alightworm

[alightworm]

[alightworm]

roommates don't like my new weapon

[alightworm]

why did we as a society stop putting gargoyles on everything. what fucking loser looked at a building and was like no actually this doesn’t need a horrid little creacher

[alightworm]

asking "hey is it fine if I smoke in here" and before you're able to answer I've already set up a full rack of salmon over a fire in your living room

[alightworm]

[alightworm]

[alightworm]

It's been awhile, life has been hectic. But here's Lemon the bristlenose enjoying a brussels sprouts.

I think he's about 18 months old now.

[alightworm]

Demons and monsters that torture people because they feed on human suffering are so dumb. People are suffering everywhere my guy go literally any place and take a deep whiff.

[alightworm]

what do you mean cats dont love.......... cats can literally tell u they love you in the blink of an eye..

[alightworm]

i keep getting fines for “excessive water consumption” it’s not my fault that the basement prison cells all need their own toilets and showers. and like the prisoners are not pulling their weight AT ALL. all they do is sleep and be scared of the rats all day instead of painting with the easels i provided so the fines are really putting a financial strain on the household. if i didn’t need them for their plasma i would have killed them all already because this is nottt as financially lucrative as i thought it would be

[alightworm]

Finding a colorblind friendly redesign of the rainbow flag has me happy to see a pride flag for once

[alightworm]

[alightworm]

this isn’t autism, but when I get stressed about people not emailing me back in a timely manner, I go and make a chart of their past email response times, find the average, plot the average on my calendar, and then wait for that date to be stressed

[alightworm]

the thing i have discovered about being an adult is that every week you will have to spend 100 dollars.

[alightworm]

[alightworm]

[alightworm]

My secret is that my wife was in an extremely bad period in her life when she entered into a contest for knitting supplies. She loved knitting as a teenager and wanted to get back into it as an adult, but felt like we couldn't afford it. She wouldn't buy anything, and wouldn't let me get anything for her because it would be "a waste of money." So when she got an email from a knitting newsletter she followed talking about the contest, she entered and won third place - a little basic kit that got her excited to start and started pulling her out of her dark place.

This is when you go "aha. You cheeky devil. Did you cheat slmehow? Is that your secret?" But no. My secret is, I faked it all. I created a fake knitting blog, and sent it to her as "something I found." I ran it for a few months talking about made up craft projects with photos off the internet and things. Then I faked the contest, sold some of my possessions to buy the "prize" and let her win. Six months later I stopped posting and she didn't even notice. She still talks about that prize she won as turning her life around, and she'll never know I invented the whole thing.

Now this is some real lover shit!!!