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[alittlelovealittleh8]

Movement

Found the spark and I’ve lit my soul on fire

Let me meet my deepest desires

I’m will keep bulding my very own empire

I hope you sit at the edge of your seat and enjoy

Because off I go to steal the show

You’ve been the only thing holding me back 

Now, I’m done and I’m cutting off the extra slack

[alittlelovealittleh8]

The men that haunt me

The dream is always the same

I wake up pinned down

Suddenly you all are swarming and I’m to blame

Your hands caress my neck like a queen in a crown

Then you’re all there, watching me struggle to breathe

All of you are yelling at me all the things I try not to believe

Holding my arms and legs as I scream and beg for you to let me go

I always give in and the struggle stops

Suddenly, the black all around me is calming like a river flow

I feel a moment peace before you take it away

The water fills over my face and your hands come back to play

Ripping and tearing, I can’t breathe under water

I wake up in panic and the rooms always so much hotter

The faces of my demons have so many names

Most days I want to be the one I blame

The dream never stops

It always makes my head spin and my heart drops

[alittlelovealittleh8]

2 AM thoughts on you

You know it’s funny because I never want to write about you

In my head you give me writers block and I have no clue

You’ve been such a good friend

So honestly I don’t want it to end

You were there for me when my aunt died

You kept my mind a little more preoccupied

You’re trying to figure you’re own things out and that’s fine

I feel like you want me to cross over that line

But I also feel like if I do you’ll make me cry

And you’ll leave me to wonder why

I think it’s funny I have to force myself to write about you

You’re frustrating to me and I wish that you knew

[alittlelovealittleh8]

The start of healing

I hope you find peace

Before you take all of someone’s pieces

I hope your heart is able to truly accept love one day

I sit up most nights and I pray

For the monster inside you to go away

I hope you find your perfect week

And it leaves you so enchanted that you can’t speak

That someone’s kind and caring to you

Because you deserve that love just as I do

I hope you know I forgive you

For all the hate you put me through

As this year comes to a screeching halt

I’m starting to heal and learn none of this was my fault

I forgive you for all the lies

And all the failed compromise

I forgive you for saying you loved me

When all you wanted was to be free

I forgive you for trying to end your life in front of me

And I forgive you for the pain you put me through

I’m gonna let you go

Finally, I’ll begin to grow

[alittlelovealittleh8]

My nightmare

I remember your hands laced through my wild brown hair

And the lustful dead look in your stare

I remember how cold the pool water was that night

and how you hurled my head toward it so I wouldn’t put up a fight

I remember you whispering in my ear that everything was gonna be alright

And how I cried all night

I remember you telling me no one needed to know

And the pain I felt when you entered me slow

I remember trying to scream but the sound wouldn’t come out

and I remember thinking this must be what life is all about

I remember being 23 and sitting on the edge of my bed

And suddenly all those repressed thoughts started entering my head

I remember realizing in that moment it was rape and I wished I was dead

I remember telling my husband, who said I overdramatic because it was years ago

But what the hell did he know

I remember my innocence being taken away

And my body going to into survival mode, even to this day

But through all this pain

What is there to truly gain

I remember your face and I see it everywhere

When I close my eyes, youd be standing there

But not any more, you have no power here

I will never ever shed another tear

For a heartless monster I no longer fear

[alittlelovealittleh8]

If it was quiet

Our love was violent and passionate

But it was ours

There’s no point in writing this, it won’t capture it

You always kept me in the dark

When it was your turn to share your feelings you’d always miss the mark

I wanted to scream and never cease

I get it, maybe you just wanted some peace

Drop to my knees and I’ll beg for some closure

But you’d hurt me or tell me to gain some composure

It feels like this whole year has been a dark room

Dancing with you for so long was suffocating doom

You were never okay

and for that there was always hell to pay

[alittlelovealittleh8]

The Policy

Tonight I finally started to feel alright

Then suddenly your words hit me hard like a punch to the gut

Now I’m staring at the ceiling, I’ve been crying all night

Trust is a fickle thing but

Once it is gone there is no getting it back

I’ve tried and I’ve tried to cut you some slack

I feel like I can’t even be mad

But you made me feel dirty and honestly really sad

Truth be told I thought you were different

I screamed just those words across the bar when I was angry and belligerent

Honesty matters to me so much

I didn’t think I’d have to explain it

But here we are and I want you to hush

I want to speak my peace 

Maybe that’ll help mend and ease

[alittlelovealittleh8]

The dedication

I saw my reflection in you

Like a broken mirror showing me truth

Maybe I’m looking to you to help me find self worth

Can’t see your smile through all those jagged pieces

It’s not my turf

I wonder if the piece of me I left behind still cut you deep

Eventually I’ll glue myself back together and stand up on my own two feet

Like leaves in the wind, all your harsh words

will be left for the birds

[alittlelovealittleh8]

Pouring empty

I’m tired of being strong

I think people have got me all wrong

My moms tried twice now to slit through her arms

All of these emotions have got me worried and fully alarmed

I feel like my life is one big fucked up sad story

Like honestly, some days it even floors me

My dad hates my guts

I really have no ifs, ands, or buts

I feel like everytime I try to open up

It feels like I’m trying to drain an empty cup

Nobody listens or hears me

People call me a drinker but do you blame me?

I feel like I’m going crazy

Everyday is a little more hazy

Maybe the world would be a little better without me in it

You’ll write on my Facebook wall about how much you miss me, snap me on your story, then pin it

The poeple I’d miss most in this life wouldnt even blink twice

That’s probably why alcohol is my biggest vice

I’m searching for some love 

Senselessly looking and trying to act tough

I’m scared I’ll end up alone

I know I could just pick up the phone

But why would I bother when I could just face it on my own

[alittlelovealittleh8]

You still haunt me every night. Finding a way back in.  Well you got it.  Now it’s day and you’ve got me coming back again. Drinking from the poisonous tree. They tried to stop me. Help me recover. Thought they rid you from inside me but you hid under cover. Now you’re out to play haunting me day by day. No hope of escape.

Erin, I’ll never be free. (via poetic-beats)

[alittlelovealittleh8]

The Journey

Sometimes we are allowed to not be enough

Sometimes we are allowed to not be so tough

Sometimes we are allowed to be afraid of the dark

Sometimes we are allowed to completely miss the mark

But what we are never allowed to be is still

We must always keep moving and fight to get back up to the top of the hill

[alittlelovealittleh8]

Black Ink

I never know what to say so I write it all down

Hundreds of journals filled up, scattered through the house, just laying around

When I finally take a minute from all the noise and commotion

It’s like a faint echo or the sound of the ocean

The words just pour out to the paper they fall

I couldn’t survive without this at all

Dancing black pen 

No need to pretend

My thoughts never judge me

and I think that’s the key

[alittlelovealittleh8]

You

I woke up one morning and looked to the sky

I could feel Your love and Your presence wasn’t a lie

That was the day my healing began

You knew that all along as it’s designed in Your plan

You tell me to fall silent and open my ears

Sometimes it’s hard to hear You after all these years

I can feel Your love move me through the tidal waves of fear

I’ll let go of the wheel and I’ll allow you to steer

You’ve been the one constant thing through all of my doubt

Jesus, You love me, I know what it’s about

The calm of my soul when Your voice falls near

I’ll drop what I’m doing just so I can draw You near

You’ve never left me even in my days of denial

You never once put my feelings on trial

You’re the one true King

and for that I’ll always have a song in my heart to sing

[alittlelovealittleh8]

A Letter to Me

Finding myself was the hardest thing I’ve yet to do

There were a lot of long nights and thoughts of time wasted on you

I tried moving on too fast

My wild days seemed like they would always last

Now as I lay here alone in my room

I feel like I’m going to explode or maybe I’ll bloom

Bursting at the seams

I had so many thoughts, so many unanswered dreams

Seven years of my time has faded

How could I have been so jaded?

So many times I wanted to end it

But then we’d band-aid it and we’d pretend to mend it

What was that worth? What did that solve?

Now, I’m taking time to try and evolve

I’ll be better

This is the letter

To remind me

I’m alive and I’ve been set free

[alittlelovealittleh8]

Sub Kinda Love

You’ll always say just one more Like I’m some kind of whore Vodka made us crazy That’s usually when you decided to call me baby You’d stand so close, touchin me I’d say no, but you didn’t care You’re in charge Pull my hair hard, you can tell I like it Choke, choke, choke You want me on my knees, like I’m broke, broke, broke Dark in the room, Eyes teared up but closed anyway I can feel him, the devils coming out to play The lowest growl in my ear “You don’t want to do this” I can feel your mood change All of the sudden you’re pissed There is no exchange Nothing soft, you don’t want to be kissed

You’ve got all the power

[alittlelovealittleh8]

Empty Cup

You’re shooting lines while we’re riding lines Baby you know what it’s like to be free and undefined You won’t let me in to feel your pain God, I need your name outta my brain Over love, over feel, over stress, over dose Love me darling and make me feel wanted It’s always been your love I want the most You can’t let me in but you won’t let me go It’s gotta be hard cause now we all know That you’re the monster hiding under the bed You made my heart break into a thousand sharp pieces, you fill me with dread The thought of your presence makes me feel used I cannot cope with the time abused Now as I move on and try to open up It’s like I’m here but as an empty cup

People say the walls are too high But it’s the only way I know how to get by

[alittlelovealittleh8]

Losing Battle

The bond is strong But baby we’ve all got it wrong You said you didn’t want any of this without me by your side Sometimes I feel like you lie

I’ll call you on your bluff Call you out on your shit It’s what friends do You’re always just so rough Slap me across the face I’ll forgive you

It’s just a hit I’m tough But the anxiety has me feeling blue If you are high then I’m high Your lows are the same too