alcyoneetatauri

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No Homo We Smokin Penisas

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I was bleeding out in the snow and it was all cool and stuff until like a bunch of teenager showed up and then It got really cringe so I put all the blood back and went to go bleed out somewhere else but all the good bleed out places were taken so I decided just to die like a natural peaceful death like look overlooking the Cliffside but lo and behold somebody's already fucking dying there against a tree and it looks way sicker than what I had planned I guess I'll just fucking live

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i love when you just click the share link on a picture on your phone and you get a bunch of batshit insane options. yeah let me email this selfie to the periodontist office. let me send this to my boss on teams. perfect suggestions.

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Obsessed with this post

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how its going

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i don't really know the difference between many music genres but that's okay because i listen to music with love in my heart and if i like the song i go yayyy and if i don't like it then i simply understand that the joy in this song is meant for someone else which means it's still good and makes others go yayyy n my opinions on a song doesn't make it or the genre it belongs to bad it just means my heart needs to grow more in order to love more music and that growth will come in time

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imagine if your boyfriend was like I can smell an ant. and started tracking

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hey girl your pussy is awesome, where did you get it installed?

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None of us are funny

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and what if I told you nine was less afraid of love than ten. what then.

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me reading straight up pornography: hmm… this one just doesn’t have enough accurate character psychoanalysis to get me off

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"You can’t separate us, not unless we’re willing to do so."

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phineas and ferb episode that is rated pg13 so they are allowed one f-bomb. candace keeps trying to find the perfect situation to use it but every time she tries she gets interrupted or drowned out by a comically loud horn. meanwhile doofenshmirtz has made the censor-inator because now that they're pg13 he's convinced that vanessa doesnt know any swear words (she knows all of them) and that she'll explode if she hears someone say "shit" so he wants to make the entire tri-state area child-friendly. he flies it over danville in his official blimp and a one-off joke is that his laser hits a rated r movie that's a clear parody of the human centipede or someshit and it turns into a barney-the-dinosaur-ass psa. at the last second perry destroys the inator and knocks it out of the blimp and it fires off one more laser that censors out phineas and ferb's invention before mom can get home. candace tries to finally drop her one-allowed cuss but her voice has given out. perry comes back and makes a little platypus noise (all of those have been swear words the whole time but because nobody speaks platypus nobody notices) and then part of doof's machine crashes into the house (candace is in charge) and ferb says "what the fuck"

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my friend who is sitting in the same room as me just silently emailed me this

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How to make ice cream in Alaska