all-american-mistake-blog

[all-american-mistake-blog]

my attempt at a Dan Espinoza aesthetic

and also I’ve tried to post this multiple times but Tumblr is stinky and this Danphobia makes me want to cry but I refuse to give up

all the Lucifer aesthetics I’ve seen have been about Lucifer and the occasional Chloe/Deckerstar (I’ve also seen 3 for Maze and 1 for Amenadiel but I digress) so I decided - you know what? let’s give Dan some love

[all-american-mistake-blog]

@springbutsummer

[all-american-mistake-blog]

POV: you watch with George Salazar and Gerard Canonico as Andrew Rannells bullies nerds

[all-american-mistake-blog]

oh no!!! Gerard couldn’t stop Andrew from beating up Y/N so he had to rush her to the hospital!! fortunately he was able to rip off his clothes to reveal he is a doCTOR

Gerard and his team might be able to save Y/N’s life.... but only if Gerard can stop Andrew from finding more nerds!!!!

[all-american-mistake-blog]

American Psycho (1/3)

note: I wasn’t really trying to make this look good, just merely procrastinate the things I should be doing, but oh well - I had a good time throwing this together and that’s all that matters

[all-american-mistake-blog]

New York Minute (2004) — iconic. I went into this thinking it was going to be stupid and absolutely terrible. I have to admit that I laughed, and there were some really good scenes. plus, Jared Padalecki? always a bonus! it’s a predictable movie, with a literal “my dog ate it” plot twist. it’s stupid to the point it’s funny. it’s best to watch it when: you’re drunk or surrounded by friends to laugh at it with, or both. not something I’d watch again though.

plot — Jane and Roxy Ryan are teenage Long Island twins who find themselves on numerous misadventures when they trek into Manhattan on a school day.

main cast — Mary-Kate Olsen, Ashley Olsen, Jared Padalecki, Eugene Levy, Andy Richter.

[all-american-mistake-blog]

Queen of the Damned (2002) — it was strange seeing Stuart Townsend as Lestat, because I associate him with XIII: The Series, but oh well. I find the concept of this movie so fucking hilarious. Lestat was almost murdered by his boyfriend and their daughter and abandoned in a bog, and he got out and decided to become a famous rock star?? the most iconic thing I’ve ever heard. yeah, the plot and editing were sloppy, the graphics aren’t the greatest, and some of the acting is pretty bad, but I love this movie regardless. you know what the most high-quality thing about this movie is? without a doubt, Aaliyah (rest her soul). she’s the perfect choice for Akasha, and she absolutely stole the show with her powerful performance. most people hated this cliched movie, and I see why, but I enjoyed it and I’ll shamelessly watch it multiple times.

plot — the vampire Lestat becomes a rock star whose music wakes up the queen of all vampires.

main cast — Aaliyah, Stuart Townsend, Marguerite Moreau, Vincent Perez, Lena Olin.

[all-american-mistake-blog]

Self/less (2015) — this movie has a great cast, it’s very visually impressive, and the plot idea has so much potential. so where did this movie go wrong? they tried to cram so much information and plot into so little time. the plot falls apart and turns into a basic good-guy-bad-guy-shooting film, just like most action movies made lately. almost as soon as Damian meets Mark’s family, the last intriguing shreds of the plot fall away, and then you’re left with a disaster. too many predictable plot twists that Matthew Goode and Ryan Reynolds try so hard to hold together. you can’t put your illogical and messy plot on the backs of your actors and expect your movie to be good, unfortunately. it was entertaining though, as much as I hate to admit it, and I absolutely loved getting to see Matthew Goode and Michelle Dockery in something together again since Downton Abbey (even though their characters never got to officially meet). this movie is a good time-waster, especially for any fans of Ryan Reynolds, but don’t come here expecting to have a good, logical story that makes sense.

plot — a dying real estate mogul transfers his consciousness into a healthy young body, but soon finds that neither the procedure nor the company that performed it are quite what they seem.

main cast — Ryan Reynolds, Natalie Martinez, Matthew Goode, Michelle Dockery, Jaynee-Lynne Kinchen.

[all-american-mistake-blog]

Woody Woodpecker (2017) — I went through this entire movie wanting to smash Woody with a hammer. at first, I thought it was just because I wanted to be on Lance’s side (he’s played by Timothy Omundson after all), but then I realised: Woody is incredibly fucking obnoxious and I want to hit him. it’s not funny, it has none of the characters from the original except Woody, and he’s easily the worst part of this entire movie. maybe I’m being too harsh on this, considering it’s a kids movie, but Woody really isn’t likeable throughout this entire movie. the editing sucks, the acting is even worse. don’t even get me started on the fact that the budget given to this shithole was way too high. if you’re looking for a movie to watch with the kids, avoid this one. you and the kids deserve much better.

plot — the hyperactive red-headed bird enters a turf war with a big city lawyer wanting to tear down his home in an effort to build a house to flip.

main cast — Timothy Omundson, Eric Bauza, Thaila Ayala, Graham Verchere, Jordana Largy.

[all-american-mistake-blog]

Sextuplets (2019) — this movie feels like something ripped out of Austin Powers, but majorly downgraded, and that’s saying something. the only reason I watched this is because my brother threw it on and we wanted to watch something very mindnumbingly stupid. I certainly got exactly what I wanted! the movie gets worse and worse as more siblings got introduced. unique and special are the only two positive words I can think of to describe this movie, because funny certainly isn’t one of them. I admit, fine, it does have its moments, but rarely. I respect Marlon Wayans’ attempt here, and I see what he was trying to do. the idea is rather interesting, but all of the characters aside from Alan and his wife are one-dimensional stereotypes, especially ones around black people. it feels rushed, none of the characters are likeable, and for the most part, it’s boring. personally, I have to say that it’s not worth your time, and you’d be better off watching Scary Movie. (Don’t even get me started on the ableism, fatphobia, misogyny, or transphobia.)

plot — when expecting father Alan discovers he has five siblings he's never met before, he decides to reconcile and meet his long lost family before his baby is born.

main cast — Marlon Wayans, Glynn Turman, Bresha Webb, Molly Shannon, Michael Ian Black.

[all-american-mistake-blog]

The Open House (2018) — four words: this movie fucking sUCKS. it’s boring, it’s slow, it’s extremely forgettable. Dylan Minette is a lovely musician, but he. can’t. act. it makes no sense, and it’s incredibly anticlimactic. please don’t waste your time watching this movie like I did. your life won’t be made better by watching this. there isn’t even a satisfying resolution. spoiler alert: everyone dies. a grieving widow moves with her son who has less emotion and personality than my door lives in an open house. after two hours of being bored as fuck, they suddenly get tortured by the creepy, obvious antagonistic neighbours, and die. the end. that’s the whole movie. the deaths weren’t sad or heartbreaking - I couldn’t find myself giving a singular fuck about them. the characters were flat, due to a mixture of terrible writing and shitty acting. the only part I genuinely liked was when the characters died because it meant the movie was over and I didn’t have to watch the actors struggle through this project anymore.

plot — a teenager and his mother find themselves besieged by threatening forces when they move into a new house.

main cast — Dylan Minnette, Piercey Dalton, Patricia Bethune, Aaron Abrams, Sharif Atkins.

[all-american-mistake-blog]

Brokeback Mountain (2005) — heartbreaking, incredible, absolutely blew me away. it deserves all the attention it gets. Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger really went “fuck homophobia” with this movie. this movie stands apart from typical romance movies. the romance between Jack and Ennis feels so pure and real, due to both the genuine performances by Gyllenhaal and Ledger, and the incredible script. no other movie (that I’ve seen, at least) has conveyed the importance of acceptance and the impact of societal homophobia like this movie has. the casting was perfect. no one else could have made Jack and Ennis work the way Gyllenhaal and Ledger did. on the outside, it seems easy to make fun of, with the whole ‘gay cowboys’ thing, and straight people’s favourite: “I wish I knew how to quit you.” but this movie is so much more than that. it’s painful, emotional, sensual, and beautiful. it’s so much more than just a romance movie or a gay movie. if only people would bother to see it as such.

plot — the story of a forbidden and secretive relationship between two cowboys, and their lives over the years.

main cast — Jake Gyllenhaal, Heath Ledger, Michelle Williams, Anne Hathaway, Randy Quaid.

[all-american-mistake-blog]

Velvet Buzzsaw (2019) — this film. tons of people hate it. personally, I’ve watched it more than once before writing this review, just to really let it sink in. Review writing about a movie that critiques review writing feels ironic, yet here I am. I appreciated the prominent dark, satirical humour throughout the film, and how well it was mixed with the horror and character deaths. The pacing of the film caught me off-guard, as it went from slow and forgettable to fast and intriguing within the blink of an eye. Toni Collette’s performance as Gretchen is fantastic, but Jake Gyllenhaal certainly steals the show with Morf Vandewalt. Morf is pretentious, shallow, condescending, and Jake plays him so well. After seeing Netflix produce second-rate knock-offs that aspire to be equally shitty movies (Happy Death Day, Paranormal Activity, etc), Velvet Buzzsaw is truly a breath of fresh air. It’s well-acted, produced, edited, and written. The cinematography is beautiful. It truly is a must see.

plot — after paintings by an unknown artist are discovered, a supernatural force enacts revenge on those who have allowed their greed to get in the way of art.

main cast — Jake Gyllenhaal, Rene Russo, Zawe Ashton, Toni Collette, Daveed Diggs.

[all-american-mistake-blog]

me, doing up the buttons on my hawaiian shirt: i am Not For Consumption

me, pausing, and then undoing a button: Titties

[all-american-mistake-blog]

who was i before i found out i had adhd. Like Oh my almost never works but im fine

[all-american-mistake-blog]

I made an aesthetic for my favourite headache man

it looks bad but at least he doesn’t

anyways I don’t like the money picture because he’s a Sad and Broke man so I’ll probably come back later and replace it with a burger or something

[all-american-mistake-blog]

The Edge of Seventeen (2016) — wow. I actually really enjoyed this one, although, I believe it’s because how much I related to Nadine. Not so much her story, but her personality hit way too close to home. I was expecting another stupid, cheesy teen movie, and this went beyond my expectations. It’s a very beautiful, occasionally dark story, and it was handled well by both crew and cast. The acting was good, and there were many strong performances, which was a change of pace compared to many teen movies, and the story was able to juggle both the lighter subjects and the darker subjects without it completely falling apart, and everything just felt so realistic, especially with the relationships between the characters. The genuine storytelling arc that didn’t have a corny “good guys win and the bad guys lose” ending was a breath of fresh air, and I’ll definitely find myself watching this movie more than once. It was just so funny and emotional and authentic, and I highly recommend this movie.

plot — when a girl’s best (and only) friend starts dating her detested older brother, the teenage cynic’s life becomes even more unbearable.

main cast — Hailee Steinfeld, Woody Harrelson, Alexander Calvert, Blake Jenner, Haley Lu Richardson.