alithkoi

[alithkoi]

hey i just wanted to say that i love your blog and it made me help realize that im lithromantic so thank you for making this blog cus it helps a lot of people

Ty sm! It was a random tumblr post from a Google search that showed me the term, and a lot more researching to really figure it out. I hope I can kind of expedite that process for others :)

[alithkoi]

sorry if this is like a known thing but is there like?? a term for lith but only sometimes? im bi (and arospec already) and i feel as though lith applies to my attraction to women but not to men or nb ppl and its confusing

A general term for lith sometimes but not others is lithflux! This has a couple different meanings, it can mean feelings come and go in a relationship, you sometimes do, sometimes don't want feelings reciprocated, or in your case, the "lith" aspect only applies to certain gender(s) you like!

[alithkoi]

Your "looking away" meme just made me realize I'm probably aspec. Thanks /gen

I'm glad it helped :)

[alithkoi]

y’know, the funny(and incredible) thing about lithromantics is that there’s so many different experiences! The one thing that ties us together is the fact that our romantic feelings fade, but it doesn’t mean we all are the exact same!

Its incredible how some ppl are lithro and enjoy their feelings without a relationship, some seek a romantic relationship and then abandon it when feelings fade, some stay in it even without feelings, some lithros are more attracted to fiction, some lithros dont even bother with romance or relationships at all! Its so amazing how different and varied we are! /pos

Don't have much to add to this, just wanted to say this is wonderful and wanted to post for other people to see :)

[alithkoi]

Hey guys after idk how long of not being active on here (and admittedly trying very hard to forget that I'm arospec, 0/10 do not recommend) I've decided to try to use this again :)

No promises on how often I'll be here, but first things first: I'm gonna go thru my inbox with asks probably at least a couple months old (feel free to send any new ones tho!)

Might do a little story time of personal anecdotes abt my experiences being lithro, might take some submissions of other people's, who knows.

[alithkoi]

hi, don't mean to be a bother, but, we're there times you doubt yourself at first? because I've been kinda havin those thoughts lately. Like i know I'm lithromantic/akoiromantic, it kinda felt right but there's a part of me that just says "what if I'm not"

- (' v ')

Not a bother at all! 

Of course there are times I doubt myself, I think everyone has those times (especially lgbtq+ people since we're not "normal" in a society where were told we have to be) Its just about moving past that, knowing that you're you and taking pride in it :)

(Sorry for short answer I'm not feeling great atm >_< )

[alithkoi]

Okay I have a little minute long thing I just gotta get the audio from the video now :)

Okay no promises but how would we feel about a lith/arospec "love" song 👀

Aka I get bored on my ukulele while in the Lith Feels (tm)

[alithkoi]

Okay no promises but how would we feel about a lith/arospec "love" song 👀

Aka I get bored on my ukulele while in the Lith Feels (tm)

[alithkoi]

just wanted to say thank you for making this blog. i have identified as lithromantic for a few years but kind of ignored it for a while because i could never find any representation for my sexuality. finding other people who are like me has made me gain much more confidence in myself :)

Ah I'm so happy I could help!! Congrats on the confidence lol :)

[alithkoi]

Hi there! I'm bisexual and I'm questioning if I might be on the arospec (lithromantic specifically). I want to talk about this so bad w someone so I hope I'm not bothering you here. If you'd rather want to ignore this ask it's completely fine. Short version is: I think I feel romantic attraction pretty consistently, but I don't want a romantic relationship. Amatonormativity has always felt stifling to me. I'd rather a QPR (sexual, I read that it's possible). I'm not sure if I'm lithromantic(1/2)

"I'm not sure if I'm lithromantic because the one time I had my feelings reciprocated they didn't exactly immediately fade away. Still, I didn't like the pressure that came aftwerwards when we started dating romantically (and that pressure then made my feelings disappear). 99% when I have a crush on someone I'd rather stay friends with them lmao. I may wish for romantic things in theory but not in practice //: do you think all of this constitutes as being on the arospec? (2/2)"

Yeah you can for sure be lithromantic/arospec! For some lith people attraction disappears immediately, others fade over days, weeks, or even months. 

Also yes QPRs can be sexual, it's all about boundaries and communication with your partner :)

[alithkoi]

Hiiii,, I think I’m lithromantic. I just kinda don’t know what I want in the end? Every relationship I’ve been in I genuinely wanted to work out, I thought I wanted it, I liked them. But as soon as they reciprocated and my fantasies became reality, all I felt was sick. I went along with it, but any and all of my feelings fade in at least two months, sometimes days or weeks. I’ve hurt so many people. I’m in a relationship rn, and I admitted to him I thought I was arospec, and he was cool with it, but I know he’s in love with me, that’s he’s been in love with me. I thought we could be happy. Then he asked me out, and I agreed because I thought that’s what I should want, but all my feelings disappeared until I was just uncomfortable. I long for love and a partner, but I don’t know if I actually want that, because every time I get it I’m like “no thanks ❤️” akdjksnfkdnfkdn. What a life. I’m thinking of trying out platonic relationships and qprs and seeing how those go, tho obvs I’ll tell people I’m lithro. I only just figured it out, but it’s nice knowing I’m not alone. I love the idea of pining and all, but I never want the happy ending, because to me it’s always the thrill of the chase. I thought I wanted that happy ending, but now I’m realizing my happy ending might look a little different from others. Idk what I’m doing here but like. Thanks for being loud and proud. It’s nice to not be alone <3

Ahhh this made me so happy to read!!! I'm so glad you found something that makes you happy and can accept yourself for who you are!! :)

[alithkoi]

I think i might be cupioromantic? ive been told that its like the opposite of lithoraomantic, from what i know its only being able to love when somone admits to loving you first or when you are already in a relationship with said person. its been a constant in all my crushes that i am only able to actually love them when they say they do (like how me and my bf were in a qpr for a few weeks before we grew romantic feelings)

Hi! Sorry for the uber late reply, but that's actually recipromantic! (Apologies if I spelled it wrong lol)

Cupioromantic: not experiencing romantic attraction but still wanting a romantic relationship

Recipromantic: only feeling romantic attraction once they know the person is attracted to/likes them (opposite of lithromantic)

Just a little mix up, but it does sound like you could be recipromantic! :)

[alithkoi]

hi! questioning teen here. I think I might be lithromantic. I recently thought I liked this guy and suspected that he liked me back, but the second that he confirmed it all my feelings for him instantly went away. When he calls me cute, etc now it makes me feel really uncomfortable and just... kind of sick? Idk if I just... never liked him at all? or if I might be lithro. Any advice?

Hi! Also questioning teen here, though hopefully with answers. 

Your experience sounds pretty much exactly like mine. It's hard to think about how you would like someone once that attraction is gone and replaced with, in your case, repulsion. In terms of labels, I can't say this enough, it's all up to what you're comfortable with. If you want to identify as lithromantic, go for it! If not, cool! Either way, I'm sure you are a wonderful person :)

Advice wise, I would try to be honest with him, if possible. If you think he would be understanding and accepting, you can try to explain to him what lithromantic means and how you experience it. If you want to, you could suggest a QPR instead of a typical relationship. If not, no worries! Try to understand his point of view and be kind, but don't let him be mean or demand anything from you. 

Hope this helps! :)

[alithkoi]

Hi there! Forgive me if I'm being rude, I've never seen those flags on your new comic. I know one of those flags is the demiromantic flag, what are the others? :o

If you have more questions, google is your friend ;)

[alithkoi]

WAIT WHEN DID I HIT 200 FOLLOWERS

(yes probably during the 2+ months without looking at this account. Shhhhh)

Thank you all so much, and I'm so sorry for my recent radio silence, I'm gonna try to do better :)

[alithkoi]

im feeling a bit ranty right now so feel free to ignore but dont you hate it when people are like "youre not aro you have internalized homophobia/are traumatized" like??? 1) im gay. im an angled aro. any attraction ive ever had is towards fellow men. im gay ive accepted this! not being romantically attracted isnt interalized anything for me! and any label can be used to cover comphet. 2) so what if it IS from trauma? does my decision not to date become invalid? are my feelings invalid suddenly?

LITERALLY it's like I already know I like women!!! (among others) The fact that I'm arospec has nothing to do with who I like smh. 

The trauma argument against aspec people makes me so genuinely mad. Same as you said, if it was from trauma, does it become invalid? If you're aspec bc of trauma then that's valid, if you're not that's also valid. Like, if someone doesn't want to eat peanut butter or something, does it matter whether it's because they're allergic or just don't like it?? Either way, they don't want it so like. Leave them alone lol.

[alithkoi]

it’s weird. im pansexual but im also lithromantic, it feels like a contradiction. i only just figured out my romantic orientation. the only real relationship i had so far (lasted four months), it started out that i liked him enough but the romantic feelings waned after like a week.. and i waited for them to come back but they never did.

So I have no clue how old this ask is, so sorry in advance for probably taking forever to answer

It is in no way a contradiction to have different sexual/romantic orientations! I understand why you feel that way, with most people putting sexual and romantic orientation in the same box, but it's completely valid! (For alloromantic acespecs and allosexual arospecs I feel it can be particularly confusing to have two labels to explain your orientation.) 

Still, those labels mean different things. Pansexual defines your sexuality, and who you are sexually attracted to. Lithromantic defines your romantic attraction, in this case more so how you experience attraction than who you are attracted to. Using two is valid, as they define different things. (It is also fine to just use one tho!)

As for your relationship and losing feelings but wanting them back, I completely understand. It's easy to think back to when you had those feelings and want to wait for them to come back, but they might not. It's important to remember that you are in no way at fault or a bad person because of this. 

I'm happy you figured out a label that suits you, and I hope you find whatever type of relationship you want and are comfortable with :)