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[alliynl]

On some days I just need you more than on others. But for you it doesn’t seem to make a difference.

[alliynl]

Silent regrets

I’m always feeling a little blue,

But I won’t pretend it’s all on you.

When you ended it, my nights were a mess

So maybe you should worry, Cause I chose to sleep less.

I miss you still, I’m struggling to get through,

I hate to think I wasn’t right for you.

There were times I should’ve treated you right,

Yet I kept those thoughts hidden, out of sight.

I buried my love, too afraid to leap,

In letters I wrote but chose to keep.

Now I wonder, was it all in vain?

These silent confessions, this self-made pain?

Though I may never find the words to say,

I know I let yesterday slip away.

[alliynl]

“Sometimes its better to be friends so you can keep them forever than be lovers”

[alliynl]

K,

I want to talk to you like I’m your diary again, like before. I miss you—every single bit and part of you. I know I made a mistake, and I regret it deeply. I know that moment shattered your trust in me, and since then, it’s been hard for you to trust me again. But all I wanted after that was to make things right, to fix us.

I tried to reach you, but it felt like your pride was too high—even my words couldn’t reach it. I said everything I could, hoping it would matter, hoping you would still fight for me. But in the end, you didn’t. And I get it. Maybe I wasn’t what you needed or deserved. Still, I wanted to be better for you, even if it meant losing myself. I tried so hard—maybe too hard—because I didn’t want to lose you. But sometimes, trying so hard to be better made me lose sight of who I really was.

Even after everything, I still choose you. Even after all the time that’s passed, I only want you. It’s strange how I still find myself falling for the little things—how you fix your hair, wear that familiar scent, smile in that effortless way. It’s like you know exactly what made me fall for you, and seeing you now just brings all of that back.

I’ve tried to move on, but it’s been so difficult. I still look for you in the quadrangle, try to check if you’re playing with your racket, or training for track and field. Sometimes I even check your accounts, just to see if you’re still there, living your life. I still have your number, and sometimes I think about calling, just to hear your voice.

I hope you’re doing okay. If you ever think of me, don’t let it weigh you down. I know you’re going through your own struggles, and I wish I could be there for you. But right now, I’m trying to be here for myself.

I’ll always love you, K. Please take care of yourself. I hope this school year treats you well.

[alliynl]

05/12/25

09:10am 📍Philippines

Hiiii here’s a life update about what happened in April, last week in school and overall in my life rn😉

I’m happy very much, I met him, I talk to him, to conclude that he’s the reason why I’m happy rn.

He makes me happy by complimenting me, chikas with him, the way he treats me, just by looking at him I felt really thankful I got him, he’s giving me amazing and memorable gifts, he treats me so nice in a way I don’t even know how I got him or pulled him😝 if I will have a message to him il tell him “hii my kit, thankyouu so much for coming into my life, i know we have been talking for 1 month pa lang but every second, every hour, and day in that 1 month has been amazing, I wish we could bond more:(, thankyou for all those chikas, compliments and for your time, I wish it could never end and we could do new/old stuff for a long time yk. I know we have been on tough times but we got each other now so I hope if you have problems or you are in a tough situation right now I hope you can tell me and let’s go through it 2gether🤞🏻. Remember you are always pogi, nice, smart, talented in every single way that’s why I love you okay? Always remember you have me no matter what😚❤️‍🔥”

Last week of school has been happy, no Chinese exams🥳 but we do have English exams but ngl it’s fine hahaha, ngl I cried at the last day of normal class days cos of my teacher okay? Her words are really touching she told us that even if life gets tough on us remember we always have people who can make it memorable and amazing, always rest daw and never forget to be happy😣 classmates and friends, I appreciate them a lot, they also the reason why classroom don’t feel like a strange and quiet place for me:) im wishing that i can’t be repeated or changed in another section againn🤧🤞🏻(manifesting for good grades and passing grades💯)

I will probably end it here cos idk how to continue it pa👺

[alliynl]

03/18/24

4:30pm afterclass;) 📍Philippines

Happy new year! Merry xmas😉🎄🎉🎊

Hiiii! I know yes I haven’t been able to post something here in a while but now im back im gonna share some stuff here.

So actually nothing really happened, im just here enjoying life & High School life

Tbh i am so much at peace, i am happy, i feel very much okay, and so on.

Im happy that this 2024, me and my classmates become more close, they become the ones who made me happy, they are the reason why i enjoy school life more, im thankful they made me felt loved and comforted me through their presence. These 3 months in 2024 welcomed me in a very positive way, there may be downs but i could still find a way to go up.

Talking about “him” well, yes sometimes i could encounter him, in his classroom, in the hallway but i think seeing him happy makes me think that letting him go is a good thing. One thing i know is that i still have feelings for him but i know it’s not love, i always look for him but im used to not feel his presence and im proud😌 I will understand if he have a new someone now but ofcourse i will feel hurt but i know it would not last.

Family has been good lately, we bond more, and talk more and im happy they could understand my situation right now.

Tbh im sooo scared about passing this s.y my grades are giving me mixed signals, but i know i wouldn’t do grade 8 again like i mean my grades are not that bad, its js chinese and math are making it bad you know:(

Right now talking about crushes and etc. i dont know what im feeling but i am admiring someone right now he’s name is keith and his from IB, he is kind, veryyy cute, aethletic, academic achiever, i don’t wanna know if he is friendly cause i have been there b4 but i js wanna say he’s talented and everything positive.

But i know i can’t continue what i am feeling right now because me , myself know that i have still have some feelings for someone, soo i can’t continue thys feeling im going through right now.

I wish that life would continue to be good at me, and that all good blessings and good grades could go high and be filled with 9’s😜

Soo now this update has came to an end, but dw i will still update but don’t know when😔

[alliynl]

11/12/23

6:50pm 📍Philippines

Hi so um wala nmn update now since wala naman nangyari haha, na miss lang sya:( but okay lang i did nothing like before except wala na ako ka chat

Oh dba so short lang hehe byebyee

[alliynl]

11/11/23

10:45pm 📍Philippines

Soo OMG i just made the very most embarrassing thing i have ever did or stupidest thing pala

Soo last night since i know na M didnt block me on my dump acc sa ig i was very nag papapansin dun hahaha and then nag story ako ng stuff like the stuff toys and then ung vid ni lorraine haha and then like after 20mins nag notes ako sa dump acc like idk what i put there i added miguel sa close friends ko and i didnt realise na makikita nya ung story, so i saw na he alr viewed it and i was panicking na^^ so i texted him saying sorry hahaha its soo stupid talaga and then he just said its ok like “very dry na” not like b4 he will correct it and then say “okkk” OMG I WILL THINK ABT HIM NNMN

Basta un very epic day, so many stuff happened haha

Byebyee:>

[alliynl]

11/10/23

10:15:am 📍Philippines

UPDATE: i saw him.... haha it was awkward buttt very hurt, causee tinignan nya lang ako and then umalis na:< like THE SILENCE BETWEEN US IS TOO SILENT gets? Haha

And then i saw JAS sa music room ewan miguel prob came w jas and then nauna umalis si miguel pero thats better than makita ko sila both together haha

(Im typing this rn sa chi class so yea)

END

[alliynl]

11/09/23

7:20pm 📍Philippines

So uhm hi:<< he broke up with me... and fuck it hurts so soo soo muchh, he just moved on and hes there loving a new girl haha

LIKE HOW CAN U DO THAT?! TELL ME HOW?!

Its like u just wasted those 8 months, and then after that youre done?? Haha i fucking hate him but i alsoo love him so much pa:(

Please dont expect tomorrow IM OKAY cause i wont haha, gagi ang sakit nila kanina sa mata it hurts soo much seeing you two while doing the stuff we used to do:(

Like he replaced me so fast, i cant fucking do that haha, sometimes iniisip ko nalang na hes just in my past nalang, na he was once a part of my life, he made me happy, loved, sad, everything and then red flag pala HAHA

But there are so many people comforting me better than you do, but marupok ako i miss how you comforted me also haha

All the things i said doesnt show how hurt i am right now im gonna end it here na:<

[alliynl]

11/08/23

8:30pm 📍Philippines

Helloo, So u prob saw how i say hi to u haha. Yes im not okay, IM SO NOT OKAY, i need a hug, comfort, assurance, and him:( I dont wanna say everything that happened kanina i just know na i am not okay and i saw many things, felt many things, and idk na haha. I keep on reposting sad stuff and some signs but still nothing worked:( im also making some notes in ig but i think he cant see it haha. I keep on seeing assurance vids kanina and i keep on crying, all i want is assurance and comfort “is that too hard too ask?” I know it might sound “OA” but i think its normal haha soo im gonna end it here since i feel sad nanaman:((( hahahaha

If i would say smth to “him”

“Hi, if you’re gonna ask me that question well my answer is YES, so much in a way im not okay and im hurt ykyk:( i wish you can understand but its also you’re fault in the 1st place, if it is my fault then

Im veryy veryy soo sorry:( i mean it. I wish we could be okayyy thats what i wish for right now:(“

Okay its gonna end here haha:<

[alliynl]

11/06/23

3:00pm 📍Philippines

Good afternoon ! So i just installed this app since i think NO ONE in school has this app so its a good sign hahaha, i wanna put here some rants in my life and idk make this my diary haha. So today i am absent:) and im very happy cause i have time to study and rest for tomorrow. I think Miguel is sad since he doesn’t reply to my chats but there is another side of me which is saying he’s just busy on school soo im gonna wait for the class to end(?) ig but if he still doesn’t respond to my texts then im gonna start overthinking jkjk. AND omg i almost forgot I dont know if the teachers already gave the tests but im not sure they did since the gc is full of shit:ㅇ haha so yea i think thats all ig☺️