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been holding off on the fof finale for days now.. man i really don’t want it to end

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looks like somebody forgot that dust we are and to dust we shall return lol

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Danez Smith, Don't Call Us Dead

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a delightful lunar new year to you all <33

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Dude any day now… i shall be released

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wwx saying lwj’s title during his qiongqi dao monologue. not his bosom birth name, lan zhan, or the more formal and distant "lan-er-gongzi" that’s grown more familiar on his mouth during these many months. but the noble and dignified and righteous hanguang-jun. "if am doomed to death, may it be by hanguang-jun’s hand. that would be worth it."

wwx using a name lwj got during the throes of war as he fought and murdered hundreds of wen ruohan’s soldiers and turning it on its head to say, "if you are as good and moral as they all say you are, don’t doom these wens to the same fate." and that’s the thing, wwx does deem lwj as good and moral, more so than all the other gentries he’s met. as his self assigned zhiji, he sees lwj for who he is at the fundamental basis of his being, and indeed that is the bearer of light. wwx, with so many words, is saying, "you are worthy of your title, more than the whole of the jianghu is aware." and for that reason hinges his life and those of some few dozen refugees on his steadfast and unfailing belief of the other’s morality. with a single word, he assigns lwj the role of his judge, jury, and need be, the bringer of his demise. "if you really feel that my defense of the wen remnants is wrong, that i am wrong, draw your sword on me, hanguang-jun. go on, i’ll allow it, i’ll gladly agree to it—if it’s you, for no reason other than it’s your hand that i would meet my end by."

and the weight of that with it being one of only two times that he refers to lwj by his title during his first life. the first that he did so was during a bitter reunion, and laden with animosity. "hanguang-jun" said not with awe and admiration but to deride his standing as if the mere idea of him as a genuine moral authority is a foolish one. but the moment lwj also begins to doubt his role as a marshal of the law—as someone who is able to differentiate between right and wrong—there is a man who is willing to bet his life on his worthiness of fulfilling it.

(don’t mind me i’m fleshing out musings from my burial mounds au)

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Chester Dewitt Rose 072220

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living is just figuring out how to save your life over and over again Like over and over you wake up and realize you are dying and you either save your life or you don’t

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it’s the first time in two years that it’s snowing for me and only for 4 hours between 2 and 6 am….

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many feelings about how with regard to the untamed, lan wangji’s fruitless defense of burial mounds is how he gains his lashes and is why he is bedridden/grounded for years following it.

i mean, the wens and the man he holds most dear are long gone—dead, and he is well, well aware of that. and so for me, when he goes to that barren hill and defends it with his life—harms his own elders for it, it’s not with the what if of wei wuxian not being dead and dragging his body, or what remains of it, to the one home he feels he has. no, it’s not to defend a mortal man but a memory, an idea, a what if of a life that was able to be made and shared, and grief that had he stayed to realise it, disaster would not befall the way that it did. it’s a matter of symbolism.

really, burial mounds is lan wangji’s first and greatest regret, before and arguably more so than drawing his sword on wei wuxian, and mere moments before he meets his end.

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they were right btw. you have to dig yourself out of your grave over and over again

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— Mahmoud Darwish, Those Who Pass Between Fleeting Words

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there are things i wanna be that i already was

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the untamed (2019) // sophocles, jean anouilh, trans. lewis galantiére: antigone

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the untamed (2019) // agamemnon by aiskhylos; elektra by sophokles; orestes by euripides; trans. by anne carson: an oresteia

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romo (relief of missing out)