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alejoderosales · 3 years

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Out of Love.......

Oct 4, 2021. the end.. The day he ended our relationship. Blaming me for everything but I guess he fall out of love.

The story begins when he came out to his parents December 2020 which results to our relationship to be bounded by many restrictions since his parents don’t accept him and don’t want me to be with his son. I suffered waiting for him to fight for himself. I suffered because we decided to continue despite his parents don’t agree with us. I suffered from: 1. I cannot send message directly to him and just wait for him to message me first so that we can be so sure that we are talking to each other not to his parents. 2. I cannot go to his house, well obviously because they did not allow us from the very beginning. So it is really hard to make surprises even i have the means to do that. in short... I just have to wait till everything is okay.

The reasons why he left me are the following: 1. I am not clingy ( How can I show it if we are restricted) 2. I am not sweet and surprise person (How can I show it without harming him because of the situation) 3. He blame for for losing his sweet bones because I am not sweet. 4. (The BIG ONE for me but not for him) Blaming me for what happen to him and to my friend on his birthday. Yes, something happen to them on his birthday. It was July first week, and i happen to know about this oct 4, 2021. So i am being stupid for almost 3 months, saying that he do that as revenge for what i did 3 years ago. 3 years agoo...( I tested the sexuality of our friend, the same friend that we are talking about his birthday. I know that it is my fault that time and i admit it. I apologize and we able to reconcile about this 3 years ago and continue with our relationship. TBH nothing happens between me and my friend, but what happen to them is beyond the line). For me they did not respect me here. My friend knowing that we are in a relationship. A simple no would make a difference... 5. He feel the competition between us. (I don’t feel the same way since for me we can grow together) 6. Blaming me that he have those restrictions because of me. Which is, it is not my fault that your parents did not allow you to go wherever you want. It is also not fault if your parents did not accept you for who you are.

Blaming me makes me feel bad because i was stuck in the situation, suffering and waiting for him but he choose to let go and surrender. I feel bad and angry for what happen. But i think i need to ACCEPT the fact that we are no longer together and just keep going with my own life.

The reason why i think he fall out of love is because he message my sister asking if it is okay to break up if there is no spark at all....... I admit my mistakes and I'm sorry for not being the ideal guy for you...... Hope you find the one soon the same way i cherish you for almost 4 yearsss.....

Goodbyeeeeee my everything............

My great love will always be you. I am not closing the doors for possibility and will let DESTINY bring back our path to whatever it become.

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alejoderosales · 4 years

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52 miles away

It is very hard to fight with the distance. Every single day... I really miss you so bad. Napapa-teary eyed na lang ako habang iniisip ko na kasama kita in every single moment. Sobrang hirap pag magkalayo sa isat isa. Long distance relationship always ended up not that long enough like its distance. Nakakatakot na sa paglaon ng panahon hindi na ako ang nasa tabi mo. I’m afraid na someday.. those dreams we wanted to come true will become real to you with someone else...

Lagi mong sinasabi na hindi mo ako iiwan. Hindi mo ako ipagpapalit. Ako lang at wala nang iba. I’m holding those words tightly enough to believe you. I also made you that promise. I’ll will keep that promise to you.

Despite of 52 miles away form each other, we always find a way to keep in touch with each other. It sounds crazy that we both watch BL series in order to remind both of us that we still have each other side. Yung every time na magka-usap tayo through phone call is that we shared each others point of view about how story goes and compare it to our story hehe. Yung sweet moments sa series.... hihi napapangiti na lang ako while imagining kung paano tayo nagiging sweet sa isat isa. I envy those scenes that they able to show their feelings in public. Because we cannot do the same because of limitations. I’m just hoping that someday we can do the same.

I’m not expecting that tutuparin mo lahat ng pangako mo sa akin na hindi mo ako iiwan at ako lang wala ng iba. Not because i dont trust you. I trust you a lot. But things may change and i dont want to be left with nothing because i gave my everything to you. I really love you so much. I love you more than my family. I love you more than my mother and my siblings.

But now, I’m happy that you are with me. Just promise me that i’m the one who will know first if you have someone else. hehe

I really want to be in your side everyday and every night. Nakakainis lang that i cannot do what ever i want because even though i have the will but i dont have the resources. I know nahihirapan ka dyan sa manila without me. sorry baby ha.. I can make up to you everytime na umuuwi ka. I know its not enough.. With my family and financial problems alam mo ang sitwasyon ko. Alam ko din sitwasyon mo jan para may mapatunayan ka. That is you keep fighting there. SUSUNHA hehe Fighting. I believe in you baby!. I know someday may mararating tayong dalawa. (at sana tayo pa ding dalawa pag dating ng araw na yun).

Maybe ilang years pa ang titiisin natin na ganito kalayo. Weeks nga lang namimiss na kita araw araw. And i dont how you can keep holding on kasi alam kong clingy ka. Kaya kong sumugal hanggal dulo baby wag mo lang akong bitawan ha. Hindi sa binibigay ko sayo ang bola para magdecide but for me it is really my intention and decision.

I just want to share how lucky i am to have you for always reminding me that you love me and you will not leave me. For making me the happiest person in the world to be loved by you.

(Naiiyak ako habang ginagawa ko to. Alam ko sa sarili ko na hindi ako magaling magsulat at mag express ng feelings. Intindihin nyo na lang po ako. Hehehehe)

#IreallyloveyouthemostWLUL<3

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alejoderosales · 4 years

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My Everything

Hindi ko alam kung paano simulan pero ang alam ko ngayon siya ang aking mahal.

He made me believe in forever. Noong una i thought that tama si mama na. walang magmamahal sa akin ng tunay lalo na kung ito ay lalaki kasi pera lang daw ang habol sa amin or paglalaruan lang daw kami. i almost believe in my mom for the reason that madami sa news and online stories na pinerahan lang sila and pinaglaruan lang. But this guy is different.

He makes me feel like a diamond that is being treasured forever and has a value.

He makes me feel that i am special

He makes me feel that i’m the only one in his life.

He makes me feel that no matter how far the distance he always beside me.

He makes me feel that he will do anything for me.

He makes me believe again in love has no gender.

He makes me believe again in forever.

He makes me cry everytime we fight.

He makes me fall in love again and again and again everytime i see him.

He makes food for me everytime i’m at their house.

He knows that i love sweets.

He knows that i love drinks specially coffee.

He knows me well in everyting.

I think i coudn’t live without him. I really invested my everything to you. You know that. You will be my last. I promise. Even it takes years and years to be with you. I will wait until that day comes.

Now i dont believe that you cannot find love if you are gay. Love has no gender. You just have to become you. Just be yourself. Just do what makes you happy. And i’m very happy and lucky to met this kind of guy.

I always love you the most

I always listen to Calum Scott’s Musics

“ I love you no matter what”

“I just want you to be happy and always be who you are”

"Don't try to be what you're not”

'Cause I love you no matter what" “I always love you the most”

“If it's me And if it's you And if our love is wrong Then I don't ever wanna be right I don't ever wanna be right “

“If it's real And if it's true And if our love is wrong Then I don't ever wanna be right I don't ever wanna be right “

“Cause I'm nobody's but yours”

And it makes me realize how happy and lucky I am.

#cryingwhilewritingthis

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alejoderosales · 4 years

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Red String of Fate

.Many people said that a man can only love a woman. Therefore if you are not a man nor a woman you can’t live a normal life. Nakakalungkot mang isipin pero partly it was true.

Let me tell you my story..Inaasahan ko ang inyong tiyaga at pasensya becasue it was a long long long story.

It was 2nd Year High School when i doubted myself. Magkasunod kami sa alphabetical so it means lagi ko siyang katabi and partner in crime hehe. At first i thought we were best friend. Pero ng dahil sa Isang halik sa pisngi during English Class made me realize that there is something more. Or it was just me who expected more ? It lasted for a year na may tawagan kami na MKT which means mahal kita tunay but during vacation break turning 3rd year high school nawalan kami ng communication and it was the end.. #wedontevensaygoodbye #wedonthavealabel #meassuming

But summer vacation noong nawalan kami ng communication ni Boy (Yes its a boy hehe). Meron isang babae na naginvest sa akin ng feelings and i thought it will last. Mahirap lang kami that is why i cannot afford to buy load to communicate with her. But siya tong nagbibigay sa akin ng sim na TM for use to be able to communicate with each other (Tandang tanda ko pa na ayaw mo ng walang heart sa dulo ng text natin dahil sabi mo ang cute tingnan ng conversation. Nalaman ko na may nanliligaw daw sa kanya na iba. So that is why tinanong ko agad siya kung pwede bang maging kami. And she said yes... But this yes was summer vacation and we dont even meet in person. Pasukan and nagkakailangan pa. To the point na i have to go early in the morning kahit 9 pa klase namin in order for me na maturuan siya ng mga lessons hehe specifically trigonometry hehe. And hindi ko na alam kung anong nangyari becasue after a month from the first day of school nalaman ko na may boyfriend na siya iba.. #idontwanttotrustagain

After that heartbreak.... Sabi ko sa sarili ko tapusin ko na pag-aaral ko and magkabahay muna ako ang stable na trabaho before ulit pumasok sa relationship.. That is my promise to myself. Nakakapagod na magtiwala ehh.

College.... When i dont know how my forever became this far...

First Year... Sobrang focus ko sa studies na halos dorm school lang ang pinupuntahan ko. But meron isang guy na sobrang clingy and friendly sa classroom namin. I admit gwapo siya hehe. We occasionally known each other kasi tulad kami ng sports and we just know each other as competitor. We never talk before and even nitong college siya ang madaldal na laging nakikipagusap sa katabi. Nakabuo na sila ng barkada which is kasama ako pero i dont go with them sa mga gathering for how many months kasi nga focus ako hehe. Hanggang sa napapasama na ako sa kanila.

Hanggang sa nagka girlfriend na siya that i know na super smart and brave ng babaeng ito. but dahil nga tulad kami ng sports and we have a lot of things in common din naman. Lagi ko siyang nakakausap through phone and personal things. Nagkwekwento siya about sa girlfriend nya. Then we became best friends.. for almost a year habang sila pa ng girlfriend nya. Away-bati sila na mismong ako pa ang nagiging daan pag minsan para magkabati sila. pero habang sila ng girlfriend nya i know to myself na feelings talaga ako sa kanya hehe. konti lang naman. Sabi nga if you love someone you will not ask for anything in return.. Kaya kahit tinuturuan ko siya sa lahat ng subjects na hindi nya maintindihan. Hindi ako nageexpect ng kahit ano in return. Nagpunta akong Palawan and bought him a special t-shirt then sa others key-chain lang hehe. Sometimes pag nagseselos ako (Akala mo naman may karapatan eh wala naman kaming kami) hindi ko siya tinuturuan kahit na exam kinabukasan. Nagtetext siya na baka daw bumagsak siya (because i know kung gaano yung pressure sa kanya ng magulang nya), i ignore him.. but at the end ako yung tatakbo sa apartment and will say sorry ng madaling araw. Because i feel guilty sa dami ba naman nyang text pero tinulugan ko lang... #morestoriestotell

But suddenly they (Girlfriend nya at siya) broke up (It was March before kami maging second year). Lumayo ako kasi baka isipin ng barkada na ako ang dahilan ng break up nila but it was the pressure i think ng magulang nya sa kanya kaya nakipagbreak siya because gusto nya magfucos and everything blah blah blahh... Basta i dont know the real reason why pero ayokong maging sanhi ng gulo sa barkada na baka maging dahilan ng pagkakawatak namin kasi baka isipin nila gawa ko kaya sila naghiwalay dahil lagi akong kasama ganun so they dont have time for each other gawa ko. Pero lagi siyang tumatawag sa akin and umiiyak and kinocomfort ko siya pati girlfriend nya natawag sa akin and kinocomfort ko din. (Alam mo ba yung feeling na kailangan mong maging in between and playing safe in order not to hurt someone’s feelings)..

I really dont know how it happen. It just happen.. During our second year college naging okay na lahat. barkada pa din. No akward moments kahit parehong nasa barkada sila ng ex-girlfriend nya. And we became more close pa.. Ito yung sem na sobrang hirap para sa amin ng subject na Financial Accounting na halos matulog ako araw-araw sa apartment para sa study buddy ko.. I know i have a feelings for him pero hindi nya alam because i’m not that sweet and showy about my inner feelings. Naglipat ako sa apartment summer vacation ng pa-second year collge....

It was October 11 that my heart keeps beating like a drum... So ganito ang nangyari...... It was National I Love you day.. Gumagawa siya ng sobrang hahaba na message for different person in his life na trinetreasure nya.. Like lahat ng barkada may personalize letter siya. Magkasama kami that night while he still typing haha.. I also recieve a message from him, pero nagreply ako ng maikli and not that much. Basta nagpasalamat siya sa akin for my effort daw.. ganito ganyan basta lahat ng message nya may ILOVEYOU sa dulo.. Hindi ako nagreply. But that night matutulog kami sa isang kama, And sa pagkakaalam po ng marami mahilig po talaga siyang yumakap. so he hug me that night. And i silently whispered “I LOVE YOU TOO” and kiss sa pisngi hehe.. Hindi ko alam kung gising ba siya or tulog na.

Hanggang sa tumagal ang panahon na super close pa din namin. Napapagkamalan na kaming mag-couple because sabay kami kumain, sabay kami pumasok, na halos hindi mo na kami mapag-hiwalay. So we made to clear things up when we were third year. and we declare October 11 as our anniversary because of the story but not totally naging kami ng October 11.

And nowww.... Mag -4 years na kami this coming october and we all know sa relationship that merong ups and downs pa din. Ang dami naming naging away like small thing haha because we still dont know how to handle this kind of relationship noong nagsisimula pa lang kami.. Like we have to hide it from everyone. So we planned to open things up sa graduation day para if no one will accept us. it will not be so hard for us to let go kasi we have our own life na to work with. Kumbaga mamumuhay na lang kami ng kami lang if iwanan kami ng lahat ng taong nasa paligid namin.

But we are wrong.... Sobrang tinanggap kami ng barkada namin... It was hard for me to came out kay mama and sa kapatid ko but i take the opportunity na madaling araw umuwi yung kapatid ko because i have to open the door for her.

At first my mother is anxious na siya daw unang masasaktan pag ako ang nilalait and pinag-uusapan. Pero sabi ko sa kanya. it doesnt matter na. I dont care about them, mind their own fucking business. as long as i’m happy i dont care about them. Sabi nga “We only die once, but we live everyday” kaya for me make the most out of it.

Now. I’m happy. I really love him so much... and i dont care what will happen in the future basta as long as i’m with him and we are planning to have our own life. I’m happy. At para sa akin siya ang aking destiny becauce kilala namin ang isa’t isa before pa kaming maging close. I just dont know that he was the one for me before, but now i know.

I’m still hoping for the world to accept that in love gender doesnt matter. As long as you feel the love and you feel of being loved. Enjoy it. because in Love, you will not expect anything in return. Just keep going as long as you are happy. But you have to love yourself first before loving others. Remember that you cannot share what you dont have

#akaitoh redstringoffate lovestory

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alejoderosales · 9 years

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"DANCE is not just what we DO. Its WHO we are."

Pros&Prod

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alejoderosales · 9 years

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Now i can say that “FOREVER” still can exist, but not in my life :(

To my Tobias Eaton...

“I fell in love with him. But I don’t just stay with him by default as if there’s no one else available to me. I stay with him because I choose to, everyday that I wake up, everyday that we fight or lie to each other or disappoint each other. I choose him over and over again and he chooses me.”

To the guy who I thought only exists in movies, you did not just make me selfless and brave. You made me divergent.

I can still remember everything you did that made me so happy that I want to jump off of a building and land on a huge net. I can still see how you looked when I caught you staring at me by the window upstairs. I can still see you smiling at me. I can still smell the rose you gave me on a Tuesday night.

You show me how beautiful life is. I see that though life can be cruel to me sometimes, I can still cope with it because I know you’re there. You make me feel that I’m beautiful. I feel how special I am to someone. You make me a better person.

Life could have killed me but you did not let it happen.

You didn’t know who I was before you met me 4 months ago. I was lonely. I was the force itself forcing myself to be happy. I was selectively social. I had trust issues. I was bitter because I lost a friend. I envied people who have better lives than me. But when you came, you taught me that these feelings are normal. You taught me that fear doesn’t really shut us down, it wakes us up.

“Tobias…”, she says. “I love you.”

Tris has his Four.

I have you. And I don’t care where faction I belong. As long as I’m with you, even being factionless is okay.

“To my Tobias Eaton…”, I say.

“I LOVE YOU.”

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