana kung magkita man ulit tayo, nandito pa rin yung pagmamahal na naramdaman natin. It's a small hope, but it's a hope that keeps me going.

[alliynl]

It’s been three days, and I’m still here thinking about what could’ve been—his name, or maybe even if he felt the same way about me. I honestly don’t know, but I can’t help regretting all the chances I didn’t take. If only I did this, or if only I said that, maybe I’d have his socials by now. Maybe I’d be chatting with him throughout my day instead of being stuck wondering. It’s crazy to me how a random stranger I met at the school fair has had this much of an impact on me.

What makes it even harder is that I feel sad for him, knowing he’s working at such a young age. I don’t even know if he’s still studying—when I think back on his actions and how he carried himself, it feels like maybe he isn’t. And it’s not like I’m assuming things about his life, it’s just that I don’t know him yet, but I really want to. What can I do, though? The more I think about it, the more I wish I could’ve taken that one step to get closer to him. Now, I’m left wondering what could’ve been.

[alliynl]

we grieve the future we will never have. we grieve the memories we will never make. we grieve the person we will never marry. i know that i am making the right decision by leaving but that doesnt make the grief easier. i am at peace with my own company but that doesnt mean i dont miss the comfort of having someone by my side through the ups and downs of life.

[alliynl]

i hate when someone is like just kinda mean to me i wish they would beat me up instead

[alliynl]

Yes.

"I hold onto every single memory, because I know we won't be making anymore."

[alliynl]

I find myself thinking of you all the time, saying “I love you, k” quietly to myself, more times than I can count. Every time I hear your name, it’s like music, and it pulls at my heart in ways I can’t describe. The way we used to talk, the way you made me feel understood, made everything seem a little brighter. But even with the sun up, I can’t find rest without you. I’m scared to close my eyes, afraid I’ll miss something, afraid I’ll miss you. It’s hard to explain how just a few seconds without hearing from you feels like months, and it’s too much.

I loved the way you cared for the people around you, the way you’d stop everything just to make time for us. I still replay the moment when I realized you were the best thing that ever happened to me. You were the blessing I prayed for, the one I never thought I deserved. Now, without you, every second feels heavy, and even though time passes, the emptiness stays.

[alliynl]

On some days I just need you more than on others. But for you it doesn’t seem to make a difference.

[alliynl]

Silent regrets

I’m always feeling a little blue,

But I won’t pretend it’s all on you.

When you ended it, my nights were a mess

So maybe you should worry, Cause I chose to sleep less.

I miss you still, I’m struggling to get through,

I hate to think I wasn’t right for you.

There were times I should’ve treated you right,

Yet I kept those thoughts hidden, out of sight.

I buried my love, too afraid to leap,

In letters I wrote but chose to keep.

Now I wonder, was it all in vain?

These silent confessions, this self-made pain?

Though I may never find the words to say,

I know I let yesterday slip away.

[alliynl]

“Sometimes its better to be friends so you can keep them forever than be lovers”

[alliynl]

K,

I miss you—every part of you, all the little things. I know I messed up, and I hate that I hurt you. I know that trust isn’t easy to rebuild, but I wanted to make things right between us.

I tried reaching out, tried saying everything I could, but it felt like my words never got through to you. Maybe your pride was too high, or maybe I just wasn’t what you needed anymore. But all I wanted was to be better for you, even if it meant losing a part of myself along the way.

I held on so hard because I didn’t want to lose you, but maybe I lost myself instead. Even now, I still find myself falling for all those little things about you—how you fix your hair, that familiar scent, your easy smile. It’s like you know exactly how to make me fall for you all over again.

I’ve tried to move on, but it’s been hard. I still find myself looking for you around school, checking to see if you’re in the quadrangle playing badminton. Sometimes I even check your social media, just to feel like I know how you’re doing. I still have your number saved, and I wonder what it’d be like to call, just to hear your voice.

I hope you’re okay, that life is treating you well. I still love you, K maybe I will until I can’t anymore.

[alliynl]

05/12/25

09:10am 📍Philippines

Hii! Here’s a life update about what happened in April, last week in school, and overall in my life right now. I’m really happy! I met him, and we’ve been talking, and honestly, he’s the reason I’m feeling this way. He makes me so happy with his compliments and the way he treats me. Just looking at him fills me with gratitude. He gives me amazing, memorable gifts and treats me so nicely—I still can’t believe I pulled him😵‍💫

If I could send him a message, it would be: “Hii my kit!, I just want to say thank you for coming into my life. In just a month, every moment with you has been incredible. I’m so grateful to have you as my best friend—I can share anything with you, and I truly love having you by my side. Even through tough times, I’m glad we have each other. If you ever need support, know that I’m here for you. Remember, you’re always pogi, talented, and smart, and that’s just one of the reasons I love you. You have my heart, always.❤️‍🔥”

Last week of school was really nice—no Chinese exams! We did have English exams, but honestly, it’s fine. I cried on the last day of normal classes because of my teacher. Her words were so touching; she told us that even when life gets tough, we always have people who can make it memorable and amazing. She said to always rest and never forget to be happy.

I appreciate my classmates and friends so much—they’re the reason my classroom doesn’t feel like a strange and quiet place. I really hope I won’t be moved to another section again! Manifesting for good grades and passing marks! 🤞🏻

I’ll probably end it here because I’m not sure how to continue.👺

[alliynl]

03/18/24

4:30pm afterclass;) 📍Philippines

Belated Happy new year🎊

Hiii! I haven’t posted in a while, but now I’m back to share some updatess;) Honestly, nothing exciting has happened, but I’m enjoying life and high school. I feel so at peace and happy. This year, 2024, has been great so far—my classmates and I have gotten closer, and they’re the reason I enjoy school so much. I’m grateful for the love and comfort they’ve shown me just by being there. These last few months have been positive overall, even with some downs, I’ve always found a way to bounce back.

As for “him,” I still see him around sometimes, in his classroom or the hallway. Seeing him happy makes me think that letting go was the right choice. I realize now that I still have feelings for him, but it’s not love anymore. I look for him out of habit, but I’m used to not feeling his presence, and I’m proud of that. If he has someone new, I’ll understand, though I know it will still hurt a little. But it won’t last.

Things have been good with my family too. We’ve been bonding more, talking more, and they understand my situation, which makes me happy.

I’m nervous about my grades this year, though. They’re a bit all over the place. I know I won’t have to repeat grade 8, but Chinese and math are definitely bringing my average down.

As for crushes, well, I don’t really know what I’m feeling, but there’s this guy named Keith from IB who I admire, He’s kind, super cute, athletic, an academic achiever—the whole package. I don’t want to know if he’s friendly because I’ve been there before and i don’t want to regret anything. But I just have to say, he’s really talented and has all the good qualities.

Still, I know I can’t fully explore these feelings because I haven’t completely let go of the past yet.

I hope life continues to treat me well, with good grades and blessings all around! That’s it for now—I’ll update again when I can!🫶🏻🥲