allicfitness

[allicfitness]

{2.24.20} It’s Eating Disorder awareness week! So here’s my insight into my eating dirsorder and recovery!

Since I was a pre-teen I compared myself to others. Constantly feeling too big whether that was correlated to my height or weight. Throughout highschool I had ups and downs. Deep depression sent me to a 50 lb weight gain in 6 months my freshman year. After coming through the depression I lost 30 lbs but still always felt like I was bigger than I wanted to be. By summer going into freshman year of college (Aug ‘17) I was consistently working out and feeling fit, just to be followed by a knee injury that required two surgeries and an inactive lifestyle. My fear of gaining weight grew and while ending a toxic relationship I found myself constantly working to hit my pre-depression weight— what I didnt realize was I was 3 years older and a few inches taller so that weight wasn’t healthy anymore. I started college and did well until the end of my freshman year when I began restricting and excessively working out. This is the first time others started to notice (May ‘18). I was told I had anorexia-like behaviors and was put on low dose anxiety medicine which led to another weight gain. Sophmore year of college I didn’t care what I ate and rarely worked out. I was gaining weight and hated how I looked again (Jan ‘19). New years 2019 I set out to get healthy and lose weight. But, I just couldn’t lose any weight. Fall of 2019 (this year) I was restricting myself to barely any food and working out 2-3 hours a day 6-7 days a week. But I still wasn’t loosing weight. I did a phone interview with CBL to see if I qualified for a dietitian. Instead, at the end of the call I was told I needed intensive therapy and it sent me into a darker place. I thank God my dark place wasn’t any worse but that it opened my eyes to my faulty thinking. I did outpatient therapy over winter break and thought I was doing better. Going back to school this spring I got a bad virus that made me miss the first weeks of school. From then I was pushing to catch back up and slowly I started to feel myself slipping. My exercise was up again, my eating habits were falling, and my relationships were suffering. Out of pure desperation I confided in my mom that I wasn’t sure I could continue to push through this semester without ending in another complete breakdown. After making that statement, and a few panic attacks,I decided to take a medical leave of absence from college to return to Columbus and get the intensive treatment I was originally told I needed. This Wednesday I begin a 9 week treatment program to finally kick this ED in the butt. I’m nervous, anxious, excited... pretty much all of the feelings to see how I progress.

[allicfitness]

{2.20.20} Updates and more updates.

Top picture (blue bra vs black): Exactly one year difference. One year full of ups and downs.

Bottom picture (purple vs black): The worst of my eating disorder (october) compared to 3 months of increased intake and nutrition. There is no doubt that increasing my food intake has lead to even more progress. Including a -8.25″ and 10 lbs lost. My muscle mass has increased and so has my endurance.

Updates: I have returned home from school and have been accepted into more intensive outpatient treatment. I felt desperate and like the thoughts and obsessions were just sneaking back up while trying to push through school and do it all on my own. So far the big decision has been so good for me. I am nervous and so excited to get this treatment started and find joy in my life again without being controlled by an eating disorder. It’s been hard and crazy but I know in 9 weeks of treatment my life will be changed for the better.

[allicfitness]

{2.16.20} My nutrition is getting better again and so are my workouts!! I love seeing results and its a reminder that food is fuel and not the enemy.

[allicfitness]

{2.14.20} This past week I made a huge decision. I withdrew from school to allow myself to focus on my mental health. Since withdrawing the weight has been lifted. I have found myself more at peace and able to eat. The stress was helping my anorexia take back over. Im thankful for my decision, for the support everyone has shown me, and I’m thankful for the opportunity to get better.

[allicfitness]

{2.3.20} Not a fitness post as much as an accountability post. For years my body dysmorphia has led to me buying and wearing clothes that are way too big. Part of my progress has been working to get rid of those clothes that are way too big. Bigger clothes make me look bigger. My closet mostly consists or L/XL and I actually wear a M. Today I put on a M shirt and jeans and actually feel great in it!!🥰

[allicfitness]

{2.2.20} Very proud of this workout!! I was able to keep my heart rate steady, usually a workout of this intensity I would hit peak around 185-190bpm but today I maintained a good heart rate🙌🏼💪🏼

0.5 run ➡️ 10.6 bike ➡️ 2.0 mile run

[allicfitness]

{1.30.20} The top/left pictures are right before my eating disorder got the best of me. I was sitting around 200lbs and was disgusted with my body even though I had been through a lot that month- wisdom teeth out, horrible UTI/kidney infection, and then getting sick. I felt out of control in how stressed I was about school and how crazy my apartment environment was. The one thing I knew I could control was my exercise and food consumption. I stay around 200 those next few months despite restricting myself and over exercising. Everytime I got on the scale I felt like a failure.

I wasn’t a failure. I was in the midst of anorexia. My body held onto every single piece of fat And food I put in my body because it knew it wouldn’t be getting much more. My biggest success in this is learning that feuling my body correctly and adjusting my intake to my activity level has led to better results. I am down to 188lbs and my muscle strength has increased so much. Today I worked out after not eating enough and it reminded me again how much my body needs that feul and how great my workouts are when I eat enough. It’s all a learning process and some days it is way harder to eat and keep going. But I’m so proud of where i am now😊

[allicfitness]

{1.28.20} Nothing better than getting a killer workout in with your good friend when you come home. Surprised to find I am also 3 pounds away from my goal weight! Just another reminder that the scale doesn’t matter and that eating doesn’t make me gain weight🤯 I’m proud of how far I’ve come🙌🏼

[allicfitness]

{1.26.20} Feeling so good. Haven’t measured in a few weeks. Just another way to remind myself I still lose inches even when I eat!! One year and 13.5 inches down!!

Today’s workout was a brick: 10.5 mile bike into 1.5 mile run! Felt so good🙌🏼 But man am I gonna be sore 😅

[allicfitness]

{1.25.20} At the beginning of January I was consistent in the gym and working on my nutrition (a.k.a eating more). Then I got norovirus and barely ate for a week. Once we figured out I needed to be gluten free I immediately starting getting better. I took this last week to catch up and recover from the awful virus. After two weeks I got back to it today with full body and core. Im so dang proud of my back in the video so I wanted to post. Progress not perfection🙌🏼

[allicfitness]

{1.10.20} This workout right here shows me how freaking fit I am. I have never swam like this or for this length of time. I didn’t take more than a 15-30 second break during the whole workout. That’s an hour and 10 min straight of swimming. And the best part... I didn’t feel like dying at all🤷🏼‍♀️ It was an efficient and wonderful workout!! I am constantly worried about my weight and the lies my ED tells me. But the truth is.. I AM STRONG AND FIT💓

[allicfitness]

{1.9.20} Yesterday’s 11 mile bike and 2 mile run was better than I thought it’d be! I dreaded it so much and it ended up being so therapeutic!

Today’s workout is a swim workout and I’m excited to do it🙌🏼 Haven’t swam in a while but I know it’ll be awesome after such a hard workout yesterday😊

[allicfitness]

{1.6.20} For as long as I can remember, I’ve hated my body. I constantly was comparing myself and wanting to lose weight. The year of 2020 and the new decade to come will be one where I focus on self-love. I say this frequently but still struggle. I have made strides in my health and self-love. Fueling my body properly has led to increased muscle and decreased fat. I struggle still with intrusive thoughts about how I need to cut back on what I eat and increase my exercise. But if I think back to how I felt when I was living that way...I was MISERABLE. I’m starting to finally see my strength and no longer the flaws. I am stronger than I’ve ever been. I can complete hard workouts, run further and lift heavier weights than I ever have before. BUT I can’t continue to progress unless I eat and match my nutrition to my activity level.

Even with an increased nutrition intake, I am working to love what I see in the mirror. To recognize the muscle and health. I am working to remind myself that I have lost weight since eating again and that eating properly is not going to make me gain weight. This is a crazy journey and for every few steps forward, I still have days where I take a step back and fight my brain. I get exhausted of fighting but I know the end result of living a free and life full of self-love will be so worth it.

[allicfitness]

{1.4.19} Starting on my goal for 2020 of doing a triathlon. I previously started to train my freshman year of college before I struggled with knee pain!

Training goals/plans:

-swim 3x a week

-cross train — focus on strength

-work on bricks

[allicfitness]

{1.2.20} One year.

One year of fighting, sweating, living, working, pushing, and succeeding. This year has been full of the ups and downs. Fighting my ED in the beginning of 2019 and coming out successful, maintaining my health and nutrition for months only to be followed by another downhill spiral. I have learned so much in 2019. I have learned just how strong I am. My ED does not control me and that eating leads to overall better health and NOT weight gain. I am so excited to see where 2020 takes me. This year I have been the most consistent in my fitness than I ever have. It’s finally more than a hobby it’s now a lifestyle. A lifestyle that will follow me into this new year.

This year I’m making myself a priority. Happiness, health, and overall peace. Here’s to 2020 and a new year and decade of health. ✨

[allicfitness]

{12.30.19} Feeling good and happy. Still putting in the work with my nutrition and eating. Working now to eat at least 5x a day and eventually will start working to meet daily nutrition goals. Little by little making progress!! I am so proud of how far I’ve come in the past year❤️

[allicfitness]

{12.23.19} Progress. About 1 year apart.

This year has been so full of ups and downs. Working hard with beachbody to start a healthy lifestyle and ending the year in treatment for eating disorder. I have been able to maintain working out for a year. However, my eating and nutrition has been up and down. I’m putting in the work and looking forward to what 2020 has in store.

My resolutions will be the posted next!!