24. Mommy to the best, Emma Grace! She's my monster!!!
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I miss you.
Everything. I miss everything. I always do just fine when I get a call every other day, but when it’s more than one day between the time we talk…. Well I get depressed and it’s hard to cope. I stay up til 2am every morning just to make sure I don’t miss your call. And from 1-4pm I don’t move away from my phone. I don’t want to miss anything. I appreciate and am thankful for OPSEC but it sucks bc most milso’s get to communicate with their SO regularly and skype and write letters and send care packages… All the things I told myself were gonna help make this easier… But I get none of that. I don’t get to have an address, no internet communication and you can’t call often… And I have no clue when you’ll be home… I just get to wait. And I’m not complaining bc I’ll wait forever for you if I had to. I just want you home. I miss you so much!!! I love my airman ((:
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Reblog if youre a military SO! I'd love to follow you!
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Our First Deployment
I didn’t cry. Not one time. I tried being strong. Last night I lost it. I cried so hard. I haven’t heard from him in over a day. It’s not so much as I am worried. It’s the fact that I’ve never gone this long without talking to him the whole time we’ve been together. I feel like I’m suffocating. I guess that would be anxiety attacks. Which I always have when I’m really stressed or upset. I hope he msgs me soon. And I really hope I get use to this soon. I need sleep so bad. I love him so much. I hate this feeling.
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It's been a rough day. I miss you so much #usaf #milso
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I hate cleaning. When I clean I think. When I think, I think too much. When I think too much, pieces start fitting together... And my heart starts falling apart.
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Back the fuck off.
Relationships last longer when it stays between two ppl. With that being said. Stay the FUCK out of our business. I'm happy. He's happy. You're miserable. I don't need a label or status change to know where I stand or know what he wants. I got this.
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I'm wild and outspoken. I'm honest and brutal. I don't think before I speak or act. I make mistakes. I'm rude and obnoxious. I thought those were my worst qualities, but actually... I'm too loving, too loyal, too caring, too kind, too trusting.
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Why.
Can't you be who you used to be? Can't you be the person you pretend to be?
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So I've been told I need Jesus... By a few ppl... One of those ppl just asked me a couple of weeks ago if I wanted to have a threesome with her for money. Ha k. You need Jesus.
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1:30am
Still up. This is weighing really heavy on my heart and mind. He has so much to do this week and try to fit me in. A week!! Wtf!! How is it ok to tell someone they deploy in a week?!!? I have mixed feelings. On one hand I'm completely happy for him and ready to see how this helps us and on the other... Well this will be the longest I've gone without him. When we first started talkin, I pushed him away right off bc he was deploying.. I didn't think I could handle that bc I lost a friend that deployed 4 years ago. That was a year ago when he left. And I've only had him for almost 3 months now. I made sure this time he wouldn't deploy for a while. This wasn't supposed to happen til next year. There was only supposed to be TDY. Now in a week he will be gone. Fuuuuuuck
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