alexandriaxoxo

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Holding on to hurt.

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The Wind Will Carry Us (1999) Abbas Kiarostami

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Not sure who needs to hear this, but it wasn't meant for you because you deserve even better.

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astonishing how good it can feel to get some chores done sometimes. you’ll be sitting there like damn i am some type of horrid little smeagol like creature who should be crushed to death. but then you do some laundry and you’re like wrow. im actually gods most fuckable soldier.

[alexandriaxoxo]

on Simon & Garfunkel - Bridge over Troubled Water (Restored - from The Concert in Central Park)

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slowly. slowly. do not rush the unfolding of your soul. everything takes time to bloom.

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“Like most people, I suppose, l've lived almost entirely among delusions, and now I'm at the awkward stage of finding it out. I want another delusion to go on with.”

Virginia Woolf, Night and Day

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Right One

🥀

My mom hugged me tight that day,

With gentle words to light my way,

"Don't lose sleep," she softly said,

"Over a love that's cold and dead.

He's missing out on someone rare,

A heart so pure, beyond compare.

If he truly loved, he'd stay,

Be there for you, come what may.

So make room for a love that's true,

Someone who'll treasure all of you.

Hold out for joy, and you will see,

The right one come, just let it be."

JI

04/24/2024

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“Those conversations you skip sleep for.”

— Unknown

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Anaïs Nin, Delta of Venus, originally published: 1977

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When you have a female body and don’t exercise (yet are capable), so much of your energy goes to your mind due to the separation between you and your body. Lack of movement is responsible for the overthinking, overprocessing, addictions to social media, overfunctioning, sex without a heart connection, and obsessive shopping and consumption of booze and the like. The female body is a nuclear powerhouse, the portal that nourishes souls from heaven to earth. If that powerful energy you innately possess in your body is not channeled, it will almost always lead to something destructive. -India Ame’ye, Author

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the bond between a girl and her room is stronger than the gravitational force of the earth

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how to start reading again

from someone who was a voracious reader until high school and is now getting back into it in her twenties.

start with an old favourite. even though it felt a little silly, i re-read the harry potter series one christmas and it wiped away my worry that i wasn't capable of reading anymore. they are long books, but i was still able to get completely immersed and to read just as fast as i had years and years ago.

don't be afraid of "easier" books. before high school i was reading the french existentialists, but when getting back into reading, i picked up lucinda riley and sally rooney. not my favourite authors by far, but easier to read while not being totally terrible. i needed to remind myself that only choosing classics would not make me a better or smarter person. if a book requires a slower pace of reading to be understood, it's easier to just drop it, which is exactly what i wanted to avoid at first.

go for essays and short stories. no need to explain this one: the shorter the whole, the less daunting it is. i definitely avoided all books over 350 pages at first and stuck to essay collections until i suddenly devoured donna tartt's goldfinch.

remember it's okay not to finish. i was one of those people who finished every book they started, but not anymore! if i pick up a book at the library and after a few chapters realise i'd rather not read it, i just return it. (another good reason to use your local library! no money spent on books you might end up disliking.)

analyse — or don't. some people enjoy reading more when they take notes or really stop to think about the contents. for me, at first, it was more important to build the habit of reading, and the thought of analysing what i read felt daunting. once i let go of that expectation, i realised i naturally analyse and process what i read anyway.

read when you would usually use your phone. just as i did when i was a child, i try to read when eating, in the bathroom, on public transport, right before sleeping. i even read when i walk, because that's normally a time i stare at my screen anyway. those few pages you read when you brush your teeth and wait for a friend very quickly stack up.

finish the chapter. if you have time, try to finish the part you're reading before closing the book. usually i find i actually don't want to stop reading once i get to the end of a chapter — and if i do, it feels like a good place to pick up again later.

try different languages. i was quickly approaching a reading slump towards the end of my exchange year, until i realised i had only had access to books in english and that, despite my fluency, i was tired of the language. so as soon as i got back home i started picking up books in my native tongue, which made reading feel much easier and more fun again! after some nine months, i'm starting to read in english again without it feeling like a huge task.

forget what's popular. i thought social media would be a fun way to find interesting books to read, but i quickly grew frustrated after hating every single book i picked up on some influencer's recommendation. it's certainly more time-consuming to find new books on your own, but this way i don't despise every novel i pick up.

remember it isn't about quantity. the online book community's endless posts about reading 150 books each year or 6 books in a single day easily make us feel like we're slow, bad readers, but here's the thing: it does not matter at all how many books you read or what your reading pace is. we all lead different lives, just be proud of yourself for reading at all!

stop stressing about it. we all know why reading is important, and since the pandemic reading has become an even more popular hobby than it was before (which is wonderful!). however, there's no need to force yourself to be "a reader". pick up a book every now and then and keep reading if you enjoy it, but not reading regularly doesn't make you any less of a good person. i find the pressure to become "a person who reads" or to rediscover my inner bookworm only distances me from the very act of reading.

[alexandriaxoxo]

“women are so hard to please these days”

personalized playlists??

hand written love letters??

pizza + movie nights??

forehead kisses??

words of endearment??

late night walks + talks??

loyalty??

picnics??

watch the stars, sunrise, or sunset??

cook/bake together??

flowers??

cuddles???