akhbosslady

[akhbosslady]

August 21, 2017

you know what fucking sucks? you know what fucking sucks? being alone. fuck. that. honest to God i hate living on my own. it hasnt even been a week and i swear im going insane. its not even that im not seeing anyone. its more like im not constantly with at least someone. at home i had my mom, or t, or sam, or even matthew. but like here i have allie but she works and i dont wanna bug dan bc hes got sarah and id feel bad. then like i know other people but its not people i wanna see you know????? maybe when im alone i think too much and get in my own head or some shit. i keep feeling like im pretending. which is idiotic bc its just me. theres no one to pretend to. maybe i need a boyfriend. idunnoman i dunno. 

- allie

[akhbosslady]

August 20, 2017

so i was home alone the other night, right? right. and i felt like more adorable than i usually do. which is not the weirdest because when im ~infatuated~ then im like wow look how cute i am pls notice me i love you. side note: this boy is amazing hes so cute and sweet and holyyyyy wow hes amazing. anywayyyyys  i got thinking prob bc the only other person ive seen in the past 5 days is allie and she works and lives somewhere else now ;( so im by myself a lot these days. back to the point, i got to thinking why i dont normally feel this way as in like cute and adorable. my immediate response to myself was, of course, because im a boss ass bitch who doesnt need to feel “ cute” to get through the day. but then naturally i thought back to the last time i was crushing hard on a guy. and of fucking course it was when i was with Jo. so damnit was the first thought bc pro tip: you should NEVER think about an ex unless its absolutely necessary. but also when i was with him i always felt so helpless and i HATED THAT bc im better than that. also i came off/was (double side note: HOLY FUCK B IS SO CUTE I CANT DEAL SOMEONE HELP ME) back to the previous side. with jJo i was so shy and timid and i liked it but also didnt and was in a constant struggle between the two. second double side note: thank the lord for swim and water polo. because jesus knows jonas fucking hated it but it helped me so much in regards to how i realized how i wanted to be all the time when i finally left socal. baaaack to my main point. i came to the realization that if you are indeed a boss (much like myself *flips hair and struts away*) and youre aggressive and respected and a leader and the whole nine yards and you want to feel adorable then damnit you be adorable. so if i wanna feel cute and would give my left foot to cuddle up next to a guy *cough b cough* and feel adored then i fucking should. women should NOT have to pick a single way to be observed if a guy can have a “sensitive” side then girls fucking should too. bitch i like cuddles and kisses and shit. i fucking loved being in a relationship (but that is for another day lol) if an adorable shy girl wants to be a leader then the world should encourage her! same goes for the strong leaders!!! if they want to be vulnerable in public then fucking let them. dont freak out when they start crying. you dont know why the fuck theyre crying what if their mom died? fuck you for judging people. jk love you but like still. everyone has so many different personalities, and others dont understand that you know? for example, if you think for a hot minute that i am going to be the same way around my boss and my best friend then youre really fucking hilarious. but thats not me being two faced. its me just being me. bottom line. is act/feel however you want. bc no one should make you feel like you shouldnt for literally any reason. any reason they give you is shit. (like lowkey unless youre sleeping around a lot you might want to take a step back and re evaluate bc that has lots o potential to lead to problems (same with lots of drugs or alcohol)) and if they do make you feel a way you shouldnt or dont want to? punch em. like straight up. at the moment i prefer verbal punches but like future me might be more fit i mean physical. but you got this girl, you got this.

xoxoxo,

allie