allendeluna

[allendeluna]

06/17

The past few days has been very exhausting—physically, mentally, emotionally. I haven’t felt like this in ages.

Is this worth it? Or is it not?

[allendeluna]

[allendeluna]

Dog Woman, Chris Abani

[allendeluna]

I never thought I’d get stuck in a situation like this.

Again.

Ever.

Again.

[allendeluna]

One day you’re going to meet someone, and everything will make sense.

All of the sleepless nights, heartbreaks, rejections, unrequited crushes, moments that made you doubt yourself and doubt love and doubt everything in between. It will all dissolve the moment you meet them, the moment they wrap you in their arms and you think, “This. This is what I was waiting for.”

Because you were waiting for them, for that moment, for that feeling.

And when you find them, you’ll just know.

To the person who made me believe in love again,

Just when I’ve given up on love, you came along and pulled me back.

I cannot remember how it felt to be swept off my feet. I forgot the sensation of having butterflies in my stomach, and how it made me all giddy. I no longer recall how my lips will instantly form into an upward curve just by the thought of someone.

But then I met you and everything changed.

It wasn’t hard falling in love with you–you have a strange way of triggering my softness. The sound of your voice encourages me to show my vulnerability, and to feel comfortable with sharing my emotions. Your simple existence makes me want to tear down my walls.

But somehow, you scared me. I was so afraid of having my heart damaged further, and why would I not be? I carry all the doubts one ruined soul would have. My heart felt too heavy at the thought of someone entering my life again. Someone who wanted to take a residency in my heart, but with no assurance of staying. I was overwhelmed with the emotions stirring inside me, but the uncertainty made me crave for you. You made me want to throw my hesitance and be free-spirited in loving you. You have been my state of euphoria after my long days of desolation. You made me feel that this was what I needed all this time… to fall in love.

So I tore down my walls for you. I crossed the line and took the risk. And now, I am at my happiest because of you.

You renewed my faith in love. You helped me share a piece of my heart again. And you have all the right in the world to own it, to put fences around it, and to make it yours. It’s as if you were a puzzle piece that fits perfectly in my life. You filled that huge void that was always there, suddenly everything made sense. Everything with you felt right. 

I know there would be times that being with me will be a bit difficult. I’m going to be completely honest with you, I still have an irresolute heart. All I ask from you is patience. Please be patient while I slowly peel myself off with every doubt I have. Please understand that I am still learning the ropes of being someone’s significant other again. I want to be better for you. I have so many things I wanted to look forward to with you by my side. I want us to be each other’s forever, no matter how overrated forever may be.

I hope and pray that you will be the man who’ll wait for me at the altar as I walk down the aisle.

I hope and pray that your hand will be the hand that I will hold through life’s ups and downs.

I hope and pray that you are exactly what I want you to be… my answered prayer.

[allendeluna]

06/10

The world that we live in is indeed an exhausting place to be.  It is wearing, it is thankless.  It is endlessly trying and scarcely rewarding.  I’m tired simply because I live in it. 

I know I haven’t always been this worn out –  that there was a time when I am hopeful and pure.  When my optimism outweighed my cynicism  and I had an infinite amount in me to give. 

I know I have been chipped away and worn down piece by piece –  a broken heart here and an un-kept promise there.  I know the world hasn’t always been kind throughout the games I’ve played,  and that I’ve lost more times than I have ever won.

Because the truth is, I’m fucking tired.  I’m a member of the army of broken hearts and aching souls,  desperately searching for fulfillment.  I want more but I’m too tired to ask for it. 

I’m sick of where I am but I am too scared to begin again.  I need to take risks,  but I’m afraid to watch it all come crashing down.  After all, I’m not sure how many times I will be able to start over.

I’m tired of loving too much, caring too much, giving too much to a world that never gives anything back. I’m tired of guys wanting to fuck me, but not love me. 

I’m tired of investing in indefinite outcomes. I’m tired of uncertainties. Tired of grey. Tired of everything.

[allendeluna]

There are certain songs I still listen to that remind me of you. And in that moment, in that song, I am consumed with the exact feelings I had for you at that time. Every memory of you comes coursing through my head like a river of lost emotions. I think sometimes when you care for someone deeply those feelings never leave you. I mean, after all this time and all these years, you are still my favorite topic to write about.

[allendeluna]

any tips on how can i improve my writing skills? you are a great writer btw! thanks in advance. :)

What better way to keep your burning desire of expression, running high emotions, flying ideas, and full supply of opinions than writing it down? Everyone has a unique reason why they are writing. Yet no one is born an excellent writer, but anyone can be a good writer if they are determined enough.Express yourself. It can be about that guy who you loved from the past, or the friend who betrayed you or whatsoever. Don't get stuck on figuring out what to write about. There is a lot, actually. Always write more than one draft, and by that, correct your grammar. Yeap, grammar is a pain. Also, have another person to read your work. He/she will help you generate more ideas and find mistakes that you have overlooked.Think outside the box at the same time, practice empathy. Don't let your readers get bored. Be creative.That's it! Anyway, thank you! Enjoy reading and good luck my dear!

[allendeluna]

The Girl With A Dark Side

People thought I am always happy. But when they’ve gotten to know me, I’m cynical. And when I get angry… I get very angry. Like, an angry teen smashing things angry. And they’re terrified. 

But despite all this, people decided to stay with me,

and it’s not as bad as it seems.

I am the girl with a dark side.

I will take you on an intense emotional roller coaster that is upside down more that right side up.

But I assure you, 

I’m totally worth it.

Yet, there are definitely some things you need to know about this side of me.

I’m actually happy. Yes, I’m cynical. I get upset. Don’t confuse my dark side for unhappiness. Happy people can get upset, and upset people can be happy.

Please, don’t piss me off… Just don’t. Because then you’ll see my dark side forever. I’m not quick to forgive. And I’ll never forget. But most importantly, I’m not gonna go around murdering people.

I’m afraid. But won’t admit it. I sweat the small stuff…  But I’m still strong. I need you to make sure that I have nothing to be afraid of.

I’m a little closed off. It takes a lot of effort to get to really know me. And when I’m feeling sad, cynical, and terrified, I might not always be able to explain why. It just happens. It’s a part of me, and it’s a part of me that won’t go away. But you can make it better for me.

I’ll never ask for help. But I always want it. I always wish that when I have the tiniest feeling that I’m hurting, you’ll let me know that you’re there for me. 

I don’t let it define me. I am open about my dark side, because it is an important part of who I am. But my dark side doesn’t define me.

I want to let you in. But it’s scary. Letting someone in is the most terrifying thing that could possibly happen to me. I’ve been hurt before, and goes out of my way to make sure I won’t be hurt again. I’ve learned to trust and rely on only myself, and I’m comfortable with that. 

But with my gory darkness, there are many reasons to why I’m worth it.

I’ll accept that side of you that others don’t want to see.

You don’t have to try to be perfect for me. I already know a what flawed person is, and I am cool with it.

You don’t have to be emotionally intelligent around me. I want to feel every emotion that spills out of you like an ocean, even the sticky parts.

You can trust me and I’ll listen to you. Like actually listen to you. I’ll stay up till 3 a.m. and open my ears to the rough regret that rolls through your brain every time your head hits the pillows.  

I’m willing to take a look at your broken pieces and help you to lay them out. 

And when I love, I love hard and spontaneously. 

I’ll love every single part of you, including the ugly parts.

Especially the ugly parts. In fact, the uglier, the better.

I won’t take your heart for granted, especially if it’s guarded and if I’m with you.

You see, 

the girl with a dark side isn’t bad after all.

[allendeluna]

Why Love A Writer

The best lover you could ever have is a writer. 

She could wrap her love for you through her beautiful words. 

No certain amount of words could modify her feelings for you. 

No right number of pages could explain her wrestling thoughts about you. 

And, no margins and borderlines could limit her random gorgeous emotions for you. 

Believe me, a writer is the best lover.

She could bring you into her wildest colorful imagination. 

She could view you as a fallen angel, a perfect mess, a lonely star twinkling in an exploded galaxy, a flawed man... Everything! 

She could also be your best friend, a pen partner, a love-letter sender, a romantic storyteller, an unsung poet, a midnight narrator. 

The best lovers are writers. 

She could be your perfect lens to see an artistic world, and a magnifier to imagine a mysteriously chaotic universe. 

Love a writer. 

Trust me. She could make you smile through her lines. 

She could make you feel pretty through her rhymes. 

She could make you laugh through her words. 

She could make you sob through her verse. 

And,

she could make you marry her through her ballpoint's curse.

[allendeluna]

Timing... Is It Really A Bitch?

Timing is something that none of us can seem to get quite right with relationships. We form an incredibly close friendship with an attractive person who is already taken. One relationship ends because our partner isn’t ready to get serious and another ends because they’re getting serious too soon.

“It would be perfect,” 

We moan to our friends, 

“If only this were five years from now/eight years sooner/some indistinct time in the future where all our problems would take care of themselves.” 

Timing seems to be the invariable third party in all of our relationships. And yet we never stop to consider why we let timing play such a drastic role in our lives.

Timing is a bitch, yes. But it’s only a bitch if we let it be. 

Here’s a simple truth that I think we all need to face up to: 

the people we meet at the wrong time are actually just the wrong people.

You never meet the right people at the wrong time because the right people are timeless. 

The right people make you want to throw away the plans you originally had for one and follow them into the hazy, unknown future without a glance backwards. 

The right people don’t make you hmm and haw about whether or not you want to be with them; you just know. You know that any adventure you had originally planned out for your future isn’t going to be half as incredible as the adventures you could have by their side... That no matter what you thought you wanted before, this is better. Everything is better since they came along.

When you are with the right person, time falls away. 

You don’t worry about fitting them into your complicated schedule, because they become a part of that schedule. They become the backbone of it. Your happiness becomes your priority and so long as they are contributing to it, you can work around the rest.

The right people don’t stand in the way of the things you once wanted and make you choose them over them. 

The right people encourage you: To try harder, dream bigger, do better. They bring out the most incredible parts of yourself and make you want to fight harder than ever before. 

The right people don’t impose limits on your time or your dreams or your abilities. They want to tackle those mountains with you, and they don’t care how much time it takes. 

With the right person, you have all of the time in the world.

The truth is, when we pass someone up because the timing is wrong, what we are really saying is that we don’t care to spend our time on that person. 

There will never be a magical time when everything falls into place and fixes all our broken relationships. 

But there may someday be a person who makes the issue of timing irrelevant.

Because when someone is right for us, we make the time to let them into our lives... And that kind of timing is always right.

[allendeluna]

The Best Is Yet To Come

“New year, new me.”

We’ve all heard it before.

Every Instagram caption, tweet and Facebook status says the same thing as December 31 rolls around.

We tend to coin this term “clichéd” or “ridiculous.”

Although we’ve seen this phrase used thousands of times — and have ironically watched our friends and followers stay exactly the same throughout the entire year — for some people, a new year can be a good excuse to begin a new chapter in life.

In a sense, the new year is a new chapter for everyone.

We change calendars, begin writing new dates on our papers and commence a brand new journey along a 12-month path.

For some, though, the new year has a much deeper meaning than most.

It means starting over.

I myself was never a fan of the phrase, “New year, new me,” and it wasn’t until recently that I realized how important the approaching new year was.

On the start of 2015, I realized I feel so loved because I almost had everything. Yup, everything. The material things I need and want in life, the love I always yearned for, my family, my friends... Just everything.

Right there, in that very moment, I decided, “2015 is going to be my year.”

I was already on track for what I had believed would be the best days of my life.

I had the perfect one and had the most perfect friends and social life to match.

I didn’t hesitate to say 2015 was the best year of my life.

But on the latter part of the year, I took back everything I had thought..

The fantasy I had built up for myself came to a harsh, dead end, and suddenly, the best year of my life turned into the worst.

My beautiful story of 2015 became the tragic heartbreak of 2015.

My social life was dwindling, and I was no longer excited to go back to the college of my dreams.

I had become pessimistic, and college had become a distant place where life would no longer be the same.

My semester back at school was exactly what I had expected: It was a roller coaster ride full of tragedy, disappointment and confusion.

The bitter start of the Christmas break brought the true end of 2015.

I tried my best to recreate the excitement of the year 2015, but true happiness just wouldn’t strike. Until my friends told me that it is not the end, but rather the beginning of a new chapter in mine.

I was now the clichéd girl I had grown up avoiding.

I was now using the new year as an excuse to establish a new me, and I was more than okay with it.

Tragedy and heartbreak had hit me hard, and I found that all the steps I was taking in order to overcome it were leading me down a path to nowhere.

I needed to truly and finally put my past behind me.

The best way to do so was through establishing the new year as a fresh start.

What makes the transition from December 31 to January 1 revolutionizing is the perspective you have on your life.

The year of 2016 will be the time I’ll step into my 20s, and my youth is reason enough to live life more fully.

I’m beginning the peak of my social life, and I realize there is no better time to put myself out there and build more fulfilling relationships.

Jumping into a new year is not just about going through the 365 days; it is about living life every day from then on as a fresh start.

It’s merely about treating every opportunity you encounter from now on as a chance to change your life for the better.

Using the new year as an excuse to start over is more than okay.

As clichéd as it might be, sometimes we need the new year in order to truly push ourselves to be the best we can be.

It’s a time to sincerely embrace all of life’s opportunities.

As December came to a close and we began to creep up to the new year, don’t hesitate to use this time as a chance to start over, try something new or change your life.

When life begins to let us down, we must remember that every day is a chance to start over.

The best is yet to come, and the more we embrace newness and change, the better off we’ll be.

[allendeluna]

Don’t Date A Girl Who Travels

Photo by: Allaine T. de Luna Photography

She’s the one with the messy unkempt hair colored by the sun.  Her skin is now far from fair like it once was.  Not even sun kissed.  It’s burnt with multiple tan lines, wounds and bites here and there.   But for every flaw on her skin, she has an interesting story to tell. 

Don’t date a girl who travels. 

She is hard to please. The usual movie date at the mall will suck the life out of her. Her soul craves for new experiences and adventures. She will be unimpressed whether you have a nice car or an expensive watch. She would rather climb a mountain or go to a beach than hear you brag about it. 

Don’t date a girl who travels. 

She will always be on her phone waiting if there’s an airline seat sale. She won’t party with you. And she will never pay over 10, 000 Pesos for a Chris Brown concert because she knows that those are equivalent to somewhere far more exciting. 

Chances are, she can’t keep a steady job. Or she’s probably daydreaming about quitting. She doesn’t want to keep working her ass off for someone else’s dream. She has her own and is working towards it. She is a freelancer. She makes money from teaching piano, writing, joining pageants or something that requires creativity and imagination. Don’t waste her time complaining about her not watching your boring basketball game.

Don’t date a girl who travels. 

She might have wasted some days of her school sleeping and left unadventurous people. She might be too lazy to teach how to play piano to children. She’s not sure when the next paycheck is coming. But she doesn’t work like a robot all day, she goes out and takes what life has to offer and challenges you to do the same. 

Don’t date a girl who travels. 

She has chosen a life of uncertainty.  She doesn’t have permanent plans. She goes with the flow and follows her heart. She dances to the beat of her own drum. She doesn’t always wear a watch. Her days are ruled by the sun and the moon. When the waves are calling, life stops and she will be oblivious to everything else for a moment. But she has learned that the most important thing in life isn’t surfing. 

Don’t date a girl who travels. 

She tends to speak her mind. She will never try to impress your parents or friends. She knows respect, but isn’t afraid to hold a debate about global issues or social responsibility. 

Don’t date a girl who travels. 

She will never need you.  She doesn’t need you to pay for her meals.  She is too independent and won’t care whether you travel with her or not.  She will forget you when she arrives at her destination.  She’s busy living in the present.  She talks to strangers.  She will meet many interesting, like-minded people from around the world who share her passion and dreams.  She will be bored with you.

So never date a girl who travels unless you can keep up with her. And if you unintentionally fall in love with one, don’t you dare keep her...

Let her go.

[allendeluna]

Become better and you attract better.

SixWordQuote (via words-of-emotion)

[allendeluna]

It Is Never Too Late To...

Photo by: Allaine T. de Luna Photography

Start Over

Chase Your Dreams

Create Healthy Relationships

Understand God’s Power

Change Your Ways

Be Positive

Hope

Accept The Lord

Make A Difference

Free Yourself

Forgive The Person Who Hurt You

Learn Something New

Do What You’ve Always Wanted To Do

Say “I’m Sorry”

Be Inspired

Begin Again

Put Your Past In Your Past 

We are all moving and changing. We need different things from the world at different times in our lives. We want different things. We view the world in different lights. We are all essentially just bumping into each other, stuck together until another crack in the road sends us free falling into something or someone else.

You don’t have to feel loss. You don’t have to feel sad. You can view your individual relationships as meaningful for what they were. You can send them on their way when they’re through. You can look forward to the new.

IT IS NEVER TOO LATE.

Though the best moments of your life happened in 2015 were spent with people who won’t even be a part of your 2016… It’s okay.

Who knows, those moments you had will soon be changed by better or even the best ones when you accept more challenges and new people into your life this upcoming year?

Keep your friends close. Nurture your friendships and do right by the people you love. Let people know that you love them. Surround yourself with friends who make you better. You can’t save all friendships and the ones that can’t be saved are sometimes the ones that don’t need to be. You can never know the direction in which people will go and grow and change.

Try your best to keep the people you really appreciate in your field of vision at all times, but understand that life has its own way of throwing us around. Understand that these are just realities.

And I’ll say it again…

IT IS NEVER TOO LATE.

[allendeluna]

One Day

One day, you'll remember the girl who loved you so much that she forgot to love herself. 

You'll remember her when you wake up, when you eat, when you're about to sleep. She will be your greatest nightmare. You will be the one crying, and she will be the one happy with someone else.

One day, you'll regret losing her. 

You lost the girl who did everything for you. You lost the girl who was always there for you when no one else is. You lost her because of your ego. You lost the girl who stayed by your side even if you threw harsh words to her. You lost the girl who tried to understand you when she needed you and you were not there. 

One day, you'll realize that she was the one for you. 

The girl who stood by your side even if you don't appreciate her. The girl you chose to let go because you're full of pride. One day, you'll realize that the girl you screwed up and left for another girl, was the girl who kept on fighting and defending you when she hears gossips about you.

One day, you'll see her happy and contented with the life she have when you left her. 

She will thank you for letting her go and for making her realize she is worth of something so much better, that there is someone out there who is willing to do everything for her. She will look into your eyes with no feelings for you at all. 

One day, when you see her, you will feel like you've been stabbed in your heart a millions times for giving up on her. 

And when that day comes, no matter what you do, no matter what you say to her, it will not make sense because she was already done spending years of her life trying to make you love her as she loved you.... But you didn't.

[allendeluna]

A Letter to My Future Love

Dear Future Love,

I wonder where you are.

Have we met already? 

Are we friends? 

Are you still in a relationship? 

Or are you just around the corner? 

Oh well, I think there are a lot of possibilities. 

But nevertheless, please promise me one thing. 

Promise me that the wait will be worth it.

As of the moment, I have no idea who you are. 

It’s just that, I’m still waiting for the right time. 

That time when I’ll be able to say,

“Oh. Now, I know. This is the man that I’ve been writing this letter for.” 

I’ve been through a lot. 

Sleepless nights due to a heartbreak? 

Well, yes. Been there, done that. 

Oh! Maybe you, too? Who knows? 

Maybe you’re sobbing in the corner of your room by this time while I’m here, 

typing this letter. 

As I’ve said earlier… 

No one knows.

Tomorrow, in a couple of weeks, in three months or in four years?

When will I meet you? 

Maybe in a decade? 

Presumably, right after I earn my Med school diploma. 

Or who knows? 

Maybe as I went to somewhere else, 

I’ll bump into someone and voila! 

It’s you.

Every now and then, I keep thinking about you. 

I keep thinking about things we’ll do upon meeting each other. 

I’m thinking about what we will be going in our first date. 

Most of the time, I think about a lot of stuff and giggle like a high schooler. 

But what I have in these thoughts is a faceless man…

A man with an unknown identity.

Oh, how I long for you to come. 

How I long to experience those sweet things once again, but end it in a different way. 

My past relationships have been odd but I know that a better one is yet to come.

I’m not losing hope. 

I know that the good Lord is preparing both of us to be better versions of our own selves. 

By that time that we’ve met, I know that the long wait will be worth it. 

As for now, I’ll just leave this letter here to start another chapter in our book. 

Who knows, maybe in the next chapter, 

you’ll already be identified? 

Only fate can tell.