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all-things-lgbtqia · 3 years ago

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Response to “Tucutes: Why They Are Dangerous” (AKA the absolute worst take I have ever seen)

Disclaimer: This post isn’t here to debate transmedicalism. This post is here to discuss what I believe to be a truly horrible post that is full of fear-mongering and blatant sexism. I initially found this on Instagram, and I have cropped the images so that we can’t see the person who re-uploaded it. I don’t know who the original poster is and honestly I don’t care to find them. I don’t want to find them. I don’t want to reveal who they are. If you do know who wrote this, leave them out of this. I don’t want them getting harassed. Additionally, this post is, at the very least, a year and some change old, for all we know the OP’s opinion has changed. And again, even if it hasn’t, they don’t deserve to be harassed.

I’ve taken these screenshots from my phone so apologies if the quality isn’t great.

This is going to be a long post because I want to really break it all down, so strap in friendos.

So just a bit of backstory for people who are new:

“Transmed” is short for “transmedicalism” or “transmedicalist” (it’s context-specific). The basic belief here is that being transgender is a medical condition that requires a diagnosis of gender dysphoria in order to treat. This often gets boiled down to, “You need to be dysphoric in order to really be transgender.” This, like all beliefs, will have pros and cons. On the one hand, if being transgender is classified as a medical condition (as opposed to cosmetic, for example), that means insurance companies will be more likely to cover treatment, which is good because transgender healthcare can be ridiculously expensive. On the other hand, a lot of folks dislike it because it feels very gatekeepy and basically says that people who say they are transgender but don’t experience dysphoria (or in some cases don’t experience enough dysphoria) aren’t really trans, which is a problem because a person’s identity should be theirs to define.

“Tucute” is a term for people who don’t think you need dysphoria to be trans, usually referring directly to the non-dysphoric person. I’m not a big fan of the term because it feels very patronizing (I am not a tucute, by the way, I experience dysphoria every day of my life). Basically the origin of the term is that someone is “too cute” for dysphoria, or “too cute” to be cis. Again, like all beliefs, this one has its own pros and cons. On the one hand, it’s more inclusive and basically says that if you say you are transgender, and you really believe you are transgender, then you are trans, end of story. On the other hand, this admittedly can be confusing for both people inside and outside of the community and if you leave it at “end of story,” it can leave the door open for people to make bad faith arguments. Basically transphobes will always find ways to insert themselves where they don’t belong.

With that out of the way, let’s look at this piece of garbage:

Let’s break down part 1, shall we?

"Kids have access to the internet now and that’s very concerning when people are claiming that there are 200,000 genders and that you don’t need GD [gender dysphoria] to be transgender.”

Right off the bat we are getting dangerously close to the “You’re going to confuse kids!” argument that transphobes love to tout so much. Is gender confusing? Absolutely, but this is why kids who feel the need to play with it should be allowed to do so. If we let kids play with and experiment with their gender, they can figure themselves out. If they come out the other end still feeling cis, fine, no harm no foul. But if they come out the other end and still say they’re trans, then you can help them begin the transition process (which will look different depending on the child’s age, where you live, etc. but generally will not include hormones or surgeries until the patient is at least 16, contrary to what OP believes but we’ll get into that). Based on the way OP is speaking, however, it seems like they think experimenting with gender is a bad thing.

But I don’t want to put words in anyone’s mouth [yet]. Now let’s look at the next chunk of text.

This is where this post really starts to feel gross, but let’s talk about it anyway.

And just a heads-up, because this is, as far as I can tell, a hypothetical (i.e., fictional), and one wherein the protagonist turns out to not actually be trans, I will be using she/her pronouns. If someone in the real world were to come up to you and say that they are trans and would prefer to be called by whatever pronouns, you should absolutely call them by those pronouns. However, because this is, as far as I can tell, a fictional story about a cis person coming out as trans for attention, I will be using primarily she/her pronouns.

I will admit, sometimes teens do things for attention, and girls make up roughly 50% of the teen population. I’ve met girls who faked mental illnesses for attention. I’ve heard countless stories of girls faking diseases for attention. And I have heard stories, though they are rare, of people coming out as trans for attention. It’s rare but it does happen. And usually, if someone comes out as trans, they do think they are trans at the time. Regardless of what Fox News and Ben Shapiro are trying to tell you, the world is still incredibly dangerous for transgender people and it isn’t a position a lot of people - even actual trans people - are willing to put themselves into. People who fake being or having something for attention typically won’t do it if it puts them in actual danger. And it’s kind of gross to think that the catalyst of this hypothetical scenario is going to be a 12- or 13-year-old girl finding a Tumblr post saying “You don’t actually need dysphoria to be trans.” I get that teens are very easy to influence, and it is incredible the way you can shift a room of teens just by changing the way you talk, but by suggesting that someone will come out as trans just because they read it online makes me feel like OP here thinks very lowly of teen girls’ intelligence.

Do teens do stupid things for attention? Yes.

Are teens easy to influence? Yes.

Will teens change their entire identity because of an influence? They can.

Will a single Tumblr post do that? Probably not. I remember being a teen on here and being bombarded with peers telling me to watch Doctor Who or Sherlock, or read Harry Potter or Homestuck, or do X, Y, or Z things. I watched some Doctor Who because a friend of mine wanted me to. But I didn’t do all of the above just because the internet told me to.

And I especially didn’t become transgender because a Tumblr post told me to.

But I’m just one person! I’m curious if any of you have completely changed your identity because YouTube or Tumblr told you to!

Let’s keep going.

“Now what if this girl has a very supportive family and they accept her-” Great! That really is fantastic they will let their child experiment with gender and are supportive and whatnot! Oh? You’re framing this like a bad thing? ...Okay.

“And since they want their ‘son’ to be happy they put her on testosterone.”

Okay so the girl in the example was 13, right? I feel like you need to be a little older than that. Let me just look it up...

Huh. But you’re right, the article does say it’s only typical that HRT begins at age 16. I’m sure there are examples of transgender kids starting on HRT at 12 or 13, before some kids even start puberty. The goal is, after all, to give the child the puberty associated with their actual gender. Except, no, doctors typically won’t prescribe HRT for a pre-pubescent patient. They may instead prescribe puberty blockers - which are harmless and 100% reversible, and were originally invented to delay puberty in patients who started too early because nobody wants their ten-year-old to go through puberty (even the most supportive parents of transgender children) - to give the patient more time to think about if this treatment is truly right for them. Contrary to what Blair White is telling you, nobody actually wants to put literal children 12 and under on HRT.

But let’s say that this child is a special case and her family really really wants her to get on HRT as soon as possible, so they waltz into a pharmacy and demand hormones and you see where I’m going with this right? You can’t just get hormones. Even in locations where HRT is on an informed consent basis, you still need to be living as your true gender for a few months before manufacturers will fill the prescription. And you can’t just call up the manufacturer yourself and ask for hormones. So the patient still needs to see a doctor who will ask the typical questions like, “How long have you felt like this? What are your goals for your transition?” Which gives this kid an out for if they realize, “Hey maybe this isn’t for me.” And that’s just assuming the patient is from a place where HRT is given on informed consent. It is much more common for a patient to first meet with a specialized therapist, spend time with them, convince the therapist they are trans, live as their true gender for 3 months, maybe even up to a year or more depending on where they live, and then get a letter of recommendation before any doctor will even consider writing a prescription. And even then you might hit another brick wall and then need to go see different specialists.

OP seems to think that getting treatment as a trans person is as easy as getting treatment for a simple case of pink eye.

But whatever, let’s keep reading.

Oh geez oh man where to start.

Okay so now in this hypothetical we have a cis girl who is on testosterone because she came out as trans for attention because Tumblr told her to, waited an additional three months at the very least before starting HRT, was upgraded to a higher dose, and has now been on testosterone for long enough for these changes to happen. So it’s been at least six months since she came out. She is going through these changes and is starting to feel dysphoric but doesn’t back out. Why not...? Surely, if you’re faking being trans for attention, you wouldn’t commit this hard for this long. This would be like someone faking a cancer diagnosis to the point that they lose a ton of weight and shave their head to mimic hair loss. Okay but fine some people really do go that far. Let’s keep read-

Okay so in this hypothetical scenario a cis girl has now been on T for 3 years because Tumblr told her to fake being trans for attention, she’s been dysphoric for 3 years, and she still isn’t backing out. What did I say about OP not thinking highly of teen girls? Yeah, now I don’t feel uncomfortable putting words in OP’s mouth, OP really does think that teen girls are so stupid that they will cause irreversible changes to their bodies for attention because someone on Tumblr told them they didn’t need dysphoria to be trans.

Okay, okay, let’s keep going...

OP really doesn’t think teen girls are very smart.

If you’re a teen girl reading this, OP thinks that at least someone among you is incredibly stupid and so easily manipulated that you would put yourself through hell just because maybe it would get someone to look at you. OP thinks that a Tumblr post saying, “You don’t need dysphoria to be trans ~*” is enough for you to ruin your life because you’re too stupid to think for yourself. Are you offended? You should be.

Okay, so in this hypothetical, the girl gets surgery because insurance will cover it. That’s all. She will get a risky surgery with a lengthy recovery process just because insurance covers it. Her parents didn’t ask her if she wanted this, they just decided they would gift it to her because... I don’t know, I guess her parents are woke to the point they know trans people usually get top surgery, but not woke enough to the point where they know to ask someone if they want a surgery before actually scheduling it.

I know people who can afford surgeries, whether on their own or through insurance, who put off getting said surgeries. Why? Because surgery is scary. They can be invasive. Some procedures can be embarrassing. Some people just will not get a surgery, even if they need it, until a problem becomes too much for them to handle because of that fear. Again, I know this isn’t universal. But I don’t know anybody who wants to get surgery. I have heard stories of surgery junkies in the past, but I can’t imagine they’re in the majority. And on top of that, this situation specifically states the patient gets a surgery she doesn’t want just because it’s available to her. It’s ridiculous to think that someone will get a surgery they don’t want because they are committing that hard to a lie, a lie, mind you, they told more or less on accident, if we are to remember the very beginning of this story.

But no, it’s totally realistic to think that a teen girl would accidentally come out as transgender because Tumblr said you don’t need dysphoria to be trans, go on HRT for 3 years, get top surgery and only then realize she made a mistake because teen girls are idiots who will do literally anything for attention.

But, we’re almost done. Let’s. Keep. Reading.

Ughhhhh...

Okay, so these are true things about hormones. Hormones can permanently change your body at any stage in your life. You can’t undo a deep voice or facial hair, not without lots of laser hair removal. Unless you had a very small chest, your chest won’t flatten because you no longer have estrogen as the dominant hormone in your body. And it is true that it will cause some red flags to raise up if you want to get certain cosmetic surgeries undone, especially if it’s so soon after the operation date (unless the surgeon obviously did a bad job which, depending on your source, could be between 13% to even 20% of clients, so maybe it isn’t as red flag worthy as OP thinks).

And yes, these things can certainly affect the way your family sees you. I got outed back in high school and had to go back in the closet for my own safety and my family saw me as a transtrender for a while. I’m still working up the courage to come out again, almost ten years later. There are people who are worse off than me, and even successful trans people whose families still think they made a mistake. That can’t be undone. But this can be something that happens in any family, whether the coming out was true or in the off chance it was made up for attention. This isn’t unique for someone who detransitions because they were actually cis. And it does suck but it is the reality for a lot of people who are trans or identified as trans at one point.

But here’s the real stinger.

No. No this did not happen because of somebody online. This happened because in this hypothetical scenario, all teen girls are stupid and will do literally anything for attention.

If you let your ten-year-old play Call of Duty co-ops and they pick up language you don’t approve of, it’s not the other players’ faults because they didn’t let a ten-year-old play an M-rated game, you did.

If you let your twelve-year-old read 50 Shades of Grey and you get a call from their friends’ parents complaining about the things that your kid is teaching their kids, it’s not EL James’s fault because she didn’t let a twelve-year-old read a pornographic book, you did.

And if your kid is so easily influenced that they are willing to come out as trans and get HRTs and surgeries because a nebulous post on the internet told them to, then it’s probably your fault for not sitting down with them and talking to them about their feelings.

It is not my job - or the job of anyone else on the internet for that matter - to babysit your kids and make sure they don’t “accidentally turn gay or trans” or whatever. If you think your kids can’t handle certain information they find online, it’s your job as their parent to sit down with them and explain the situation so they don’t make a mistake. And if they do end up making that mistake, well, you’re at least partially to blame because you didn’t do your job as their parent.

People can do more or less whatever they want on the internet. In my pursuit of happiness, it is not my job to keep an eye out for your kids. If I try to be an influential figure and offer guidance, should I pick my words and messages carefully? Absolutely. But no, it’s not my fault if your kid comes out as transgender for attention because I confused them, or whatever.

And that’s what it comes down to, isn’t it?

This post by a transmedicalist, someone who wants to protect transgender people and make sure they can get the treatment they need, uses all the same rhetoric and fear-mongering as your average transphobic “THINK ABOUT THE CHILDREN/YOU’RE CONFUSING THE CHILDREN!” tirade. Ironically, almost all of these arguments can be used against letting children - or any trans people for that matter - medically transition. It opens the door for all kinds of what if’s. We can’t let people under 18 transition even non-medically. What if they change their minds? What if they regret it? What if it doesn’t go how they anticipate? They’ll have to live with the trauma forever. Normally I don’t like to use slippery slope arguments, but this post really does open so many doors for actually transphobic people to come in and actually undo all the work that people in both communities are trying to do.

And you wanna know my favorite part about all of this?

About this great big hateful rant this person made trying to prove why the “you don’t need dysphoria to be trans” mindset is bad?

Non-dysphoric trans people typically don’t seek surgery and HRT because they don’t have dysphoria.

Let me repeat that:

NON-DYSPHORIC TRANS PEOPLE TYPICALLY DON’T SEEK SURGERY AND HRT BECAUSE THEY DON’T HAVE DYSPHORIA.

Like I said earlier, people who don’t need or want surgeries typically aren’t going to get them. Even the most straight-forward surgeries are complicated affairs that can cause problems if even one thing goes wrong, and all of them need at least some recovery time and special after-care. If someone isn’t dysphoric, and can why would they get a surgery they don’t want?

Getting hormones is complicated. Even on an informed-consent basis, it isn’t as straightforward as OP makes it seem. Unless you have celebrity status like Elliott Page, most of us can’t just any surgery or hormones like that. It can be a long process, even for people living in areas where you get hormones on an informed-consent basis. This post inadvertently demonizes supportive families, paints teen girls as these idiots who will do whatever they can to get attention, uses transphobic rhetoric to make its points, and might actually do more in support of restricting trans healthcare than making it more accessible.

And people who are transmed to this degree can do harm. I don’t want to turn this into a debate, but I will state the open secret that the idea that you need to be dysphoric in order to be trans does do harm. Here are a few screenshots I took from the post (from different sides of the argument so I can’t be accused of cherry-picking).

Disclaimer 2: I am just sharing different anecdotes shared below the post. I am editing only to remove usernames for the sake of privacy. If you know who these commenters are, please don’t reveal them. I am not claiming to agree with any opinions expressed here (some of these opinions I strongly disagree with), I am simply sharing other peoples’ stories.

(Both comments are from the same person.)

(These two are also from the same commenter.)

(Even other transmeds or at least people who support the movement hate this post.)

And then... this one is the one that made me post the comments.

This post and people who believe in it are actively scaring young trans people. The, “you need to be dysphoric all the time” mindset has been taken so literally by some that every time they have a good day, they think that they’re faking being trans. It’s kinda sad that the general consensus is that trans = suffering, and if you’re not suffering, then you’re not really trans and you’re just lying to yourself.

Closing Thoughts

This post was bad and I really hope that OP has come around. If not... ah well. Is what it is. I just wanted to talk about this post because it’s been bothering me for about a year now and I just had to get it off my chest. To those of you who identify as trans but don’t experience dysphoria: only you know your truth, and as long as you listen to yourself and do what you think is right for you, you’ll go far. Your identity is yours to define. And for those of you who identify as trans, experience dysphoria, and worry about that defining who you are, you are more than your dysphoria. Don’t let it define you. Enjoy the good days when they come and don’t let them trick you into thinking that their presence means you aren’t really trans, because chances are, you are. As long as you aren’t hurting yourself or anyone else, there is no shame in being happy.

Again, this post isn’t a space to debate transmedicalism, and it is absolutely not a space to debate someone on whether or not their identity is valid. Please be nice to each other. There is absolutely no good that can come from attacking one another. You’re not going to change anybody’s mind that way.

#reacting to a very bad post #trans #transgender #trans issues #long post

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