aizelmiel27

[aizelmiel27]

Journal #7: Privilege

I am gifted with a lot of privileges. One of the privileges is called able-bodied privilege. Able-bodied is the advantage of being a person with no physical or mental impairments. I am gifted to have no disabilities, and I am able to perform day-to-day tasks. Another privilege I have is socio-economic privilege. My parents have enough money to sustain the needs and wants of the whole family. Therefore, I get to live days without worrying about issues regarding money. I am aware that I have a lot of privileges that most people don’t have. Although these are some of the privileges that I am aware of, these are not the only privileges I have. I believe that I still have privileges that I am not aware of and I must know of.

Understanding my privileges is relevant since it allows me to be mindful that I have privileges that other people do not have. I, knowing that I have able-bodied privilege, socio-economic privilege, and other privileges makes me aware that not all people have the same privileges as me. Since I have more privileges that most people don’t have, I get to put myself in someone else’s shoes and imagine what people must go through to have the same privileges as me. Understanding my privileges also helps the less privileged people. Some people are looked down on in society and are less valued as individuals, simply because of their gender, the color of their skin, or their sexual orientation. As a more privileged person, I am more likely to be listened to and taken seriously. Therefore, I could use my privilege to fight for the rights of the more marginalized, less privileged people. Furthermore, more rights for others doesn’t mean fewer rights for me. As a result, it becomes a win-win situation.

After the talk and classes about SOGIESC and privileges, I became more aware of my privileges. I learned that there is a stigma toward people who have fewer privileges. Due to this, I became knowledgeable that this is a huge issue. I learned that certain people get discriminated against just because of their gender, the color of their skin, their race, and their sexual orientation. To overcome this situation, people must understand each other. Everybody must know that not all people have the same privileges as others. Therefore, everybody should become understanding and respectful with one another rather than creating a stigma and discriminating against them.  

[aizelmiel27]

Learning Task #8: Love Letter

Dear Future Husband,

Di ako si Meghan Trainor.

I do not know if I have met you already. But whoever you are, this is a letter I made for you.

I am not the kind of person who is open and easily shares my opinions with everyone. But since you are special to me, I have three secrets to share with you.

I like gifts. I am not materialistic and not the type of person who demands things. I do not expect that you give me numerous gifts. But I would appreciate it if you give me something small and meaningful. I love to collect abubot and would never throw them away because each thing has memories in it. If you give me one, I can promise you for sure that I will never throw it away. Forever lang siya nakatambak sa cabinet ko. Then I will show it to our children. Yiee

I like to have quality time with you. Even though magkatabi lang tayo and do nothing. That’s enough for me. We could also stroll around the mall or kahit mag-drive thru lang sa Mcdo. I would treasure those moments.

I am clingy. It would be nice to be able to cuddle with you and hold your hand. I’d love it if you could be my teddy bear and I could be yours. Pats on the head and akbays would also be appreciated. Doing this will make me feel loved and protected.

I still don’t believe that you chose me to be your wife. But as your partner, please remember that I will always support you with every decision you make. I will always listen to your kwentos and problems. I hope you will never get tired of me. I may not be the perfect partner, but I will try my best to be one for you. Thank you for choosing me and always being there for me.

Love,

Aizel

[aizelmiel27]

Learning Task #5: Coping with Stress

Stress refers to the psychological and physiological response to life changes. Most people undergo life-changing situations. Situations include a death of a loved one, career change, marriage, illness, puberty, and retirement. Therefore, I perceive stress as part of my life. As a person experiencing a life-changing situation called puberty, I get stressed about reacting to the circumstance. I stress over the relationships I have with my parents and friends. I also get stressed about the expectations and criticisms I have for myself. Due to the stress, I feel drained and sad. Stress also causes me headaches. I also cry if the stress is overwhelming.

To cope and protect my ego, I have used defense mechanisms. The most common defense mechanism I use is displacement. I am short-tempered and like everything to be in order. Therefore, I overthink and plan out every type of situation. Once, the teacher surprised the class with a short quiz. I did not prepare for it, and I got a failing grade. The majority of my friends also got a low score on the exam. My friends did not mind the score at all. I pretended to brush it too, but deep inside, I was mad. When I got home, I would “dabog” and slam doors. I would also pick up a fight with my parents and siblings.  

[aizelmiel27]

Journal #5: Identity

Having a sense of identity allows individuals to stand out as unique. It answers the question, "who am I?" It is crucial to reflect on our identities because it is as relevant as having a sense of identity. Reflecting on our identity from time to time is significant because our identity changes from time to time. There may come a time your sexuality and socio-economic status will change. Therefore, being in touch with our identity allow people to recognize who they currently are. Another reason why reflecting our identity is important is that there are days wherein particular identities are more prevalent to you than others. Your sexuality may be at the forefront of your mind one day, while your ethnicity may be at the forefront the next. For instance, when an Asian was discriminated against by a racist American because Asian people have perpetuated the stigma that they carry the COVID-19 virus, being Chinese became my dominant identity. Then there will come another day when my feminism will become prevalent because I came across a sexist joke on the Internet. Identity allows people to develop a sense of well-being and importance and fit in with certain groups and cultures. Therefore, people must respect the identities of others and how those identities may intersect.

Learning about the identities of my classmates and peers is also significant because it makes a connection, whether their identities are similar or different from mine. With similar identities, people can connect. A person may be surprised to have a similar identity with others. People with different identities can also connect with each other. Although there is stigmatization that people with different identities can’t go along, people should not limit themselves from making relationships with people who don’t share the same identities as you. Forming relationships with people who don’t share the same identities allows individuals to learn several things. For example, people who have different ethnicities may share the traditions they do with each other. Being different is not a hindrance. Instead, it is a chance to learn more about the different identities.

At present, the part of my identity I am committed to is my natural origin. Although I like to travel to different places and explore different cultures, I have no plans to live or work abroad. I believe that the Philippines will always be my home because of the sense of belongingness it offers. Moreover, I want to be where my family and friends are. A part of my identity that I am still exploring is my ethnicity. My ethnicity is Chinese, and I came from a very Chinese family. Even when I was young, I had a hard time pronouncing Chinese. As I grew up, I would memorize all the lessons whenever there was an exam. I never took the lessons seriously, so I had difficulties reading, listening, writing, and understanding Chinese. I am still exploring my ethnicity because I could not appreciate Chinese even with several years of studying. Therefore, I often use Filipino or English when speaking to other people. My parents were not fond of this. My parents despise my siblings and me when we are talking in Filipino. They would often tell me that Chinese is essential because it will become the most used language in the world. I could not admit that I could not talk and understand Chinese because I was scared. I saw how my parents discriminate against their classmates who don't know how to speak and understand Chinese but came from a Chinese family. I thought that if admitted, my parents would think of me as a failure. My parents would also compare me to my friends and younger cousins who were good at Chinese. They would tell me to be like them. I want to learn, but I could not just find it interesting. Since I could not speak and understand Chinese, I am still exploring this part of my identity and thinking about whether I would commit to it.

[aizelmiel27]

Journal #4: Think-Feel-Act

Growing up, my parents would always compare me to my younger sister. My younger sister has the ideal body shape and talented skills such as dancing, singing, and story reading. Therefore, she would always join in competitions. She was also approachable and had several friends. She also has the best grades and would always be at the top of her class. For me, she was the perfect person. I was the opposite of her. I do not have friends because it was difficult for me to start conversations. I have average grades and have never been once top of the class. I was also a chubby kid, and I do not have talents. Therefore, I have always envied my younger sister since she had the qualities I never had. Being an individual, I thought I was a failure because I lacked several characteristics such as talents and friends. Furthermore, I am the eldest sibling and I believe that being the oldest would mean having the perfect grades and body, several friends, several talents so that I could be a good role model for my younger siblings. Since I do not possess these qualities, I thought I was a failure as the eldest sibling in the family.

My family also thinks the same. They would always tell me, “mas magaling pa kapatid mo,” or “your sibling is better than you.” They would always say that I should study and act like my siblings. They would also often tell me that I should talk to people and make friends. At first, I thought my parents were being helpful because I already saw myself as a failure. “You must be perfect.” I often told myself. It was a positive phrase that pushed me to do something that will benefit me. I interpreted the persuasion of my parents as a motivation to change myself for the better. Therefore, I studied harder. I got better grades and made a few friends. I also started to exercise and become conscious of the food I eat. I thought that what I did was already enough because there were already results. However, my parents kept telling me to do better and be better. Then, I learned that no matter how much effort I do to become better, it was all useless. My parents will not accept me if I am not as perfect as my sister. Due to these pressures, I became distant from my family. I longed for a family to accept me for every aspect I am. However, my family continued to pressure me until I gave in. I stopped being myself and started imitating my sister so that my family would accept me. I studied harder to the point I would not accept a mistake in my quiz. Getting a 90 in quizzes would upset me. I developed a cognitive distortion called ‘should’ statements. I would always tell myself I should get a perfect score on this. “I should study harder.” I talked to several people even though sometimes it was uncomfortable for me. I joined clubs just so that I could communicate with different people. “I should talk to her.” I starved myself so that I could be as thin as my sister. “I should skip meals and control myself.” Whenever I do not achieve these, I would always feel guilt.

As I became older, I stopped striving to be perfect. I began accepting the flaws that made me different, which eventually lead to accepting who I am. I came up with a positive affirmation, “I am happy to be different." It is to remind myself that being perfect is being unique. It is also to remind myself to be happy, proud, and appreciate my flaws because these are the things that make me a perfect human.

[aizelmiel27]

Learning Task #3: Price and Benefit

1. A choice that I often make is whether I will do a workout or not. The price of this choice is that I will get tired and sweaty. Furthermore, I will use a portion of my time that I can use for studying. The benefit of this choice is that I will get a healthy body and not regret eating lots of food. 

2. A choice I made that made a relatively huge impact in my life was when I decided to join the Ladies’ Basketball Team in my school. There were a lot of prices of this choice. First, I used a big chunk of my time for practice, which I can use for studying and relaxing. Other costs include getting home later and being very tired from school, sleeping a lot later, and spending less time together with my family. As a student-athlete, I will also have to study harder. Lastly, my parents would also have to manage their time to drop me at school and pick me up from school. The benefits of this choice are having a healthy and fit body, making more friends, and becoming quite popular. I also have the privilege to use the gym anytime. Moreover, I have the excuse to skip class whenever there is a game or practice. I also became more hardworking and responsible. Finally, I was able to manage my time better.

3. A choice that I will need to make soon is whether I will pursue my preferred course in college. My chosen course is Industrial Design, and my parents were skeptical about my preference. They said that I would be able to learn it through YouTube, and I should pursue a course that has a better worth of studying and has a better income. The price of pursuing my preferred course is the disapproval of my parents. The benefit is that I will enjoy taking this course.

[aizelmiel27]

Journal #3 : Little Me

For 16 years of my existence, I lived in a privately owned house. The home only consists of my immediate family: my parents, sister, and brother. Since it was a small house, the whole family shared one room. Therefore, there was no privacy in the home. There are many advantages to having a small house. One of them is being close to another. Since we don’t have any other rooms to keep secrets from, the family usually ends up sharing their thoughts and problems, leading to the development of a close and deep relationship with each other.

As a toddler, my siblings and I liked to play games together. We would often play ice water and hide and seek. We would also share the same toys, such as Lego and Transformers. By playing games and toys together, my siblings and I grew closer to one another.

Another factor that played a role in my relationship with my siblings is my mother. My mother was a very outgoing woman. She wants me and my siblings to try new things. Therefore, she enrolled us in various summer classes. Due to this, I had many interests, such as swimming, ballet, dancing, drawing, basketball, and many more. Additionally, since my mother often enrolled me in classes with my siblings, the experiences my siblings and I had during the summer classes deepened my bond with them.

My family also tells each other about their experiences in work, school, and many more. These stories may have happened currently or have already occurred in the past. One important event that I always tell my family about is how I won in a lipstick competition against my cousin. This event happened during my sister’s second birthday at a Jollibee restaurant. In one of the games, there is a lipstick contest. The goal was to apply the lipstick without looking at the mirror. I never held lipstick, and I was the youngest among the participants; however, I won the competition. I always talk about this because this was my first memory. Additionally, this experience is relevant because it proved that even though I knew that I was going to lose, I did not give up. This experience reflected my perseverance.

Another important event was the first time I got into a fight with my sister. My parents gifted my siblings and me a PSP. My sister wanted to borrow it, but I was selfish and did not lend it to her. My mother knew about this, and she got mad. Instead of apologizing and giving the PSP to my sister, I broke the PSP by throwing it on the floor. My mother was furious, and she made me stay out of the room for the rest of the day. It was the first time I got punished severely. This situation is relevant to me because I became frightened of my mother. Therefore, I learned to become more aware of my surroundings. I also became scared of trying new things because I’m afraid of making mistakes.

Some of my favorite things about having a close family are the moments when my parents talk about their life in the past. My parents would always tell us that they were financially unstable in the past and how hard their life was. They would inform my siblings and me about how rundown their office was in the past and how they would not eat dinner as a family. Due to this, my siblings and I learned numerous life lessons. One of them is to be grateful for everything, since up to now, my parents would always pay for everything we would need and want. Furthermore, we learned to be obedient and responsible since my parents were firm and strict. My parents also taught me to be independent, hardworking, and a good example to my younger siblings.

My parents are not the only ones that played a role in my life. I had a close friend who made an impact on my life. She was valuable to me because she was the first friend I made. In Grade 6, she moved schools. I was devastated because she was the only friend I had. However, as time passed, I believe that her transfer was helpful because I became friendlier and tried to take the initiative to make friends. Another person that influenced my life was my sister. Before, I was a bad child and sister. I would always go home angry. I often had fights with my parents and siblings. Therefore, my siblings became scared of me. However, during the pandemic, we became close to each other. I learned how kind and understanding she was. Because of this, I had the realization that what I was doing was wrong. Therefore, I became kinder to the people around me.

Being close to the family also has disadvantages. My parents would sometimes say harsh things. They would sometimes say things and interpret them as jokes, but I would get offended. Growing up, I was relatively chubbier compared to my siblings, and my parents would always judge me. Once, my parents told me that I wouldn’t fit into the clothes my aunts gave to me as Christmas presents because I was too large. For them, it was just informing me that they would simply give it to my younger siblings. However, I was insulted because I still had not tried the clothes. The clothes were also my gift, and my parents decided that they would simply give these to my siblings without my permission. I eventually overcame this difficulty by working out. I thought that if I pushed myself to become fit, then I would not get insulted by my appearance anymore. Due to this experience, I became secretive. Before I speak, I would carefully think because I learned that my family would insult me in ways that would not be obvious.

Although being close with my family means I can share my thoughts freely with them, I learned to become secretive because I believed that some things should be private for my family to accept me. These included my dreams and ambitions. When I was a child, I had an interest in food. Therefore, I learned how to cook and bake. I became good at it then I thought I would want to be a chef when I grew up. I was glad because I found something I love. However, this changed when my mother told me that the worst job was a chef. She said that it was a dangerous job because I may get sued if I did not cook the food right, serve it raw to the customers, and poison the customer. My mother also told me that being a chef has a lower income than other jobs. Because of this, whenever my relatives ask me what I want to be when I grow up, my answer would always be “a businesswoman.” I chose this as my answer because I know that I would not get any criticisms with it.

Looking back at my childhood, I learned a lot. I learned how grateful I am to be close with my family. I also learned how my parents, siblings, and friends influence my current self. Moreover, I learned how mean I am. If I could talk to your 10-year-old self, I would tell her to fix her attitude. I would also like to inform her that I still enjoy cooking and baking, and my parents became more open-minded about my dreams and ambitions. I would also tell her that she should have taken more care of herself, both physically and mentally.

[aizelmiel27]

Learning Task #2: Cognitive and Moral Development

I had an experience in high school wherein the teacher asked us to group ourselves for a group project for art. Of course, I took the opportunity for my friends to be my groupmates. The teacher then told the class to pick a leader from the group. My friends chose me to be the group leader. At first, I was glad and thankful that they gave me their trust as the leader. I assigned them tasks to do for the project. As the project's deadline got nearer, I asked my groupmates whether they did with their commission. They told me they were busy and promised me that they would do it the day before the deadline. I was hesitant with their response, so I started to make their works just in case. On the day of the submission of the group project, I arrived at school with the group project I made myself. When my groupmates saw the completed project, they were delighted because it looked pretty. I was happy that they were pleased with the project, but deep inside, I was frustrated because they did not do the tasks I assigned them to do. I passed the project to the teacher. I did not tell my teacher about the situation because I was afraid that the teacher would call out my groupmates for not working on the project, and my friends would not be friends with me anymore. My cognitive development was at the concrete operational stage, wherein I think less about myself and more about the way others think. I was only at the concrete operational stage and not at the formal operational stage because I did not use logical and critical thinking. Therefore, what I did was not right. My moral development was at level 2, conventional morality, specifically, stage 3: good boy-nice girl, because I was conscious about what will people think of me. I cared more about other people’s perceptions of me than my own perception.

There was an instance when I was a Grade 6 student studying for a Chinese exam. While the class was waiting for the teacher to arrive, I heard some people planning to cheat on the exam. They wrote answers on their tables and created a hand sign that they would use to communicate with each other about their answers. When we were having the exam, I saw them cheating. I was not close with them. Therefore, I did not tell my teacher about it because I do not want to be the person who minds other people’s business, especially the people I do not know. Because I did not use logical and critical thinking, my cognitive development was at the concrete operational stage. What was more important to me was how other people perceived me. As a result, what I did was not correct. My moral development was at stage 3: good boy-nice girl. I was concerned about what other people would think of me. I was more concerned with how other people saw me. I became a good friend but not a good student.

[aizelmiel27]

Journal #1: I'm A Keeper