all-teeth - Tumblr blog

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Palpatine never stops getting obliterated by Padmé his entire life. Like imagine you’re trying to do evil advisor political things and then there’s this child queen cutting you off at the pass every time. Oh okay no worries you try and assassinate her but then she gets even more politically adept and then seduces and marries the guy you’ve been working really hard to groom. Rats! But no problem, because now she’s dead and you’ve succeeded in making her husband into your metal fleshmachine murdersub but—SURPRISE! Turns out she’d been hitting that freakazoid raw during every wartime conjugal visit and now you’re getting your ass kicked by not one but TWO of her kids, which, given they both have 50% of her DNA, is like kind of like getting your ass kicked by a genetically combined total of 100% Padme Amidala. Crazy.

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i think a lot about that one scene in ep 1 anakin is discussing in huttese with sebulba and he’s threatened with death and this 9yo kid just immediately answers “you wouldn’t be able to afford (killing) me, anyways”

this line is just so devastating to me not only because this child can talk about his own death so casually but also because he’s extremely aware his “safety” in that situation is not because he’s a child and/or protected because he is loved or taken care of. it is because he is someone else’s property and injuring or killing him could result in the assaulter needing to spend money they didn’t want to.

at the same time, him using this for his own safety is ingenious. in a very depressing, devastating way, but ingenious just the same.

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conner kent has INCREDIBLE self control, cause if i came back from being dead to find out Tim Drake tried to clone me 99 times because he missed me so much, i’d immediately make him my bride

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a little comic for jasons birthday. on being robin & batman and being brave & scared

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Title: The Hand That Feeds

@ddeck’s prompt: Padme in her role as child queen

Part 1 of 2 in an art-trade with the wonderful @ddeck !! THANK YOU for such a good time trading ideas and drafts and getting jazzed over them; I’ve loved it. Can’t wait to dive into part 2!

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best scene in the prequels is when anakin and padme have just landed on naboo & padme goes “hmm being a childqueen might’ve fucked me up a bit” and anakin, former 9yo slave separated from his mom, confronted for perhaps the first time with the idea that childhood trauma effects you later in life, goes “nuh uh”

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anakin skywalker did nothing wrong i've got the proof kill the lights i want a dramatic atmosphere

first off it's not illegal to be in a silly silly mood so jot that down

look at how badly he needed to wash his hair in ROTS. is that a man who should have responsibilities? just look at his hair.

instead of sitting normally he uses his jedi cloak (stores the mysticism) as a blanket even in public... and i happen to understand that on a soul deep level.

the need to huddle oh so true bestie

what early 20s geek doesn't do a few murders i mean don't we all. joy to the world motherfucker that's the ennui

worked in customer service at age 9

has been in the workforce since birth and can i be real? DOES HE LOSE HIS PTO DAYS EVERY YEAR? if there's no 401k matching all bets are off go ham in there

'judas' by lady gaga is a song that just does this to people idk what to tell you, the man respects a banger irregardless of genre

hermit crab without a shell disease. he just exists awkward. he was born to exist in a 7 foot suit of armor and frankly he looks deeply depressed without it.

the jedi failed to provide an adequate amount of hides in his enclosure

he never existed in the modern era so he could never listen to three days grace and that would have fixed him entirely... like pour one out for the man

add a dash of pity for his raw blatant trenchcoat kid energy

apparently in legends he broke both his legs in a podracing accident as a child and gdhsgsgheyehdgsd if you break both legs at 6 years old and that's just the start of the horrors man idk what to tell you

ITS NOT ILLEGAL TO BE IN A SILLY GOOFY MOOD

in conclusion fuck them kids. depose me nerds i'll see you in court

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Updates 3/15/2024

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What do I draw rn I only have a teeny bit of time

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Revenge of the Sith, Matthew Stover // The Gods Show Up, Michael Kinnucan // The Boxer, Simon & Garfunkel // Jen Mazza // Not Strong Enough, Boygenius // The Year in Taxidermy, Kristen Arnett // @/ghostresidues (Instagram) // The Boxer, Simon & Garfunkel // Tumblr tags // This Night Has Opened My Eyes, The Smiths // Class of 2013, Mitski // Scenes from Episode 1-3 of Star Wars

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jedi quest: path to truth

i'm finding this series to be full of incredible little gems. i actually really enjoy the portrayals of anakin and obi-wan, i'm not totally sure why star wars fans on the internet, or at least in the circles i've seen, have unilaterally disregarded jedi quest or branded it as unfair to anakin, somehow. i actually find these books to be a fun read and a great way to kill half an hour.

anakin is seven, according to the novel (hilariously it opens with the very bleak words, 'it was anakin's first afternoon off' which is just sad) and for some context, a slave raider by the name of krayn - who is the antagonist of the novel and will later enslave anakin as part of the story - has just abducted the father of one of anakin's peers. i like how completely direct this novel is in laying out the [scare chord] Tragedy Of Anakin Skywalker - he is contractually unable to cope with and forgive himself for his mother's suffering. knowing that he had the power to save his mother, and did not use it when he could, and failed the one time he tried, eats him alive. he is living his worst imaginable reality. anakin relied on shmi so much to make his world livable that he is incapable of handling even the concept of her being terrified, which is completely understandable for a kid, but grows to be untenable when anakin repeats the same inability with everyone else he knows - he cannot accept or handle the concept of the people around him being scared, or in pain, or hurt, or god forbid, dead. it threatens his permanently-shaky sense of safety. this is corroborated in some later legends stuff i also love turning about in my head, where during the clone wars anakin goes ballistic when jedi combatants die, even ones he's unfamiliar with.

it's that permanent lack of control over his life, i think - anakin is shuttled from choice to choice by the characters surrounding him, but in a vacuum you can't necessarily guarantee anakin making those choices. shmi has to urge anakin to follow qui-gon, and qui-gon all but demands anakin be trained as a jedi. anakin mumbles, "what will happen to me now?" because, you know, he has little control over the direction of his life whatsoever, he is shuttled from one rigged trolley problem to the next. he takes half of AOTC's runtime to go after his mother, and then afterwards he's so bad at getting in the driver's seat that padme has to come up with a convenient justification that forces him into the route he clearly wants to take. i've written about this in ROTS already, but, of course, that entire film is about palpatine gunning for anakin to make one choice. this pattern continues throughout the OT, culminating in luke begging vader to save him, which, frankly? we knew in ESB that vader wanted to kill palpatine, and it still took a depressingly long amount of time for vader to actually do it. you cannot guarantee that, if you took away the external pressure - if shmi hadn't been present for anakin to run back to, maybe he wouldn't have left at all. if qui-gon hadn't pushed so hard for anakin to be trained, it's possible that anakin wouldn't have pushed for himself to be trained. if padme hadn't come up with a clever solution that allowed for them both to go attempt to rescue obi-wan, anakin might not have done it at all, despite every indication that he wants to. if palpatine hadn't set anakin up to say 'yes' to joining the sith, there's no reason to believe anakin would've sought out the dark side of the force on his own. if luke hadn't begged vader to save his life, there is a huge possibility that vader wouldn't have.

this comes up so often that i genuinely think we should consider indesciveness one of anakin's defining character traits, which you really don't see bandied about a lot in fandom, except i think i know why; we mistake impulsive behavior for actual decisionmaking, when it is in fact the opposite. vader strangling people who irritate him in the heat of the moment isn't vader really making a strategic choice about how to handle a problem, it's vader lashing out because something didn't go well. vader strangles people for everything from innocuous comments to genuine failures, and it almost always happens on-the-spot. vader doesn't do premeditated, and when he does (trying to catch luke in ESB) it goes wrong specifically because vader lashes out in the heat of the moment - he cuts off luke's hand specifically after luke lands a hit. he's irritated. he's not making a decision there. anakin as a dude is completely and totally ruled by his impulses, and almost always outsources decisionmaking processes to everyone else around him - in AOTC, when he nearly jumps down after padme falls, and obi-wan has to scruff his dumb puppy love ass and make him see reason. it is truly unfortunate that impulsivity looks like decisiveness if you have to make decisions on short notice, like, say, when you're in an active engagement. the fact that anakin came into his own as a knight during the war is because anakin grew up in crisis, and as a result his brain is designed to function well under duress. i wonder if these devastatingly obvious (from our cushy view as the audience) shortcomings would have made themselves known if he'd ever had significant time off the field during the war. truly i think being a knight outside of wartime would have destroyed any ability to Executive Function that anakin even has, and on the basis of all of this, i would like to submit a new theory: Space Costco would fucking break him.

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obi-wan is a whore. like his master before him. and HIS master before him. and HIS oh wait ah fuck thats yoda well I may have miscalculated am I brave enough to face this post master before him.

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all a trans guy has to do is say “hey masculinity and manhood is so enforced and policed it’s suffocating to live within but we’re violently punished when we step outside of those expectations. maybe we should talk a out what it’s like to live as a man under patriarchy so we can imagine a future that tears down all aspects of the way gender and sex are oppressed with women” and someone on here will say you’re antifeminist and this is privilege talking and all me have it easy so shut up and listen to some other group

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I've been thinking about Star Wars discourse lately, and I think a lot of the reason so much of the fandom is constant back and forth arguments is because a lot of the time, two characters can be right simultaneously while also disagreeing completely with each other.

Take the whole "Too old, he is" thing.

On one hand, obviously wrong. Anakin is nine, he's at most a few years behind, and textually managed to catch up pretty well. Like, if Palpatine and the Sith Plan weren't constantly messing him up, there is every possibility that Anakin could have become a well adjusted Jedi. Nine is by no means too old to learn a skill.

On the other hand, the council demonstrates perfectly in that scene that they are completely unequipped to deal with a nine year old who hasn't been raised in their culture, especially one from a heavily traumatized background. The pop-quiz they ask him would be perfectly acceptable for a nine-year-old youngling, but Anakin literally just walked in. They are giving an end-of-year exam to a kid who has never even seen a school. And they assume this is fine, because that's just what you do with nine-year-olds.

More to the point, they are completely failing to take into account the previous nine years of his life. They ask a kid, who up until all of about 18 hours ago had been enslaved since birth, to be open and honest about his emotions, in a room full of complete strangers, most of whom answer to "Master"! They have somehow engineered a situation so psychologically damaging that Palpatine is taking notes in the corner, entirely without realizing. When the council says they shouldn't take him in, they are one hundred percent right. Nine is WAY too old when you've spent that time as a slave, and are being entrusted into the care of people who have never had to raise a nine year old who wasn't raised like they were.

Or how about Anakin not being made a master. Was he right to insist he get the title, or was the council.

Well, Anakin should be made a master, you see, because,

He's one of the main Generals fighting and coordinating the war

And he's one of their most successful warriors. Like, he's the guy they call in whenever they need an impossible mission completed

He's more or less the face of the war effort, as "The Hero Without Fear"

As an ex-slave, obtaining the title of Master would be a huge psychological weight lifted off his shoulders.

Since they're making him part of the council for espionage purposes, making him a master as well serves as better cover

Giving him more reason to stay loyal to the Jedi after they just asked him to betray the trust of one of his oldest and closest friends wouldn't be the worst idea

Like, if ever there was a reason to give someone a promotion, those are some pretty good ones.

However, on the opposite side of the issue, literally none of that has any bearing on "Mastery" as the Jedi define it. Being a Jedi Master is all about mastery over oneself, having a deep understanding of the force, and a certain level of inner peace.

You'll notice that at no point does being really good at large-scale violence, being well known for being really good at large-scale violence, or wanting it a lot factor into being made a Jedi Master. Everything Anakin is good at, Everything Palpatine, and the war, and the council have pushed Anakin into being good at, do nothing to bring him any closer to Mastery, and in fact often push him further away from it.

In both of these examples, you can make a very compelling argument in either direction. Hell, you can make a compelling argument in both directions at the same time. And I think that's really neat.

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"The inky black presence flicked a forked tongue. So it is, he said. So it is. May a Skywalker always find another by the trail of blood. I will lead."

Comic based off of a lovely passage @husborth wrote about the way Leia interacts with the force

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This global strike is for 1 week. It starts on January 21st and goes until January 28th. These folks on X have complied information for people to read about. This is the LEAST we can do. The bare minimum. Unless it is for necessity or you have to work of course -please participate.

As always, free Palestine!

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Wildly unpopular headcanon that might get me canceled:

I think Obi-Wan prefers coffee over tea